Parenting coach Evan Sanchez says Ben Affleck's kids rolling their eyes at him on Jimmy Kimmel is actually a win: it means they trust him without feeling judged. Instead of giving unsolicited advice, listen by reflecting what they say back to them, then ask curious questions like "What would a simple next step look like?" to help them find their own answers.
Hey Ben, it's Evan Sanchez. I'm a parenting coach and I just caught your segment on Jimmy Kimmel Live and I loved it. I'll tell you what I loved specifically, and that was when you gave unsolicited advice to your kids, they rolled their eyes. That is a huge win. And I'll tell you why. Because what happens with most parents is that when they give unsolicited advice, the kids feel judgment, they feel shame, they feel criticized. And they resist and they shut down. That didn't happen with your kids. They rolled their eyes. They love you. They respect you, but they're not going to take your unsolicited advice. So speaking of unsolicited advice, here's my unsolicited advice to you. At this stage, you're not going to be able to talk them into anything. You can't. All you can do is listen them into it. And what do I mean by that? You just have to repeat what they said. So if they say, hey, Dad, you know what? I want to be a big movie star someday. And you think, well, that's never going to happen. Where did you get a crazy idea like that? You would never say that. You never want to lead with your agenda or even let them know that you have an agenda. What you want to do is you want to listen to them and just repeat what they say. Whatever they say, start with, it sounds like, it looks like, it feels like. It sounds like you really want to become a big movie star. And then you ask a curiosity question. What would a simple next step look like? And when you do that, they have to reflect and they have to come up with the answer. And the only people they're going to listen to are themselves. So that's the way you do it. But you have to be careful. You don't want to say things like, movie star? That's a terrible idea. Where would you ever get that idea? That's awful. Don't say that. So that's my advice for you, Ben. And thank you for doing all the hard work of being a movie star. And on behalf of McDonald's, I just want to thank you for your love and support. You're so much better than that Damien person who drives a Honda Odyssey or something. So keep up the great work. Love you, man. Send my love to Kimmel. Talk to you soon.
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