5 Tips For Surviving Thanksgiving Family Drama

Hi there. I'm so happy to get to see you. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, right? And that's pretty different, right? It's going to be a very different experience. And so Shiva and I are here. I don't know if you can see her. Got a little fluffy. Little fluffy friend in my lap. And so we just wanted to pop on today to tell you Happy Thanksgiving. And it's gonna be different, and there could be stress. I mean, this is an election year. There's a lot of tense energy with the pandemic. And do we get together or we do. We do zoom or a lot of. Just a lot of amplified, confused emotions. And so today, Shiva and I want to share our top three five tips for surviving Thanksgiving and protecting yourself from potential Thanksgiving family drama. And so the first one is to identify ahead of time what you're willing to talk about and what you're not willing to talk about. And being clear in yourself is going to be really helpful for you so that when you go into your Thanksgiving gathering, whether in person or digitally, is that you won't be caught off guard if conversations come up that you don't feel safe or comfortable or ready to discuss. And when you've decided what these things are, is you can respond in a couple of ways. One is if you have a family system that is respectful of that and is open to dialogue about what dialogue not to have is explaining to them, like, hey, right now, I'm just not in a space where I am open or willing or interested in talking about this. Instead, I would love to talk about this, this, and this, if you're interested. So sometimes talking to our family and our friends ahead of time about where we are is good as long as these people are going to respect you and receive that information. If it's not going to be received well, then announcing that may just create more stress and more drama. And so if the topic comes up and it's not within your wheelhouse or your comfort zone, then we need to have strategies to protect you. And so one is to take breaks, remove yourself from the conversation to help you decompress. Because if we stay in that conversation and if you're feeling like you don't want to talk about it and people are pushing it, it's easier to fall into old childhood patterns that could be very triggering and activating and the opposite of what we need right now. Right. And the next thing is to actually consider abstaining from alcohol. Alcohol, it can amplify our emotions. It can lessen our inhibitions, and often it can speed up or catalyze conflict. And I know that's different than what a lot of us do. We're like, we go, we're in a stressful situation and the first thing we go for is the bottle of beverages. And it might be better if we focus on what we can do that's nourishing and calming for our nervous systems. And so there's tons of tons of great alternatives to alcohol and maybe doing something that's more relaxing and sedating like chamomile tea or uplifting like lemon balm tea or getting creative with really yummy spritzers. And so if you find that you're in a family and when Uncle Fred drinks, he gets volatile and angry and goes on tangents is to either see if there's any way that we could all abstain from alcohol or to exit the situation once the alcohol is freely flowing and so are the tongues. Right? So identify what you're willing and not willing to talk about ahead of time. If you feel safe communicating that, then put down your boundaries. If you don't feel safe communicating that ahead of time, then when the conversation comes up is you can either communicate that you would like to change the topic or if that's not going to be respected, is then figuring out how to remove yourself from a conversation. Whether it's going and doing some dishes or going and playing with the kids or watching the football game or just going walking your dog outside for 15 minutes, just remove yourself from the conversation. Consider abstaining from alcohol can help really de escalate what old patterns may be triggered by getting all together during this very interesting and confusing time. And then another thing is coming up with intentional conversations ahead of time and maybe leading the conversation. So if we have somebody who's really amplified about the election running the conversation, of course the conversation may be more about the election versus if you come and you have ideas of things to talk about, you might be able to run the conversation a little bit more. There's a game called Ungame that is really cool that has thought provoking questions and funny questions that you can ask. And so doing something like that might be really fun. I've also seen really neat things on Etsy and Pinterest that people are doing to create a bonding environment like setting an intention for the next year and creating some sort of a craft or an art piece about that. And so maybe coming up with some activities or conversations ahead of time could create more of a positive, interesting or creative direction for conversation with your family. And then the Last of our five is to have an escape strategy because we can't control other people. You can do your best to guide the conversation, to limit your alcohol, to be more relaxed and centered and your best self to take breaks when needed. But we can only do so much. And so if the conversation or if the energy at that Thanksgiving gathering is to the point where it's just no longer healthy for you, then it's okay to excuse yourself and leave. And so having a plan, having a discrete strategy is really important. And so decide ahead of time where are your non negotiables, what you want to do in order to help yourself leave. So that may be like, hey, I have work I need to be working on, I gotta get going, thank you so much for having me, or hey, I have to take this call, or you know, I expressed that I needed to be out by this time or whatever it is that feels safe and good for you and then know it's okay to leave. And the other thing is I want to make sure to express to you is that don't apologize for putting down boundaries. It's not something that is worthy of an apology. Putting down boundaries is a really good, really healthy and really important thing to do. And so if someone expresses that they're unhappy that you're not willing to have a certain conversation or go, there is don't apologize, don't say I'm sorry that I'm unwilling to talk about this, but stand your ground and honor that they're feeling the way that they're feeling and hold firm to, to your stance fulfirmed to where you are. And so I just want to send you a lot of love and tell you that you're not alone in this and that holidays can be difficult. And so let's get you some support. I have a one week anxiety freedom challenge and there's tons of tips and strategies that you can use. And so if you're finding you're getting frazzled, if you feel like the stress is mounting, if you feel like you're overwhelmed and you want to be able to get on top of that, these strategies and tips work. And Shiva is here to say that lots of people absolutely love the booklet that comes with it. You're going to get videos and it's totally free. And so I created it for you just to give you a little love because we need to be there for each other right now. And so I'll be thinking about you this Thanksgiving. Thank you so much for being a part of our community and our family. And I love you. I honor you. I'm Dr. Nicole, and we have a ton of free information on our social media, our YouTube, our website, and we have a podcast. Check it out. And if you don't have anything else that you've planned for today, go check out the Anxiety Freedom One Way Challenge. I think you're going to love it. Okay, so I'll see you guys later. I will talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.