A therapist shares a question to defuse arguments with adult children: "Putting this aside for a moment, what would a great relationship look like a year from now?" It shifts focus from the fight to a shared future and signals you still care about staying close.
If you and your adult child are arguing and after the conversation winds down, here's a great phrase that you can use: Putting this aside for a moment, what would a great relationship look like a year from now? This question is powerful for several reasons. It zooms out from the conflict and it focuses on the future. It tells them, I still care about this relationship, and I want there to be a future for us. And once they describe that future vision, now you have a shared goal that you can both work towards.
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