Anxiety in High Achievers: Feeling Like a Fraud

Hi, guys. I am here and we're gonna talk about something that you may have heard of. And I'm gonna tell you what it is in just a minute. But I want to ask you first. Have you ever gone somewhere, whether it's to an interview or to a meeting, or hanging out in a social gathering, and you're looking around and you're feeling like, oh, my gosh, I don't belong here, and people are gonna figure it out? Have you ever had that happen? It's called imposter syndrome. And imposter syndrome is something that I see really commonly among high achievers. I see imposter syndrome amongst some of my most brilliant clients and consultees. And imposter syndrome is a part of us that emerges when we're feeling like we're outside of our comfort zone. And it starts to tell us things like, you don't belong here, you're ill qualified. People are going to figure it out. It shatters our confidence. It really harasses us when things matter the most. And there are things that we can do to help you overcome imposter syndrome. So if you're looking to produce better, feel more confident, feel like you can show up wherever you need to show up and do your very best and not worry about those negative messages, then you're in the right place. We also have a blog on this topic, and we're going to be expanding on this material over the next coming months, and so make sure to check it out. We'll put the link to the blog in this live video, but I want to talk to you about the imposter archetype. In the work that we've been doing together, we've been really focusing on the acknowledgement part of the ACT method, which is looking at the root causes of why we feel the way that we feel. And the imposter archetype is all about helping us to feel like we are safe, that we are fitting in, that we are qualified. And that part has helped you get through life in lots of different ways. But what's happening when it becomes imposter syndrome is that it's actually overtaking that process and starting to prevent us from going out of our comfort zone and trying new things and growing and building. And so the question is, what is this imposter archetype, and how can I understand this imposter archetype so that I can heal and be free from imposter syndrome? And what would that look like when imposter syndrome is present? We go to meetings, we go to interviews, and we feel like a total fraud. We feel like a total failure. And it can actually, for some people, impact performance. It can impact make a huge negative difference in our level of success. If you've done the work and you've identified your imposter archetype and who that is and where that part comes from, and if you've done the healing work, the picture is totally different. You'll feel like you fit in into these meetings with people that you admire. You'll go out of your comfort zone and you'll feel better about yourself. You'll feel like, I can do this. I do belong here. I may not be as experienced as I want to be, but I do belong here. And so doing the work on the impostor archetype can be totally game changing. I remember when I started out in my medical practice. Here's just an application of what it can look like is I remember when I started out in my medical practice. I was within my first year. I had a medical license, I'd done a residency, I had a client base. And I remember going into the office one day and I looked at my desk and I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I know nothing. Like I knew enough to know what I didn't know. And so professionally, I felt like a total imposter. I was like, why would these people come and see me when they can go and see my mentor, who's been doing this for 30 more years? I felt like an imposter, but the clinical outcomes didn't support that. The people that I worked with, we had amazing connections. They did really well. They got results and got better. And so imposter syndrome was hurting and harming me, and it wasn't speaking the whole truth. Everybody needs to grow, everybody needs to evolve. Everybody has the potential for that. But imposter syndrome can really hold us back. And it can hold us back, like Jennifer said, personally and professionally. So how is imposter syndrome playing out in your life if you just stop and you think about where you feel held back, where your parts may be coming up and telling you that you don't belong and telling you you're a fraud and telling you you don't fit in. If you are able to kind of look at that and look in different areas of your life, I would suggest brain dumping, writing all of that down. Because one of the first steps to identifying the imposter archetype is to identify where that part comes out. For me, it came out when I would go to work in the beginning and Sometimes when I hang out with people, even today, and I really admire them, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I totally don't belong here. But that's just a part of us, right? So the first step is to write down, to download all of the thoughts and messages that that part gives you. And then the second step is to figure out where that part came from. So we do what's called a rewind. We notice, okay, this is that these are the messages of that part. And where do I feel that part of my body? Or instead of where do I feel that part of my body, where do I remember being when this first happened, when was the beginning of me noticing feeling like a fraud or me noticing that I felt like I wasn't good enough? What can you think of? So write down, brain dump, all of the thoughts, those impostery thoughts. And then number two, start to explore where that came from. And then the third step is to try to identify what that part is trying to do for you. Because every part is there for a reason. Every part is trying to serve you in some way, shape, or form. But a lot of times, they start to take center stage. They get overzealous in their role, and it can hold you back and start stealing time, screen time from you and you living the life that you. You want. So the question that I asked myself is, so I was going to work feeling like an imposter, even though my clients were getting great results, we had great connections. They loved me. I love them. This part was trying to jump in and hijack the show. She'd always done that, right? And so the question I had to ask is, okay, what are the thoughts that you're producing? What are the origins? Where did you come from? And. And what are your unmet needs? Like, what is that part trying to do for you? And so when you're doing that kind of work, oftentimes it can be helpful to do an exercise where you can actually meet the parts and a visualization that I can do for you guys, I'll actually make it an action item for me where I'll record a guided visualization. But what you can actually do is, is imagine in your mind's eye that there's a big table in the middle of a field or the middle of a room, and that you come to that table and you invite that imposter part to come to the table, and so you're familiar with her or him, right? That part comes and you greet them, and they can either stand in the corner, they can Stand in the doorway, or even sit down at the table. Then I want you to interview that part. What are your goals? What are you trying to do for me? What are your motivations? What provokes you to come out? What are your unmet needs that I can serve for you? And so getting to know that part is the first step in destigmatizing the imposter syndrome. And so we can't heal from something that we don't know about. We can't heal from something that we don't know is there. And as you're doing that exercise, if you're having a hard time dialing in, you can do what I call bilateral tapping, where you can place your hands on your legs, put your legs side by side. One hand is holding the camera, so I can't show you with both. But you can either keep your eyes open or you can close your eyes, and you would just simply rest. I like to close my eyes. It helps me focus better, and that's how I visualize the table. But you can close your eyes or keep them open, whatever feels safe. Place your hands on your lap and then tap slowly left, right, left, right, left, right. While you imagine sitting at that table and interviewing that part. And then as you're tapping and as you're noticing with respect and honor and not. You don't have to change anything. You're just noticing right now we're data gathering is identify who that part is, what that part was triggered by, when that part emerged, what were the circumstances? What is that part trying to do for you? What are those? That part's unmet needs? And then we're gonna start to deconstruct that. And when you feel complete and when you feel that those questions have been answered to the best of that part's ability, you can take a nice deep breath, and then you can open your eyes and write it all down and writing it down. Remember we were talking about brain dumping? Getting everything out and writing it all down is an opportunity for us to get the thoughts out of our head so that we can put them somewhere for safekeeping, and then we can come back and mindfully explore them later. I really encourage you to write things down because otherwise they're just you. You just unpack stuff. You learn these things, and now your brain is spinning and processing, analyzing, and we want you to unpack, but we also want to be intentional and create space. Like, right now, I'm choosing to speak with you imposter part, and then I'm choosing to write down what you Say, and then when I choose, we're going to come back and keep working so that that part isn't hijacking you, that you're the one having the autonomy over this part. So write it down. And then I want you to mindfully put that away. And so you can fold the paper, you can put it somewhere, physically put it away. And if you still feel like your brain is active, there's a technique that we can do called the box technique or the protective technique. And to get access to that, check out, if you haven't already, the somatographic imagery webinar, where at the end of that webinar, I actually walk you through the protective chest, the protective box technique, where you can mindfully put things away. And so today we've been talking about imposter syndrome. We talked about the first steps are to notice when that comes up and so notice the circumstances. Notice when it's evoked, when it's triggered. And then we're going to actually do where we meet. We're going to go to a table, we're going to meet that part, we're going to start to interview that part, learn about that part, because we know that that part has been there to try to serve us, protect us, honor us. But that part has been taking center stage. And so, in order to help you take center stage, to send that imposter syndrome backstage so that you can live your life the way you want it, so that you can go to interviews and know that you are worthy of having an interview, where you can go to dinners, where you can go out with people, so that your social anxiety isn't hijacking you, where your imposter part isn't telling you lies, that you don't belong there, so that you can be free to live a life of joy and confidence and peace, we're going to deconstruct that part that's holding you back. So today, if you've just joined us, we've been talking about imposter syndrome. I shared a story about how that's manifested in my life, and we walked through the initial steps to start to get to the bottom of imposter syndrome so that you can get your life back. I also wrote a blog on the topic, and I'm going to be talking about this quite a lot more. It's something I'm really passionate about. And one of the things is, babes, is if you have, if you're a high achiever or if you have high expectations for yourself, I often see this in intelligent people and highly precocious people. And so this imposter syndrome is coming up for something. It's coming up to try to protect you and we can get to the bottom of it so that you can get your life back. And so it's simply a part. We've been talking a lot about parts work. And so I want you to go back and watch the other videos that we put up on parts work because we're starting to explore imposter syndrome and how it's impacting you day to day. And that could be a sneaky little part. And so check out the blog, stay tuned. If this you think would be helpful for anyone. We have a seven day anxiety challenge. It's totally free, we have a group and so check those out if you're looking for more love, more support, I'm totally here for you. I care so much about you. And if you want to learn more about me and read my biography and why the heck am I talking about all these things to begin with, you can check out some information on my website. I am Dr. Nicole Cain and my website is www.drnicolecane.com. and Haley, put a link to the free webinar. So check out the webinar, check out the box technique. And then I see a message from Gwen where she says that gifted learners are often plagued with imposter syndrome. And it is a 110% huge cause of anxiety. And it's a part of you guys babes, and it was there to try to serve you. And now it's time to reclaim your life. Send that imposter syndrome backstage so that when you need that part that they can come up and they'll be ready to deliver their lines with total finesse. But right now it's time for you to take center stage. And so the first steps in that I've outlined in this live and so go back, get give it a look, see, give it a listen. And then I'm gonna be here every Wednesday and Friday and sometimes I get a little bit extra excited and I get in and do little bonus sections which we'll always save. So check them out. The last thing I wanna say to you is that parts work is the theme. What we've been focusing on and what Nicole wrote I think is really beautiful is parts work is heart work. And sister is such a beautiful way to articulate that is that your parts live in you love. We wanna honor them. They're here to serve you. They're just a part of your story. And we're all about turning the page and writing the story the way that you want to be. And part of that is doing the parts work. So, anyway, I honor you, I love you all, and I will see you on Wednesday. Take care.