3 Surprising Lessons From My Neurodivergent Daughter

Here are the 3 things that I learned from having a neurodivergent daughter. The first thing was radical acceptance. I can't tell you how many times I was like, why isn't she like her brother? Why isn't she like her classmate? Why doesn't she just transition to the next thing easily? Why does she always have to wear loose baggy clothes? Why does she only have like 5 things on her diet and she's in her 20s? This is the hardest part of being a parent, is to accept them for who they are at the moment, not who you wanted them to be, but who they are. So the first lesson I really learned was radical acceptance. Now, was I always successful with that? Absolutely not. Especially when she was young, I would get angry a lot that she just wasn't getting it. And it wasn't that she wasn't getting it, is that I was comparing her to other people and not accepting her for who she was at that time. The second thing I had to do was I had to throw out every timeline that I thought she was supposed to follow. And this was really hard because, again, we're grown up with the fact that, you know, you start talking at this age, you start walking at this age, and that you start, you know, socializing at this age, and you start separating from your parents at that age, and you start dating, and you start going to college, and you do all these things. There's all these societal timelines that we have. I'm not saying to completely ignore them, but don't let that be the measure of success. So remember, they are on their own timeline, and that's okay. That's one of the phrases I had to say to myself over and over and over again, is they are on their own timeline, and that's okay. The third thing I learned, and this I will give myself some credit for because I knew this, early on, and that was to commemorate every breakthrough, even the small ones. There were some times when I was just like, oh my gosh, she's never going to get it, and then she made a tiny breakthrough or a medium breakthrough or a large breakthrough. And even to this day, when she's in her 20s, I still do this with her. I tell her that I'm so proud of her 'Look how far you've come in the last year, 2 years. You're doing things that you never would have thought of. You're speaking in public. You're advocating for yourself. You're reaching out to teachers. You're doing all these things that at one point felt impossible to you, but now you can actually do them. Look at how much you've grown.' And that's really, really important. Because the more you encourage them, the more they're willing to take bold and messy action. And if she does anything that I think is in the right direction, I compliment her for that. Even if it doesn't work out, even if she fails, I'm like, "You tried. That's awesome." So Those are the 3 lessons I've learned from having a neurodivergent daughter. I would love to know what other lessons have you had by having a neurodivergent child? Put a note in comments and I'll see you in the next video. Thanks.