Working with resistance💬✨

And now it becomes a joint problem solving activity, not a preaching activity. Because if it goes into preaching activity, you distance yourself. If it's a problem solving activity together we tend to have more connection and more reason to debrief it. If we didn't decide we're going to work on it and you try to debrief something. Well, husband, let me tell you all the reasons that you just did that. Oh my gosh, Wreck. But if it's, you know what we said our energy was going to be like this, this interaction we just had wasn't that, let's talk about it. That's a very different motion through this intention. And so I hope that people will hear all of those. Sometimes you lead it and you're exceptional at it and they model away. Sometimes you empathetically guide and live through it. And other times it's like a joint leveling up as a couple, which is a hard part. But I hope everyone will do it. You know.

I like that, I like that you have that framework that's brilliant because it helps like create like structure in the minds. We're like, okay, the three L's got it.

Yeah, yeah. Tell me about when you're working with a client. We have a lot of coaches watching, like more like high performance type coaches. Mindset and performance coaches. Probably 15% of our communities in that category or industry. When you're dealing with a client or a patient, depending on how you're working, when you really encounter a lot of resistance, you know, they're just high level defensiveness, sometimes self righteousness, though they wouldn't use that language usually. Or you just sense that that resistance is very high. What are some things that you do in your practice to help break through that? Because I know a lot of people are also listening. It's their spouse who's resistant or their teenager or their boss. It's just like they're totally resistant to self improvement or personal growth or working together to feel better. How do we overcome high resistance?

Yeah, you use it, you work with it. That resistance is a superpower that that person that is holding so strongly to their convictions is. I think that if we understand what is behind that resistance and work collaboratively with them to then wield that resistance to meet their goals, then those are the most powerful people. Those are the people you got to watch out for. Is. I think of them as like the kind of fiery Pitta constitution. Pitta is a word from Ayurveda and it talks about that like fire inside of us. So someone's Just like digging their heels in is we want to. We want to meet them where they're at. And there's an Olympic sport. It's called curling. Have you ever seen the sport?

Yes, it's the thing. It looks like they're mopping, but there's also this big thing moving. Yes, I've seen it.

Yes. So this is. This is the metaphor of the leading edge in psychology. And so the guy in this example is the puck, and the person shoves it. And I just remember watching this hilarious video, and they were so intense, and the camera zooming in on her face, and she's like, right there. And then you have these people that are just in front of the trajectory of the puck, right? And it's going. And so you're right there with it, and you're sweep, sweep, sweep, sweep, sweeping. And you're helping direct and guide it. You're not picking it up and being like, I need you over here. You're being resistant. You're not just, like, stepping back and being like, I don't know what to do with you. I don't want to be crazy, confrontational. You're right there in it with them, and you're giving them that gentle guidance and support, but you're allowing them to use that energy and that forward momentum. And your job is to help them figure out how to get where they want to go. And so my guess is that they're even showing up, because there's a part of them that knows that you can help them get where they want to be, but there's something holding them back, and everyone's trying to talk them out of it and say, like, oh, you're wrong, or you're just really resisting. And so then it creates this kind of push pull. You know, when we think of physics, I push on the wall. It's going to push back with an equal and opposite pressure. Otherwise I'd knock it down or it would crush me. Right. And so when we think about working with resistance is we want to lean into that failure and lean into that passion. And motivational interviewing is an important skill set that I recommend all of the leaders here learn is how do you be right at the leading edge? How do you be right in front of the puck and use that energy to get them where you know that they want to go? And so in terms of the nuance with that, it's going to really depend on the individual. But I think, like, really being transparent with them about, let's create some goals. What is it you want? And if it's their partner, it's getting really clear with the partner. Okay, so what I hear, Susie, is that you. You want Joe to be here, but Joe doesn't want to be there. And so what might 10% better be? And then going back to those, like, steps of sequential improvement, because then you're working with the puck as it's moving forward. And I think that that's a really empowering way. Yes.

That's so good. You know what I think, and maybe you can speak to this a little bit.