Letting Your Intuition Guide You with Feminine Spirituality Coach, Hilay | Ep. 30

Hello, everyone. This is Dr. Nicole. And I have such a treat for you today. I have my girl Halai here, and we're going to be talking about so many things, about dealing with anxiety, feeling irreplaceable, honoring your truth, and so many more things. This is definitely an episode that you're going to want to be listening to. So also you're going to see lots of links and free resources. Halai is an amazing mover and shaker in the empowerment community, and I am just beyond honored to be here and get to talk with her. So, Halai, thank you so much for coming today.

Thank you. What a nice introduction. That felt good.

Oh, it's like I could probably talk for so long about how I am so enamored with the stuff that I been downloading. I have to tell all of our listeners that if you haven't seen her site, that she has feminine spirituality free resource library that's available again. It's totally free. And I've been just having such amazing experiences looking at this material. So I'm. I'm just, like, pumped to dive into it with you today.

Yeah, I'm excited to see where this conversation goes.

I love to. To always start the conversation with how you got to where you are. Like, lady, you are serving the community in such a unique way. And so we begin today just to get to know you and, like, what brought you to where you are in this very moment. Yeah.

So I am a feminine spirituality coach, but I always say you end up teaching and working with people on the very thing that you struggled with the most. And that's why I am where I am is because I came from a very masculine, driven world. I was in corporate for years, and I just did all the things, took all the steps, succeeded, and had this major now what moment. And I remember thinking, like, this can't be it. I had this horrible anxiety. I remember pressing the elevator to go up to my 17th floor office and thinking, oh, my God, here it comes. Another day, another week. Like, is this just the rest of my life? And it was just this huge disconnect where the anxiety continued to build. And I didn't have any idea really what to do. What was I to do? I had no idea. And I ended up just getting very numb. So I stopped really feeling anything. And I one day just quit everything. Quit my job, went to travel, explored. I'm like, all right, I'm going to find myself, find my purpose.

This is it.

This is what the people do. All the books talk about this. I didn't I didn't have all the clarity and the answers that I thought I was getting, but it opened me up so much like what this world is discovering myself, my spiritual journey really started there and I continued more towards, like, health and wellness world. And I'm thinking this is really where I belong. But even that I didn't feel like connecting with nutrition and diet and fitness was enough. Like, if I wasn't okay inside, if I didn't have a connection to myself, everything else was just complimentary. It was just on the side. So in time, I really found myself drawn deeper into the feminine, connecting with my body, feeling emotions, going through various rock bottoms. And now it's like I really landed. And I know I'm not done by any means, but this is like, it's like I was moving, moving, and now I'm like, oh, this is it. And I'm just going to keep dropping further, further into this very spot. And this is where I'm. This is the lane I'm supposed to be in, but I'm just going to keep digging a bit deeper. So. And that helps. It's kind of where I'm at.

Oh, my gosh, sister. So I love that you referred to the masculine and the feminine in this conversation, by the way. I feel like that's so relevant in this conversation of awakening to the feminine. And so what I hear is that you were in this male dominated kind of corporate role, this corporate position. You're going into this elevator, you're going up to the 17th floor, you're kind of going through just day after day after day, and it sounds like you have this kind of moment where you're like, oh, my God, I have to do this again. And you had the bravery to hear that voice, to hear that message from your part, and you quit your job, you did something different. How did you hear that? And then respond? Because sometimes it can be basically to the point where our nervous systems are just screaming at us and it's just, like, unavoidable. How did that play out for you?

That's a good question. Because I think a lot of people assume that I just one day woke up and got this download that I should be a coach and this is my path, and here are all the answers. It does not work like that at all. It's truly just this rejection that you feel like, this isn't okay, this is not right. And that alone. Can you honor that? Can you honor your deep no in that moment? And maybe you don't know what yes is, but at least Knowing this is still a no. And feel that. Feel what the no really feels like in your body. And then in that moment, I remember thinking, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to buy this flight. Like, my friend was going to go to. We were going to go to Thailand together, and she said, I'm going to go. If you want to come, you should come. And I hadn't decided on quitting, but I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to buy the flight. That's the first step. And just making a tiny step, I could cancel the flight. I could never get on the plane. I don't have to decide anything but making these small steps, small pivots. Over and over again, the yeses build upon each other. But you got to start by feeling the no.

First you had to feel the no. You had to be able to look the no straight in the face and be like, all right, I hear you. And then you followed that by making small yeses. And I like the non permanence about the yeses because you're allowing yourself to evolve and pivot with each moment instead of, like, having more of a masculine approach to it. Like, okay, I got a no. And now I need a strategic plan to find a yes. You. You almost allowed the feminine to emerge in the process of your yeses. And so your friend was going to Thailand, you bought a ticket, and then you went to Thailand. And then what happened?

Yeah, I remember being in Thailand and I was sitting on top of this boat. We were, like, going through the islands, and I had this moment on my own where I just felt so at peace. I felt so good. I just realized, like, wow, I feel this sense of just joy and happiness. And it was like I hadn't realized how deep of a hole I was in until I got out. So, like, I finally took a breath and realized, wow, I had been drowning this whole time. And so that was the moment that I realized, okay, it's not supposed to be like this. I get to have this life. I don't need to settle for this structure. And it was horrible with my parents, of course, because they are immigrants. They wanted the American dream. Like, their daughter has this corporate job. She's a manager. And I was deeply disappointing them. But I was like, this is right for me. I need to continue doing what's right for me. And so after that trip, I was, like, supposed to go back to work. And I said, nope, I'm not. And I went to Mexico after that for about A few months. Like 2, 2 ish months. And I worked in a hostel there in exchange for housing and led little mini tours for like a dollar, two dollars a day. And that was life for a little while. And after that, I'm like, okay, after this, I'm going back to work. And I still didn't. I remember the night before I was like, supposed to, you know, go back and to move back to my old place in San Francisco. I said, nope. And I bought a flight to Costa Rica and moved there for about six months. So all the decisions were very, very last minute. It was like, does this feel like a yes or no? And act?

From there, you're really relying on feeling, like dropping in, in that moment and listening to. I call it your inner knowing. Or in dbt, they call it like the wise self. Tell me a little bit about how you do that. What does that process look like for somebody who's always relied on just their logical brain or their family? Like you said, your family was probably really stressed out. They're like, oh, my gosh, our girls leaving this corporate world. And you're like, I got this, babes. I'm leaning in. So tell me more about how to do that.

So what I did was now looking back like, wow, that's a big deal. It's a big move to drop everything and leave. And some people, that is it. That'll be the level of yes that fulfills them. Not Everybody is nuts. 100%, okay? We don't need to make those big dramatic moves for it to be intuitive. Your intuition could literally be something as simple as, do I want to go on a date with this person or not? Like, what do I feel? Like? Do I feel like my stomach drop when I get a text message from them? Or do I feel just kind of like I'm not excited, I'm not alive, I'm not feeling like this sense of energy flow inside of my body. Just noticing how is the energy moving inside of me. And if you can do it in the little moments where there isn't that pressure of what am I doing with my entire life? You're actually strengthening that muscle. So I do it a bit backwards. I jumped way into everything, and then I started to feel a little bit more. But I always encourage people just to practice with small decisions, like, do I actually want coffee this morning? Or has it just become habitual to have coffee every single morning? Like, does it actually make me feel more alive? Does this inspire me? Does this, you know, serve my highest good? Just asking yourself those Questions and baby, little decisions is enough to start to feel that feeling and documenting it, like just jot it down.

It sounds like you're really encouraging people to do an audit of their yeses and their nos and listening to the feedback that you get from your body, like your stomach dropping or any other sensations, to not only be mindful about little decisions like coffee, but even bigger decisions. So you're creating this way of being in the world where it's not like we just meditate for a big thing. We're meditating on my body and my intuition and my mind on. Is this creating more life with all of our decisions? That's incredible.

Yeah, exactly, right? Is this creating more life? And every decision actually is like everything actually contributes to how you're showing up, how your vibration is reflecting back into the universe more than we realize. So, yeah, the more that you can practice and not looking for the why. I think that's crucial here is that, you know, asking yourself, well, why don't I feel like coffee this morning? Doesn't matter. Your body's saying no. Your unconscious mind is saying no. There's something deeper within that says, this isn't right for us. And you don't need to have that conscious awareness in that moment that ultimately is intuition. It makes sense after, not before. So can you lean into the yeses and the no's without making reason or a story around it?

This reminds me of some work. It's called parts work or ego state work. And you do some work with people on what you're calling egoic. And so you're causing me to reflect upon when I was just diving into that part of your content. This might be a good segue into. Can you teach us a little bit about what that means and how that might relate to this process of looking at your yeses and no's.

So within the ego, there is that like, okay, well, I need to understand it all. I need to make sense of this world. And there's this craving for certainty. Like, I need to know, I need to be right. I need to know I need to stick to the plan. And that brings out safety. And knowing that, knowing that your egoic response are like primal needs, it's a need to stay safe, need to stay included, need to figure out how to be loved. You're doing everything you can so that you can fit in and receive that love. Because we are group species, we do everything we can to please others. So people that say, like, I don't care what anybody else thinks of me, not really True, it's actually impossible. We would die out as species if we didn't care what others thought. And everything that we do is in response to receiving that love. But being able to go inwards and saying that my intuition is actually in service of love. So I'm not doing things in order to receive love. I'm not desperately aching for love, but I'm actually in service. I am the being of love when I choose my intuition. So it's a totally different vibration to be love than to use love as like a transaction. And I think that's where the ego typically does is it's looking to count, to make sure it's on top and doing the calculations to feel good enough.

Girl, I love that using love as a transaction as opposed to using love as a state of being. So that when you interact, that way of being is different. So if somebody was to do a self check and they're saying, okay, am I behaving? Am I living in one way or the other? What are some signs that you're in that centered place of love within yourself? Like, what does that feel like?

When you're in your own vibration of love, you're naturally magnetic. What you desire just shows up for you, and it shows up differently. So the egoic love is when you start to attract things from actually a. It's like an unconscious desire. Like you can say that you're ready to attract your soulmates and have the love of your life show up and have this divine spiritual connection. But at a deeper level, you might actually just be creating attention. You might just want to be the most beautiful girl in the room. You might really just want to be getting back at an ex. Maybe there's a part of you that's craving that. If you're not in a vibration of love, you're going to be attracting from this like deeper egoic, unconscious place. And those things continue to show up in your life. And it's like, why am I not getting what I want? But you are. You're aligned with your ego and you are getting something that you're not consciously aware of. You're not linking back. But when you're aligned with love, with like your authenticity and how you show up as a vibration of love, you're truly attracting other beings, opportunities, abundance that are at that same match of unconditional love. So you're getting what you want, and actually it's what you say you want. So what we say we want is different than what we unconsciously desire oftentimes. But when you're in the vibration of love, you truly can be like, I want this. It shows up. You're bridging that gap between your unconscious attractive energy and what you're consciously showing up in the world.

I love that. That bridging the gap between what your unconscious experience is and how you're showing up in the world. So let's say that we have somebody who's listening to this podcast, and they're like, oh, my gosh, this sounds amazing. And so then their left brain is like, okay, I need some actionable steps, right? And so how do we bridge that gap between somebody who's in their feminine and they're more. Because this is a very feminine way of being, right? You're in your body, you're in your intimacy, you're in your vulnerability, in your knowing. And then we have someone who's in their masculine who's, like, very analytical, which you get because you came from that world. And so how does somebody bridge that gap so that they can move to that centered place of deep love?

So, first of all, it's knowing if you are in your masculine. Like, we don't need to push that away. We don't need to delete that from you entirely. The more that you have this, like, disgust for it, it's going to become stronger. So owning that as part of you, like, you have this ability, you have this power, but when do you want to use it? Like, when you're unconsciously operating from masculine, then it becomes your general state of being. But also knowing, I have this power, maybe during the work environment, I use it. Maybe when I'm in planning mode, maybe when I'm organizing my best friend's birthday party, I start to tap into that. So knowing what that skill is and where those avenues are of using it, everything else, then literally everything else goes into your feminine. So, like, if I want to drop down, I want to surrender. I want to attract everything else. Here are the things that I need to organize and clean up a little bit. After that, I let go and release. And the feminine is all about receiving. So it's almost like, I wish it was as easy as, like, here are a couple steps. But it comes down to, like, do you feel worthy of receiving? To what degree have you worked on that relationship with yourself that you are 100% worth all that you desire? And the more that you believe that that is yours, the more naturally it just shows up into your reality. So she's crazy powerful, the feminine. She knows that she wants. She gets everything that she desires, and she knows that her masculine, either her partner, the universe, is at his highest potential when he's given to her. So she knows that the universe is actually happy to give to her. The universe wants to deliver to her because when she receives and she starts operating as love, the love that she can give to the world is unmatched. The way that she can change the vibration of the planet, the way that she can impact and offer this contagion is truly unmatched. So you receiving what you want is actually in the highest good of all.

Which I think is such a great thing to remind us about, especially as women who are raised in a primarily masculine dominated culture, a patriarchal culture, where I know me growing up being feminine was seen as inferior. I grew up in a family of very masculine, engineering, computer type people. And in medical school, you wear slacks instead of sleeping. You want to be more masculine. And so desiring the feminine is almost seen as like, weak or like faux pas. And what I love that you're saying is that it's really the opposite. It's incredibly powerful. The universe desires it. It's brave and bold and beautiful. And so what I hear you saying is you're kind of changing the narrative around what it means to be feminine and the worthiness of owning your femininity.

Yeah, absolutely. I actually have a client who was talking to me about her experience in her residency and how the men would. They were equal interns, they're on the same page, wouldn't just hop on every. Every assignment, wouldn't be available at all times. But the women were. They were just so like, okay, I can do it. I'm ready, like, give it to me. But the master is so aware of, like, resource management. He's like, I'm only doing what I need to do because I know the power of what I can do and what I deliver in my doing. So he's really, really particular about what he chooses and what he thinks is going to serve him. The feminine, a wounded feminine, thinks that she can do it all and, like, tries to overcompensate and do everything. But if she just were to sit back and trust that the right opportunities would be aligned with her, the right mentors would show up for her, all the right moments and operations and client relationships would arrive if she trusted how she was showing up. So the masculine needs to do. He needs to figure out what's right for him and pick those out and then show up. The feminine decides what she wants and those opportunities arrive for her. She receives everything she's able to have maximum level of growth by just doing it herself and showing up.

It's different ways of being. And I totally resonate with that, with that very global approach of being in a medical institution and the way that the masculine can just sit back and prioritize where the energy spent in the feminine and how she exists in that world. And you mentioned a client and actually it was great because I was going to ask you if you could kind of share a story about. I like, if you guys who are listening have not seen her testimonials, go to this babe's Instagram and then click on the testimonials button because like, she's changing lives. And so I was wondering if you had a favorite story of a woman who was working under your guidance and your mentorship who was able to see this kind of a transformation.

Oh my gosh, there's so many different ones. Like everybody shows up with totally different experiences. I have people who start businesses, I have people who leave marriages and start their whole life attract the right people. So yeah, kind of send. What are you drawn to? Like what, what does your audience feel like they connect with or are seeking the most?

Mm. Anxiety is the number one thing that I see holding people back. So when I hear your story, I'm like, oh my gosh, girl is so brave. She's such a warrior woman. And then I think about my clients who it's so hard to leave the house, let alone getting on an airplane and going abroad and making those little yes choices. And so I guess a story of encouragement for my listeners, especially with anxiety, on how they can start to take baby steps and moving in this direction with faith in that intuition and that little micro non permanence like this. Yes isn't forever. We could change our minds. But starting to make those little changes.

So I have one client who came into coaching with this desire of like, I need to figure out my whole life, am I going to medical school, am I going to PA school, going to be a psychologist? I have no idea. And this pressure from family is on figuring out next steps. And that was the first session was like, okay, so when are we going to figure this out? And I think, oh my goodness, you're so far from it if you're waiting for the answer already. But by the end, we came to this realization that the answer wasn't in what path she was going to take. It was ultimately in having this deeper sense of just slowness. It's like, okay, am I with this moment? How can I be more present in this moment because there was so much anxiety around every single decision. Everything was a big deal, everything was permanent. Everything was a reflection of who she was and how her community viewed her and the direction she was headed into. And that's the thing. It feels like this big pressure when we put that load on all the decisions. But what if you could just feel into every one of those moments? Because all the anxiety, all those emotions that show up is ultimately just left over. How many times have you pushed down these feelings from your childhood, from your teenage years, all through your adult life, you push down these emotions, and then when they show up in our body as anxiety, it's like this shock. It's like, okay, we have no more room. Like, your body is literally saying, there's actually no more space for energy. Like, we've reached our max and you can't keep shoving more emotions in here because there's no more space. So it's almost like the anxiety is your body going into shock. We haven't listened. And with her, it was really beautiful because it was a lot of things. Like today I went for a swim, and for a moment I wanted to sit out. So I got up and I sat out. And then I suddenly felt like I was done and I took a walk. And being so intuitive in just little, little pivots, like, okay, my body says no, my body's saying yes. Reading that was so beautiful to witness and how that showed up in her sexual relationships. How is she able to honor what she desires sexually? It's so interesting how all this is linked from coming into this relationship or coaching container, looking for clarity on medical school and leaving with intuition, you know, a new relationship with her sexual partner and how she was attracting connections and spiritual community. So it all comes down to what you're feeling.

Wow, I think that's amazing. That's really powerful. I also love that he was so very mindful in each moment. And she was willing to face the anxiety. She was willing to face it. And you're illustrating this kind of juxtaposition between the desire to suppress and push it down, and then the importance of facing it head on and looking the anxiety in the face and saying, I hear you. What do you need me to know? And one question that I would love to hear your insight on that I get asked by my clients quite a lot is, what if I open the door and I face anxiety and I don't know how to turn it off? It's kind of like turning on the faucet and there's this water shooting out, and they don't have an offset switch. And so they will ask me, like, I'm so afraid of even looking at my anxiety because I don't know how to make it stop. What is your advice to your clients in those moments?

The first thing that comes to me right now is that you can trust your body. Your body is communicating to you. She doesn't do anything with intention of hurting you, with intention of trapping you in that emotion. She just wants to be heard. And a lot of times when I do meditative practices, so we'll kind of go into, like, more of your emotional body and feel into that through meditation and sessions. And where you find the tension, the moment that you go into that tension, you let that feeling fully consume you. It's like, this is all I'm feeling. I'm here with you. I notice it first. It will get tougher. It will get harder. Like, it'll be harder to breathe. It will feel, like, more pressure. And the more that you can say, I'm still here, I'm still here, it softens. And your body just wants that trust. She wants to know that you're there. She wants to know that you're listening. And if you're having trouble with intuition, it's probably because your body feels like you don't trust her. So she doesn't speak anymore. And so the anxiety shows up as, like this, like, shock. She can no longer take it anymore, and she just needs to get this out. And if you're pushing that still down, you're denying her, then this is when it turns into, like, truly physical ailments and just overall rejection of everything, numbness. And I think that's the hardest place to be in when you're fully numb and you just stop feeling everything. I think that was my darkest place for sure. Even past anxiety.

Yeah. You were talking about how it was through so much stress, and then it just became numbness. And how did you. How did you turn on the switch? How did you get out of that place of numbness? Because I found that sometimes it's so hard to create momentum when we just feel complete despair or we just feel completely stuck. How did you make that change?

For me, it was like that shock that I went into of leaving and just completely overwhelming my nervous system, which, for some people, it may or may not work. I wouldn't, like, actively recommend everybody to do that. It might not be right for you. But truly, in that space of numbness is recognizing, okay, how long have I been gone? Where have I been? And going Back inwards to yourself. So being even more slow, even more intentional, making even small decisions, like, what do I really want right now? Like, do I want to hug? Like, can I ask somebody for a hug? And can I indulge in that feeling of what does it feel like to get this hug? What does it feel like on my body? How did my arms feel? Do I want it tighter? Do I want it softer? And just connecting to, like, the physical sensation first? That's a great start in feeling your body in that way. If you don't feel that emotional connection yet, just starting with the physical. And that, for me, was really helpful in, like, kind of learning to recognize what I needed, then asking for that. Maybe you don't feel you can serve yourself in that moment. How can I ask for that? How can I ask for help in areas that I don't know how to serve myself in this moment?

I love that you're starting with the body, because when we think about the trauma response is we know that anxiety and trauma and grief get stored in the different parts of the brains. You know, you have the prefrontal cortex, which is the logical, analytical part, that masculine part. And then you have the emotional brain and the limbic system, which has all the feels, even though they may not make sense. And then you have the brain stem, which is the body, the physical sensations. And we call the brainstem, the reptilian brain. Because when we get to that place where we're just in fight, flight, freeze, flop, or fawn, that just sheer numbness or that sheer panic where, like, everything, like your heart is racing, your muscles are spasming, your. Your brain is just thinning or flat. That, like you're saying is that you go to the body and you work with the body. Like, do I need a tight hug or a gentle hug? Or do I need, like, your client, she went into the pool and then she wanted to go for a walk. I feel like you're really dialing in on those fundamentals, tools that we can use to get back into the body. And I also want to emphasize that you were talking about the relationship that we have with our feminine and that she's asking to be heard and that she wants to trust us. And that part of earning her trust is to hear her with respect and to honor her. And sometimes if we don't do that, she doesn't feel safe to share anymore. And I think that's something that's really huge in terms of masculine versus femininity, is if we don't respect, respect the divine Feminine in her shadow and in her light, that she can become silenced. And then we lose that part of ourselves. So I want to thank you for really working on that with people because that's, that's the stuff of what it means to be a woman.

Absolutely. And the physical is. Is everything, the body, everything is here. Like the feminine body is beautiful. Like this is where the wisdom lives. The masculine is more in his head, he is consciousness. And so she is in the body. She can feel, she can touch, she enjoys pleasure. And that is such a driving force of the feminine is pleasure. And that starts with physical pleasure. If you can indulge and give yourself permission, know what physical pleasure means for you. It's going to be more difficult to indulge and receive greater pleasures and, and allow for greater love to show up into your life. And ultimately that's the guiding. Our math is led through pleasure. What feels good, what doesn't feel good, That's. Is that simple. Does this feel good? Nope. Okay, let's try again. What's next? And we don't need to overcomplicate it. And your body has that answer.

So maybe creating a pleasure focused practice where what feels good for your body, whether it's massage or sexual expression, or swimming or sunbathing, whatever it is, is helping people get back into feeling like they have permission to have pleasure. I think that's really neat, especially because we as a culture, and I always like to think of, I talk about the cast of characters, our psychological characters, like our parts of ourselves, and then the biological characters, our biology, our genetics. And then there's the social cast of characters which I talk about, which is the culture at large, our families that we grew up in, society, the government, all of those variables and how that got us to where we are all together. And so I feel like it's really neat to start to do an audit of what society says. And society has often said that pleasure is hedonism and hedonism is bad. And you're reversing the script on that and talking about how we can really start to step into our own and honor our body, and honor our soul, and honor our hearts by allowing ourselves to feel physical pleasure.

Absolutely. That's a big part of what I teach in my course and work with clients is pleasure without purpose. You don't even have to think about reaching an orgasm. Like, what if you just had pleasure for just that? There's no reason why I'm doing this. There's no destination to get to. There's literally no point. But for me to enjoy it, it's not serving any extra needs. And that's the thing that with a lot of women there and really just all of society, there's this desire to just be productive all the time. Like, well, I'm going to do this. But also because it benefits this, this and this. Do something that benefits nothing but yourself in that moment and it feels good. Like do you do anything that exclusively just feels good and has no additional service to anyone or anything and you might find that you don't like. We often have a reason for everything that we do and invite into our lives.

This reminds me of. There's a practice that comes out of family systems theory where they talk about absurdity and how doing something that's completely absurd can break us out of just the redundancy of our general patterning, which I would say oftentimes is very masculine. And so what the absurdity philosophy talks about is if you can kind of break yourself out of that, like I'm doing this in order to achieve that vibe that a lot of us live in, that it can almost create this hyper awareness of the moment. And I think about my Cavapoo puppy, how she is so in the moment. She's smelling the flowers, she's zagging over here to feel the grass on her feet, and then she's looking up and smiling like every single thing is in the moment. And how absurdity can achieve that. And to give an example of one of my friends who was trying to embrace absurdity, he found himself in his hyper masculine and he was actually working on to embrace his feminine more. And one of the strategies he used is absurdity. So he put on like this sparkly jacket that had like gold thread in it that he got from Goodwill and a giant wig. And he, he looked absolutely ridiculous and silly and. And for him that was what he needed to kind of break out of the humdrum of day to day life. And that absurdness opened up this part of himself that could just like giggle and be free. And it created a doorway that he could walk through to start entering his feminine.

I love that. I think David Data has a book like It's Wild Nights. Oh yeah, you know that. Okay, good. I've been meeting talk about it all the time and I've heard some people mention little pieces of it to me. But yeah, that's very similar right there.

I love his work and that's actually such a good segue. And I know that you and I both focus on working with women, but I think this conversation and what you offer could also be really valuable to men who are trying to get out of this spectrum of toxic masculinity and start to move more towards honoring the feminine and honoring the masculine as a male in whatever form that looks like for that person. And so David Dida is like a king at that. The Way of the Superior man is one of my favorite books that he's done. I made my husband read it. And I feel like some of this conversation, male listeners, like this could be really relevant to you is how we can start to open you to the body, opening to your femininity. And so do you have experience I'm curious about, because we haven't talked about your work with men, but have you had experience working with men, embracing their feminine sides?

I have not worked one on one with men. I have done a lot of training and relationship building programs and retreats with men. So more in relationship to men, which has been really beautiful to see, and more so being able to feel both empowered in my feminine and his masculine and learning how that dynamic goes. The more that I can have strength in my feminine and believe in what he offers as a masculine partner, the more that they can show up as a healthy masculine and not have to have this overbearing, over dominant masculine energy. So more so I work with women who are in relationships that want to work on that interplay a little bit more and or women who want to attract like a healthy masculine man. All of that is ultimately coming down to our relationship to our feminine and our relationship to the masculine. Like, do we believe in the other? Do we trust the masculine? And how that shows up is really a reflection of where we're at with it.

And I think that's really insightful and wise. And I reflect on some of David Dida's words as you're saying that. And part of how we exist as women will impact how men exist as men. And so oftentimes relationships want to create homeostasis. And so if you have a woman who's attracted to a masculine man, but she's in her masculine, there has to be some sort of equilibrium in the relationship. And so he may need to embrace his feminine in order to balance out her embracing of the masculine. And so sometimes it's just a matter of changing that dynamic by doing that inner work. And that could create an effect that's beneficial for your partner who then can do the work that's coming out for them.

Yeah, a lot of times I have women that say that maybe their partner isn't growing at the same pace that they are. They're not in the same spiritual type of journey. And truly, you can actually propel someone into that space through your own work. So if you're noticing that somebody's not on the same page or not balancing you out, well, to what degree are you honoring how you're naturally meant to show up? Because we do have, like, a vibration that is most authentic for us. And the more that we can own that, the more that we can empower our partner to step into that space as well. And it is, like you said, it's all polarity. So if I show up as, like, this toxic feminine and maybe bring in that energy, it's going to actually bring out his toxic masculine as well. So we're invoking that within each other constantly. It's a beautiful interplay. It's a dance that's happening all the time. And it's so cool to witness how quickly we can change through these polarities. So I truly enjoy that. That's one of my favorites, is going into relationships and understanding how that dynamic shows up. It's really beautiful to see.

I admire that you do that. I think that's so important because you're looking at. People don't exist in a vacuum. And it goes back to what you were saying originally is that we as a human species long for community, and we long for love, and we long to be cared for. And so then that can interplay in our relationships and the polarities within that. And so I want to know more about your course. I'm so excited to sign up for this course and then also share the course with the world. So tell me about your course, babe.

Mm. So I have two courses. One of them is more like an introduction to spirituality. Going inwards with yourself, doing inner child work, understanding, manifestation. And then the second one is feminine spirituality. So that's like more getting connected to your body, working with your cycle, the different feminine archetypes that show up within your cycle and that we honor throughout our life. So being able to work with that, because the feminine is so much more than just a woman. She's a queen. She's a mother. She's a maiden. She's a wise, wild woman. She's all of these things. And you flow through each of them monthly, yearly, throughout your entire life. And it's completely cyclical. So it's important to learn how we're moving because we're not shocked as much and we're not in resistance, or we don't guilt ourselves for not showing up the Same way every day. It's truly impossible. So that's ultimately the two options. Kind of depends on where you're at with your journey. But the both are really powerful ways of just getting, getting connected to yourself. And if you're not ready for something intensive, one on one work, it is a beautiful way to start the journey and kind of feel empowered. Like, I did that, Like, I got myself here, I went in there. And it's a necessary part of this spiritual growth is being able to feel empowered in that work on your own as well.

I love that you're offering the core course and that's great for people to kind of put their toes into this world and to get that encouragement and to get that training. And you also do, like, if people are like, oh my gosh, I'm loving this, I'm a two feet forward kind of person and they want to work with you, what might that look like?

So I am big on one on one. Like, that is everything for me. I will never, ever stop doing one on one coaching because this is where the transformation happens. You're right. The coaching, I mean, the course is a beautiful start, but you're so operating in your conscious mind. Like you only go as deep as your conscious mind will let you. And you reach a danger point, you're like, oh, back up. That's uncomfortable. That is too hot. I'm not going there. With one on one, I can lure you into that space and we can go into the depths of it. We can feel what's there, release those emotions, find out what's been buried inside of you, and it's wonderful experience. Like, you will go so deep so fast, but what happens in that container is drastically accelerated than what really can happen on our own. So I have a coach myself, I always have a coach that I work with, really. And so I think it is necessary for everybody to be in that container and just allow themselves to surrender and see what comes up.

Well, and I. Maya, you're doing your own work. You know, healing is, like you said, a lifetime process. And we talked at the beginning of this conversation about how your journey really started to transform. And I admire the humility of you're not necessarily doing the work to get to an endpoint, which is super consistent with what you were saying about just do something for the point of just being in that feeling, not for an end goal. But, you know, sex doesn't necessarily have to lead to an orgasm. Just enjoy the pleasure of it. And I admire that you continue to do the work to grow and to heal, and that you have your own coaching and your own accountability. And I'm thinking about how wonderful it is that you can work with people who are at the beginning of their journeys or people who are just feeling like they don't have a clue where to start. You actually have a really cool free handout that I was just looking at. It's like, what to do when you don't know what to do. And I love that you can support people who are there because it makes you more accessible, you know, because as I talk to you, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Halai is, like, amazing. And I want to make sure that people who are listening to you talk know that you can support people and that you can get answers and support. Even if you're just at the beginning of this part of your journey, if you're at the elevator moment that Halai's talking about, you're. You're in the elevator, you're going up to the 17th floor, and you're just like, oh, my God, like, I don't even know what to do. And she's, like, talking about, like, getting on a plane to Thailand or, like, babes, you guys have got to work with this girl. You've got to look at her resources. It's for everybody. And so if you don't even know how to start, if you don't know what to do, like, she's got stuff for you on here. And then if you've been on this journey for a long time, if you've read all the David Dydo books and, like, the Marion Woodman books and the Running With Wolves, and you, like, got this, and this is your jam and your lingo, but you feel like you just want to go deep. But then, like she said, you have that, whoa, kind of back off. Like, this girl can help take you there because she's been willing to do the work for herself. And one thing I always want to emphasize is when you're finding a coach, when you're finding a helper, a guide, a mentor, is make sure that the person with whom you're journeying has done the work themselves. And this girl's done the work. And I actually, as we finish this up, I want to do, like, a quick little screen share of just, like, some of the magic that she has and then go to her site. I'll include a link in the show notes that you could go to her site and just register for all of it because it's so good. And in the last few minutes, that we have together, Babe. Is there anything else that you want to make sure that these listeners get to know or hear or any last words of wisdom?

That was really good. Just kind of feeding off of what you were saying. It really doesn't matter where you are in this process. If you're here, you're listening, you're drawn, something clicks. That's it. That's your moment right there. And that's all it really takes is the moment where something feels like, wait, maybe maybe this is it. Maybe there's a way. Maybe I'm ready. And that's all. You don't need to be all in. But the maybe I'm ready is so enough. So, yeah, if something within you feels like a pull, and whether it be to me, through this episode or through a different mentor, just lean into that. Take one step, baby step. Connect with them, send them a dm. Do what you can. You just don't know what will come through. But that action that you take, that holds a big vibration. That is you saying, like, maybe I'm ready. Like, give it to me, universe. Like, show me the way. I am ready. I am getting into the car. It holds a lot. So that is enough. That really is more than you even realize.

That is so encouraging because it can feel daunting when you know that you are at the bottom of the mountain and you see where you want to go or what you want to achieve. Your message is, don't worry about the top of the mountain. We're going to be in the moment. We're going to go on a really great journey together. So I'm really pumped about that. And just in the last couple minutes here, for people who are getting to experience this with a video, you're going to get to see me kind of screen share just for, like, one second. This babe's amazing materials. Is that okay with you? Yeah, of course.

Oh, my gosh.

And then if you're listening to the recording, definitely go and check out the YouTube page so that you can see this. Or even better yet, go to her webpage. So let me just do a little screen share here. Like, look at how beautiful this is. This is her feminine spirituality free resource library. And all you do is you just put in your email address and you get access to all of this great stuff. And I won't copy on it because I want you guys to get to do that yourself and to look at it. But she has one on one coaching. She has two courses. She has tons of free resources, as you see here. Some of the cool topics that my audience definitely you guys need to check out is how to deal with anxiety. And I think the other one that I really love that you did, Halai, is the how to honor your truth. I think it's just magical. And then also go and check her out on her Instagram page because there's some really great stuff and she's in there all the time posting really great information. And so make sure you check our girl out. Is there anything else you want to mention to make sure I didn't miss it?

Oh, I love that. I also have a Facebook group. I go live on there and answer questions. It's quite similar to the resources but in video form where I'm speaking and sharing. So I usually turn those videos into handouts. It depends on what type of learning you prefer. You can hop on there as well. What's your Facebook name? It's my full name, Halai Farooq. But in the link tree there is a link to that Facebook group so you can just add yourself in there totally free.

That's awesome. And so I'll make sure to get the link to the link tree so you guys can see that. Thank you so much for listening. This has been Dr. Nicole. You can learn more about the awesome interviews that we're doing and all the free resources that we have by going to drnicolecane.com, also checking out our social media pages which are at Dr. Nicole Cain. And also be sure if this is valuable for you or if you know anybody who's ready to take the next step in their journey. Make sure to share this podcast with them and share our girls resources because she is on fire. She's doing amazing work, believe me. Look at the testimonials. This stuff is really amazing and really powerful. So thank you so much for the honor of getting to interview you. I know you're a busy chica and I just love what you're doing in the world. Thank you for raising the vibration and.

Please keep it up.