Connecting to Your True Tribe, Letting the Real You OUT with Terra Rose Ganem

All right, Everybody, this is Dr. Nicole and oh my gosh, we have such a treat today. We are doing a conversation interview with one of my favorite humans and her name is Tara and she is one of the kindest, most beautiful, brilliant souls. And the work that she's doing in this world is just mind boggling. And I want to read to you just really quickly from her bio so you can get just a snapshot of the cool stuff that we're doing. And also at the end, we're going to talk about how you can learn more about all the cool stuff she's doing, how you can work with this amazing, brilliant babe. And so make sure you check out the show notes, stick around to the end. You are not going to want to miss this. And so Tara began building organizations when she was 18. While in college at Arizona State University, she founded her first, not her second, third. Like she kept going. She founded her first not for profit her junior year basketball beyond the Barrio, which supported underprivileged children and learning life skills and becoming exposed to culture through basketball camps. So cool, babe. Since then she has founded two additional not for profits four companies and is a national speaker, Brilliance by lifestyle visionary and currently the chief plant aficionado at Brilliant Planet. I cannot wait to hear more about that. She utilizes methods of tuning into oneself, high frequency energy, activated nutrition and earth reconnection to grow her current organization and to support clients worldwide in activating and living their true potential. But it doesn't stop there. Through her private practice and eco destination and speaking presentations, she connects the relationship between our internal and external environments to elevate and optimize living through consciousness and embodiment of inner power, resulting in living the best life ever. And oh my gosh, there's even more you guys. Keep listening. She shares applicable tools that merge ancient wisdom and modern technology in her supporting people to quickly, with ease and grace, break through the old and create the future they want. She is known as the one you must work with by many of her clients and I can definitely echo that. And so you guys, I am honored and delighted to introduce you to my girl, Tara. Thank you so much sister for being here.

Oh my gosh. Such a pleasure. Hey you guys, I'm so, so happy to be chatting with you today.

I love starting these conversations. So Tara and I were just chatting just a little bit before starting this recording and I was telling her that I love beginning these interviews with how this connection happened to begin with. And I was thinking it was sooner because I feel like I've Known you for most of my adult life, but you were telling me it was 2014, and that's so cool. So tell me a little bit about where you were at that time in your life.

Oh, my gosh. I remember our first phone call and I remember being like simultaneously so excited and nervous because I was like, she's so incredible and I can't wait to.

Tell her about this and what if.

It comes out silly? So I remember that conversation and where I was. And at that time, I had built a superfood supplement company with proteins and recovery drinks and things like that for athletics and all of that. And it was such an amazing endeavor just to get into that world and understand it better and all of that. So I no longer run that company, but that's where we were in 2014. Rocking out to the tune of, hey, how can we get awesome nutrition in people's bodies? And then we connected on that.

So I remember your protein powder was legit the best powder that I had ever had. And I, like, still think about it and miss it to this day.

Thank you. Me too.

Actually, one of the things that I admire so much about you that I saw from the get go is you have this really beautiful combination of entrepreneurial drive and heart. And I feel like not always, but oftentimes people will trade those off because traditional sales often require that you commit someone that they need something that they don't think they need. And so we relinquish our heart a little bit. And one thing I've always admired and loved about you is that you've always been heart centered and heart forward in the work that you do.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Yeah, tell me a little bit. And I know these listeners want to know more about the cool stuff that you're doing, but I would love to learn more about your story and. And how you became this vibrant soul that I see before me today. Like, did you come out of the womb this brilliant, loving creature or was it a journey? Like, tell me more about your story.

Yeah. Gosh. So in college, I just remember getting. Getting into college and being like, okay, I want to do something great. And I just going to sleep at night being like, I have this. I felt this burning passion, if you will. And I'm sure you can relate to that. Like, that burning or bubbling inside, like, okay. And at the time, I didn't know what it was for. I was like, I feel all this emotion and energy and excitement and I don't know why, like, where does it go? You know? It was great being in college and things like that, but the party scene and things just weren't really interesting to me. So I remember one day seeing an overflowing trash bin and being like, recipe recycling. Like, like trash is my passion and to get it, to recycle it, right? So I was able to build organizations at Arizona State. It was just, we were, I was in the right place at the right time. It was so ripe for it. And I got to start this student sustainability movement there. And through that process, you know, I didn't even know what a founder was. I remember like going, and they're like, you can't. Well, you can become a founder of an organization, like a little like student club. And I was like a founder. I was like, does he mean a finder? Like, should I find something? Just remember what, what does that mean? Because I didn't necessarily set out thinking, oh, I want to. An entrepreneurship back then really wasn't a word. It was still a word you heard mostly in New York, right, of people on taking big risks with big money. And it's very different today the way it's changed. So that was really where it all started for me, learning I could start organizations and then I was in a leadership program and oh, wow, I build a non profit and I can actually merge all this bubbling inside of me with tangible action and movement. And so through college it was fostered in such a powerful way within a structure, you know, because obviously that's such a huge institution and they had so many resources. And once I got out of school, I started building companies and then built another nonprofit probably five years after that. And you know, it's interesting, once you're.

Out of a huge space, like an.

Institution with all the resources that are sprinkled around you, it's like, oh, okay, like how do I do this? You know, how does this happen? And so that really propelled me into really a decade long journey all through my twenties of okay, how do we stay heart centered, not get lost and do it right and become successful? And you know, and integrating and weaving that and the path was fascinating and really challenging and really inspiring. And it was able to help me shape that unshakable internal understanding of who I am and what I believe in. I was just having a conversation the other day with somebody and they're like, well, because they're younger and they're like, well, I don't know, I don't really like talking about things I don't believe in or like people just get so up in arms and There's a lot of things, you know, now that sometimes can bring us up in arms. And you just said, hey, like, you have to take that time to really discover where you feel in full alignment. And then once you're there, you can talk about anything because you won't be threatened. You know, it's like, oh, cool. I just want to learn versus, oh, my gosh, somebody can shake my foundation. So, yeah, that's kind of the winding journey of. Of today coming here.

I love that you said unshakable, internal, and those words, unshakable and internal. I feel like that takes so much grit, and I feel like so many people, which is interesting that you also use the words burning passion, because I feel like we all have inside of us this burning desire for something greater. And if we don't find that grit, then sometimes that can just burn us up. And then we feel defeated and we feel afraid, and we feel like we're being eaten alive by our emotions. And whether it's anxiety or headaches or whatever it is that each individual experiences versus the work that you've done with your own personal story and that you help others do as you take that burning passion and you figure out how to have the vision to let it out into the world. So tell me, how did you get your grit?

Oh, wow, that's an amazing question. You know, it's an ebb and a flow. Well, it was such an ebb and a flow through. Okay, I got this. I know who I am. Especially in probably the first five years of my 20s. I wanted it so bad, and yet there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know. And so it was going at it, and then I just even remember, like, afternoons laying on my carpet, like, looking up at my ceiling and crying and being like, I don't know what I'm doing, you know, and. And just hearing that voice be like, okay, it's okay. Just get up and get up again. And that's something I realized that isn't talked about as much. It's like we see the pretty reals, and we're aware of that. And I love and adore your work so much because you get into that grit of what's real, the intricacies, the fabric of, like, hey, actually, everyone probably has, like, crying afternoons, their own version on the floor. And sometimes it's afternoons, and sometimes it's weeks, and you just keep getting up, and you keep getting up again. And I believe we become forged through the fire, not trying to get around it or Build a bridge over it. And when we get really clear with that and we're like, okay, it's okay if it hurts a little bit, it's okay if it's uncomfortable. It's okay if I mess up and.

I break down in tears.

You know, all that's actually great because now we're one step closer to exactly what we're creating in that momentum. And I believe all that just clears the momentum. And so it was a lot of that and just somehow staying connected enough to that willingness. And of course, people along the journey that are like, hey, you're not connected to your soul. You want to check that?

And those are such gifts.

When those people come along, you're like, yes, yes, I do want to check that. You know, So I think that's really what's formed the grit. And still it's that. Am I being forged through the fire right now? Yes. Or am I on the wrong path? And finding that deviation, too, has always been really important of. Is it intuition or is it, hey, like, red light, let's let this isn't it. Let's move a little bit.

I love that term, forged through the fire, first of all, because it's like that process, that burning on the inside. And then in order for that burning to leave us and emit outwards so that we can do these cool things, we're being forged. The burning is coming out. And so you're talking about being forged through the fire and being in that emotion and being in that suffering, laying on your living room floor. And I've had lots of moments like that. I'm going to have lots more where I'm just like, laying on the floor crying in my cavapoos, licking my tears, and I'm just like, bawling. And so I resonate with that. And you also talked about the being able to use discernment between, like, okay, is this a red light? And these feelings I'm experiencing are telling me that I'm not going in the right direction. Or is this something that's helping me get that next step closer? So tell me a little bit. We're kind of jumping ahead to some, probably some of this coaching work that you do. But tell me a little bit about how somebody who's listening to this might use discernment to figure that out.

That's another great question. Yes, I love it so much. So I truly believe it's a body feeling and we connect into that body through the breath and through permission to ourselves, saying, hey, my body actually knows the answers. And I actually can feel it or sense it, or just have a knowing. And it is so inspiring when I'm sitting with clients and they're like, I don't know what to do. I'm like, awesome. Where do you feel the answer? In your body? And oftentimes they'll say, I feel it in my head. Okay, then we're probably dealing with straight logic here versus an actual the body feeling. Right. Of coming from the heart or the gut first, which is really where we're wanting to be moving from. Because those are so intelligent and tuned in and so connecting in first and foremost to that permission to yourself. Like, I give myself permission to know the best direction for me because oftentimes we live in a culture that says, look to everyone else besides yourself, not make a spreadsheet about it. Right. Pros and cons, which nothing wrong with that. So awesome. Sometimes. And sometimes that can actually help us get to the place where we can listen to ourselves. But starting with that permission and then moving into, hey, okay, if I actually let myself feel, where do I feel it? Like, is it in my pinky finger? Is it in my head? Is it in my heart? Is it in my stomach, my solar plexus area? And how does that feel? And we'll start to get really clear about, okay, there's a difference between the fluttering of like, this is so scary and so right. And no, I want this to be the thing, but it's not the thing. And we know when we're really clear and honest with ourselves.

Marshall Linehan, who founded dbt, talks about, this is your wise mind. And I love that you're going to the body because the body never lies. And in my personal experience, I'm kind of reflecting on your wisdom and thinking about, when I was. In 2015, I made a really big change and I decided to move to Michigan part time. And there was so much angst leading up to that decision. There was so much sadness, so much anxiety. I'd been in the desert for a decade and going back to the Midwest and having to function only on a part time basis because Michigan wasn't licensed. And so I imagine that it would have been great if I had been coaching with you because I probably could have got to the answer so much more quickly. But I imagine for a lot of people, which was my story, is that going into the body can be so terrifying because when I was in that space, my body was anxious, my body was in turmoil because I wasn't listening. And so it was amplifying and getting Louder and louder. And then just stopping and going into that place felt so very scary. And one of the questions that I've been asked a lot, and I would love to hear what you think is, what if I go into my body? What if I ask my wise mind? What if I look for the wisdom in my pinky finger or wherever it is, but it's so big and so tumultuous that I can't get out? Like, the grief is so big. It's like a waterfall that never ends. What do you do for those people who are terrified to go into their bodies?

Yeah, that's so big. And the other way that I heard it. So I'm gonna actually answer that first and then we'll go here, which is if it's so big. If their answer is so big, almost like your answer was so big, right? Like, oh, I don't think I want to go there because somewhere in me, I already know the answer. It's like massive. And I'm not ready for that. So just to address that is. And you don't have to be. You can be willing to hear it and then do nothing in the moment. Right. Doing nothing long term won't work because once you know your alignment. Right. So I would just put that there. So put a pin in that because I think, love it. Like, if I'm honest, then I have to do something instantly. You know, sometimes it's like getting out of a relationship or getting into a relationship with moving, shifting, your practice, whatever, and it's like nothing right now. Just. Can we be honest with ourselves? So my experience. And it's definitely different coming from the realm of energy. Well, it's not different, but in terms. So I just want to be mindful of the way I answer. And you can then contribute your answer because I'm really fascinated to hear what you have to say about it. My experience with that is when you go into it and it feels like it's never ending. And if we're able to get 100% present to it. Okay, but no, no perfection. I'm like, 100%. Well, if we're able to get as present as possible to does end, because it's not. Once we feel it, it releases. And if. If we continue to feel it, I find, okay, maybe there's like a biochemistry thing going on that we need to balance. And otherwise. So there's that piece. So, yes, that might need to be addressed. The other pieces. Otherwise, if we just go there and we allow ourselves to feel like we've never felt before and go into it, it will start to dissipate.

It's like magic.

It's like, oh, you saw me. You're feeling me. Thank you. You're not pushing me down. You're not shoving me away. Now I can clear. And then there's so much space.

Like any pray love.

He's like, just make space in the universe will rush in. And that's one of the only movie lines I can ever remember, because I'm like, this man is so right, you know? And it's true. The vacuum is created. So that's the direction that I go. But tell me about. Tell me about you and how you answer that.

I want to answer that, and I want to emphasize some things that you said that I really loved. And one thing that you said is that by simply acknowledging it doesn't require that you do something about it. And that's a really good message, I think, because so. So many of us feel obligated to do the journey with perfection. It's like, we get this data, we make the right change. We get this data, we make the right change. So I really appreciate and resonate with that. I also appreciate and resonate with your wisdom that oftentimes what we deny will amplify, and what we suppress that's trying to express is just going to build up and build up. And so I love that. And by listening to the wise mind, listening to the body, listening to her and her wisdom and letting her speak, it makes room. Like you said, that vacuum, it will make room. And I love that because sometimes it can feel like it's never ending, but it does end. And an analogy is kind of coming to mind. As you were talking, I was thinking about yesterday. My husband bought this giant, like, 24 ounce of soda water. Just, like, bubbly water. And I was trying to open it, and it was, like, so carbonated, like, the bubbles were coming out. And I was like, oh, I don't want it to explode everywhere. So I just, like, slowly let it out. And, like, literally, Tara, the thing was just, like, hissing for, like, four and a half minutes. I was like, this is never going to end. Versus had I just taken off the cap and been like, I'll hold the space for you bubbly babes and just, like, let it explode out. It might be a little messy, but there's towels. I can sop it up. I could call someone like you. You can help me mop it up. And then suddenly I have this beautiful, empty vessel that I can put something else in.

I love that. So Much. That's exactly it.

Like, this is seriously hissing forever. What I told people. And I'm going to start to borrow your wisdom because I really, really like it. And what I've told people is that when we're going into our emotions, that number one is our emotions can't hurt us, our anxiety can't hurt us. Anxiety is our bodies, little canaries asking to be heard so that we can heal. And so to simply listen and hear them is such an act of mercy and an act of healing in and of itself. And so I love that wisdom that you shared. So, like, just notice her, honor her, hold the space for her. And then sometimes the emotions are really deep. Sometimes we've been through a lot and we do have to eggo waffle that off. It's like, okay, right now I'm jumping in the eggo waffle where I'm unpacking and I'm crying and I'm screaming and I'm kicking and my body was burning when I was anxious, I'm burning whatever it is. And then we have to create a pattern interrupt. And I teach about pattern interrupts. And a lot of it does come from dialectical behavioral therapy, which is dbt, where it's like, okay, now, like you said, Tara, we have to tell the biology, we have to tell the nervous system. All right, you've gotten to share your piece. Thank you for sharing. And now we need to redirect, whether it's doing, going outside or putting ice cold packs on your face or exercising or inhaling aromatherapy, something to redirect your nervous system. And then you also touched on, is there a biological autonomic activation underneath of it that makes you more amplified, that's contributing to these feelings. And so having a good healer, helper, doctor, clinician, coach to offer you wisdom about that. So I love everything that you're saying. And so I'm curious about, in your personal journey, you talked about developing this grit, having these moments where you're like laying on the floor, you are crying out, you are trying to figure it out, but you got back up. You got back up every single time. And what helped you do that when you are just stuck, you are crying, your emotions, you are experiencing it, you are in it. What helps you get back up?

Yeah, I love what you said about all of that and the pattern interrupts and creating that. And that is really what it was. And for me, my mind talked about it to myself around frequency, shifting the vibratory rate. Right. Shifting that frequency. So utilizing. Okay, music. I'm Going to get up and dance. I'm going to use breath. I'm going to go cannonball in the pool. And like, you're saying, right, okay, get up, get up. And shifting into a different vibratory state. And that's so fascinating to me when we think of it in that way. It's like, okay, music is vibration. We know that. And it's probably the easiest one to connect to because we can hear it. You can now on the computer. You can see they do. They, like, will show it, right? The resonance of it. And so we think, okay, I want to shift that vibration. I've seen people even shift it so that they feel this certain way. And then they're like, I feel like a completely different person. This doesn't make sense. It's like, okay, so we went from a denser vibration to a less dense vibration. And it's almost like that existence doesn't currently exist. And if certain foods are consumed because they trigger certain memories or emotions, or that food itself is more dense in different ways, or its vibratory rate changes, it can shift them into that space again. So that was really my process. Okay, what do I need to do to pattern interrupt, Shift the frequency, the vibration, and making it as fun as possible and knowing that I don't have to hold on. And I think that sometimes the mind is like, but I feel bad, so I can't just feel good. It's like, well, we can.

It's a choice.

And the hardest thing, in my opinion, is actually making that choice, not shifting right into that.

Which brings me to one of the questions that I've been thinking of for you is we're talking about shifting. And one of the things that you help people with is shifting into their most authentic self and really helping clients identify the steps to take, the strategies to use. So can you tell us a little bit about that?

Definitely, Absolutely. And so first we talk. We talk and we start with, hey, who do you feel like you are? Or how have you expressed yourself until now? And just asking yourself those questions or journaling those questions. And a lot of times we have tangible answers. I'm a mom, I'm a coach, I'm a doctor. Right. And those are all awesome. They're part of our personalities. And then we continue on that journey of, okay, so what would it feel like to be consciousness? So what would it feel like to breathe the breath that we're experiencing or think the thoughts we're thinking without identifying? They talk a lot about it being, you know, being the observer of your Thoughts, but not. You're not really the thinker. So connecting, starting to connect into, okay, what if I was consciousness? And as that space, I can feel my body, and I can hear my mind, and I can feel my breath. And I'm the consciousness moving through all of those components that is me that makes up this dense form of energy. So connecting into a reality of, like, oh, maybe we're something a little bit different than we originally imagined. And then from here saying, okay, what brings me joy? How can my joy connect me to my authentic self? Because when we're in joy, we're often in that vibratory state or that frequency that just feels good. And then how do we find those things? Well, oftentimes, if we think back to childhood, if we have a childhood that felt supportive and nurturing, we can think of things that really connected us to nature or our friends or ourselves. And if not, then we can say, okay, let's just. You can even, like, Google a list. It sounds so simple. But, like, what is fun? I get that question a lot. I'm like, hey, let's have more fun. Let's play. And people are like, I don't even know what's fun for me. I don't even know what playing looks like anymore. And just starting with simple things, going on hikes, putting on some music and dancing a little bit in your living room, which can even be super uncomfortable at first. Right? But we just try it. Even if it like the finger dance, right? Like, we'll just start somewhere ahead. Bob. Yeah.

You know, love it. Yeah.

Will we let ourselves start to move and feel and express so we can connect into that deeper authenticity and joy? And then we'll start to see, okay, this brings me joy. Not so much joy.

I feel happy when I do this.

Not so much. And that will start to be our compass towards who and how do I want to express. And then we might find things we love and in six months be like, I'm good. Maybe it filled us up and there's new things and staying really open to that fluidity.

I love that. So you're. I'm going to emphasize. So you're talking about finding joy, and you're involving the mind, the spirit, and the body in that conversation. So, like, the dancing and allowing it to be a little bit awkward. The other thing that I love that you said is, like, looking back and looking at your biography and seeing if there was a moment when you were able to, like, look at that fire inside of you. And one of the ways that I like to frame that is, who were you before the world told you who you were?

Yes.

And so it's like finding your authentic self might require that we scrape away at the layers. It's like if you have a house that's been painted on the inside hundreds of times over the hundreds of years, you're scraping away each layer to find out what your core layer is.

Yes.

Oh, that's amazing. So steps for people who are listening right now to find your authentic self. One of the steps is to do experimentation and really starting to. Number one is start to just journal or talk about or write about.

Your.

Story, and then also pursuing joy. And I think that, Tara, is such an amazing suggestion because I think about my practice and my consultation work, and I also think about the research coming out of positive psychology. And oftentimes people will go to a clinician and they feel worse than they leave because they just spent so much time talking about their problem as opposed to creating what they want, creating their joy. And I love that you're hitting the nail on the head with a solution for that.

I love that. And to that point, I would be so interested to hear, you know, how you direct people just in that. So I worked alongside of trauma therapists for two and a half years doing breathwork and energy work with their clients. And that was spectacularly humbling, incredible work. And so it was fascinating with. Okay, how much do we need to go into the past, the story, the experience, and how often do we not at all need to do that? Right. So it's like it's this dance. And I don't have a specific answer. I think it's different for everybody. I've seen people come into my office for energy work, and between the breathing, the energy movement, the dislodging of the memory in the cells, etcetera, the process, we didn't really do much talking at all. And they found a totally revolutionary experience where other people seem to want to talk more. And so it's really fascinating to me because you have some healers that are like, you don't need to talk about it ever again at all. And I'm not totally sure I jive with that completely. I think there can be a lot of value in maybe getting it out and then committing, not retelling that story, rewriting your story. So what are your thoughts?

I. So the interesting thing is I've been thinking a lot about this, and this is kind of an unexpected turn in this conversation. I love this. And when we started, if we look at the history of clinical Psychology. We started with a very heavy behaviorism type focus. Well, actually, we started with Freud, and then we, you know, that psychoanalysis and then psychodrama, and then we had Jung coming out of that. And so. And I'm trained in Jungian analysis and like looking at dreams and looking at your family and your history. But then really what predominated is the work of Beck and Ellis and more of like a behavioristic cbt, kind of logical. Like, you had this experience, let's talk it to death, and then let's tell you why your interpretation was wrong and make you more logical. And then suddenly, this brilliant star in the trauma world named Francine Shapiro came out and started talking about the research into her theory called emdr, Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. And the cool thing about EMDR is that you don't even have to talk while doing the processing. It's very somatic. And so I remember when I was experiencing as a patient, my own emdr, sometimes we would go into a session and I would just notice my body while we use the bilateral stimulation and did the emdr, and I'd walk out. My body did a bunch of work, and my brain hadn't thought of memories or logic or conversations. I hadn't really said much, but I felt so much better. The other thing is that sometimes people will use talking as an opportunity to bypass what's deeper.

Yes.

And I know I'm a. I fall. I fall victim to that. And I have a really good therapist now that I see. And she's like, okay, Nicole, you can talk for five minutes. But then we need to get into the ego state work. And some people, she, like, reins me in, which is really good. And so I think there's value for some people. We have whole forms of psychology that's like exposure therapy, where you talk about the trauma or you talk about the feelings, and people feel better. Other people, they feel retraumatized, and it's more stored in the body. And so I really like your wisdom of individualizing the treatment and maybe starting with that biography of who was I before the world told me who to be? What is my history? What is my story? And then going into the wise body and being like, okay, let's just notice that. Where do you feel it? And let's take it from there. And I feel like, as a clinician, you're taking a backseat and letting the patient drive a little bit more.

Yes. Yes. I love that. That's fascinating. Yes.

So we're celebrating finding our true selves finding our soul, finding that vibration. And so one of the things that I was really excited to ask you about is work that you do is. Okay. Part of being a human is being in life with other humans. And as women finding our she tribe. In fact, there's this research study that was done where they talked about how having women friends is linked to longevity. So women who have girlfriends will live longer. Women who have sisters will live longer. Women who are in community with women live longer. Men who have women in their lives will live longer. They did not find that having Manpanions made us live longer. And so. And that could be like a whole other podcast that we do. But there's a lot of research, there's a lot of old wisdom on how women need other women, but also women can be really hard on other women. And so it's all about finding your tribe.

And.

And so I wanted to move on to that topic. And so tell me about how you came to the understanding that we need to find our tribe. Tell me about your experience with them.

Absolutely. So I grew up with a family member. We'll just put that there. Who had a lot of jealousy, especially towards women. So by the time I was probably 18, 19, my paradigm was, you judge women and you judge them harshly. You judge their success, you judge their looks. You judge. And I remember one day being like, oh, this is gross. I feel dirty, you know? And I remember seeing this woman, and she was stunning to me, like, just beaming and glowing. And I don't know her or her story never spoke to her, but I remember she just walked by with this elegance and this poise, and I was like, wow, okay, her. I would love to be like her when I'm older. I would love to know people like her. Okay? And it sparked this internal dialogue of, I am choosing out of this realm and paradigm of jealousy, which is so prevalent today, naturally, because we're taught to compete with each other on so many subconscious. In so many subconscious ways. And then I remember it showed back up for me, like, when I was, like, 22 and I was dating this guy, and this woman walked across the crosswalk, and the guy I was dating was, like, staring at her. I was like, could you just not do that while you're with me? And he's like, no, I will do that, but you have nothing to worry about, and you need to be confident in who you are, and I love you, and I'm with you, and she's beautiful, so can we just get on the same page? And I was like, shock. Right I was like wow actually yeah actually yeah we can totally you know he wasn't being rude he wasn't being gross about it he was just admiring her beauty and I was like I can I can do that too and so after that around 23 I founded a little group called the Elegant Warrior and bringing women together into a tribe and I wrote out a code of sisterhood and just deeply in my own heart and soul and sharing with these women connected into this promise of I will always have your back whether I know you or I don't and just there's a lot that was written but just this idea of a code of sisterhood and if we can just stand with each other then we can stand so strong and it doesn't really move into the realm of like feminism or not at all man bashing but just really connecting sister to sister and so built that and it was so transformative transformational because of the way I got to now see women and can.