Self Care: Why You Need to Go on a Date with Yourself

Foreign. This is Dr. Nicole. I am so happy to see you. My passion is to help you to learn how to overcome depression, anxiety, to help you discover more of who you are in the process of getting your life back back. In this channel, we talk a lot about solutions, we talk a lot about integrative techniques, we talk a lot about testing, we talk about your cast of characters, trauma. We talk about parts work. We talk about biological characters like genetics and mental health. We talk about how to change genetic expression with diet and lifestyle and science supplements and all sorts of different changes, right? We talk about how to help you get your life back. And the past couple of lives that I've done, I've been talking about how you can get your life back by creating a bullseye, by creating the end goal of what you want to see, how you want your life to transform and set. So for today, I want you to imagine if you've ever seen here, has seen Inside out, it's this movie that was, I think, a Pixar movie. If you've seen it, just like high five, give me a heart, let me know. Inside out is a movie that teaches us about ourselves. It teaches us about our parts. And so if you've seen that, you can imagine that all of these different aspects of yourself is represented by these colored balls. And so there's colors that represent your humor, there's colors that represent sadness, happy memories, bad memories. And so maybe hold that image in your mind if you've seen the movie Inside out or another image, if you haven't seen that movie, is to imagine that your psychology, that your brain, that your experience is a warehouse. And inside of the warehouse there are all of these packages. And so imagine you're in the warehouse, or imagine that you're in the inside out area with all the color balls and you're walking around and you're looking at the different things that are in that room that represent the makeup of your psychology, that represent the makeup of who you are, your thing, thoughts, your emotions, your experiences, the way that you perceive yourself and other people, all of the things that are inside of this warehouse help compile the way that you see the world, right? So when it comes to creating our bullseye, when it comes to arranging all of the material within that warehouse, we also want to know what you want it to look like. But how that's going to look is impacted by what's inside. So first we're going to talk about looking at the packages in that warehouse. And second, we're going to talk about what to do. So first, the packages inside the warehouse. And the second is what to do. It's what we're going to talk about today. All of this will make sense as we go, I promise. So hang with me. So imagine you're in the warehouse and you're looking at the packages. Some are. You see your name. Maybe if you had a childhood nickname, some of the packages may be named with that. But as you're walking through that warehouse, you may notice that there are packages with other people's names. So let me give you an example, right? When I was in middle school, I played the flute and I was in pep band, right? And so we're sitting in the bleachers, we're at a basketball game and I'm playing my flute. And actually we're like passing around everyone's instrument. So at some point I played a trumpet, another point I played the clarinet. It was chaos besides the point, right? So we're making music with a big air quote and our team, the home team, comes out onto the court and everyone is cheering. Yay. We're so excited. Woo hoo. You guys are amazing. Go team. And we're like blasting our instruments and it's all sorts of good. And then the opposing team enters the court and everybody boos, right? So I, being an orchid child, being a very sensitive soul, saw the look on some of the players faces, I saw their ashen expression, their heads were down. And I imagined how it must have felt to enter a court and to be booed. And I felt really sad about that, right? So after the rally ended, after the game was over, I was driving home and I was riding with my parents in the car and I was feeling really sad and I had some tears. I was a very sensitive young person. Still am today. Let's be real. And my parents told me, nicole, you're just too sensitive. You are way too sensitive. That is an unreasonable way to feel. And so that message entered my brain and in the metaphor, it entered the warehouse. And that message did not belong to me. That was a message from my parents. And so my parents names are on that package. So when we go through life, people are going to tell us about the world. They're going to tell us their perspectives about the world. Their perspectives are impacted by the people who, who shared their perspectives with them when they were younger and on and on and on, right? And this is in part how generational trauma can happen. And so as I was going through my own therapy, as I was going through my own healing process, I started to look at the boxes in my warehouse. I started to look at what messages were authentic to me, what messages were in line with who I am, and what messages were in direct contradiction. So the message in this example is, you're too sensitive. It's not reasonable to have empathy for everyone booing at those players. And as I look at that now as an adult, and if I were to think about that little part of myself, I would say something really different, right? I would say, you have such compassion. You have such a big heart. Now, what can we do with that? What can we do to make that actionable and then create an empowering, healing space for that little me? So what you can do if you start noticing and looking back at your past and walking through your warehouse and seeing that there are packages there that don't belong to you, that there are messages that came from other people, from experiences that are not yours, but you've been holding onto them, they've been filling up your warehouse. Or maybe even a backpack, a metaphorical backpack, like that. Weight of the world on your shoulders. If you've been carrying that around, it's time to do an audit. Do an audit of all those packages and then return to sender. So when I was doing my work, I thought about that memory. I looked at that package, and I thought, this isn't how I want to perceive myself. I don't want to go through life believing that I'm too sensitive. Because by being sensitive, then I can serve you. By being sensitive, I can work with my clients. By being sensitive, I can love and care for other people, right? And so figuring out how I want to perceive that, how I want to see myself, how I want that to be. So the first step is to do an audit and to return to sender. But this can be really tricky, right? And so this is the second part. So the first part is to notice your warehouse, notice the packages, notice what's in there, look and see if these are all yours, if your name's really on them, if they belong to somebody else. And then the second part is to learn how to know what's yours. So you go through that warehouse, and it can get really confusing. It can be really confusing to know, is this me? Is this who I am? Have you ever felt like I've been anxious or depressed or having mood swings for so long I don't even know who I am anymore? Have you ever felt that way? Maybe your warehouse is so full of feedback and messages from other people that it's hard to figure out what's really you, what you really believe, what you really think, who you really are. And so in order to do the audit, we have to figure that out, right? And I'm going to teach you a strategy today for doing that. It's part of my 5F freedom model, which we teach about in the ACT method, the anxiety Freedom course. It's all about getting back to you. And maybe you haven't had a chance, or you haven't had time, or you haven't had the opportunity to cultivate you. Maybe you've lived in a world where it was just pure survival. And so now's the time. As you hear my words, if this is resonating, then give yourself the chance. Give yourself the opportunity to go on a date with yourself. If you're not on the email. I send love letters via email, and we recently just released one of my love letters, and I was talking about going on a date with yourself in this email, and I got a message from a really good friend of mine, and she said that she had just gone kayaking by herself, and she got back and saw that love list letter and was really very grateful for the intentionality that she was able to put on that. So, going on a date with yourself. I have some notes here that I want to share with you. And when you go on a date with yourself, you can do it in a few different ways. And this can be a little weird at first, right? So let me tell you a story. So the goal behind this, by the way, is to become more of you. And when you go on a date with yourself, you can do it publicly or you can do it privately, like my friend. You can go out and go kayaking by yourself. You can go on a hike by yourself. You can go and sit in a park by yourself. You can sit on your back porch by yourself. The key is that you're by yourself, that you're on a date with you, right? And so the story that I write about in the ACT method is how sometimes I would go on a date with myself in college and I would go to the cafeteria alone. And I had a lot of anxiety doing that. And I was thinking, oh my gosh, what are these people thinking as they look at me? Is she weird? Does she not have any friends? Is she antisocial? Is there something wrong with her? And so I had a lot of stress and anxiety going on a date with myself. Isn't that weird that if you look at somebody sitting alone in a restaurant table, that you may feel, I don't know if you felt this way, like, I feel kind of sad, but they're on a date with themselves, and that's really cool. And so reframing that. And so if you're worried and if you feel anxious, so what are people going to think is, I would invite you to notice it and release it and go on a date with yourself. Do it whatever way feels comfortable. And so when you go on your date with yourself, it helps to be prepared. And so I'm going to give you some interview questions, and then we'll make sure that you have access to these. And so for people who've just jumped on this live, we're talking about creating a bullseye. In the journey of healing from anxiety, in the journey of healing from depression, mood swings, pmdd, bipolar, we have to know who we are and where we want to go in order to get there. Because otherwise, once we've cleared out all of those boxes and we have an empty warehouse and we don't know who we are, and sometimes it can feel so much better to be anxious and familiar as opposed to stepping out of anxiety into something new. And so in order to create that something new, I'm teaching about going on a date with yourself and how that can be so sweet and so precious. But let me equip you with some interview questions. Okay? So I have these written down. There are. Wow, there's a lot. There's 29 here. I'm not going to read you all 29. Let's just start with five. I'm going to give you five interview questions. So if you have a piece of paper and a pencil handy, get it out. We're gonna write these questions down. I'll also make these available for you. But you're gonna go on a date with yourself. And I want you to ask yourself first. Hey, me. Who were you before the world told you who to be? Who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be? Who were you in the beginning? If you imagine yourself as a little person, who was that person? Who are you? So that's the first question. The second question is, when do you feel passionate, excited, and inspired, even if it's just a little glimmer or an imagination of a glimmer? Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for giving yourself this time. Going on a date with yourself, asking yourself, number one, who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be? And number two, what do you feel passionate about, excited about, inspired by? Look in your warehouse, Go through Your memories, go through your experiences. Try to find a moment, if there's a moment. And number three, how do you like to serve and give back to others? Where do you find your purpose? What makes you feel good? I feel so good being on these lives and seeing you guys on there, interacting with you. I feel good and supported and inspired. When I get to do this, like, right now, my heart is so full, and I'm so glad you're here. So what is that for you? What makes you feel inspired? How can you give to others? What makes you feel fulfilled? In fact, there was this research study that was done talking about how one of the best ways to help with depression. This article is intended for clinicians, and so they were talking about what is one of the best ways to help your patients who are struggling with pretty bad depression. And one of the most effective interventions used by clinicians is to help people figure out how to focus on caring for another person for a little bit of time, whether it's volunteering or a job or something. Maybe it's writing letters, whatever it is. How can you serve others? How can you. How do you find meaning in that? What works for you? For me, it's being here with you right now. Okay, so going on a date with yourself. Let's do one more. What is something. Ooh, Ooh, these are so good. What about. Ooh? Let's get. Let's get existential here. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? So when you think about when you're anxious, when you're overwhelmed, when you're stressed, the edge of your rope, when you're thinking about the yes, and when you're thinking about the no's, if you imagine projecting yourself into the future and reflecting back on your life, what is the legacy that you want to leave behind? And so for me, I want to leave behind hope. I want to leave behind hope for mental health. I want to leave behind the hope that you can get your life back, that you can get well, that you can turn the page. It is possible, you guys. I've worked with thousands of people over the past decade, and people get their lives back. And so the legacy I long to leave behind is hope. But you have to act, right? That's why it's the act method. You know, you can. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna show up for you every week. But your results will be in tandem with the amount of action that you take in your life. And so I'm here, and I'm talking about going on A date with yourself. Creating your bullseye. Walking through your warehouse and looking at the packages and doing an turning to sender. What doesn't belong to you? And so all of this is great in terms of the content and the education, but are you acting on it when we finish up this video in just a couple minutes here, how can you do one thing to get to know yourself better, to discover who you are? If you've been under a mountain of anxiety and worry and overwhelm and stress and mood swings and insomnia and depression and anxiety and all of that, it's hard to have the space to know who we are outside of that. Right? And so what is one thing? Just one, my love. One thing that you can do. Two minutes. What's one thing that you can do? Maybe just ask yourself one of these questions. Who were you before the world told you who you were supposed to be? Right? So Today, this is Dr. Nicole. We've been talking about creating your bullseye. I've been sharing with you the past couple of weeks content from the 5F freedom model, which I designed to help us to create the life that we want to create the bullseye. So I'll teach you how to turn the page on anxiety. I'll teach you about the biological characters and GABA and neurotransmitters and gut health and all of the things. But at the same time, we also want to make sure that we know what we're aiming towards. So we have a question on here. Any way to get the full 29 questions for the self date? Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to make that available for you. In fact, what I'll do is I'll see if Instagram will let me just copy and paste it into a comment and then of course you can get it in the anxiety course. I'll also see if I can get my team to throw it up as a blog so that you can get that for free. By the way, my loves, there's so much information in the blogs. Every live that I do is saved. So everything you can look on the highlights, you can find it, but make sure that you click on the link in the bio because I do blogs on almost every topic. So when you hear it, you can listen to it, you can watch the video, and then I have a bunch of stuff in writing, so make sure that you check that out. We also have a wellness springboard. So if you're looking for just like, what is one thing that I can do right now? If you're like, okay, I'm ready. I'm gonna go on a date with myself. I'm gonna copy and past those 29 questions. Do that, and then go to the link in the bio. And then I want you to click on the Wellness Springboard and download that. It's totally free, and it has some beautiful, beautiful tips to help you get started right away. Thank you so much for being here. I'm Dr. Nicole. My soul is on fire to serve you, love you, help you. And so I have a team of amazing people that help me to help you guys to be present for you and especially Haley. You'll notice Haley Taylor's on these lives. She's the brilliant brains behind the branding, and she has basically helped me build this whole thing from the ground up. So you might find that if you send us messages or leave comments that sometimes Haley's in there. If you send me a dm, it's a real priority for me to make sure that we respond to every dm. And so I have Brooke who's in there, and Brooke is helping me out. And Brooke is so, so kind and so compassionate. And so we are here to support you. And let us know. Let us know what kinds of videos you'd like to see, what kinds of questions that you have. Download the springboard. And then as soon as I hit the end here on this live, I'll make sure to see if Instagram will let me copy and paste all 29 questions. So go on a date with yourself and let me know how it goes. All right, I love you guys. I'll see you next time week.