Stop Procrastinating and Start Living!

Hey, babes. This is Dr. Cain. I'm so happy to see you. Today we're going to be talking about procrastination. It was a question that was asked in one of my warrior groups. And I think that having a conversation about procrastination is actually perfectly timed. I was also talking with a client of mine yesterday and she was really struggling with procrastination and felt really hard on herself. She felt really critical about herself, lots of negative self talk that was happening, and felt like she should be doing this and she should be doing that, and there's a lot of should speaking. And the procrastination had just basically overtaken her. So today we're going to talk about what procrastination is and what are reasons that we may procrastinate. And then I'm going to tell you what to do about it. And so the number one thing when it comes to procrastination is to know that it is a hallmark feature of anxiety. And so when we feel worried or anxious or insecure about something, it can cause us to procrastinate. It creates this feeling of overwhelm. And that feeling of overwhelm is often reduced or resolved by removing the pressure to do whatever it is that you're feeling overwhelmed about. So, for example, if I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed about going and doing a speaking engagement, that anxiety and that overwhelm may start to mount. And if I cancel the speaking engagement or delay it or put it off, those feelings of anxiety and overwhelm will go away. So oftentimes, procrastination is something that's being engaged in to protect you from feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. And so anxiety in procrastination may manifest as having a panic attack when you think about doing the task. Or you might just have generalized anxiety sometimes, like a racing heart, difficulty collecting your thoughts, brain fog, distress, distractibility, putting it off, or just like worrying, like perseverating about it. Hi, guys. Thank you for joining us. There's a couple of new people on the live here. I'm happy to see you. Hi, Haley, Amelia and Jared. It's so good to see you guys. We're talking about procrastination today. Anybody here have experienced that before? And I can tell you that I'm raising my hand because, yes, I have experienced procrastination. And one of the key features of anxiety is procrastination. And so we've been talking about what causes procrastination, and we're going to talk about what you can do about it and so one of the key features of why somebody might procrastinate is if they're having a lot of unpleasant emotions, being in that moment when there's a task at hand that if we put that task off, then those moments in the short term those negative feelings will go back down. However, in the long term it'll create quite a lot more stress. So to give you an example, I'm working with a young man and, and he lives in the Pacific Northwest and he has a lot of anxiety about germs and cleanliness. And so when he cooks his food he gets really anxious about having to touch the dirty dishes and so he'll just put it off and then days and days will go and he will start to notice there's a piling of dishes and he's becoming more and more anxious. He puts it off until he finally breaks down. He calls one of his friends, they come over and they have like a whole dishwashing day. And so in the short term he's reducing the anxiety because he's not having to touch the dirty dish, that makes him feel worried. But in the long term it creates a huger amount of stress and then he has to deal with it on a larger scale. So with why we procrastinate. So number one, we talked about anxiety and another one is worry feeling like there are things that are going to get in my way, I'm not going to be able to do it. It might be a self confidence issue. And then there's also uncertainty. Uncertainty can make us procrastinate. For example, I don't feel clear on what I need to do and so I feel like I don't want to start something, I don't want to do it wrong. Some people, they tend to over complicate the tasks. And so when it could be something quite simple, as I need to wash my dishes in my sink, the person might think about like, well, I have to wash the counter and then I have to make sure it's sterilized and then dry and then put something down and then get the sink clean and then make sure my soap scrubber is clean and oh, and I shouldn't be putting dishes in a dusty cupboard, so I should clean that. But oh my gosh, now I have to clean my entire kitchen. So it can become over complicated and completely overwhelming. And this intolerance of uncertainty or the over complication can, can make such a small task feel huge. And then we end up having a lot of amount of stress and anxiety and emotions building up and then we just put it off. Another one is perfectionism. And another one of our warriors in the group talked about this was for her, like, perfectionism was a huge obstacle to her getting things done that she wanted to do. And so perfectionism, it's so common in incredibly bright and tenacious and hardworking people. But perfectionism can prevent us from making mistakes. It can prevent us from going outside of our comfort zones because we want to do it the best we want to do it. Quote, right. Does that resonate with any of you guys? Like that feeling? I just can't do it unless it's perfect and it stops me. And so what do we do? So if you're a perfectionist, there's self talk that can come with that, like, if I don't do it right, I'm a failure, or if I don't do it perfectly, I shouldn't do it at all. And so starting to notice as we're going through these experiences, what are the narratives that are coming with the procrastination? And so for you guys who just joined the live welcome, this is Dr. Nicole, and we're talking about procrastination and what's actually happening, the different causes, what to do about it. And we're also going to get into a little bit of the brain science behind that. And I see Julie is on. And I am so excited to see you, Julie. It's been a long time, so thank you for being here, sister. And so we've talked about procrastination being fueled by anxiety, panic attacks. We talked about the worry and uncertainty and perfectionism that can come from panic attacks. And procrastination can occur in the terms of, I'm gonna do it tomorrow. So the perfectionism can make you just, like, want to put it off and do it tomorrow or the next day. It could be diversion. And so that's a strategy that sometimes people use like, well, I know I need to write this paper for my school, or I need to fill out or update my resume, but I'm going to check Twitter first. So when we feel anxious, we could procrastinate, or we could use diversion and do something else first. Or there could be self sabotage where we're like, this is a dumb idea anyway. I'm not going to get a new job. Why bother updating my resume? Or I'm going to have a panic attack if I wash the dishes. Like, why even try? So we might see procrastination come hand in hand with diversion and self sabotage. And so kind of identifying the ways that you experience, it will be helpful in figuring out exactly how to target procrastination and get your life back. And so perfectionism, I kind of want to linger with this one a little bit because I work with a lot of high achievers. I work with different types of executives and CEOs and celebrities and stay at home moms. I work with business leaders, I work with entrepreneurs. I work with a lot of different individuals. And I feel like perfectionism is something that is. I hear about it all the time. And a lot of people who struggle with perfectionism use similar language narratives across the board. I see this all the time. And one of them is should statements. And so a should statement would be, I should be able to get my resume updated and it shouldn't be difficult, and I should be able to just sit down and do the entire thing. And back in the 1980s, instead of using the word should, they used the word must, and they called this musturbation, Where I must do this, I must do that. And basically it's just a way where we put unrealistic criteria on something and then say that we should. And it's not a useful. It's not a useful thinking pattern. In fact, it's in one of the ten types of twisted thinking that leads cognitive behavioral therapy is should statements. And I see should statements being used all the time in perfectionistic people who are dealing and struggling with procrastination. And so I want to get this report out, I want to get this paper done, I want to do this interview. And these should statements like, I should be able to do a better job, I should be able to make these connections, I should be able to stay up late and complete a project. Should statements are not intellectually rigorously accurate or useful. And so identifying your brain's thinking patterns and noticing that is really important. Another thing, moving on to a new topic, Another thing that can promote procrastination is anger and resentment about having to do the task to begin with. Have you ever felt that way where you don't want to do the task, or maybe you even think that it's morally and ethically obtuse and you don't want to do the task and it feels unfair, it feels wrong, it feels totally unethical, totally upsetting that you have to do it? So when you're about to do a task and you feel really icky and angry and upset about it, these intense feelings start to rise. And procrastination is actually a strategy to reduce those feelings. And so sometimes procrastination can be useful, and it can provide us almost like an accountability check. If I'm procrastinating, that might mean that there's an emotion coming up, and that emotion is data. And so if I look at that data, what can I learn from it? Do I need to work on putting together better boundaries so that I'm not being told I have to do something that I don't feel that I should be needing to do, or am I anxious because this is something that's outside of my realm of comfort and should I be doing it? So anxiety can be really important and really helpful data. And noticing why the anger, why the anxiety, why the ambivalence, why the narrative is coming up is going to give you answers as to what to do about it. And so the other couple of reasons that we might procrastinate would be depression. Depression often causes a total lack of motivation, a lack of confidence, a lack of drive. And oftentimes people with depression feel like they're going to fail anyway. And so oftentimes depression can prevent us from even trying to do a task. And so we'll indefinitely procrastinate, but then we feel bad about procrastinating, and that makes us more depressed. And then it spirals. And then the last reason that I often see people procrastinate is just feeling completely overwhelmed and unaware of how to proceed. And Mike Malachik here just put in a great comment, and it's a perfect segue into, well, what do we do about procrastination? And so number one is, is the activity that you're thinking about doing, is it worth doing? And so if you imagine a seesaw, and on one end of the seesaw, you imagine it going up, and as that goes up, you imagine that you're doing that task, and you're doing the task that you're procrastinating, you're doing the task that you're questioning, and then on the other seesaw, when the other side goes up, because the seesaw tips back and forth like this, right? So if you imagine when the one side goes up, you're doing the task and you notice in your body how you feel when you're doing that task, you notice how it feels to imagine the outcome that you're desiring, and then you imagine it going down and the other side going up. Well, if I don't engage in that activity, if I do procrastinate it or cancel it, what is my experience? And then start to listen to the data from your nervous system, your body, your convictions, Your unconscious, your thoughts, your feelings and your values can often come up when we just imagine doing a task. And if you imagine doing the task and all you have is anxiety and you don't feel good and confident about it, I call that a yellow light. And anytime that we have a yellow light, it's important to stop and see what that yellow light is about and to focus on that. Because this is all about honoring you, honoring your truth, honoring your convictions and honoring your data. And once you know what's causing that yellow light, you can go back and still see objectively. Does this feel like something that's good for me to do or is it not and I need to put down my personal limits? The other thing is to go into the zone of uncertainty. And so the zone uncertainty is. Scott Miller calls this the zone of proximal development. I've talked about this in previous publications that I've done where we all have our comfort zone. Our comfort zone is where we feel comfortable, we can perform reliably. It's where we feel confident. And then anything outside of that is outside of our comfort zone. And we call that the zone of proximal development. So anytime that, that we go out of our comfort zone and we go into the zone just adjacent to that is where we grow and where we develop. And so, for example, if I'm really good at downhill skiing, but I have never learned to snowboard, I'm not going to grow in my ability to snowboard unless I try to step out of my comfort zone of skiing and try snowboarding. Or it's the same with taking on a new job position. Maybe you're really comfortable doing software, but you're interested in doing something more on the sales end. Even though the sales end isn't your zone of genius, it may be proximal to that or outside of that zone. And the research actually shows that people can only really sustain attention and feel comfortable and feel really good and safe outside of their comfort zone for 30 consecutive minutes. And after that point for most people, we start to get anxious and distressed and self doubt. So. So if you decide it's totally worth it, I want to do this. The anxiety that's coming up, that's a past trigger. I'm going to work through that. I want to do this task. It's valuable to me. What Michael Malachik here is talking about is concentrate on what you can do rather than what you can't do. And so what we want to do is we want to go into the uncertainty and then we want to actually make small changes, small decisions. And sometimes people feel like when they look at it, they look at the entire task, they look at it for all that it is. And so if I want to. If I want to create a course, right? You know, you guys know I have an anxiety course. Let's say I want to make a PTSD course. Instead of me thinking of every single piece of content that I need to create, all of the marketing I need to do to get the word out there is maybe just think of the first thing or one thing at a time, or just simply mapping it out and not worrying about filling in all the blanks is concentrate on what you can then start to do small things. Like what one thing can you do each day? A strategy that I like to recommend for this is the post it note strategy, where you can get different colors of post it notes that are represented under different categories. For example, red post IT notes or pink post IT notes are obligations in terms of job and finances. Maybe the green post it notes are at home activities, like doing your dishes, making your bed. Yellow post IT notes are activities of daily living, like brushing your teeth, getting your groceries. And then you write a task on each post it note. And then you get a big calendar on the wall. And then you put one post it note of each color in each day and make it an actionable thing. So you have all of your post it notes, you have them categorized, and then you can put them on each day and be intentional with your schedule so that you don't feel like you have to do all of the things on one day. And like Haley said, it's step by step. And she also adds, I try to remind myself to take things one thing at a time when I'm getting overwhelmed. And doing one thing at a time can help that feeling of having too many plates, too many things spinning in your mind. You see my eyes kind of looking over here? I have notes. I want to make sure that I would cover everything just the last couple of minutes we have together. So we've talked about what might lead to procrastination. We talked about emotional stress, confidence, perfectionism, and we're talking about strategies to overcome perfectionism. So one is deciding if the activity is worth it. Two is honoring any yellow lights that you're getting from your nervous system, your body, your emotions, and the people that you love getting feedback. And then number three is practicing making small decisions quickly. There's something called heuristics, and they are mental shortcuts that help you make decisions quickly to free up cognitive resources. So for example, if you go to a restaurant and you go to most restaurants that have like a 20 page menu and you feel like you're completely overwhelmed in your day to day life, a tactic of this, of the heuristics is to just simply eat the thing that you enjoyed last time you were there and then you don't have to read through the entire menu and make a quick decision. I'll do a whole entire piece of content on this topic, but you can read more about it and that might be a way for you to kind of slim out some of the smaller lessons, relevant decisions that can feel overwhelming and piling up. The spelling is H E U R I S T I C S and so that can help us make quick decisions so that we have more mental bandwidth for the bigger decisions that we need to make. And the next thing I want you to do is to work on self esteem and confidence. And one of the ways to do that is to recognize that an anxious brain is a strength and that it's giving you data about what your needs are, what your weaknesses are, what your strengths are and to help you work on the deeper healing. We don't want to just do palliative work on procrastination babes. We want to get to the root cause of that and we want to heal the root cause so that you can get your life back and live your life the way that you want it to be. Another strategy is to own your negative beliefs and overpowering fears because what you suppress, what you repress going to express. And in order to have it not express in ways that are sabotaging for you, making intentional time to do that work and creating space to own that is going to help it not come out when you don't want it to. And then I want you to start fact checking so listing all of the reasons for not gauging in a high priority behavior and then challenge your credibility for that. So I was talking to that guy the other day, I was about talking, telling you about and he was having a lot of anxiety about doing his dishes and he felt like if he didn't do the dishes perfectly and clean all the cupboards, that it was a waste of time. If he was to go in and fact check that he might have had a different thinking process about it. Instead he was overcome with anxiety and he didn't know what to do and so he just didn't do anything. And he played animal crossing. So if you start to notice, okay, I'm getting a yellow Light I'm noticing I'm putting something off. Start to list all the reasons for not engaging in that high priority behavior and then challenge that challenge and question yourself. And notice that some people have a cognitive bias that's negative and a cognitive bias that's positive. And so we want to make sure that we're trying to objectively fact check that. So some people, they feel like I'm going to be successful no matter what I do and they have that positive bias versus other people, they feel like no matter what I do it's going to be an epic failure. And so that's a negative cognitive bias. And so being able to be more honest and truthful and objective about the way that you're thinking about tasks is going to help free up some of your bandwidth to truly and authentically make decisions about what's worth your time and what's not. And just the last couple of minutes is getting organized and we were talking about that just briefly. Mike Malachik has some really great tips that he's been sharing in there. But I think getting organized is really important and we talked about that with the post it notes Some people do bullet journaling. What way can you get organized? Some people I really like to have things in my hands like paper as opposed to digitizing everything. Sometimes I feel like my screen is too small and I can't see everything I need to see. So figuring out a way to organize yourself will be really helpful. An idea is to get a binder. And each binder have a category of different things like car, house, education, daily living, tasks, responsibilities, family, different things that you have that you're responsible for and things that you have to make decisions about. And then under each subcategory put in exactly what you can do one step at a time. A strategy that I really like that helps me calculate wins is I'll put check boxes so when I do something I get the satisfaction of checking that box or crossing it out. So you can learn a ton of information on getting organized. There's actually a book I'm looking here at the title so I can read it accurately to you. It's called Getting Things Done. And so they have a ton of tips on how to get organized because the more organized that you'll be, the less emotional bandwidth you'll have to use and the less procrastination I think you're going to suffer with. Jared is writing here that journals and notepads are a go to and they help me so much. Like I have notepads for Specific things that I need to do. I have notes in my phone. There's a little notes app that I'll put things in. Haley uses planners. I love having planners. In fact, one of the counselors in Health for Life, she uses a paper planner and she color codes what she writes. Like, one color is for her clients, another color is for her family. And that just helps her keep all the information out so it doesn't overwhelm her. And then making sure to engage in small steps. Try to break down whatever that task is that feels overwhelming. When that urge to procrastinate comes up, follow the things that we've been talking about, but make sure you break it into small steps. And so what part are you the most nervous about? Is it the beginning? Is it the middle? Is it the end? And then if you need help, maybe there's somebody that can help you with one component of the task or the other. So we've been talking a lot about procrastination and I have tons of information. I'm going to be putting it into a blog for you. And so this will all be in writing. But I think one of the really important parts is to honor the anxious parts, the angry parts, the sad parts, whatever's coming up, and do the work to get to the root cause of that. If it comes to anxiety, which I think most of us have, especially in this day or age, know that there's support out there for you. I have a free one week anxiety Freedom challenge. You can get it by going to our warriors Facebook group. We'll make sure to get the link to you. And again, that's seven days of amazing, useful data that can help you turn the page in your anxiety so that anxiety isn't running the show and you can live the life that you want. You live your life the way you want it. And so go and check that out. You'll just simply give us your email address. I promise we won't spam you. It'll enable us to send you the book and then you'll get videos and we'll be there to support you. And then I have a webinar and in the webinar it talks about somatographic imagery, which is an amazingly cool tactic to help you actually get into the body, the anxious body. And then just after this, I'm going to be going into the warriors group and give me a couple minutes to get reset because I have a really exciting contest that I'm going to do with a prize and a treat and it's going to be super good. So go into the warriors group and check it out. And I will see you guys again on Wednesday. And of course, I'll be bopping in here pretty frequently. I'm here every Wednesday and Friday doing lives, and. And so I'd love to see you. If you want to learn more about me, I'm Dr. Nicole. My passion is helping you get your life back from anxiety. I founded the ACT Method, and I am sharing all this information for free. Because, babes, I love you. I got your back, and I will see you next time. Take care.