Why You Need to Fail to Achieve Your Goals with Felicia Romero | Ep. 92

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Welcome to Holistic Inner balance. This is Dr. Nicole Kane and I have Hadley here from like waving just in case this is audio. She's waving at the camera and then we are so very blessed. We have a good friend of mine, Felicia Romero, and she's on the podcast. And this is an episode you're absolutely not going to want to miss. Felicia is one of my favorite people and this conversation has been in the works for a long time. And so let me just share with you a little bit about Felicia and why she's the person that you're going to want to be listening to today. She's a fitness and business mentor, she's the founder of the Wealthy Wellness Coaching program and she's the host of the hi Felicia podcast. And this girl's a pretty high achiever. She's an eight time fitness cover model. She was on Oxygen magazine, Muscle and Fitness, hers Flex magazine. She's been all over the news. She's talked to like pretty cool people. I saw that you were with, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger at one point in an interview.

Yeah, I got to interview him live, which was really actually very intimidating, very scary, but really cool.

That's amazing. So you've met with a lot of just really cool, influential people. And Felicia opened her first gym when she was 22 and over the years built and ran these gyms until two years ago, which we're recording this episode in 2023. And two years ago she sold fit method to create more time freedom in her life and she's doing a lot of really other cool stuff. So you created freedom for this next phase, which we're going to talk all about today. And so be sure right now pause this episode and I want you to open up Instagram and I want you to go and I want you to hit follow and make sure that you favorite Felicia because you're not going to want to miss all the cool stuff that she's. Her Instagram handle is Felicia Romero. Let me spell that for you. It's F E L I C I A R O M E R O. And one thing that I'm really excited about that's coming out that you should keep your eyes looking for is that she is studying to be a master trainer in goddess yoga. She's going to be a goddess yoga instructor. And that is something that you're absolutely going to want to pay attention to because this is really cool, profound, innovative stuff. So I've been talking enough, let's jump into the conversation. Thank you so much for being Here, Felicia.

Oh my goodness. I am so excited to be here and just have this conversation, you know, having my own podcast as well. Like, there is something about the podcast platform that is just. It allows and those that are listening right now, just a deeper sense of connection with the people and women that you're listening to. So, so excited to have this conversation with you ladies.

So what I wanted to dive in with is I want to go straight for the soul of. The soul of things. And that was that conversation that you and I had together when we were in our mastermind group about that big transition period in your life. Because you're doing all of these amazing things. You're super young, you're on all these magazine covers, you're running a gym, and then your story takes a turn. And I was wondering if you could tell us about that.

Absolutely. And by the way, my alarm just went off. I. So I set these affirmations in my alarms and it's 1:11 here in Arizona. And it literally was reminding me of a money affirmation. It's like, congrats, Felicia, another ten thousand dollar day. Way to go.

You did it.

Like every hour I have these affirmations that pop up on my phone just as like a reminder. So that's what that was. So, yeah, I, you know, I, I had no aspirations to be on covers of magazines. I didn't even know what that was. I didn't even know that it was possible for me. And I think, you know, when we are setting a goal out to do something, you know, the journey is so much more important than the destination for me anyways. And so when I started competing and when I started getting into fitness, I was actually going to school studying law. I took my LSAT for law school. I have my bachelor's in political science. Science. I was an intern at the House of Representatives. Like, I was a Democratic intern. Reading bills and going to like, meetings with lobbyists. Like, it was like, pretty intense. And I remember during that time, I had done an internship one summer in like this huge law firm. It's like this regional law firm. Think of like Ally McBeal. They have these law offices everywhere. Like, that's kind of what I wanted to be. Like the ally McBeal, but the Latina ally McBeal. And I, gosh, after interning, I'm like, I don't know if I want to do this. I don't know if I'm cut out for this. Like, like the attorneys, they seemed miserable. They're all paying off their student debt. Like, I know for me, tapping into like core values, at that time, I really valued my time. I valued freedom. I wanted to be able to love what I was doing. And so, you know, at that time I started training people out of my home. And a year after that I opened up my first gym and never looked back. And I had no idea where that was going to take me.

So.

So during that time I did start competing. And the reason I started competing was because I love the, like the setting the goal and achieving the goal. You know, I know we talked about being a high achiever. Like, I love setting my sights on something that feels and seems very difficult to achieve and honestly seeing if I'm capable of doing it and sticking to it and like doing the thing. And so when I started competing, it was all because I was playing softball in college. I actually got a scholarship to play softball at Arizona State. And. And that ended. And you know, I wanted to do something that was physical, something that challenged me. And so remember being at the gym and people were like, Felicia, you should do a competition. Like, you have the physique for it. Like you think you would do really well. I was like, cool. So I did it. And again, no idea where it was going to take me. And this is like, again, pivots through life and fast forward to today to all the opportunities of being on magazines, reality tv, opening up more gyms, and only to where it's kind of taken me now into the online space. And really just, you know, still the core is helping people and impacting women all around the world. But now I get to do it on a larger scale and not just within my 5 mile radius of owning a gym. So lots of twists and turns through the years, but. But yeah, I've always just been able to just follow my heart, follow that passion, and it's always led to something else.

So there's this like, question of am I capable? What can I do? And I was writing a blog yesterday about Joseph Campbell and the hero's journey. And everybody's journey starts with a call to adventure. And you heard that call and you answered that call. And that call has shown up in different ways. It was setting the goal and achieving the goal. And how that showed up has changed. But that's one thing that I hear is consistent in your. Is that when you get the call, you respond.

Absolutely. I am a generator. So for anyone that, anyone that knows me, I'm also Type 3 on the Enneagram.

We.

I do both. Both of us are, are both of those things Yeah, I love it.

It's going to be in a very interesting conversation then. Yeah, like I can move quickly when I have a decision. I'm a fast actor, I implement fairly quickly. But I also, which actually got me into trouble for many years, is like my ach also defined my self worth. And so like I was on top. I was, I was like, yes, I'm on top. I'm doing the thing. Even though I still felt, if I were to really be honest, I still felt unfulfilled because I was still chasing something. I don't know what that was. And so, but then when I was on not achieving and not doing the thing, like my self worth was attached to that and I felt worthless, I felt miserable. So I always had to be chasing something, some sort of accomplishment, some sort of achievement, get the thing and not even bask in it, not even stop to smell the roses. It was literally on to the next thing. So. So, yeah, I love it.

I think we all have a lot in common here with all of that. And I love how you, your journey has kind of just like with high achievers, often it's like there's like this one place that I want to get to and I have to get to this place. But you've also allowed yourself to be like, well, actually this is the thing that feel feels more in alignment now. And this is what I want to kind of pivot and go do. And so do you want to just speak to that a little bit, how you've been able to, to do that rather than, you know, being like, well, I have to, I have to go to law school now because that's what I decided I was going to do like a while ago. Like, that's kind of what, what I talk a lot about with my clients.

And stuff is you don't have such a good question. It's, it's really honestly giving yourself permission to change and to pivot. And I think for me, even though I wanted to do the thing, I wanted to like achieve the thing, I also knew that I also gave myself permission that there could be another way. Right? And that's again, really tapping back into heart. I think if we only think logically, if we only think in my brain, like for me it's like, oh, well, okay, you go to law school and then you're an attorney, you're a lawyer, and then this is like the plan, this is the path, that's the logical way of thinking, right? Like, this is how you do it. This is how you achieve success. This is how you achieve success on paper. And so what I've learned, and again, I've had a lot of rock bottoms. So a lot of these pivots and turns actually had me starting over again many, many times. And that's another thing where you have to be okay to start over again. No, obviously not from ground zero. You're starting with experience, but you have to also be okay with that. And I think there is a little bit for me, anyways, there was a sort of a safety in that for me because I was, you know, I had a really traumatic childhood. My dad left when I was really young. You know, I grew up really fast. I had to raise my sister practically. My mom went through some mental health stuff when my dad left, you know, and I've talked about this in my podcast, so she knows that I've mentioned this before. But, you know, she tried taking her life, like, so basically he had cheated on her. And I saw a lot of abuse. So I feel like there was a part of me for a long time that sort of created the. The chaos in my life. And so, like, when I saw things were going really well, I would self sabotage to bring me back down to where I felt comfortable, I guess, even though it's like chaos and it's like I always had to just keep proving myself because, you know, I had to.

Prove myself to my dad.

He wasn't in my life. It's like, why did this person leave? And so I didn't realize that until my 30s, until I, like a lot of EMDR and some counseling. But yeah, it was sort of this, like, this, this never ending cycle. And that's where I think a lot of the pivots came too, is like, oh, I would burn everything down only to start again and get myself to the top, burn it down, and do it again. And it's only until these last, I would say, few years. I just turned 40 last year. I actually had to stop that cycle through counseling, through a lot of inner work. Didn't start doing inner child work until like the last five years because I even felt myself in the current relationship that I'm in. Everything's great. We built our Dre. Like, things are going great, like, literally no stress in my life, only to want to create turmoil and stress and the things that are going to bring me back down to what I think that I'm worth. Right. And so a lot of work around that, for sure. And it's quite interesting when you do the work and all of that starts to sort of come up.

I feel like I really resonate with that and I wonder about different people in that kind of rock bottom. It's like time to pivot. And I feel like there's this like central belief that varies from person to person because I've helped so many people at this rock bottom place. And some people, they have this belief and they're like, I am worthy of being able to have my dream home and have my life. And I'm going to keep rebuilding and I'm going to keep going to therapy and I'm going to keep making deep connections and growing and asking. And it sounds like that was part of your experience, is that there was a part of you that knew that you were worthy and that you. That it drove you to keep on pursuing and pivoting. And then there's people. And I feel like this is maybe more of my childhood wound where when I get to rock bottom like that I don't have that vivacity, if you will, to be like, it's almost like, it's almost like sabotage, but in a different way. Like you're saying, Felicia, it. For me, it's sabotage of like, see, the universe doesn't have my back. They put you, you put me in this fucked family. And like, why should I keep giving in to you, continuing to torture me? I'm just gonna like, lay here and be depressed. And so like, when I've been at those, like, burn it down, rock bottom places, that's the demon that I fight. And I was just kind of curious about like, your experience. Experience like you, because you work with a lot of people and you've been through your own journey, like, can you speak on that a little bit?

That's interesting that you say that because.

I feel like that is like, you.

Know, really kind of now getting into, you know, maybe even a little bit of the victim mode and things like that. And so I relate with that as well. And I think for me, where, where it came from. So, you know, two things have to happen for someone to make major change in their life. It either comes from a place of suffer. Like I'm suffering and I need to change, but also on the same token, different side where I've even leaned into these last couple years. Do we always have to go through trauma or suffering in order to inspire us to change and make changes? It's kind of that like where we're in that comfortability. I know for me, I really thrived when I wasn't comfortable. My back was against the wall, I was scraping by to make Money. And then that's when I was forced to like rise up. And I almost was like, I can step into that calling. I like put me on the ground. Like I'm going to fight my way back up versus like woe is me. Why is the world doing this to me? Victim mode. I can't do anything. I'm just going to, you know, I don't know, like, you know, live at my parents house and just like be depressed. So I think for me it was, I needed something to fight for and I needed to change when I was at the lowest point of my suffering. And so which is really interesting conversation because you don't always have to suffer to make a change. I don't know what if you guys agree with that as well or what your thoughts are on that.

Oh, 100%. Yeah. My, my, like one of my core beliefs is that we get, we think that we need to suffer in order to change things. And even like in health and wellness, it's like we think that we have to work so hard to, you know, achieve health, achieve, you know, whatever it is that our goals are with, with wellness. And I don't know, I, I feel like there's definitely a way to do it that it's not that it's like smooth sailing, everything works out perfectly. I'm, you know, I'm perfect or you know, that kind of thing. But it doesn't have to, it doesn't have to feel so much like suffering. Like in Buddhist tradition. It's like the, the, the path, you know, the path of suffering is like kind of like the human, human condition and we can also kind of overcome that. And it doesn't have to be something, it can be pain. We can have pain without suffering. It's when we attach to the pain and we like make it into this whole thing.

I guess when we define it as suffering, it can be painful. You can be like, gosh, I really just want to change the situation that I'm in. This is no longer how I want to. And you know, that forces us into that, that change. Cause I do feel like when we do get like what I've noticed, even for me the last couple of years I've been really comfortable and I don't know, like I was thinking back in my 20s, I was such a risk taker. Like I don't know if it was like my naivete that like allowed me to achieve as much as I achieved, you know, and like really putting my trust in people. Like I would open up gyms, I would get investors hundreds of thousands of dollars from investors. Like, I've done some crazy things and some amazing things I'm so proud of. But, like, I was so naive in business, you know, I was so. I didn't know how to write. I remember, like, writing my first business plan, business proposal, and, like, I had to Google it or look on, you know, look on the. You know, look online to figure out how to write this thing and asking for, like, $250,000 to invest in my gym. And I was just so naive and such a big dreamer. And I do feel like over the years, I've gotten a little bit less risky and a little bit less big dreamer, big thinker, and kind of gotten into this comfortability in life where everything is just kind of smooth sailing and there's no stress, which I love. I love my piece, but I haven't leaned into those big risks anymore. And I would often wonder what that is. I don't know if it comes with age or it's because I've done it all or if now I've been burned so many times, I'm a little bit less into the risk. So it's interesting, for sure.

I love what you're saying about what are the risks? Are we leaning into the risk? Or if I'm not, why is that, like, what is that part that wants to lean into it? And what is that part that is reticent about leaning into it? And as you were saying that, I was listening to what you had said, Hadley, about how we're defining our suffering and defining our pain. And I feel like that may be, like, where I get stuck is how we make meaning out of it. Because in Buddhism, it isn't good or bad. It just is. It is what it is. And I have this, like, need for understanding things and labeling things. Like, that's part of how my brain works is like, this is good, this is bad, this is correct, this is false. Like, that very, like, concrete, sort of materialistic way of going about things when we're in a state of activation. And so I love what you two are sharing about just allowing yourself the stillness to lean into what is coming up for me and what is that thing trying to tell me so that I can make a decision from a fully integrated place. So, Felicia, I'm curious about. In those moments when you were at that juxtaposition and you could have gone into that woe is me versus fighting, and you were leaning into that, that suffering, do you know what helped you move into that fighting side?

That's a great question. And not to say that I wasn't in victim mode for, you know, maybe a couple of weeks or a day. Like I remember, you know, I couldn't be in that low state for too long. I think for me, I've always been able to kind of get out of that. And so it's. Honestly, I think it comes down to. Back to the achievement and knowing deep down inside, it's like, you know, fear will be really loud. It's like really loud in your ear. That fear is, is there, but like the faith part of, of. Of making decisions is really quiet and it doesn't quite speak to you as loudly as fear does. And so the faith part, I think for me, I would feel that nudge. I would feel that deep inside intuition, knowing, felicia, you're meant for more, like, you're meant for more. And I think I've always had that confidence, you know, even though I did have anxiety, I had depression, like, I had a lot of those things, but I always still had the confidence inside me to know that I was capable of doing it. So I think there's also a difference there too, you know, for people who maybe are fear. And I also didn't have a fear of failure. I did not fear failure. I didn't. Like, I literally knew that if I did not do well at this thing, there was something else for me. And so I think that also was inside of me as well. And I think I. I attribute that to years of sports, you know, playing at a really high level in sports. I played at the college level again, always having to prove myself and fight my way to the top. And that was, like, ingrained in me in childhood, you know. And so I remember wanting to quit the first time that I lost. And because I wasn't used to losing. I was in a track meet, Jesse Owens track meet. And I remember always winning, always winning gold, the gold medal. And I remember the first time that I had lost. I immediately wanted to quit because I couldn't handle those feelings. And I remember my mom sitting me down and she's like, felicia, you're not always going to win. And so what happens every time you lose, you're just going to quit everything. And I remember her, she was. We were sitting in the car and.

I think I was like 12 or 13.

And I was so devastated. I don't even know what I was. I was, like, embarrassed, I think, because I was so used to being a certain way and people always seen me win. I honestly felt, like, shame and embarrassment that I had lost, and not even for me, but, like, my family who are watching me. And so I remember my mom having that conversation with me, and I was like, oh, you're right. Like, this isn't fatal and I'm going to be okay. And I think, you know, the more that you go out there and try the things, do the things, and the more you fail, the faster you're going to get back up, the more that you do it.

You know, look at any.

Look at any person who's successful. And then back to. This is back to the hero's journey. I love the hero's journey. You know, any person that's successful, they went through periods of time where nothing was working out for them. I mean, how many times did you know, what's the name? The author of the Chicken Soup? Chicken Soup of the Soul. Forgot his name. That author. You know, he was rejected over a hundred times for Chicken Soup of the Soul. And now it's like hundreds and hundreds of millions of copies sold. Look at Sarah Blakely, you know, Spanx. She was told no by dozens and dozens of department stores. I was just listening to this podcast a couple months ago. It's the How I Built this podcast. Love it. And the creator of the Ring, he was literally on his floor, kitchen floor, with his wife about to go bankrupt, and they put their. They. They did something where they put their house up, and they were able to get some, like, money out of it, and they put it back into Ring just because that's how much they believed in it. And then, I mean, it was bought by Amazon for, like, a billion dollars, right? But they were on the verge of bankruptcy. So I think, you know, that perseverance and that resiliency and knowing that and being able to handle the failures. I was also watching this documentary with elon Musk on SpaceX, and it was so interesting listening to him talk because he's like, oh, I expect that I'm probably going to fail. Like, you know, he puts so much money into these rockets. He's like, oh, these first 10 models are probably going to fail. Like, he already knows it, right? Because the more you fail, the more you are actually creating something that's pretty spectacular. So I think for me, I've always been okay with, like, the failing that I was able to go through that at a young age and then being able to handle that, you know, into my adulthood and being able to pivot.

And so it reminds me of, like, the musical Hamilton. It's like Hamilton versus Burr. And Aaron Burr is like, you know, I'm just going to wait because he's, he grows up with like all of the, all of this, you know, success and privilege and all of that. Whereas Hamilton is like, you know, from this tiny island and comes to America or comes to the mainland and stuff and, and has to like prove himself. And so he has no fear of failure because it's either that or nothing. There's like literally nothing for him. Whereas Burr is like, well, I could lose everything. And so it's like when we, when we think, well, there's literally nothing, nothing to lose now let's just kind of go for it. I love that. And I actually, I had like sort of an opposite, not opposite, it was similar, but, but I had such a big fear of failure. Like I was, you know, similar to you, like high achiever in school and you know, got the grades and all of that kind of thing. And I just remember being so, so scared that I would fail at things and that was what held me back from actually starting anything, like doing anything at all. So I'm curious if you have any, like, not, I mean, yeah, maybe advice for our listeners of like, how do we actually cultivate that resilience in the face of potential failure?

The resiliency comes with the compound effect, right? The compound effect of doing the thing that's hard each and every day. So for instance, if you are, you know, on this wellness journey journey and you're, you know, you have this long time goal of getting healthy, maybe you do have some, you know, physical goals or maybe mental goals of this wellness journey. The, the resiliency comes by actually doing the hard thing every single day, right? And so it could be, gosh, your mind is like, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this. But you do it anyways. And then it just gets easier and easier and then it turns into this whole mentality and perspective shift of, gosh, I should be doing this, I should be doing this versus, oh man, I get to do this, I get to do this. And so like, it just, those shifts will happen in time. I was just right before this, I had to go film. I'm a, I'm a consultant for a huge health care company, global health care company. And so I write all of their protocol for workouts and things like that. I also do a lot of scripts for them. I'm really good on like camera and reading in a teleprompter. And I write these scripts out for this group of like 15,000 people or more. And they're in there and they're all wanting to be happy and healthy and just live this life, life. And so a lot of what I teach, especially when it comes to the fitness aspect, is not like the no pain, no gain kind of mindset. It's not like that at all. It's more like, hey, can we just do one thing today that's going to move you closer to the end result? Right? Can we focus on who we're being today, right now at this moment versus your goal of 20 pound weight loss? The 20 pound weight loss is the destination, is the goal, is whatever you're wanting to manifest.

That's not the thing.

The thing that actually is where the gold sits, is who you're being in this moment, the decision you're making right now. So putting yourself in the place of someone who is healthy, someone who's happy and making choices because they love their body. What are they doing today? Probably drinking water, have my water right here. They're probably fueling their body with healthy food as a form of self respect, but not self hatred. They're probably, you know, maybe taking some time, maybe a reset, maybe they do electronic detox for 10 minutes or maybe they go on a walk, maybe they're listening to a guided meditation like what is it? What do you need to do today that's going to get you closer to that goal? And so through time and that confidence compounds. That's where the resiliency is built. The resiliency is built when you are doing things that are, that feel hard in the moment but you know that are going to be great for you. And so I think that the more you can do that, the, the more that that resiliency will build.

I love that. And it brings it back to that self worth piece that like it's, I'm doing this because I love myself, not because I don't like myself and I'm trying to change myself because I hate the thing that I am right now.

It's for sure, let's say we break that apart. And this is so gold for those that are listening right now. When, when our internal motivation comes from a place of desire and excitement versus fear and scarcity. The fear and scarcity. If you're doing something right now because you fear, let's say, you know, I, I have to do this, oh my gosh, I have to work out or I need to be eating healthy because of these reasons or I don't want to gain weight or you hate your body, those internal motivations is not going to last because you can't love yourself healthy. The internal motivation of desire, of excitement, of willingness is going to last so much more. This is why I believe in energy and energy work. When I. When I speak online and when I promote my products and I'm talking to women in the online space, especially coaches that I want to help, I don't really speak to the pain. Even though the pain is there, they may be pain aware. I speak to the desires. I speak to where they want to go. And what I've noticed with that is when I used to speak to pain, I would bring in women that were really desperate, that were really in this desperate mode of this has to work, I need to make money. I'm at my wit's end versus speaking to a place of desire. Those women have a desire and an excitement. And also, no matter what I have what it takes, energy that they're going to get there no matter how long it takes. And so, like, the energy with that is just different. And it starts with you in your own energy. And so. So, yeah, yeah, that was a big question.

I love that transformation. I was thinking about the energy that I was given growing up. And so, like, you know, Hadley, I know you were encouraged a lot and you were told, you can do all these things. And then there's this, like, experience that was like, oh, my gosh, I'm such a three. My value is from achieving. And what if I fail? And so that can hold you back. And then Felicia, like, you were, you're a three, and you have that tenacity and you have that fire, and you're like, we're going to do this. And I think the. I have a different story, too. And what I love about what you're describing is if anybody's listening to this and they have a similar story, if Felicia's kind of spelling out for you and for me who are listening, what we could do about that. Because I was told growing up that I was worthless. I was told that I would never amount to anything. I was told that I probably wouldn't graduate high school. I was told that I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor. I was given this narrative of worthlessness and failure my entire life. And so that's kind of like that scarcity and fear. That scarcity, that fear. And then that enneagram3 for me, that comes out, that's like, I have to try to prove that that's not the case. But the place that it's coming from is a very different place. And so if you're listening to this conversation is cultivating, as you're saying, Felicia is cultivating that resilience in the face of failure. Because you're not going to create that amazing, spectacular thing without failing at the things that aren't quite right along the way. And that compound effect of every single minute is choosing to do the next right thing in proving to yourself that you are, in fact, worthy, that those old messages, like, that was somebody else's bs, that was somebody else's trauma, and that doesn't belong to you. You don't have to own that. And so asking yourself, who are you being in each moment? And circling back to what you said at the very beginning of our conversation is putting those intentional reframes in your phone. So at 1:11, you had this message that came in, and it's like, I imagine for you, and I'm going to start doing it, too. I imagine that it's like a reset. It's like, okay, I'm going to be excited. I'm going to have desire. I'm worthy of this and that fire to pursue. So this is like a therapy session for me. So I'm really grateful for it.

Let me show you what that looks.

Like in my phone.

So it looks like this. And I just, like, it's all money affirmations because I work really hard on, like, my own money mindset, but it literally looks like this. So at 1 11, 222 333, 444, like, you did it. Another $5,000 day, another money miracle on the way. Like, just reminders and that money is safe. I can make money. I can have fun doing what I really love and make money at the same time. So I think it's just. It's just a reminder. Yeah.

All right, everyone, so get out your phones. And 1 11, 222 333, put in some reminders of, like, what it is you want to be intentional about. Like, I am worthy of love. I'm so excited about the work I get to do. Or I am super pumped about the revenue I brought in. Good job. You know, whatever it is that you want to manifest, bring into your life or conquer. Yes, put them in your phone. That's really. It's a great.

Actionable. Yeah, absolutely. And I was watching this. I love, like, manifestation, you know, and I was listening recently to this. I don't know what it was. I don't know if I heard it on a podcast or I read a quote, but, you know, for a lot of people and maybe you're listening to this right now. And oftentimes we. We sit in this state of like, oh, I'm waiting for this to happen for me, right? Like, I'm waiting for my manifestation. And really, in actuality, it's the other way around. Your manifestation is actually waiting for you to arrive. And what that means is it's waiting for you to be the person that can actually receive and hold and actually have this manifestation. It all comes back to us in our growth, in our evolution, right? And so I remember going to a manifestation event a couple months ago with a mutual friend of ours, Kiana, and it was so simple. This diaphragm that she kind of, like, painted a picture for, but, like, imagine this little dot over here being your manifestation, whatever that may be. Maybe it's the love that you want to bring in, or maybe it's the house, or maybe it's the. The dream trip or the. Whatever. Whatever it is for you, and then you're here. A lot of us want the straight shot to the. To the manifestation, but that's not how it works because we are not at the person that can actually hold this manifestation, right? And so, like, what happens is when we focus on our own growth, on our own evolution, on us as humans and our energetic force field growing, as we grow, guess what happens? We grow into the manifestation. I have so many people who. I know who, you know, all of a sudden, they forget that they had that manifestation, and then they're there at the top of the. In their home in the mountains, doing the thing, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm here. And they totally forget that that was the thing that they set out for because they were so focused on who they were being to get themselves each and every day, right? And so, yeah, it's really interesting. Really interesting for sure. But, yeah, that's why I'm really big into, like, energy, into, like, myself and who I'm being. And, you know, how my energy shows up in the day. And it's not perfect. You know, I have my bad days. I have days where I'm like, I just want to be grumpy today and watch Netflix. And that is how my day is going to go. But I don't sit there for too long, you know? And I think in this human experience, it's okay to feel all the feelings, right? And I learned this as well, you know, the whole, like, toxic positivity. I remember something so pivotal, and that allowed me to really, like, just understand that we're all humans. Having this human experience. Remember being on a hike, and I'm a pretty optimistic person. I'm very positive. I'm always, like, talking to people when I go hiking. I'm talking to people on the hike. And. And so, like, I was on this hike with a friend, and, you know, I was going down, and then there was this person going up, this guy, and he had this, you know, I said, hey, you know, have a great day. And he's like, yeah, whatever. Like, it was, like, really negative. I was like, oh, you know, your day will get better. And I said, you get. You can choose happiness, right? And something like, very, like, toxic positive. And he's like, yeah, whatever. And so he just kept walking, and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. And as I was talking with my friend, who's also a very, like, emotionally intelligent person, we were like, I. I sat with that, and I was like, oh, man, you can choose to be happy. Well, maybe he didn't want to choose happiness at that moment. Like, maybe his wife just died yesterday, right? And he's going to the mountain to just hike it out. Or maybe he got in a car wreck, or maybe he just got diagnosed with cancer. Or, like, maybe something is going on in his life that is just not. He doesn't want to be happy that day. He wants to sit in his grief. He wants to sit in his sadness, and that is okay, too. And so, like, it really made me think about even, like, how I interact with humans and people and, like, the things that I comment on or the things that I believe and see and just really being this very, like, empathetic person, or sympathetic, I should say. And just, like, being able to, like, understand that and that, you know, also know that it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to not have it all figured out. It's okay to just want to sit on the couch one day and just watch Netflix and not do anything. Like, we are all just humans having this human experience. And so it really had me thinking about me and how I interact with people as well.

That's so good. It comes. It goes back to what Dr. Kane was saying a little while ago of, like, assigning morality, right? Like, we assign morality to the things that were. That we're thinking that the emotions that we're having. And it's like, there is no good or bad emotion. Like, there's emotions that make us feel better and make us feel not. Not as good. Right? Like, but just because you're having an emotion does not make you bad. Or wrong. And I think a lot of times, you know, we talk a lot about anxiety on this podcast. And, you know, a lot of times, like, we will get anxious about the fact that we're anxious because we're like, I'm not supposed to be anxious right now. Like, I'm supposed to, like, I have all these tools. I'm supposed to be experiencing something else. And then that creates the suffering, which we talked about at the beginning as well, is like, it's not about. It's. It's about detaching from, like, from actually identifying with the emotion, but also not identifying as like, this is a good emotion, this is a bad emotion. And so I love that you're saying that for sure.

I actually had to learn that when it came to food because I had such issues. I had disorders for a long time, disordered eating. And I was a competitor, as you know. And, you know, you see these covers of magazines that I was on. But behind those eyes, behind the magazine, the girl behind the picture, I was so anxiety ridden and so worried about my body and so worried about how I looked. And so, like, it overtook me, like, the amount of energy I spent worrying about every morsel, worrying about how I looked. Like, I literally could have learned to play like five instruments with the amount of energy that I literally put to that. Right. And so, like, I had to learn. And I remember when I went to counseling and, you know, kind of figuring all my binge eating disorders and all of those things, I had to stop putting food on a moral high ground. Right? And so, like, I. There was no moral attachment to food. There's no good or bad. It's just pizza, it's just salad, it's just chicken, it's just donuts. Like, there's no moral high ground to either of it. And the moment I detach from that and knowing that, hey, I'm a grown ass woman and I can have whatever I want and I can make the choices and there is no, like, right or wrong, good or bad. I think it really gave me the permission to just be able to stop the labeling and stop the. The chase of the loss of body fat or weight loss or whatever it may be. And so, yeah, I think you can apply that morality to a lot of different things, for sure.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, it's everything.

Yeah, I was just thinking about, like, what you said, Hadley, the fear of the fear. And, you know, assigning a morality that fear is the bad thing as opposed to it just simply is data. It's your body, your Mind, your spirit is trying to communicate something to you in the way that it knows how. And instead of assigning morality to it, like, okay, anxiety is bad. Fear is bad. How do I make it go away? Is using that as an opportunity to leverage greater life and greater health.

Absolutely.

So good. It's like, we talk about our symptoms are, you know, are just information for us. They're trying to tell us something, and we don't have to say that those symptoms are bad or those symptoms are good or whatever. And it just comes down to, okay, what do I want to do with this information? You know, like, we create stories. And so when we can detach from those stories and maybe you just rewrite a new story that serves us a little bit better, then life. Life gets a lot, a lot better.

Or you even make a different decision, right? You react different. And I do you guys watch Ted Lasso?

I'm obsessed with Ted Lasso.

We're obsessed with Ted Lasso on the show.

I won't give away any, like, spoilers if any of you haven't caught up on the episodes, but there was just one specific scene. And, you know, Rebecca, who I just love, she's the owner of the Richmond, you know, soccer team. And, you know, she got this soccer team out of a divorce from her husband, who is this, like, cheating narcissist, treated her horribly. She's not a good guy. And, you know, she wants so badly to beat him. She wants so badly to, like. And she's also affected by him still, right? The things that he says, the things that he does, like, it truly affects her and her feelings and how she feels about herself. And it was interesting in a couple of episodes back, and she basically re. You know, she had a chance to basically react differently than what she normally would do in a situation where she would have just let her ex husband win. And she decided not to do that. She didn't retract into what she normally would do. She showed up differently. She did something different in her life, which led to a different outcome. Right? And so, like, if you're listening to this right now and you notice that.

You'Re experiencing a lot of the same.

Things that maybe don't feel good or putting you back into a position where you don't want to be, where in your life can you react differently? Can you respond differently to a situation that's going to lead to a different outcome? Another example, like, I. I tend to be, like, a little fiery, you know, within my relationship. And so, like, I have had to learn to Pause and not go down the same path of what I normally would do when I'm triggered by my partner. And so, and this is, is a lot of work and this is extremely hard, but it is so helpful. And so, you know, instead of like continuing a fight or having something be triggered and like just pausing and thinking about this trigger, why am I triggered and not responding right away? And what I notice when I don't do that, when I don't respond and I pause and I can take a step back and take a breath, we actually lead to having a very loving conversation. And so instead of like, like at each other's, you know, throats and like yelling or doing whatever or fighting or just having a disagreement and one goes in the other room and the other one leads. Like, it doesn't always have to be that way. And so like, I've even learned that in my own relationship. Right. And so there's so many situations where you can just do something a little bit different, right. If you've been following the same habit loop that's not serving you, how can we interrupt that pattern, you know? And so it really comes down to like just the self awareness and the willingness to want to change in your own life.

Life. Right. And I think a lot of times people get confused when, when they're thinking about like self compassion and self love and stuff where they're like, oh, so I'm just supposed to like be fine with everything I do, right? And, and yes, being okay, you know, having like full, full, full acceptance. And then that's what sets us up to make a different decision. And like in Ayurveda, it's like, like opposite qualities are what balances us out so we can identify, oh, I'm feeling this way. So therefore I want to make this decision, this opposite decision, this opposite quality. You know, maybe I'm feeling really heavy, so I want to bring in some lightness of like, maybe movement or lighter food or whatever it might be. Or maybe I'm feeling ungrounded, so I need some grounding, that kind of thing. And again, it's like, like there is no morality here. Like, it's based on what our current experience is. And then we can make a decision based on that current experience and what we then want to experience next. And that's where it comes into like, oh, I don't have to be just like, give up everything and like be like, you know, that's not what real self compassion is.

I totally agree.

I was wondering about the doshas actually, as Felicia was talking Because, Felicia, you're very pitta. You got a lot of that, like, fire inside of you, and I'm very vata. And Hadley, you're kind of a mix, but you're kind of pitta e. Right?

Yes, pitta kapha.

But pitta is my primary, and we've done a lot of work together about how we can attain success by balancing the doshas. And actually, Hadley, I was sort of curious if you can. I could speak on that. And so to, like, give you a foundation for which I'm kind of asking. This is. We talked about the. Am I capable? I want to set the goal. I want to define my self worth from a deeper place of my whole self and not just chasing. But then we talked about, like, what's underneath of that. Like, what is my inner child trauma? What is my family messaging? What is like, my bodily constitution and my capabilities. So if we kind of look at this, like, overarching theme, how could our doshas impact that?

Oh, such a good question. I love it. Yeah.

The.

I mean, the pizza is the fire, right. I think it's so interesting, especially that you, Dr. King, have, like, that you're a three enneagram. Because I don't know any threes that aren't primarily pitta.

Like.

So I. It's just. It's always, like, fascinating to me. And I think you. I mean, you do have some pizza because, you know, that's where like, the drive comes in and stuff too. We all have all of the doshas. But yeah, I think I was actually thinking about this as we were talking, because I'm always kind of in the lens of the doshas.

Yeah.

And so I think it's really. It's really interesting. This, like, the. The ambition, the fire, the drive is very pitta. And then. And then, like, the. The vata piece is sort of. You know, I was thinking about this, which I think. Felicia, your secondary. Do you know your. Your primary and secondary doshas?

I don't, but according to Dr. Payne, I am pitta. And I just found this out because we traveled together about a month ago to la. And like, as I was speaking, you know, you get to know people when you're traveling. You're doing things like, she's like, oh.

You'Re hitch with all of this.

So I start, like. And so.

Yeah, Yeah, I love it. I. So I would guess. And I, you know, I take this with a grain of salt, but I would guess that your secondary is probably more vata, because you're like, well, I'm just gonna Try this and then I'm gonna try this and then I'm gonna try this, this. Whereas Kapha is more like, you know, if you have Pittsakafa, which is what I have, and I've had to, you know, work through that and, and bring in more of the vata. But the vata energy is like air and ether. And so it's very movement. Like, well, if this doesn't work out, then I'm just going to try this next thing and then I'm going to try this and then I'm going to try this. Whereas Kapha is like, oh, no, that didn't work work out. So now I am like, you know, just kind of like languishing in my failure or whatever. But then at the same time, the vata can bring in the anxiety of like, oh my God, oh my God, there's so much going on and I can't like handle all of this. And there's like the overwhelm piece. And so that's where the kind of the vata comes in. And then of course, the, the challenge with Pitta is the burnout is like going so hard that we burn out in all of these, in all of these areas. And so we want to bring in some more, you know, cooling, soothing, all of that kind of thing to, to temper the fire, not to like douse the fire, but to just make it like a sustainable burn. And so I think all of the things that we've been talking about are things that bring in the sustainable burn of like, we have to have the self compassion piece that drives the self discipline rather than just the self discipline, self discipline over and over and over and over again. But yeah, and then we can, we can harness the qualities of vata and Kapha as well, because Kapha can also be the piece that brings in the endurance, whereas vata is like, I'm going to try all of these things and can kind of get distracting. Kapha is like the, the elements of, of earth and water. And so it's like, like it's the sustainment. It's like, okay, I'm gonna keep on this path, but then we can be too stuck in that too. So we have to have that, the pit of discernment to decide whether we.

Want to stay on the path or not. Does that, Andrew, answer your question with that vata for sure?

Oh, yeah, all the things.

And then like, yeah, that is like, totally. I would say for sure. That's probably my secondary. Yeah, I love it.

Yes.

So if you're tridosic. Ly balanced, meaning your vata, pitta, kapha is all imbalance. Then you have, like, when those pivot moments come, like you do something, it doesn't work out or it fails or it gets thwarted. Whatever happens that you have that pivot and then that pivot can come from, okay, my vata gives me ideas and inspiration. My pitta gives me the passion to see it through. That fighter that you described, Felicia, like, I'm not just going to languish. I'm not going to lay on the floor and give up and be a failure. I'm going to, I have that pitch of fire to help and then that kapha to see it through so that you don't just burn yourself out. And I feel like this is like, feels so empowering and validating because when I was growing up, like, my whole family's kapha, like, everyone's kapha. They're all like, very lethargic and heavy and slow and they eat all the kapha beige foods. And so if you find that you're from that culture or if you're living that more kapha lifestyle, so you're not exercising and you're relaxing a lot and sleeping in a lot and you're just cold and not eating warm foods, you can learn a lot more about all of the doshas in the podcast. But if you find that you're in a kapha state emotionally, then doing things to bring in more pitta or more vata can help you get to that fire point that I was asking Felicia about. It's like, how do we get there? And Ayurveda can help us with that. I think that's really cool.

Well, and identify that, like, all of the things that you're describing that are, like, bringing you out of balance with kapha, like, not bad or wrong. Also, because a lot of times when we have a lot of kapha, it's like, especially our society is like, all of these things are bad and you're lazy and you're, you know, this and this and this and this. And then we feel like, well, I am languishing. Does that mean I'm just like a worthless human and. No. So, so bringing in that self compassion of like, I am, you know, I am totally worthy and I can make a different decision that will help me to get out of this state.

So good. So good.

I love it. Oh, this is such a juicy conversation. I'm loving it.

And if you guys want to learn more about Felicia, if you haven't yet, you need to be, you need to Be following her on her social. She's super active and she does work, she does coaching. And so if you're interested in some good old one on one or some group coaching, Felicia's your gal and she helps fitness coaches, wellness coaches, dietitians, nutritionists. Like, if you want what you just heard here, like, she's got your back. And so in just the last couple of minutes that remain, what else did you have in mind? Is there anything that you want to leave with us that we haven't talked about?

No, I think we covered. I love all of the things we covered today, all of the stories we shared. Such a great conversation. And I love learning more about the Aerodic, you know, what is it called? The. The Doshas. I love hearing about that. I'm literally after this. I have an hour break before my next podcast and I'm gonna, like, look up some of the different Doshas and, and figure it out. But I love this conversation, so thank you so much.

Yeah, take your quiz.

You just took the words out of my mouth.

It's on your link tree or on your Instagram.

Yep, yep. If you go to Happy Healthy Hadley, it's easy to find in her link tree in there. And so that will help you especially pertaining to like, entrepreneurship and success. That's what it was really.

We brought that into the quiz.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We worked really hard on speaking to, like, just a different area of existence. And so, yeah, check it out. It's at the link in Happy Healthy Hadley. And so you guys, you gotta.

You gotta follow Felicia on Instagram, like in TikTok back. Really, really, really good stuff. I've been following you since Dr. Payne told me about your stuff and I'm just. And, and your podcast, like, I've been loving all of it.

It's all of it. You're amazing.

So much. I am just so excited. Thank you so much for having me on today, ladies. This is just a blast and I can't wait to hear it when it comes out.

Make sure if you're listening to this.

Right now as well, go and leave a review for them because reviews are so helpful. Helps the podcast be seen and heard. If you can literally just take a couple minutes, just go and leave a quick review. It's so helpful.

Thank you for saying that. We always forget.

Thank you, Felicia. Everybody. This has been Felicia Romero and you can find her on Instagram. Her handle is Felicia Romero, and we are so grateful for you being here listening to Holistic Inner Balance. Thanks for coming, everyone.

Thank you.

Bye.