In this hour‑long podcast episode, host Fleur Choy interviews somatic therapist and retreat facilitator Lindsey May to explore why women in midlife often feel exhausted by the "good girl" role. The conversation weaves personal stories, cultural critique, and energetic language to examine how chronic people‑pleasing, sexual shame, and the suppression of feminine rage drain a woman's erotic life force. They discuss how societal expectations—especially around caretaking, purity culture, and the loss of estrogen‑driven "people‑pleaser" hormone in perimenopause—lead to bitterness, grief, and a sense of disconnection from the body. Both guests describe the transformative potential of women‑only embodiment retreats, cyclical womb work, and mentorship programs that invite participants to reclaim their sensual, creative, and "dark" feminine aspects. The dialogue moves through metaphors of death‑rebirth, the "composty void," and the mythic Kali energy, urging listeners to honor their anger, grief, and pleasure rather than suppress them. Practical offerings are highlighted, including the upcoming Wild Remembering Retreat at Loon Lake, a year‑long mentorship, and group programs focused on shame work. Throughout, the tone is intimate, conversational, and celebratory, aiming to empower women to step out of the "good girl" script and embody their full, erotic aliveness.
Chapters
What if being the good girl is exactly what's keeping you disconnected from yourself? For so many women, especially as we move into our 40s and beyond, we spend years taking care of everyone else, being agreeable, saying yes, and slowly forgetting what we actually want. But what happens when your body starts saying no? Today, I am joined by Lindsey May for a powerful conversation about people pleasing, sexual shame, feminine rage, pleasure, and what it really means to reclaim your own aliveness. Because maybe the woman you've becoming isn't too much. Maybe she is the woman you've been suppressing all along. Welcome to The Sex Mystic.
Hello, gorgeous.
I'm muted. Okay.
I love that you're just dancing.
That's my DJ.
I love it.
Yes, you do. I made myself sweat. Hello, beauty. I'm so happy we get to connect.
Oh, me too, Fleur.
Oh, so just so you know, I rolled the camera right now because like there is always like little like bits and good stuff to pick up for social media. But, um, yeah, we will start whenever you're ready. Don't get, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just, I'm so happy just to I know.
Um, how do, how do you want to do it? Let's, let's go into it. Like, let's just like,
yeah.
Yeah.
Awesome. I feel like we're in a like sleepover and we're just having this like beautiful, juicy conversation between girlfriends. Like,
yeah, that's the goal.
Exactly.
Beautiful. Okay, well, Lindsay, welcome to The Sex Mystique. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you.
Thank you. Me too.
So maybe like just before we jump into it, I just want to share how we met.
Yes.
We met at a beautiful women embodiment retreat. I want to say ages ago, but probably 7
or 8 years ago.
Yeah. Oh gosh, gosh. And it was like an amazing, um, like going to a women retreat was for me like a big turning point in my life and showed me so many, so many gorgeous yummy things with my body. And I remember saying, I'm not sure if you were there, but after like the second day saying like, oh my gosh, like I am so turned on.
Mm-hmm. I am so turned on. I didn't imagine, you know, being so alive and expanded in my energy, surrounded by women and doing all those wonderful practices.
Isn't it absolutely exquisite?
Absolutely, like lush, amazing, nourishing. Um, something that I think I, I looked for all my life without really, uh, knowing, but deeply, deeply yearning to be surrounded with my sister in this kind of ceremonial Beautiful, gorgeous space.
Well, Fleur, I think this is so powerful because I think that we are all longing for that, whether we realize that or not. Right. And I, I really talk about this in the sense of it is a journey of remembrance, right? There is a part of us that knows That we are profoundly connected to one another, and that when women gather and we create space for us to show up fully, to witness and be witnessed, right? To dive into pleasure and movement and dance and breath and sensuality, and really tap into our. You know, our Eros, our erotic aliveness. We come back online and this part of ourself has been suppressed for centuries, right? And so when we step into those spaces, we're not just remembering for us, we're remembering for every woman in our lineage. And we're so fortunate that we live in a time, and not everyone, right? But we live in a time where it's safe to tap back into, to our Eros, to our wild feminine aliveness.
Yes, yes. I'm like, give me more. But it's something, you know, so I say that often because, um, I, I dive more into hypnosis and the psyche and how belief frames the way we see our life, our connection with ourselves, our body, people around us, you know, like there is, you, you don't know what you don't know, right? Totally. So like there is this Um, beautiful, uh, part of herself that somehow we haven't really spent time with, um, play with. I'm not sure how you want, like, I mean, like this, you know, subpart system those days. So like, I have so much fun connecting with like all those different women that I have within me.
Yeah.
And so there is definitely like the erotic woman, and she can have so many names and so many flavors, but the erotic woman, the sensual woman, the woman that feels good in her body. Hmm. I mean, I haven't been too celebrated, you know, during like, you know, and even as a little girl, right? Like watching around what's going on. So I realize more and more that there is so much limiting belief that prevents us to access those parts of ourselves, but it's just right there. It's available whenever we are ready.
Yeah. Well, and I think, Fleur, that this really, like, this is an invitation for us all to really explore where we externalize our eroticism, right? And this is inside work. And as women, we are either completely objectified in our sexuality, right? Or purity culture shames it out of us. And so we can't win for trying. And the truth is, when we tap into our Sensual erotic nature. It's not— we become the subject of our own experience, right? Versus the object of someone else's desire. And so what you tapped into at that retreat that we were at together was your own erotic aliveness simply for The experience of yourself, and this is where so many women, I think, are longing to return to—is to experience the pleasure of our own sensuality without anyone else validating us, giving us permission. Right? And so when we really tap into that, that just beautiful river of like wild femininity, what we're accessing on this deeper level is the eroticism of simply being alive, right? And it's not, it's not sexual in nature. Absolutely it can be, and that's a very fun part of it, Right? But we're so scared to even use like the word sensual or erotic. If you look out at nature, nature is wildly erotic all the time, right? And so when we can access that, when we can literally turn ourselves on, arouse ourselves simply by our very own existence, Like, oh my, that's when things get incredibly exciting because you move through life with this energy, this like Shakti throbbing through you at all times. It's wildly magnetic, magnetic, right? It's fiercely powerful. It's absolutely delicious.
And it's totally natural, right? Like, it's
just,
you don't need anything. It's something that's like, you know, a few months ago I was pondering on, I am a nerd, I love learning, on the woman condition, you know, within and without. And, um, there is a clear aspect of womanhood that is like putting all the energy, the attention, the nurturing, the time outward.
Yeah.
And there is this very famous study, uh, that, um, I think like it was 5, 10 years ago that kind of like repertory, you know, like the lifespan of people with or without a partner. And so they took like the cisgender style of couple and they look at women by themselves living independently on their own. women living, you know, like in, in the family unit and vice versa for men.
Yeah.
And they realized, they realized that men were actually gaining years of life.
Yeah.
And women were actually having like reduced years of life, like, you know, not decades, but definitely a few years. And like, it, for me, it's clear if like You know, as a man or a woman, you didn't know that, like, in those, you know, general dynamic, there is so much that is asked of the woman to be selfless and to give and to give away without ever coming back home to herself.
Well, and I think that is actually the most critical part of that conversation, Fleur, because these are the things that I work with With my clients all the time, right? These are the conversations, the patterns that keep coming up and up for women. And what it ultimately comes down to is when our erotic life force, right? We all have this, but when it is constantly being depleted, right? Externalized out of us, and women are not. Engaging in activities, things that set their soul on fire, and it is this constant outpouring of energy, of course our life force is getting depleted, right? And that's under the best of conditions. Under, you know, I don't want to say the worst, but under worse conditions, there is an intentional siphoning of that life force out of women. Because we know it is wildly powerful. Our womb is a portal of creation, whether that is life or art or music, whatever it is, right? We are creatrixes. We all have this energy, this potentiality within us. And so when we tap into that, when we reclaim our erotic life force for us, that giving then comes from a place of benevolence, of like pure desire to give. It's wonderful. It's beautiful to be generous with our energy, to care for people, right? Where we get into trouble, where that life force energy no longer is ours to use for the sake of creation Right, is when there is that bitterness, that resentfulness, that that poison that stays within us and impacts all areas of our life. And so there is a point in every woman's life where she realizes that she is not harnessing her erotic life force. For her and the creations that her soul is longing for. And for many women, this happens in perimenopause, right, as our estrogen levels start to dip, which is our people pleaser hormone. And we are very conditioned culturally, socially, within our family units to be caretakers, to overgive To tend to everyone else's needs at the expense of our own, right? And so, as our estrogen levels start to dip, you know, our desire to make everyone else happy also starts to dip. And so, if we have been living in really disembodied patterns of behavior for decades, right? If we're being really honest, then sometimes what happens is it's like. This very like claws out Kali fire, which is, you know, a little like at first. And Kali is extraordinary and powerful and wonderful, and, you know, she is an archetype that lives in each of us that we can connect and tap into, right? But walking the beauty way, I say, of knowing when to work with that fire, not for the sake of setting these harsh boundaries, which push people away from us, right? Which is where so many women get to, is they're just like, into the forest I go, in a cabin alone by myself, right? And though that may seem desirous and inviting, often that is a reaction to years of overgiving, of not honoring our own boundaries, of not making ourselves a priority, of not knowing how to work with our erotic energy in ways that sustain our own Life, that give us purpose, right?
Yeah, when you talk, I'm just, I mean, I'm nodding all along saying like, yeah, yeah, I know, right? I know, I know. And you know, like, it's something that is so, that shakes us a little bit, you know, because I realize, you know, I've been raised as like the good girl, right? Right? So like really embodying that and even anticipating in my people pleasing, like, you know, like really, um, um, yeah, like making an art of anticipating, taking care of others and, and feeling like a lot of fulfillment, right? Right. Like a lot of joy, you know, like doing all of that. But when the burnout and when I started to, my, My energy, my battery, if you will, started to go down and was not replenished. This bitterness coming up. At first, I rejected it, but now I realize how the bitterness was like the information telling me like, hey, hey, hey, you know, like you're not serving. from a place, from a place, you know, like fully like heart open. Like now, like, we're like having, like bringing this bitterness with us, you know, which is like energetically like quite repelling and going into full mode, like going into my cave. Yeah. And taking a lot of pride actually into this hyper-independence reaction, you know, and not really coming from the place of responsibility and sovereignty and saying like, okay, well, like right now I have signs from my body, like there is a clear discomfort that is showing up more and more. I should better like listen to it or you know, investigate, figure out what's coming up. I see how, you know, like a lot of my pattern has been to disconnect from that. So for a long time, I was like pushing it away, feeling myself crumbling inside. Like there is, you know, when change happens, when you are at the end of a chapter and you're like, oh shit, like everything collapsed.
I call it the composty void. It's like just disintegration, just you're composting.
Yeah, yeah. But like, it's like, you know, what's happened right now with fall, right? Like, we're in this time, you don't see the trees really fighting, you know? I mean, maybe they do, maybe they want to keep their leaf and they're like, no, I don't do it this year, you know? But most likely when you look back at the natural world and nature and cycle of death and rebirth, you need to die to rebirth.
Mm-hmm.
And, um, you know, metaphorically, metaphorically, like identity-wise. And I think, you know, something that come up like just right now and Bear with me there, but like, it's how something that I have so much anger is coming up.
Good. Yes.
You know how women, you know, we've been put in a mold and recently it came up with, you know, the podcast. It's a video podcast. I was like, people love my voice. Why would you put yourself there? All the voices telling me not to do it. And I was like, I think that's why. I think that's why I need to do it, like, you know, to create those conversations, to showing up with me, you know, like fully embracing myself, you know, finally at 45, you know. But I see how, like, this is a programming. Yeah. This is, you know, and Um, God bless all my girlfriends out there. They're freaking powerhouse. But there is this fight that we have with ourselves and it's against time.
Yeah.
And I can feel it in my body right now.
Oh, tell me more, Fleur. There's something really, really powerful here. Tell me more.
You cannot win. You cannot win. And we've been Programmed. It's been hammered down to really focus on ourselves in ways that would keep us in this, you know, the beautiful maiden, you know, the woman that is really palatable, the woman that says always yes and is always, you know, like just, she's so easygoing. We love her. We love her, right? Mm-hmm. And so like we've been put like cattle into this Um, what I call framework, like the way to be, right? Like totally negating there is like other stuff out there. And this anger is also at myself because I believe this shit.
Yeah.
I believe this stuff. Like, you know, the old like be good, like, uh, you know, like go to school, high diploma, career shit. Like, I mean, like I was in engineering. highly masculine world, like, talking about mansplaining there, like, if you do, you know, and just like playing it, playing the theater of disempowerment, disembodiment, disconnection, self-hatred, self-abandon. Like, you know, like right now, like in this, because I'm constantly, you know, there is season of that are more or less intense, but I always try to keep myself in check and having morning. So morning are my place to be where, like, you know, like I connect with all of that. I reflect on I think like you have to see, you know, like there is so many women out there that project all this disempowerment out there in the masculinity and kind of like projecting a lot, you know. And what is even like, you know, healthy masculinity?
I mean, all of that is another— Pandora's box to open. Yes. But there is a lot of, there is a lot of tension. And this tension that we have, we have it in society, but we also have it inside of us. And that holds a lot of what I call energy, like, you know, like this vitality, this eros, creative Flow that is always there, always flowing, always going. This way to think that are what I consider quite narrow-minded and limiting keep us into survival, you know, into disempowerment.
Yes. So, well, that's, you know, That's not an accident, Floor. It's by design, right? Because when we are disempowered, when we are scared, when we question ourselves and our worthiness, we look outside of ourselves for guidance. And the truth is, when we reclaim all those parts of ourselves that we have rejected, that we have exiled. When we step back into our power, when we find the beautiful balance with our masculinity and our femininity, we internally source and reclaim what is ours, which means that we are no longer controllable. And so by design, if we are scared, if we are disempowered, we give away our authority, right? Every single one of us has an inner knowing and we don't listen. And this is where self-compassion is absolutely mandatory. Because each and every one of us lives within this structure. We live within this matrix. And so as we see more, right, we can't unsee it. And there's grief that comes with that. And that's what I'm hearing so powerfully from you, right? First, there's anger. And then beneath that anger, there is grief. And you touched on this so beautifully, Fleur, right? But I call these compass points. These are the breadcrumbs that are pulling us forward saying, keep going. You're onto something. There's something here. Come. Right? The body is always talking to us. Right? In the somatic work that I do, 80% of autoimmune disorders exist in women. Mm-hmm. Statistically, that is asinine. And it points to this bigger conversation Where when we do not listen to our inner knowing, when we self-abandon again and again, and sometimes that is a survival strategy.
Most likely.
Of course. Right? We live in community. We are biologically designed For belonging. And so if that belonging comes with a price, which it often does, of self-abandonment, we will until the whispers become very loud, right? And we cannot ignore it anymore. And again, we see this pattern so powerfully, so consistently. Where a woman gets to midlife and she says, "What the fuck?" Yes. And this is a choice point.
Yes. Yes. And and that's why there is like so much there. You know, like when you once you see it, you cannot unsee it because you see how society has been built. Of
course,
on this energy. Of
course,
covertly.
Yes. And the truth is, right, like, men, men do not— okay, on the surface level, in their disembodied patterns and behaviors, yes, men who have rejected their own feminine benefit from a disembodied woman. Right? However, if we scan out, this is not true. Men are suffering at the hands of the patriarchy as well, whether they realize it or not. Right? And it is not our job to save them as women. And this is again where that compassion comes in. Can we set strong energetic boundaries that says, I will not tolerate this? A strong woman with strong boundaries raises the frequency of everyone around her. And this is that Kali energy. This is that sacred rage. These are the compass points in the body that says something is not right here. Something is not okay, and we have been taught that our rage is dangerous, right? Is ugly, is unfeminine, is unbecoming. Absolutely not, right? Our rage is. Fiercely feminine. From rage comes creative energy, right? Again, if we look in nature, you talked about how death must happen for rebirth. Women cyclically, we go through a death and a rebirth cycle every single month with our menstrual cycles. We shed every month. We know how to release. We know how to let go. We know how to be in the void. And one of the things that I hear consistently again and again from women is they're terrified to tap into the fullness of their emotional breath because they have not had this modeled for them in a powerful way. And they're terrified that if they allow themselves to feel the grief that is below the surface, if they allow themselves to touch into that rage, that they are going to come completely undone. And to that I say, absolutely. That is the whole very point. And you'll be okay. And so when a woman comes to me and is in that like messy composty void, I'm like, yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Yes. And often she looks at me like, that was not what I was hoping for, right? But I've been there. I've been in that messy composty void and it's Terrifying. It's terrifying, right? It feels like the earth is falling out underneath you. And that is where we come back into trust of self.
Yeah. Getting into this intuitive gift that we all have.
Yeah.
You know, it's really connect us to our body, to our womb.
Yeah,
there is so much.
So I'm coming from the energy field and I can see how, you know, like we're coming into this world with a bunch of baggage that goes beyond this life.
Absolutely.
And it can be, you know, within us, within our body, creating unbalance and disharmony there.
It can come into our family unit and how, you know, like you were talking about, like the cycle of women and women shedding every month and how energetically— so there is all this beautiful physical thing happening, but on the top of that, there is the subtlety of energy. And we are shedding the energetic every month. Mm-hmm. And it's extended to our bubble, right? Like the people around us, the people we surround ourselves with. And we're doing that for a little group and every woman in the world that have the, this beautiful gift of you know, cycling, cycling naturally is shedding for the collective as well.
And it's rippling through space and time and everything, you know. And this is something that is so, you know, not talked about. Like, we see, you know, in the world out there, like, period is an inconvenience, right? Mm-hmm. Like, and Maybe like, I just want to bring that and I will let you comment on all of that.
But something I've been really, um, recently I was, you know, doing my homework and, and checking you a little bit and going into your beautiful shares, um, on social media. We will share everything. Don't you worry. It's going to be below. Uh, but like you share your relationship with your daughters. And do you know, like, all this rite of passage that, um, you know, like, is happening for you as you're witnessing your girl growing up? And I have so much, so much emotion, and you made me cry because, like, I was like, that's it. This is where civilization changes. And this is not down the line. Don't, like, don't count on anyone to help us to change things. What we can do as women is kind of like transmitting Yeah. Among each other, with our daughter, our mother. And that's moved me because I can feel the importance of it and how motherhood, it's such— fuck, man. Like, you know, it's been used and abused and this is where we are today. And we have the opportunity to do different because our mother, great-grandmother, and et cetera down the line, you know, we're, we're really, you know, put in those survival spaces that now we can break.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. There's like 47 things I want to say to that. Being a mother is the absolute greatest joy of my life, Fleur. And rites of passage have been stripped from girlhood And from womanhood. Women carry so much shame around being a woman, living in a woman's body, right? Menstruation is something so beautiful and sacred, and it has been tarnished into this dirty, inconvenient secret. And every single month, as we shed our uterine lining, we enter into this liminal space where our channels open. And birth control, for all of its obviously well-intentioned Reasons very much severs us from our connection to our own bodies, to our own cyclical nature. And so you talked about this great wounding, right, that we all come into this life with. And so our soul chose to incarnate here on Earth. And that moment that our soul chose To leave the Great Cosmic Mother was the very first wound of separation that every single one of us has experienced and lives within us. And so that separation wound is the filter through which we experience so much of our life. And the moment that we realize that we are love itself, that we are divinity itself, everything changes. And this makes me so profoundly emotional because it was the birth of my first daughter when I saw her divinity So purely, and I could not help but see my own divinity in her. And even the process of birth has become so medicalized and so sterilized and so unceremonious. Birth is one of the most profound death and rebirth cycles we can possibly experience. We are no longer a version of ourself. And I think this is the disconnect that so many women experience in motherhood, is they do not allow that version of themselves to die. And so they spend their entire motherhood journey being profoundly resentful that they can't access fully that former version of themselves. And it comes back to that version of the maiden, right? The triple womb. She lives inside all of us— the maiden, the mother, and the crone— and they each have their role to play. And one does not necessarily need to die for the other to step into its fullest power, right? In midlife, we can tap back into the beautiful energy of the maiden. She's curious, right? She's flirtatious with life. She's fun. She's energetic. She's wonderful. She's beautiful. She's innocent. She's pure. And we can all connect into that energy at any point. We can connect into the energy of the crone. Gosh, I love, I love crone energy. I work with it so So often, right? And we live in such a world right now where it's like we love righteousness. We love to like villainize things and like one is better than the other. And like we look at life so linearly and it's just so not accurate, right? We're in this beautiful spiral. Where we can see present life in multiple timelines existing at the same time, right? So, I mean, I've gone off on a bit of a tangent here, but—
All yummy tangents, you know, like I feel that this exploration, you know, like the more you, you go down there, like the more you find. Like, there is all those aspects, you know, like you, you, in what you share, you know, you talk a lot about like the dark feminine.
Yes.
Right, like this part that, um, I have to say personally, I, I just, I just start to get, you know, some like golden nuggets Of, you know, like her juiciness, her yamminess, her— she doesn't give a fuck. Like, she, you know, like this is so refreshing. And this is like this assertive power that is not— it's playing, but it's not playing.
Mm-hmm. Yep. Well, and here's the thing, Fleur, with that. I think it's actually, it's not that we don't give a fuck, it's that we are so discerning in where we send our energy, right? The answer is for us not to give a fuck. That's not the answer. I actually think we need to give a lot of fucks, but about the right thing.
Yeah.
Right? And this is that harnessing of that erotic life force. That, that it, that comes with discernment that says, you get my energy, you get my attention, this doesn't, right? And so we start to filter out the noise, I call it. And the dark feminine is about reclaiming the shadowy parts of ourselves that we learned to exile. That we learn to suppress and push away. And it is powerful. It is fabulously delicious. It's rich and velvety, right?
Yes. You know, like, it's funny, I got like this beautiful picture of, yeah, rich, velvety, like jazzy underground, you know, like interesting. Like, somehow when I practice with my peeps orgasmic hypnosis,
Yeah.
Very often people go into this kind of place and it's like lush and you're inside and outside and there is plants that just like burst and flowers that, that have like amazing nectar and, you know, like all the pleasure of the senses that we might not have the opportunity to connect with before, you know.
And it's just waiting, waiting, you know, patiently for us to— yeah, you were talking about the noise— to— Yeah. you know, like having like those clearer, clearer thing of like, you know, the fuck yes, fuck no kind of situation.
Yeah.
And it creates so much more space to grow, to create, to connect. I would love you to talk about what cooking for you, you know, like about the retreat. I think you're—
Yes.
Working on that.
And so, you know, like how those events and those places come to be to answer all this beautiful yearning that many women have, but like might not know where to start, what to do, where to go, right? Um, yeah, please, I give you the floor there.
Oh, okay. Well, one thing that you need to know when you step into my world is that it is big and juicy and we go there, right? I don't hold back in the invitation for you to meet yourself in the fullness of who you are. And that is ultimately what this comes down to. I don't have answers. I'm not a coach that says, here's step 1, 2, 3, 4. That is not how this work works. I invite you to step into the spiral of your own becoming and unbecoming. And so there are layers that each of us must shed in order to see the truth of who we are. And so my role in that journey for each woman who comes into my spaces is to reflect back to her the fears. The joy, the pleasure, the arousal. I invite her to descend into the underworld to reclaim the parts of herself that she has rejected and pushed away, the parts of herself that she has been told are too much or not enough or too loud. Mm-hmm. Right? To notice the patterns of overgiving. Of people pleasing, of self-abandonment. To tend to her, to hold space for her, to simply witness her in her grief, because that is part of this work. Right?
There's layers.
There's layers. There's layers, and we have to be courageous enough to explore all of it. And that happens on each woman's own personal timeline, right? There is no pressuring or rushing from me to open doors that you're not yet ready to open. And so what I do is I offer spaces and places and opportunities for you to meet yourself. So the retreat that you're referencing, the Wild Remembering Retreat, is coming up next weekend, actually. Um, it is exquisite. I am so, so excited for this. It is happening, um, at our cabin on the shores of Loon Lake. That itself has been a profound journey because it burnt in a wildfire 9 years ago. It is the quintessential rise Rising of the Phoenix story from the ashes, quite literally. And so to be hosting on that land is really representative of so much of my own journey. So it feels like this very full circle moment where there's also a loop that is closing for me, right? The journey is a year-long mentorship experience that I offer. It is a combination of private mentorship and group mentorship. So this is a really powerful way for someone to really, um, immerse themselves in this work, because throughout the course of the year, we really touch on so many different aspects. Um, the next program that I have coming up, it's a group mentorship program, and we're going to be really diving into shame. Right, which is like that itself is messy and icky and makes people contract and clench. Right? But until we really explore all the areas of our life where we continue to hold layers of shame, we cannot show up in the fullness of who we are. We cannot really tap into the full eroticism of life itself because we are still hiding. Behind parts of ourselves that we don't feel worthy of being fully expressed in, and looping this back to my motherhood journey with my daughters, right? My coming of age felt quite anticlimactic. If I'm being quite honest, I kind of was like, "Is no one going to celebrate the fact that I'm a woman now?" Um. And that's certainly not going to be the case for my daughters. And so this part of that is that layer of shame, right? So many women carry sexual shame. They carry levels and layers of shame simply around being a woman, our bodies, our menstrual cycles, our longings, our desires. The secret things that we want for ourselves, the things we want to create and bring into this world. And so we cannot raise shame-free children when we still carry layers of shame. And whether we are physical mothers or not, we are still creatrixes. We are all birthing things constantly into the world. So whether it's this podcast, whether it's a book that we want to write, getting on stage for open mic night, right? Anything. It always is shame that holds us back from tapping into the truest essence of who we are. So that is going to be a big juicy space. Where we're gonna do some big work.
I love, like, that you're offering, you know, like, different ways to work with you. Like, I love, like, the, the going deep with the one-to-one. Like, it's beautiful. And, and being seen in this work for women is, is just so amazing. And there is the other part with, you know, working with a collective energy. Mm-hmm. Which I think ultimately is more a natural way for women to support each other. There is a lot of beautiful things that can burst from that. It might feel a little bit, you know, I understand, like you can feel a bit shy there, but it's an amazing way to actually get like the, the, the container to activate probably things that, you know, like, um, you can see in other women.
Absolutely.
And that's really, you know, like those conversations that, um— so I'm finishing the Vita, the Vita program this year by Laila Martin, and it's been a beautiful, beautiful, amazing journey. But what I see, it's also this connection that I have with my peers, those amazing women that each time they open their mouths, each time they open their mouths, I'm like, oh my gosh, I vibe, I vibe, you know? Yeah. And so that's why I created this space to continue to have those conversations because like I feel there is so much need out there, you know, for— we have the information, but I feel during those time together, there is also an energetic aspect of things that get transmitted.
Yes.
And so, yes, like, I, I love the space. Um, I love your energy. Thank you so much for coming and taking some of your precious time Yeah.
Yeah, I have really just absolutely adored this conversation, you know, and some of, some of the things that we've talked about, even though we haven't really descended fully into them, some of them are taboo, right? For some people, this conversation that you and I just had might feel a bit edgy, it might feel a little bit uncomfortable, it might push you into the edges. And that is where the magic happens, right? We have to be willing to stretch ourselves a little bit. And so when we step into group spaces, right, where we have these conversations with multiple women, this is where shame comes to die because shame hides in the shadowy recesses of isolation. Where we think that we're the only one. And so women stepping into spaces, sharing their stories, right, taking off the masks, allowing themselves to be fully seen, gives every other woman in the space permission to do the same thing. And that is what this work is really about for me, right? None of us need anyone else's permission. And yet it is so freaking powerful when we see another woman step into her courage, step into the fullness of who she is, say the things that she has been scared to say. It does serve as a permission slip to other women to step into the fullness of who they are. And that is the most extraordinary thing we can want for one another. Because your liberation is my liberation.
Yes, yes. Ah, thank you so much, Lindsay.
Thank you.
I, I feel like we're gonna have a deeper dive. Maybe I was like, oh my gosh, like so many things that came up as you were talking, and I'm just like, can we talk about kinkiness here? Please.
I know we didn't even get to the juicy stuff.
You know, let's, let's go in the juiciness, you know, so, you know, maybe like, let's, let's see, let's see how, how it goes. I'm launching, I'm launching, promise people it's happening this month.
Yay. So there we go, Flora. Isn't that actually so symbolic? Of this entire conversation.
Yeah.
Right?
Totally. Yeah.
The creatrix is emerging.
Yeah, yeah. And, and, you know, but like, I had to make space. I had to, to, yeah, grieve a lot. Oh my gosh. Oh goodness.
Yes. But you know what? There's so much beauty in our grief. There is— this is what it means to, to live wildly and fully alive, allowing ourselves to feel the fullness, right? I— there is this dialogue, right, about manifestation and fake it till you make it and positive affirmations. Fuck all of that. For me, no. We are so busy trying to ascend out of the human experience. No. Like, descend. Get messy. Get raw. Roll around on the earth. Shed. And then rise back up with your gold. Hmm.
You know, like, it's funny because like, I think this kind of shadow work are golden, like gold shadow.
And I have like this image as you talk, like, as you descend into the muck and the void, you know, you're, you're actually gathering the golden nuggets that you're going to find and take and bring back, you know, like up to the surface. Right. But like, it's— It's, yeah, terrifying.
That is, that is, it is, it is.
Love your fear. Love the trigger. That's why I'm like going full kink, you know, I'm like, you need to be kinky. Love the exposure.
Yes.
So that's why I found myself in my bathtub. Yes. Sweaty, being like, take your phone, just chat. You know, and, um, so it's been like against all what's the, the perfect, the perfectionist in me and like the, you know, like I'm like, fuck this shit.
This is—
Yeah.
We don't want that. We don't want to spend 2 hours on a post and, and doing social media stuff. Like I want to be, um, You know, like just, I want to make it fun. I want to, you know, like somehow, you know, like not having this drain each time I'm like, oh gosh, like we need to share on social media.
No, this, this is the discernment piece, right? If it does not set your soul on fire, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't. Do it. Like, can we be done with shoulding ourselves? All the things we should be doing, right? That is the siphoning of energy. That is the leaking of our life force. What sets your soul on fire?
Well, that's—
Walk in that direction, right? Walk in that direction. That is so much the root of the womb work that I do with women, right? Is exploring what is in there, what is asking to be seen and held and brought to the surface.
Mm-hmm.
We have this beautiful cauldron within us. Of untapped wisdom, creation. Let's access that. Let's bring that out into the world.
Hmm. Yes.
Ah, so good. Thank you.
You nourish me. Yes.
Okay. I cannot wait for round 2 of this conversation.
Yes. Because like, oh my gosh, like shame. Yes. Oh. Ah, oh, ah.
Yeah. Beautiful. That's coming at the end of October. It's going to be, it's a big one.
Yeah.
Do you, do you do that? Is it like the part where you were saying this is like a group container? Do you do that online or?
Yeah, that one will be a group container. And then there's an opportunity to have private somatic sessions with me to explore some of this stuff.
Oh, wow. So like, you do that not during the retreat though? Like it's just like here and there and okay. Because otherwise if you did everything at once, it's just intense.
We need a month-long retreat.
Oh my gosh. Yes. Can we do that? Can we do that?
Can you imagine how extraordinary would that be?
The world, you know, like how you go into retreat, you go back into your life. And like everything go back to—
so, well, I know we need to wrap this up, Laura, but this is such a— this is such a powerful point, right? Is we're not meant to escape the realities of our human existence. This is that ascension piece again that everyone's chasing. It's like, yeah, going to a retreat and then returning to the mess of your life. Is going to create bigger resentment and bigger disappointments and bigger bitterness. So the retreat is not to escape. The family holiday is not to escape, right? It's like, how do we find aliveness in our life? And if we cannot, something needs to change. Something needs to shift.
Exactly.
What is your soul calling you forward towards? Don't like your engineering job? Do something else. Right? And it's not that we replace all the uncomfortable things in our life. The discomfort is there. It's necessary. We also need to be able to sit in the discomfort. We cannot just regulate our way out of our discomfort. Right? This is the other conversation that is, you know, trending right now is nervous system regulation.
Right. It's like, you need just like, that is not the pulse. No pulse.
Correct. So it's like, I have a feeling, oh, regulate back to numbness. No.
I want, I mean, like, you know, I always been an intensity seeker for, for a reason. We've been there. But like I say, like, you know, like life is not It's supposed to, you know, it's, it's supposed to be ups and downs and messy and, uh, yeah. So, okay. Well, um, let's figure it out. I, I have to, I pick up a debt today. I pick up a debt today and we're launching this stuff.
Celebrating you. That's amazing.
Thank you so much.
You take care. Bye-bye. Take care. Bye.
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