What To Do When Your College Grad Moves Back Home And Stops Moving Forward

Okay.

Hello everyone and welcome. I'm just gonna take this opportunity to introduce Evan Sanchez Sanchez. My name is Millie, and tonight's speaker likes to say his proof is at his own dinner table. He and his wife have raised two young adults who found their own paths. His son studies marine science at UNC Chapel Hill and rose competitively. His daughter left college and built a life she loves in animal welfare. What he is most proud of is that both of them are aligned and thriving. It did not always look that way. There was a time his daughter could not feel seen or heard. Getting to where they are now meant unlearning something most well-meaning parents do without realizing it: applying pressure. Evan Sanchez knows that pressure from the inside. Before coaching, he spent 25 years across music and marketing. In music, he worked with artists like Sugar Ray, Pharrell Williams, and Jay-Z at Atlantic Records. In the corporate world, he ran marketing cam— campaigns for brands like JPMorgan, uh, Chase, El— uh, La-Z-Boy, and Barnes Noble, driving millions in revenue for his clients. Multiple layoffs along the way taught him what living by someone else's definition of success really costs. So he became a certified coach through IPEC to help other parents make the same shift he did from pushing to guiding. He has built a YouTube library of more than 90 videos with over 48,000 views, and he has been featured on more than 10 podcasts. And tonight he's here to— he is also joined tonight by special guest Shyla Polling, a certified clinical EFT practitioner, for a short live segment to help you reduce some of the stress you have been carrying. Please welcome Evan Sanchez.

Thank you so much, Millie. And again, my heart— I'm so sorry about the technical difficulties. Okay. I think we're good now. Okay. So let's get into it. So the reason why everybody's here is because you're having a problem with someone living— your kid is living at your house and they're stopped moving forward. Right. And that's a tough place to be. Okay. Our goal for today, for tonight, really, is I want you to walk away with this 3 key system. Okay. And this is a 3 key system that I've used on my kids. And that has been successful. And what I love about these 3 keys, and we'll get into it later, but the thing you're going to learn here is that these are tips that you're not going to forget tomorrow. Right? So what these 3 keys are tools that you can actually use immediately, right after you get off this call.

Okay.

And we're still echoing. Yeah. Just gotta laugh at it. I've done everything I can think of, but somebody's, somebody's not on mute. I thought I muted everybody. Obviously I need to work on my hosting skills. Note to self. Okay. That's for sure. Everyone stays muted. Yeah, I, I thought there was a mute way to mute all, and maybe I'm just not doing it. I thought I did. Yeah.

Yeah.

I can still see people on mute, but I cannot figure out. Yeah. My apologies. I'm not allowing people to unmute themselves, so yeah. Okay. Sorry about that. I'm trying to go on anyway. So what we want is we want to have a relationship. We all want this as parents, right? We want to have that trust in relationships so they're— so they actually go out and seek you, right, when they need help and that they want to maintain. We also want to reduce the tension, right? Because I know a lot of you are in households where you're feeling, you know, maybe they moved back in, you know, a little while ago or a long while ago, and you're feeling that tension and you feel like you cannot bring up anything without them shutting down, right? And that's very real. That's very normal. Okay. And what we ultimately all want, you know, as parents is we want to have a stronger relationship with our, with our kids, right? We want to have that relationship where we feel good about it. We feel good about our role. We feel good about what we're providing because we've invested we all have invested time, energy, effort, tears, you know, frustrations in raising these kids. And we, you know, my one mission as a parent, and I think everybody's one mission as a parent, is to try to make their kids' lives better than yours, right? And that's a challenge, right? So we want to do better than our parents did. And that's the dynamic that we want. So these are the 3 keys. These are the one system that I'm going to teach you tonight.

Okay.

So now here's the thing is that, and this is what I want everyone to hear on the call. Most parents carry this alone and think it's just their kid. And the reason why I wanted you to put it into the chat at the beginning is because I wanted to see, to show you that you are not alone in your struggle. This is a common struggle that so many people have. Okay? I mean, look at these stats on this page, right? Everybody can see the stats? Put a 1 in chat if you can see them.

Okay.

Yeah. It's pretty, it's pretty crazy. Right? 75% of 25-35-year-olds report a quarter-life crisis. Okay? So it's not uncommon. 59% don't know their next step. And face-to-face time with friends is down 50%. Since 2012, no thanks to COVID. So when you look at your num— at these numbers, I want you to understand that your kid's not lazy and they're not unmotivated. Okay? This is a societal structural problem. And we all know because we're all probably of, you know, Gen X age or somewhere, you know, around there or older, you know, we were given a playbook.

Right?

And it does not work right now. So if you've been blaming yourself or blaming them, I want you to set that down right now. Okay? Because this is a very common problem that a lot of people run into. Okay? Now, I'm going to describe a scene and Tell me if this, if you can relate to this. Okay. Here's what happens, right? This is the default pattern. And this happens all the time, especially in the 20s, sometimes in the teens too. If they seem stuck, you're like, oh my gosh, I'd help you. I know the answer. Me, me, me, me, me, right? I know the, I know the answer to this, to the, to how to solve this. Let me help you. Let me give you some advice. Right? And that's the most natural thing in the world because that's what we've done as parents. That's exactly what we've done as parents, right? This is what we were taught to be parents. Yeah, it's—

yeah.

So yes, CJ and T. Mandel. Yes. That's what we do. And it feels like you're helping, but why does it keep backfiring? Right? Because there was at one point where they did take our advice, where they did do what we asked them to do, right? We said, don't touch the hot stove, and hopefully they didn't touch the hot stove, right? You know, don't take candy from strangers. We taught them how society works and what to do and what not to do. And then all of a sudden they're in their 20s and there's nothing you can say, right? So, and let me take you behind the scenes. This is what's actually happening. Okay. Here's what's actually happening. Okay. You give them advice and to them it's landing like judgment and like criticism. That's what they feel. I mean, think about it. Think about it for a second. When was the last time somebody gave you unsolicited advice? Right? One of my friends recently told me, "Hey, Evan, you should try Brazilian jiu-jitsu." Right? And I was like, "What?

No.

No, I'm not doing that." Right? I felt like he was judging me for not doing it. Or, and I immediately resisted, right? I didn't let it in. This is what adults do, right? Anytime you give unsolicited advice, it's going to feel like judgment. It's going to feel like criticism. Now, in a 20-year-old, they're going to feel pushed, and that's going to activate the fear part of their brain, right? So what does the fear part of the brain do? It resists it, and then they shut down and they're offline. Does this make sense? Put one in chat if this makes sense. Yeah, this, this is important context to know. Okay? Because you're not doing it wrong. You are a good parent and doing exactly what good parents were taught to do. You just have the wrong formula. And tonight we're going to fix that. Yeah, just experienced that today with my 6-year-old daughter. Oh, but it is so hard not to try to help. Oh, yes. Yes. I'm not out of— you have not lost me there. Yes. You're resisting with all your, your, with all your 50%. Yeah. If I don't tell people that aspect, we'll talk about that too. Okay. So the reason why they pull away is that they are not ignoring you. They're protecting themselves. Think about that for a second. They're protecting themselves. They're protecting themselves from feeling like a disappointment. They're protecting themselves from feeling judged. They're protecting themselves from one more conversation that makes them feel behind. Does this make sense? And one of the other things that, that happens is that their biggest fear, one of their biggest fears, is the fear of disappointing you. And they're worried that if they do something right, they're going to disappoint them. So once you see that that silence is self-protection and not disrespect, you stop fighting the wrong battle. Okay? And everything that we're going to cover tonight is built on this. Okay? Now, I've done a lot of research. Right? From all over. And one of the psychologists that I found is named Dr. Jeffrey Arnett. Okay? And he did a study. Okay? We all know what adolescence is, right? We all know what that is, right? He defines, say, 18 to 29 as emerging adulthood. Okay? And this is a real dev— developmental stage.

Right?

In the same way that adolescence is. So if you think of it like that, right? Because it's not like you turn 21, 22, and you're all of a sudden, boom, an adult. That's not the way that works, right? So your kid is not behind. They're not on time for a stage nobody warned you about. Okay. And, you know, again, this is not my theory. Arnett found 5 different features that define this stage, right? And each one looks like failure from the outside. Not a single one of them is. And I want to walk you through that. And we're going to get to your question, Dawn, about why other kids are thriving around their age. Yeah. And I'm just— and Millie, you're right. It's so different from where you grew up, right? So let's talk about the 5 stages that you see on the screen here. Everybody can see them? Okay. So first is identity exploration. Explore. They're still trying to figure out who they are. Not just what job to pick, but what kind of person they want to become. Now, most identity formation used to happen in the teen years. Now that happens in the 20s. So when it looks like they're questioning who they are, they're really just trying to find the fit. Okay, stage 2, instability. Jobs change, friends change, their lives change. The average emerging adult changes jobs 7 times between 20 and 29. Think of that, 7. And it looks like a mess, right? It's the messy middle. This is not uncommon. The third stage is self-focus. And I want to be careful here because self-focus does not mean selfish. And Arnett is very clear about this. Okay. This is the only window in their entire life where they're not running a household. They're not raising kids. They have a low, low risk profile, what, you know, because they're probably not caring for aging parents, you know, so they don't have a lot of risk here, but self-focus is the work of this stage. It looks selfish, but it's really building character. Okay. Stage 4 is feeling in between. Ask any 24-year-old if they feel like an adult, they most will probably just shrug. Or say sometimes, right? That in-between feeling is not confusion. It is accurate to where they actually are because they're not a kid anymore, but they're not fully grown.

Okay.

And 5, he talked about possibility, right? There are paths through school right? 4 years of high school, 4 years of college school— of college, more graduate school, stuff like that, right? But if you graduate and you don't go to graduate school, the sense of possibility is still wide open, right? And that's a double-edged sword, right? It's a blessing and a curse, right? Because good news, you can do whatever you want, right? But when you have that much possibility, going down to one choice feels really heavy and permanent. Every yes is a thousand nos to something else. So it looks like they don't have a plan, but it is fuel and it's not a dead end. So those are the 5 stages. Now, just because this is normal doesn't mean do nothing. What it does mean is we need— as parents, what we need to do is we need to stop panicking, right? And we need to start guiding. And that's the key word tonight— guiding.

Okay.

So now here's a little exercise. I don't think we're going to be able to complete it here. So I'm going to— this is going to be some homework for you. So I call it the Timeline Release. Okay. And these are 3 reframes you can do right now. Here's what most of us do without even realizing it. We measure our kids against age. By 22, they have a job. By 25, they should be moved out. By 28, they should be in a serious relationship. By 30, they should own something. By 30, 35, they should be having kids. That is age-based thinking. And the problem with age-based thinking is that the calendar doesn't really care. Alignment-based thinking asks a different question. Not is my kid where a 24-year-old should be? You have to switch the question. But is my kid, what they're doing right now, is aligned who they actually are?

Okay.

So I want you to put in the chat. Okay. Think about this for a second. Name the milestone you're most anxious that your grad has not hit. And I want you to reframe it around alignment, not age. When you write the milestone down, ask yourself, am I anxious because my kid is genuinely off track for themselves? Or am I anxious because they're off the schedule that I have in my head or society? Okay. So put that milestone in the chat. Getting first job of any kind. 100%. Yeah, same. Nobody wish to get a job. Employment. Yep. Getting a career job, not just a temporary job. Responsibility for their own finances. Financial independence. Huge, right? No social life.

Ooh.

They had the herd mentality and they all have some form of ADHD. Yeah. Biggest concern is be able to provide for themselves. They're all working, but it's a crazy world we're living in.

Oh, 100%.

I'm anxious my kid doesn't have the people skills to network. Any job. No motivation to do anything. Yeah, 2 degrees, 2 minors, really stressed out. Addicted to video games. Look, I think no career aspirations. Taking care of herself, problem solving, getting a full-time job.

Okay.

The challenge that we have, yeah, getting a career or finishing the last year of college, either one. Every one of you, hard to pick one. Yeah, it is hard to pick them because, you know, society, you know, yeah. To get a GED, right? So, you know, the next time you catch yourself comparing, right, to a job, a move out, a job, you know, pause and ask whose timeline this is measuring. Okay. Yeah. The job market is terrible with research funding. Agreed. Yeah. Yeah, they're, they're not. Yeah. So, but let me ask you a different question. Can you write down— I'm not going to say 3 things— can you name one thing that you're proud of your son and daughter for that has nothing to do with a cure or milestone? Practices piano. Karen Hart, they're super caring and compassionate. He puts others first. Creativity. Finally starting to socialize with friends in person, huge. Working through her depression and anxiety, huge. Volunteering. Hardworking. Have you seen them grow in the last year? Put a 1 in the chat if you've seen them grow in a small way or a big way. Great, great. Oh, make hair for me. Yeah, that's huge. Yeah, yeah. Got driver's license. Very sympathetic and empathetic.

Yes.

So everything's— all of these count as growth. Okay. And, and I mentioned I had a daughter who's neurodivergent. And one of the things that I found with her, and it works for a lot of kids, right? But to celebrate Every achievement, no matter how small or how large. I actually did this with my daughter last night because she just started working at the Humane Society, right? Which she loves. She loves working with dogs. She's not so much about the people and she's more about the dogs, right? She says, dogs are so much easier to deal with than humans. And I agree. But the point is, it's like, You know, she just started the job in the last few months and I said to her, like, look at how much you've grown. Look how much you've accomplished. You've got to get yourself to work on time. You've had to deal with HR. You've had to deal with difficult personalities. You've had to deal with, you know, so many things. Oh, so they hate being recognized for anything. Okay. That's interesting. What if there isn't— there has to be something to see. What if there isn't anything there. What do you mean by that, Tracy? Tracy, just respond in chat when you're, when you're ready. Yeah. I mean, there's all things that, you know, a lot of kids are hard on themselves. God knows I was. Right. Okay. Okay. So this is something that's, again, helped me a lot with my kids is recognizing them. Yeah, I have a kid who does not want to be recognized, who doesn't, who I don't need to encourage, right? But I can still say, and I say this to both my kids, I believe in you. That's a good phrase because they don't hear it enough. It's a really good phrase to remember. No growth of noticeable. I'm constantly looking for some tautology phrase. Yeah, that's, that's challenge. But it can be a small thing, Tracy. Doesn't have to be a big thing. Yes, sometimes our fear speaks louder. I think our fear and anxiety is contagious, and that's why I— we have a special guest who's going to help us with that, okay? Got driver's license. Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. So let's talk about the 3 keys. Okay. Okay. 3 keys and the order matters. Okay. The key one is calmness. And we just talked about that, right? They can feel anxiety. They can feel stress, right? They feel the disturbance in the force. And we're going to have an exercise in a few minutes to help you with that.

Okay?

Because one change in how you show up, that's, that's the biggest change that you need to make is how you show up so they actually respond to you. Because if they see your anxiety and they see you as frantic and not calm and confident, then that's going to affect We know this just from working in, you know, just jobs, right? We know that, you know, the leaders that I admire most are calm and confident, right? Yes, and just never give up on them and tell them that even when they're messing it up, I still say I believe in you. Absolutely. Okay. So number 2, the misalignment diagnosis. Okay. This is why your grad is not lost and what to read instead. And the key 3 is the accountability handoff, how to step out of the role that is finally wearing you down. Okay. So we need authority, diagnosis, handoff in that order. Okay. So for those of you who are staying till the end, I do have a guide for you. I have a free gift. Okay. And I promise we will go deeper in just a minute, but I gave, I put together a PDF of scripts that you can use word for word for the exact conversations you dread. Okay. What to say when they shut down, what to say when it turns into a fight, what to say when the next step. Now, these are all good. You know, I'm really proud of this PDF. I think it's great. It's a $97 value. And if you stay till the end, we'll drop it in the chat so everybody can get it. But The point is, is that I want you to use these scripts as guidelines, right? I want you to use them as guidelines of what to say, and they will really help you in a lot of situations. So please stay to the end. I know you guys have been so patient with me. We're already 42 minutes into it. We've had technical difficulties, all sorts of fun things, but I appreciate everyone being here. So, okay. The calm authority shift. Let's get to the first key. And this one I say is the most, I would say this is the most important, right? You go from being the one who talks to the one they come to. That is authority. We don't need to be louder. We don't need to be heavier. We want the kind of presence where that makes your kid actually seek you out. And here's how you build it. Okay, so we talked about advice, right? Every piece of advice you give them is criticism, and the more they push back, you say, here's some help. What lands to them is, I don't think you can figure this out on your own. You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. I have to tell you what to do. Yes, especially boys, young men. So your advice goes out the door. And what comes in the other side is, I don't trust you. And here's the cool twist. The better your advice is, the harder they push back. Because the better it is, the more it proves they did not think of it. So the problem was never the quality of your advice.

Okay.

So here's the shift, and this is the heart of Key 1. Stop making your voice louder. I love this visual here. Megaphone, microphone. That is most of us. So every time you give a viva voce, imagine you're taking the megaphone and you're just shouting at them. Right? On 11, right? Yeah. And it's, yeah, today is the new day, right? Exactly. Team Anvil. Yes. Yes. It's all of us. That's because that's what we've been trained to do, right? So a microphone doesn't add to your voice, it amplifies, you know, it, you know, when you, when you use a microphone, it's for their voice, not yours. Have my visuals not been showing? Can people see the visuals? I thought— okay, okay. Yeah, Debbie, I'm sorry, I'm not sure why you're not seeing them. You might have to change your settings. Anyway, you all get the deck at the end. Okay, thank you. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no worries, no worries. These, these things happen. So we want to be the reporter, right? Putting the microphone in their face. Okay. So just remember megaphone to microphone. If you, if you, if you remember nothing else, remember that. Okay. And we know this because you've, have you, have you all ever seen it when you give them advice? And their friend gives them the same exact advice. And guess who you say to? They listen to their friend over you and you're like, I told you that. I don't want to know in that chat if that's ever happened to you. Yeah, it happens all the time because your words as a parent, they carry a signal that I say, I don't trust you. And they defend, right? And yeah, or they listen to ChatGPT. Yeah, exactly. So, but if it comes from somebody else or if they find it, they'll consider it. But if you say it's, oh no, my dad said that, or my mom said that, no, no, no, no. You're the one person who can't tell them. So we need to stop telling. So, you know, the hardest part, and we said, somebody mentioned in the chat before, right? Is the hardest thing to do is to keep it to yourself. That's the hardest thing to do, to keep it to yourself on purpose. And that, that's such a mind shift, right? And you're, you know, but you know what they should do and you're 1,000% right. But if you give them the answer, you own the stock, right? If you hold it and help them find their own— they own the move. The goal was never your answer; it was always their answer. They're only going to listen to themselves. So if you were like, okay, Evan Sanchez Sanchez, I got it! I got it with the advice, right? Cool, um, I'll really try. It's going to be hard, but I'll try. But what the hell do I do instead? Okay. You've been telling me for the last 48 minutes not to give advice. And that is going to hurt my soul. I'm going to have to, you know, swallow my pride and do it. But what, what the hell do I do, Evan? What do I do? Okay. So there's a gentleman named Chris Voss. Okay. And he's the FBI's former lead international kidnapping negotiator. So if it works in a hostage situation, I think it'll work on your kitchen table, right? And these are tools for every type of situation, really.

Okay.

And that's why I love Chris Voss. He has a great book. Um, and here's the tools that you need. Okay. So if you don't have a pen or paper, this is a— go grab one because this is time to write things down. Okay. And again, you'll get the recording. So if you miss it, you need to label it.

Okay.

Start off the phrase with, it sounds like, it looks like, it feels like. Write those 3 phrases down.

Okay?

So they say, I want to become a YouTuber, which you think is the stupidest idea you've ever heard in your life. Right? Or I want to become a DJ, or, you know, whatever is the— Start by validating them. Okay. If you say it sounds like you're excited about, you know, becoming, you know, a skydiver, right? Or it sounds like you're really interested in this, right? Or if it sounds like, you know, you're really, you know, I don't, I don't know, want to be a, you know, Evel Knievel. That's a dated reference for you, right? But I think we're all old enough, right? Yeah, it sounds like, it looks like, it feels like. Okay. And then you're going to repeat their last few words, right? So they said, I really, I really want to look, I really want to be a YouTuber, dad, right? Or mom, because there's more moms here. I really want to be a YouTuber, mom. And you're like, oh, sakes, stupid, right? But you put on your poker face and you say, it sounds like you're excited about becoming a YouTuber. So you're basically repeating their words back to them. Okay? Because when you repeat, they feel seen and heard. And here's a phrase that I want everybody to write down. Ready? When they feel seen and heard, they row. When they feel seen and heard, they grow. There's such an important phrase to remember, okay? And you know this from life too. You know this from life, that when somebody's— you know, when you first met your romantic partner, you felt seen and heard, and then you felt like you could conquer the world.

Right?

When people see you and feel you, then, then you do it. So you have to mirror them. They're like, okay, so it sounds like, it looks like, it feels like, repeat the last few words. Okay? Then you ask to, now Christophe calls these calibrated questions. Okay? Now they have to start with what or how. Okay? And they have to be curiosity-based. Okay. They can't be like, you know, what would make you think that's a good idea? Right. That's putting your own agenda into it. That's not going to work. Right. Yeah. Yes, exactly, Millie. So, I mean, so you have to ask them. And so when you do that, when you ask the what and how, you have to do this in a slow You know, low voice, strategic pauses, you know, well, what would the next step look like? Slow down the pacing. Don't make it rushed. You know, put pregnant pauses in there. What would be an easily, you know, simple next step you could take?

Right?

Your tone is going to beat the words. But when you do that, they, yeah. How to approach it when they are not sharing much or saying anything at all. I have, I have, that's, that's in the script that I give at the end of the class. Okay. When they're feeling stuck or they say, I don't know. So, so yeah, but that's the framework. Okay. Does this make sense everyone? Put a 1 in chat if this makes sense. Okay. Awesome. Okay. Now again, this is easier said than done.

Right.

Yes. Silent treatment, stare in space, not uncommon. Not uncommon. Right. You almost always need instruction. Yes, exactly. So sometimes, to your point, Tina, you have to do something Benign, right? Walking with— I know, and I talk about that here, okay? No questions, just being in the same room with them, even if it's dead silence, okay? So these are more examples of questions that you can say instead of, you should just apply. What's making the search feel stuck? Fix your resume? What parts of this feels the hardest to start? See, these are all curiosity-based. Why haven't you done it yet? You can say, how do you want this to go? And instead of saying, here's what I would do, how do you think you should go about it? Right? Does everyone understand? Like, this is, these are all curiosity questions and there are no agendas. Okay. Yeah. Well, I don't know. You, you can say something like, you know, you might have to talk about it later. You know, you could say, well, I don't know. What if you did know?

Right?

But it could be like, you know, it sounds like you're being stuck right now. It sounds like things are stuck for you right now. Right? What's the hardest part? That's the way I would answer that, Don. Does that help? Yeah, yeah. What if they're not ready? That's the fear, right? How long can we do this for, right? And we'll talk about that too. We're getting to that. Okay, so the two phrases you want to listen for Right? Is you want to listen to, that's right. If they say you're right, you've lost. You never want them to say you're right. Even though we have loved to hear those parents, right? It would be nice if one day the heavens open and they say, you know, you were right about so many things. But listen for that. Listen for the validation. When you validate their feelings and what they just said— it sounds like you're really stuck right now— and if they say, that's right, that's what you want. Okay, what about the everything is good when clearly it's not? There's some blocks that they're dealing with. There's definitely no insight. Yeah, well, again, we'll talk about that. Okay. And how to deal with that. Okay. So a lot of parents, you know, hear all of this and say, well, I just go soft, right? And agree with everything. Here's the part that holds it together. You can validate the feeling and hold your ground at the same time. Two things can be true at the same time. Right. I love you and I'm proud of you, and I need us to make a plan together. Right. I'm not angry with you and I'm affected by what's happening. Right. You know, I will always be in your corner no matter what, and my corner looks different now. Okay. So do you see how those two things can be? So it's not about like, you know, becoming like the soft parent and just like being stepped over, right? You can still stand up for yourself. You can still encourage them, but you can also say things like this. Okay. And then as someone pointed out in chat, The setting creates the conversation, right? One thing that I found really, that really works for me is being in the car. Long car trips. Listen to music for a while, you know, 5-hour car trip, listen to music, have some fun, just like, you know, make inane observations, just connect with them, right? The beauty of a car and a walk is that you're not looking at each other. When they're at the dinner table, they're looking right at you, and they feel that, right? So any sort of thing side by side that you can do together. So if they're shutting down and not doing anything, then, you know, these are ways to say, let's go for a walk, right? Let's walk the dogs together. Something, right? Have time with them that's connected, that they, that you, they don't feel like they're going to be attacked. They need to feel psychologically safe with you. Okay? And I know all of this is said easier than done. So, um, now before we go into Key 2, I want to do something with you because I've been talking, you know, for an hour now. So a lot of us was stuck as parents Right? It's not in our heads, it's in our bodies. Okay? A lot of you are here because you have a lot of tension, a lot of worry. You're feeling, you know, the knot in your stomach, the tension in your jaw every time you think about sugar. So what I want to do is I want to bring in someone special, Shyla. Is a certified clinical EFT practitioner. Now, if you haven't done this, this is awesome. Okay. And I'll tell you why. I worked with her last week and I actually worked with her just before the call for like 15 minutes. And last week when we had the session, she helped me release some childhood trauma that I did not even know that I was still carrying.. And I think we all have this. If we've been along the lines enough, we all have some trauma that needs releasing, right? And, you know, I want you— I'm telling you this because I want you to know what's actually possible. Okay. And so her name is Shiloh Pullen. She's on the call right now. She's a certified clinical EFT practitioner. That word clinical matters, right? It means that she got trained for this. She just didn't, you know, like, watch a YouTube video about it, but she's trained to work with the deeper stuff, okay? And it uses gentle pressure on points across your hands, your face, to calm your nervous system. And it seems very simple. It is in a way, but you have to know what you're doing, and Shiloh definitely knows what she's You're getting. So what I'd like you to do, if you don't have your camera on, please put your camera on. Okay. I'm going to highlight Shyla. Okay. She's going to walk you through a 10-minute process. Okay. And some of you are going to be rolling your eyes and being like, this is foo-foo. This is, you know, whatever. Okay. Please try it. Okay. And because I know you wouldn't be on this call if you didn't have a lot of anxiety. Okay. And Shyla and I want to give this gift to you. So I'm going to hand it over to Shyla. I'm going to get her to unmute if I can. Yeah, there she is. And I'm going to try to pinch her. Um, and I'm going to put her on my screen if I can. Maybe I can, maybe I can't. Can everyone, can everyone see her? Hit a 1 in chat if you can see her. No, no, no, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1. No, you can't. Okay. Let me do this. Let me share my screen to this version of my screen. Now, can you see her?

Maybe when I talk and if people have it on the speaker, they're gonna be able to see me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People can see it? No. Okay. Interesting. Okay. Let me try again. Just for fun. How about now? I can see it on her jokes. Your notes on the slide. How's that?

If you put it— yeah, hopefully if you put it on speaker view, if we go to the top up where it says record, you click on speaker, then hopefully even if I'm not pinned, you guys can see me.

Does everybody know how to do that? Top upper right view. Maybe you can spotlight her. Can I spotlight? Do I have that power?

Thank you guys for your patience. You're all amazing.

Yeah. Yep. I obviously have to get better at this Zoom thing. I apologize for that. Go ahead, Joan.

We'll just do our best. Yeah. First of all, I just want to acknowledge you all for being here. It takes a lot of courage. And so, you know, thank you for showing up and, you know, for being here because I know that you really care. Yeah. So I run glasses. I like to do them because it's just easier to do the tapping points. But first of all, I just want you to take a moment. I know we've been on this call for a while. You've been doing amazing, such awesome content. But I want you just to allow yourself just to be present right here for this moment. I invite you to put your hand over your heart or your tummy. Whatever resonates for you right now. And just take a slow breath in and let it out. Right here and right now, you don't need to have all the answers. And you don't need to carry this entire journey alone. We're just taking a pause for a moment. I want you to tune into how difficult this feels for you right now and how overwhelmed or how much tension and stress you, you're carrying. And just give it a number on a 0 to 10 scale, with 10 being like, this is a lot and I don't know how much more I can carry this. That would be really big, a 10. 0, I know you wouldn't be here if it was a 0. So just take a moment. Just rate how you're feeling right now on that 0 to 10 scale. And then we're gonna start tapping on the side of your hand. Thank you guys for putting that in the chat. That's wonderful. So you can do one hand or the other hand. You can alternate. It doesn't matter. As long as you're just on the side of your hands here, and you can repeat this out loud after me, but you can quietly say it to yourself in your own mind, changing any of the words that don't resonate for you and saying the ones that are in your own mind that are true for you. Even though I worry about my child and their future. I deeply honor how much I care. Even though I want so badly for things to work out for them, I acknowledge the stress this has been putting on my heart, my mind, and my body. Even though I've been carrying stress, fear, frustration, or even sadness, I am open to giving myself a few moments of calm and compassion. Right now. I'm just gonna prompt you around. The next point is this hairy eyebrow point. You can do both. I do one. It doesn't matter which side or how you choose to do it. This worry I carry for my child. Go to this side of your eye, right next to your eye on this bone. Wanting them to be okay. Under your eyes, staying on the bone under your pupil, wanting them to find their way. Under the nose, feeling the weight of responsibility. Under your mouth, in this chin point here, sometimes feeling exhausted. By it all. Just acknowledging the truth of how we feel. Collarbone. We say the collarbone, but it's just under the collarbone about an inch and over about an inch. Not always knowing how to help. Just breathe into that. Under your arm. For women, it's on your bra strap. For men, it's about 4 inches under the armpit. Maybe I don't have to carry this so tight. Good. The top of your head. Maybe I can allow my body soften just a little. Just gently allow your hands to rest on your head and take a breath in and release. Eyebrows, their journey belongs to them. Side of the eye. And I can support without carrying everything. Under your eye. I can love deeply. Under the nose, without living in constant fear. Under your mouth and this chin point, my nervous system deserves peace too. Right now, I am creating ease in my body. Under your collarbone. I am allowed to breathe. Breathe in. Right now, I'm open to releasing and letting go of some of this tension. Under your arm. I'm allowed to trust a little more, even in uncertainty. Good. We're just gonna do another round. Top of your head. Allowing these feelings to move. Eyebrow. My body is letting go one breath at a time, gently and softly. Inside of the eye. My system is unwinding. Under your eye. Feel your fingers gently tapping and start to slow that tapping down and gently press. Take a breath in. And out. Under your nose. My body is releasing. Under your mouth. Notice your breath flowing in and out from your nose. Under your collarbone. Just breathing, allowing your shoulders to gently soften. Go ahead and just put your hands on your heart. Take one final deep breath in with me. Let it go. However it feels good to you, and repeat after me. I can love my child deeply while also caring for myself with compassion and ease. Good. And check back in. And just tune into how your body feels now compared to when we started a few minutes ago. And if you're willing, I'd love to see your original number that you started with and the number that you're currently at. Acknowledging you just learned a new tool that you can come back to time and time again. You're literally lowering your cortisol, the stress hormone in your body, when you tap. And you're gently beginning to help rewire your nervous system and showing it a new way of being. Yes. Good. An 8 to a 2. A 10 to an 8. Sometimes when we're so elevated, just those 2 points is so significant. This was just a little mini, mini snippet. You can keep going when you're doing this on your own. A 9 to a 7, small movement, but it's big. Only a few minutes and you are able to do that. Good. Thank you all for being willing to and open to share and to participate in this, because I know it can seem kind of strange at first. Appreciate you all and And thank you.

That was amazing. Thank you, Shiloh. That was fantastic. I feel so much better. And you know, that's one of the parts of parenting that we don't, that we don't do a lot of. And we all know that we need to put on our own mask before we you know, we put on our kids' masks, right? That's, you know, that's what they say, put on your own oxygen mask. Right.

Yeah.

Sally. Yeah. It's, it's really an amazing tool. And, you know, she's clinically trained to do this and it's just amazing how a 10-minute exercise can— and that's the calm that I want you to feel before you, you, you, you talk to your son or daughter. Okay. And that calmness radiates, right? And so when you're having these conversations, you know, you don't want— what you don't want to have happen is you don't want to come home from work, feel frantic, and then have the conversation, you know. Everybody always feels better after a walk. I don't know anyone who doesn't, right? Whenever, whenever, you know, Whenever you're stressed, you always feel better after a walk or physical exercise or something like that. And I just find this an amazing tool. And yeah, that was just a snippet of what Shiloh does. So again, thank you, Shiloh, for being here. Let's give Shiloh a big round of applause. Snaps. And thank you for being here because it's really, it's really, you know, you have to regulate yourself before you you deal with your kids. And I know we're all carrying a heavy weight, especially when our kids are struggling, because, you know, as parents, we would do anything to take the pain away from our kids, right? I mean, ever since they were born, like, the second they had a cold, I was like, oh my gosh, if there's any way I could do that, that would be awesome, right? So Okay. So I hope that was helpful. I thought it was great. So we're going to go back to our presentation now. Can you all see my screen with Shiloh's picture on it? Put a 1 in chat. Make sure I'm not having any more technical difficulties. Because that's my, that's the way my day has been. But yeah, I feel better. I feel amazing. So anyway, okay. Okay. So let's go on. Okay. Calm is a skill. We want to have that calm mindset. Okay. Now let's go into key number 2, right? And that's a misalignment diagnosis. Now key 1 was how you show up. Key 2 is actually what you're looking at. Okay. And start reading what is really happening. And what often happens is that we're— the diagnosis, the lens that we're looking through this is everything. Lazy and misaligned are not the same problem, and we treat them as if they are, right? That's what we do. Lazy is capable but unwilling, and the usual fix for laziness is, you know, more pressure, tighter deadlines. Misaligned is the opposite, right? They're willing, but they're pointed in the wrong way or no way at all. And here's a trap. If your kid is misaligned and you treat them like lazy with more pressure, you do not get movement. You get paralysis and you're making it worse. Okay. So you diagnose before you prescribe. Okay. So how do you know? How do you, how can you tell the difference? There's 3 signs of misalignment. One is persistent avoidance. They postpone anything in one direction. That is a sign that's not laziness. Okay, 2, energy drainage. Something that should move them forward instead leaves them drained, not energized. And 3, borrowed direction, and this is a dangerous one. Is they're chasing a path that came from outside pressure. And that could be your pressure, your spouse's pressure, or society's pressure. And they're doing it just because they think they should.

Okay.

So if you see any one of these, the rule is simple. Question first, action second. Okay. So I'll tell you about my daughter, Lila. Okay. I've mentioned her before. She's neurodiverse. She left college her junior year. Here's what I saw. I didn't see really a clear plan or timeline. Left school and she was just kind of like not doing anything, right? But she wasn't drifting. She just needed a gap. Not a big gap, but she needed a gap on the path she was on and who she actually was. And she trusted that before I did. And I'll be, I'll be candid with you. There, there was a point, you know, my parenting where the pushing got so heavy for me, and this tears me up, that my, she told me that she did not feel safe in the room with me. You can imagine how that feels, right? And it's really a big part of why I do this is because I wasn't seeing and hearing her when she needed me to see and hear her. I didn't understand that you're 8, 10 years old and not getting your own lunch for school, right? Yeah. And Rosie, yeah. And, and it's, and it's just like, and it stabs you in the heart, right? Because that's, she did not feel safe coming to me because she did not feel safe around me because I was like, why aren't you doing this? That you're doing it? I just, do you know what I mean? And I was just, it's, it's again, one of the reasons why I do this work because, uh, you know, I have my own childhood trauma that I need to deal with. That's right. My own. Gen X, you know, not feeling seen or heard sort of thing. And, you know, when I was a parent, I was like, oh, that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to inflict any trauma on them. And then I did, right? Because I wasn't seeing and hearing her. Okay. And you— and she did not need a plan for me. She just needed, you know, like when she got out of school, she didn't need a plan. She just needed room to hear herself. Right. She needed me to trust her. And it's really hard when you see your kid going in a long direction to, to trust them. So I get that. So anyway, just wanted to share you a little bit about my story and why this means so much to me, right? And why the tools that, that I've researched really work.

Okay.

So let's talk about the third key.

Okay.

The accountability handoff. Right. So how long would— yeah, I know. I'm, I apologize, CJ, this is going on. I will send you the recording. You know, I figure maybe a half an hour. I'll try to go faster. I'm sorry. There was just a lot to cover. Yeah. Watching from adult is even harder. Exactly. So. Let's talk about the accountability handoff, and this is the one that saves the relationship. So the whole idea is to stop being the enforcer and go back to being the parent. Okay? You know the enforcer role because you track their every move, you trim their goals, you know, you just give them pressure, right? And it wears down the relationship. You carry their goals for them. But when you go back to just being a parent, present, warm, grounded, the accountability lives somewhere else, the relationship heals and the real movement finally starts. So when you're just their parent, that's, that's, that's where you want to be. Okay. You want to hold the relationship. Okay. And this is a 6-step launch framework. Okay. And some of you, some of you said like, you know, my kid's never going to get out of the house.

Right.

I have no idea how to handle this. Right. So, 6-step framework, and I apologize, we're going along. So if you need to bounce off, totally get it. If not, stay on. This is a very important part of it. And again, you all get the recording. It'll be on my YouTube channel as well. So now when adults, so For a grant to actually launch without wrecking the relationship, how do you get there? So here's the first thing you do. You have the contribution conversation. Okay. And this is what it would look like.

This is an example.

Hey, now that you're out of school, let's figure out how to contribute here, whether it's some form of rent or owning a few chores around the house. You know, this is, you know, I'm not punishing you, but you are an adult now and adults contribute. And I want to set it up so it works for you. What feels fair to you? Because I'd really rather we land on this together than hand you a number or give you a chore list. What do you think would feel fair in terms of contribution while you're living? That's an example of a conversation. You can adapt it to your own needs, right? They may not be able to contribute financially. They may, you know, I don't know what the arrangement is. What, you know, bonus tip here is if they do contribute and you can afford it, Save that money for when they move out and give it to them as a gift, but don't tell them that you're going to do it. Okay. So that's one thing that you need to do. And then you need to try to, you know, you want to deescalate it. You know, you can say things like, you know, you want to lower their, your energy. So you're saying, you know, I'm not really trying to fight with you. I'm really on your side. You could say something like that. Or you could say something like, you're right, this is hard. Can we slow down for a second? So those are some de-escalating scripts. I have more of those, right? The third step is the career independence talk. These are the things that I think are the foundation for any emerging adult. Okay. You want them to have a purpose. You want them to have an income and you want them to live independently. Those are the 3 things that you want, right? And what, you know, you can ask them like, you know, what would a life that's actually yours look like? Forget what I think for a minute. What sounds interesting to you, even a little? You know, I'm not asking you to have it all figured out right now. I'm just asking you, what direction feels right to you right now? What is one small step you could take this week just to test it? So those are the types of phrases that you can use in this conversation. Again, I'm going pretty fast in here because I want to be cognizant of your time. And Tracy, sorry, I don't have time to get to your question right now. But yeah, so the fourth thing is you want to plan the exit, okay? And this is where someday becomes a date, okay? You need them to— you can say something like, you know, what needs to be true for you to feel ready to move out? Right? Let's put a real date on it, even a rough one, you know, and work backwards from there. What is a savings number that would make this feel doable? What is one milestone you could hit in the next 30 days? So that's kind of the, the conversation that you want to have in terms of planning the exit. You want to have timeline and milestones, and then you want to look at them. On a regular basis together, right? The key is, again, you can't tell them what to do because they're not going to listen. If you say you have to be out in 90 days, that's not going to work, right? So it does get a little tricky there because they may say 6 months and you're thinking 90 days, right? So, but you want to get an idea of where they are in terms of timeline. And then right before the timeline's up, okay, so let's say they say, I need 6 months, okay, or 9 months. 60 days before they leave, right, do you have the date on the calendar? You say, you know what, I just want to try a test run with you. For 60 days, you're going to handle your own groceries, your own bills, You know, your own food, like you've already moved out, but the net is still here. And he said, this is not a trap, it's practice. You know, if something breaks, we'll figure it out together, no judgment. But you want them to have a trial because you want them to know that they can live independently, right? And then, you know, when they do finally move out, It's not just their graduation, it's your graduation, right? And you turn into a manager and you turn out of the manager role into a trusted advisor. Okay. And you can say, listen, I'm, you know, you've moved out. Congratulations. Here's all the money in rent that you paid me. I'm paying you back. So a bonus, you know, I'm going to stop reminding you about stuff. About this adulting stuff, right? I trust you to handle it, but if you want my tape, just ask me. Otherwise, I'm gonna back off and let you run it, right? I'm always gonna be your mom, or I'm always gonna be your dad. I'm just done being your manager. Does this make sense? I know it's a lot of concept, but put a 1 in chat if this makes sense. Yeah, it's really, that's powerful, right? It's a good way of thinking about it, right? And putting that agreement in place is really, really important. Okay. So now we've covered the 3 keys, okay? And they all work in conjunction with each other, right? They're— they, they multiply, really, right? You have authority replaces advice, direction replaces pressure, and ownership replaces control. And that's independence right there in a nutshell, right? Yeah, it's, it's hard. This is hard. So now before we go any further, we're almost at the end, I promise, right? I just want to hear from you. Of the 3 keys, which one landed the most? Or maybe something else I said landed Right. If, if it was one of the keys, drop a 1, 2, 3 in chat. If it was, if it was just something I said, put that in the chat. Right. Or if it was all of them. Yeah. There's, there's no wrong answer here. Yeah. 2, 3, 2. Yeah. I mean, 1 and 3, 1 and 2. Yeah. They all kind of— it all makes sense, right? Maybe 2 and 3, 2 and 3.

Yeah.

I mean, it's, it's really important to know these 3 phases, right? These 3 keys. So, you know, so now you have the framework. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, we all do that, Debbie, right? We all, we all, we, we don't do. It's really important to keep our mind on that, making them feel seen and heard because then they grow. Right. So now that you have the framework, now that you know everything, and I've talked a long time and we've done, we've been on this call for a while. There's two paths from here. Okay. Path one, do it yourself. You can take everything that I said today and apply it on your own. You can watch the replay, you know, you can do that, you know. But, you know, just like anytime I've tried a diet, right, without accountability, I usually creep back, right? Yeah. Yeah. Looking at your person, how pressure, disappointment, etc. Yeah, that's really powerful. So you can do this yourself.

Right?

The path 2 is one-on-one coaching built around your family, which is guided, accountable, and at your pace. Right? In my experience, what I've learned is that most people don't get stuck on the what. You, you all have the what right now. The problem is if you don't have some accountability, You know it's going to go slower and you're going to get stuck. Yeah, I think that's it. I don't know who iPhone 5 is yet, but yes, please watch this with your husband, right? And you know, there's a lot of moms on this call and that's intentional, to be honest, but you guys have a different relationship than dads. I'm not against dads. I'm a dad, obviously, right? But I know that you feel the weight probably more than your husband in most circumstances. That's just my experience. So, okay. So this is what I, you know, this is the 6-month leadership track. Okay. And what, and this is what working together with me would actually look like. Okay, and this is built and customized around your family. Okay, so I'm a certified life coach. We do 28101 sessions every week, maybe more, right? And it can be with you or your child as needed. Okay, and also the other thing I do is I do an assessment. I did an assessment a couple weeks ago with someone, and, you know, it was very interesting how their, their kid, you know, when he was stressed, what he would do versus when he felt good. And that's what I want to get into is like, where are your blocks? Right? Because you're the environment. You're like the soil, the sun. Right? Your kid's the plant. You can change a lot by just changing those elements, by just changing how you're handling, how you're interacting, right? So some families need more work on the parent side. Some may need work on, on with the grand side. Some may need a combination, right? That's why this package is really flexible to figure out like You know, what is going to be best for you, right? And so it really involves the whole family system, right? So, you know, and a lot of you are like, I don't know if this is the right move. You know, I encourage you to just book a call with me. Okay. And it's not a sales call. I'm not going to hard sell you. I'm really not like that. I hate hard selling. Somebody just hard sold, hard sold me yesterday. I just, ugh, don't like it. But you can book a 30-minute call with me. Okay. Right. And we're going to just gather the information for 10 minutes. Okay. Then we're going to figure out what the most effective roadmap is.

Okay.

This should really say 10, 10, and 10. It says 10, 20, and 10. Never dull mode. Anyway. But the point is, is like, you know, if it works, it works. Right. I see. If, what if your child won't cooperate or participate, then we work with, with the parents, right? Because again, there's a lot we can do from an environmental. It doesn't have to be recent grads. It can be. With anyone. So, Millie, if you wouldn't mind, if you would leave— take my Calendly link and put it in the chat for everyone. Hey, thanks. Thanks, Millie. I really appreciate that. Again, the worst case scenario is that should we would plan, right? That's the worst case scenario, right? But, you know, I'm also going to give you other tools as well. And here are 4 other tools. And some of these are fairly new, right? The Living Agreement, right? Have worksheet templates, scripts. The money conversation, how to have the money conversation, the contribution conversation, right? I've had parents come to me and they say, my kid doesn't even respect me and I'm housing them in San Diego and I'm living in Florida. I've had that call. What do you do when they don't respect you? You know, because that's bordering on estrangement right there. And none of us want to get Right? And then just Calm Connected Toolkit. Okay? So those are yours the moment you join. Okay? And as a bonus, for the first 3 people, you know, I, I, again, I believe so much in, in Shiloh and what she's doing, and you guys felt that firsthand. So If you book a call tonight and you join a coaching package, then you'll get a free private EFT session, right? You'll get a 1-hour session personalized to your situation.

Okay.

You know, I told you earlier, I released something that I didn't even know I was carrying. So that's what's on the table for when the 3 of these, the first 3 say yes. Okay. That's free for the first 3 people who join a coaching package. Okay. So recap, I promise I'm wrapping it up, but let's bring it all together. There's 3 keys, 1 system, the calm authority shift, right? The misalignment diagnosis and the accountability handoff. So again, Noah, if you put the, uh, link in chat. So people can go ahead and book. Okay. So yeah, go ahead and book a call again. Yes, Don. Did you know that this slide was coming up? So I can't price it, right? Because I don't know your situation, right? And that's on purpose because I'm not going to diagnose something and then tell you that, you know, it's gonna, you know, it's just like a mechanic, right? I have to look under the hood. I have to have the conversation with you. It'd be irresponsible for me to do that. So You know, if you're wondering, am I ready to commit? Can I afford? Is this the right for my family? These are the exact questions that the call answers. Okay. The call is where we see what your family actually needs and we map out your plan first. We're only going to talk options if it's a real fit. Right. But, you know, before you book, you know, the one question I often ask them thousands, and I've spent, I don't know, $20,000, $30,000 on my own personal development in the last few years. But I'll tell you the question that I always ask is, what would my future self be proud of, right? Listen, you can go with me, you can go by yourself, right? Try by yourself, or You know, you can try someone else, you know, but I don't want anyone here because I felt the pain even, even through chat, even though it wasn't, you know, verbal, you know, I felt everyone's pain and I'm really sorry that, that everyone's going through so much pain, right? But take half an hour, book the call. Imagine next June. If you don't do something, where are you going to be? Okay, think of it that way. You know, if you wait another year, they're just going to stay stuck. That tension's still going to be there, right? And you're not going to feel any better. Either you, your spouse, or your kid, right? But imagine a year from now, they have a direction, the fighting ceased, and you can finally breathe and you see them moving on. So picture yourself next June, same kitchen, same family, different reality. Okay. So I'm going to put a timer up. Again, I'm not very good at this Zoom thing. I obviously got to practice my Zoom skills, but I'm going to put a timer for 60 seconds up. Okay. And yeah, just go ahead, Noé, if you would put the, um, yes, your, your, your spouse can absolutely join the call. In fact, I encourage that. So I'm just going to put a minute timer. Okay, and there's the Calendly link. Thank you, Billy. And so just go ahead and book a call. Again, you know, I want to help you out of this pain, and if a half an hour helps you, then that's what makes me feel good. Okay. Mary, thank you for setting up the meeting. Tracy, thank you for setting up the meeting. Yeah, go ahead and book a call. Yes, I remember, let's read a book. Get the bonus from Shyla. Oh, the free to PDF guide. I'm sorry, Don, I forgot. Millie, will you put that in the chat? Thank you. Okay. So I know we've gone way over time and if anybody wants to come off mute, I can see if I can do that. Uh, yeah. Um, I got the questions in chat too. Right. Whatever's on your mind. DT, the slides, there'll be a replay recording. And I'll be on my YouTube channel so you can get it there. What?

My hand raised, I swear.

And we book for a later time, Millie. We, um, if, if the times that I put down don't work, will you be able to call later if times that you're offering do not work? Yes. Yes. Please email me. You can get me a few ways. I know it's a long email, but I'm always on LinkedIn. There's not many Evan Sanchez's around. And Yes, if those times don't work, that's fine. Anyone else have a question? Okay, listen, and yeah, if, if that's it, I just want to thank you all for coming and spending best Yes, they'll work later to book. But yeah, go ahead and schedule something. And yeah, I'd love to hear from you. And did I mention that I had successful work with one of the neurodivergent kids? My daughter, right? Um, yes, I consider myself successful with that, even though I wasn't, you know, I didn't see and hear her. I didn't, I didn't understand what she was going through being there. Neurodivergent, right? Yes. Well, thank you everyone. I really appreciate it. Did, did y'all get a lot from this? Was this helpful? Did this change the— thank you. That's why I do this. This is fun for me. I love this. I mean, I love helping people, you know, because this is such important work and no one talks about this phase, right? They all talk about like how to stop your baby from crying. So anyway, I needed it several years ago. It seems like nothing helped. Mary. Yes, Mary. Yes. I get that you're tired and we have a call. So, and I see another few calls coming in. So yes, thank you for setting up the calls. Mary, we'll talk more directly so I can figure out how I can best help you. So I just want to let you know that, you know, if nobody's told you Recently, I believe in you and I believe in your families. So thank you for trusting me. Thank you for spending all this time with me. There's no cost for the 30-minute call. These are all free. No, I don't want that. So again, everyone will get the replay. Hopefully you got PDF. Um, use that. Rose, I'm so glad I came in at a much-needed moment. Yeah, didn't even know this was a legitimate phase, right? Right? Like, oh my God. Like, yeah, this is a legitimate phase. Yes. Sandy, will you put the PDF in the chat? No, let's see. Oh, you can also follow YouTube, my YouTube channel, but Oh yeah. And here's the free PDF. Yeah. Yeah. The PDF is great. So again, don't take it as verbatim. Take it as guidelines.

Right.

It doesn't come in your email. You, you can download it directly from, you have to put in your, hit the button and then it can download. Yeah. There's a lot of us going through this. Yes. Don and Fred. Yeah. It's, you're not alone.

You're not alone.

Look how many people are like, I think 90 something people on this call. I mean, that's crazy. I can't get the PDF at once. Like, Tracy, reach out to me, I'll get you the PDF. Actually, Tracy, did you set up a call? Yes, I'll make sure you get the PDF, don't worry. Never heard of it.

Yes.

Okay. Yeah, please set up a call. Oh, that's— oh man. Um, all sorts of technical issues, right, Jessica?

Oh.