Can you turn your relationship around?

So I was a little caught off guard. But I was also, like, about to ask Luke if we could do a sit down, because, I mean, he's just been getting incredible results. And then he said, I read that message that you wanted to chat, Indy. And so I was like, well, this is. God's just doing this thing, I guess. So what exactly made you want to do that, Indy?

Well, I can see the progress that he's making, and I know that he. He looks forward to the weekly meetings that you guys have, and I see a huge, huge difference in him. One, because I know he wanted to do things differently in our relationship, you know, and, you know, for himself as well, but I can see now the difference in the effort that he's putting in and that. So I figured, I didn't know if, you know, it would help him at all or you or anything, you know, just to be able to, I guess, talk to the other half of things, you know. I don't know.

Yeah, no, of course. It's always. It's always great, obviously, to hear how it's, like, working out. What would you say is the biggest thing that you noticed from. From Luke that you were just like, wow, this is a little bit different here.

I would say the biggest thing is being more open and an honest. Not that he was never not honest, but like, about certain things, and then kind of coming to a realization on what kind of respect I wanted in the relationship, you know, more security issues and things like that. So he's. He's gone a long ways with that.

Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. What about you, brother? What do you feel like you personally, you're like, man, I think this was what kind of shifted things for. For me in our relationship.

Definitely the openness, being the guy that she's expected to me to be. But I never was. I was. I was just some little boy running around playing games. I loved her, but I just wasn't. I wasn't. I was so hurt my prior divorce that I was still stuck in little boy mode.

Got it, brother. Yeah, man. I remember when we first. When we first started meeting, you were just like. As soon as I would say something, you would do it. Like, you didn't. You didn't. You didn't question it twice. I remember. Remember the blaming exercise that I had you do? Yeah. I remember you came up and you brought up one of your daughters, and I could tell that there was, like, something there. And I just remember even thinking. I was like. I was like, I'm about to Challenge him for the first time, and I hope he takes this well. And, I mean, you just. You took it and you just ran with it, and you said, all right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it. And then the next week, you. We followed up, and the relation, even that relationship, you were like, you know, it was. Something shifted there. There was a. They saw a different side of me, and I got to show a different side, but it was all through being vulnerable and transparent. And I think. I think you might have done the same thing with. With Indy. Did you?

I said I blamed you for changing me and all that stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was that, Indy? How. How was it receiving that from him? Because I know blaming it sounds bad, but whenever we do it, it's out of such a good place. It's like, it's your fault that I'm such a great person now. It's your fault that I've grown so much. It's your fault that I'm being challenged. You know what I mean? Like, and so it comes off. I make a little switch on it, obviously. So how was that on your end, Indy?

It felt good. I didn't want to take that much responsibility, though, you know, Wanted to ultimately, but nobody really forced them to. Or maybe past relationships just kind of gave up, you know, and things like that prior to me, rightfully so. I did, too, but where my heart was, you know, no matter what. So things had to change in order to. To continue. So when he said that, I. I figured that I laid down the law, but also, I think he wanted to change all along.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's honestly what I started noticing when me and you, Luke, like, when we started meeting, it's like you had this thing about. I remember you just. You were like, I love this woman. Like, but for some reason, we just cannot make this thing. Like. Like, it's just not clicking. And I just remember you had this deep, deep desire of, like, I love her, but for some reason, I can't. And I just remember thinking, like, man, this dude has all the desire in the world and all the intention, but the tools were just out of place like that. It was just very simple tools that as soon. As soon as I gave those to you, you went. And now you guys are building this thing, right? Yes. Which is what I love the most. It's like, you know, a lot of people, they come up to me and they're like, thank you, coach. If it wasn't for you, all these things, and I'm like, I Appreciate that. But you guys are the builders. You guys are the ones every single day.

We have our spats still. But it's point where the ones where it's like, all right, this is not how it was supposed to go. Let's. This is. This is not what I meant. What I said was not portrayed to be that way. This is not how. And I'd rather do it verbally than through any text message is from. Get go. Text messages can be extruded far beyond what they are.

But sometimes that's all I have time for. And I like to get things off my chest when it happens. I'm not one that sleeps on things and work or something. You know, I'm trying to. I can see how that could be misconstrued. But I also think that the tools to break bad habits, you know, I think he break bad habits and I probably wanted to beat it out of him at one point in time, but, you know, he wanted to break that and didn't know how.

Yeah. And.

Or have good reading or something.

Yeah. And this is what I love, is that a lot of people always think like, oh, it takes two. And yes, it does take two. But if you notice, like, I was coaching one person. I was coaching one person. And naturally, when he started learning different things and started trying different things, it's almost like an invitation. Like, and it's a vulnerability. It's like you said, like, the vulnerability, the openness is what's really changed things. Like when somebody tries a new way of communicating, a new way of addressing things, a new way of saying, hey, we need to chill and we need to try this this way, because this isn't working. And I want this to work, but for some reason, this isn't. So let's reassess that's vulnerability from both ends. And I'm sure, Indy, you've done the same thing. You've brought up different things where you're like, let's navigate this a little bit differently. And you're just going to keep evolving and growing with your communication. Right. But I love that because it just. It takes just those people that if you want to, then it's going to happen. And it's everything that I've taught you, Luke. Right. Like, if you have. If you. If you want the result, all you have to do is fix your mindset to follow down to that result, and you'll create that result. If you go in. If we go in with a thought of, man, if I bring this up, we're going to get into a Slugfest, a verbal slug fest, then more than likely you're going to get into a verbal slug festival. But if you get into your mind, I really want to communicate this because I want to let her in, and I want. I want to let him in, and I want to let them see where I'm at now. You're not protecting yourself, and you can actually emotionally connect, which I feel like you guys are just doing so much of now. I don't even know what y' all have been doing specifically, but I can tell that y' all are. Y' all are connecting emotionally on another level, which is just incredible. Incredible to hear.

It is. It's. It's. It's definitely. The relationship is. Is 10 times better than it ever was.

And it.

Like I said, it takes, you know, getting rid of that negative mindset. You know, I know what I want the outcome to be, so I. In my mind, I'm portraying that outcome to what it is, and then I don't have that negative.

I agree. You know, it was trust and things like that, and he is proving himself time and time again. It's hard, you know, you don't just forget the past that doesn't, you know, things like that. So it. I. I believe that he is changing and that those are going away as far as, like, his habits and things like that.

That.

That I didn't like, of course, but there's times that I try to say different things, and I. And I don't want to bring up the past, but there's times that I feel I'm having a feeling, and it's coming from that.

Yeah. And that's one of the things that I've actually covered specifically with Luke, because every man that I've worked with, every single man, I just hate when she brings up the past, is what they say, and I have to remind them. I'm like, it's not that she's bringing up the past. It's that she's trying to communicate that what you're doing now is making me feel the way that I felt then, and that's the best way that y' all know how. And I. The more that he's began to understand that, I believe that the more that he's been like, when you bring up those things in the past, hopefully, the more he's been like, okay, now I know she's not throwing that in my face, but she's trying to tell me where she's coming from. So it, like, hopefully is going to increase Yalls communication in that way. Also because it can be frustrating, right, for a man to feel like your past is being. Even for a lady to feel like your past is just constantly being thrown at you. But when you understand it's not being thrown at you. I'm actually just trying to show you what I'm feeling and where I'm coming from. It's not that I'm trying to batter you with it. I'm just trying to actually be open. And when that perspective shifts now it's more of like, oh, I want to hear where you're coming from, because I don't want you to hurt like that. Instead of. It becomes defensive on the other spectrum, right? Yeah. And Indy, just some quick coaching. Okay. For free, right now. So trust is a feeling, right? And so this is everything that I teach. Our feelings are created by our thoughts. Anytime that you watch a movie or you think something, immediately, for some reason, we start feeling it, even if that thought isn't real in that moment, Right. It generates a tangible feeling in our bodies. And so what I love is you said you were like, I'm beginning to trust more because I see him doing these actions and things of that nature right now. What's actually happening is when you see his actions happening, it's generating a thought in your head of, he's actually trying. Oh, he's actually. So those thoughts begin to create trust. So if any moment distrust tries to creep in and he's not doing anything to create that, you can actually combat it and help him by generating thoughts that create trust, right? The feeling of trust. So you can go back to a moment where you saw him do something that created trust in you, and you're like, oh, I remember that. I remember. And then that begins to. Oh. And you begin to create the feelings of trust, right? And I have an Instagram video of one of our men, Casey, where I literally walked him through a whole process where he was stuck on this one feeling just frustrated and pissed off. And then we created an optional thought to get the result that he wanted, because the result that you want is to trust him and to be in a loving relationship. So that's the result you want. So let's create that for Indy by creating the thoughts that we need to create to feel that, to give us that best relationship that we can't create. Just like Luke. Same thing, brother. You got to create the thoughts that make it feel like she's opening up to me, not she's attacking me. That way we have that relate. And now we become in sync with each other. And we're both giving each other the best opportunity to succeed in the relationship because we are managing our own feelings and our own thoughts, and now we just kind of get to complement each other. You see what I'm saying? It's beautiful. Beautiful. Anything. Anything else, Indy? Anything else that just stood out to you that you kind of want to share on this call?

No, I think that basically touches base with everything that I was thinking, and I understand where you're coming from. I have to. I have to, you know, sometimes think about how to go about saying something so he doesn't feel attacked. I'm still working on that, you know, and, you know, I do think about some of the good things and that now more often than I did before. You know, I just. I think that it's all going to come together. I just don't. I just don't want. I think it's hard. It's a process because, you know, I don't want to be hurt or, you know, because I was like, oh, no, everything's fine. And, you know, I put it all there, and then, you know, it's scary. It's like, okay, you know.

Yeah, no, it definitely is. And I remember actually talking to Luke about this, too, and I said, you've got to expect some. Some resistance because there's. There's. There's pain that's involved, right? And naturally, what ends up happening is to avoid pain. As humans, we try and protect ourselves, and when we try and protect ourselves, there's a lack of an emotional connection, which both people are wanting. But if both people are trying to protect themselves, then the emotional connection begins to lack. Right? And so then. Then there's that one point where we have to take that leap. We have to take that risk of, you know, what, the walls are going to come down. Because I want this more than I want to be protected. And that's. That's a hard one sometimes, right? But it's like. It's like I teach every single one of my clients is when an eagle lands on a tree, it's not worried if the tree's going to fall. In other words, if the tree is the relationship, it's not worried if that's going to fall. Because the eagle can fly and it knows, like, I can catch myself, I'll be okay. Right? And so it's that same theory. It's knowing, like, I can be open and vulnerable and I can take this risk because if something tends to happen, I'll be able to catch myself. And that's a beautiful place to be. And so I've honestly, I've talked to Luke a lot about being. Being patient and allowing. Allowing that resistance to come, which in those moments might be very frustrating at times because you're like, dang it, woman. I just want you to understand how much I love. And then you're trying to say, dang it, man. I'm just trying to tell you to give me some time and be patient with me. And so there's this beautiful, yet sometimes annoying dance of like, okay, let's get. And then there's that moment where you fall into sync. And those moments are beautiful. And the more that we capture those moments and we can create those moments, it's just. The relationship is just going to continue to blossom. And so I love that. It's always good. We're always going to be a working progress. But I love that you guys are actually being super intentional with each other, because great relationships, great humans, they don't just happen by accident. The life that you two want, individually and together, it's not going to come by accident. It's going to come by intentionality. It's going to come by choice. It's going to come by waking up and saying, what am I going to choose today? What am I going to choose to believe today? What I want to choose about her? Is she still holding on to the past, or is she communicating and letting me in? When she brings those things up, I can choose what I want. So I can take it differently. Same thing for him. What am I going to choose to believe out of him? Is he actually trying and is he actually wanting to protect me? Right. And when we begin to choose those things, like I say by 1% every single day, in 100 days, you're a 100 completely different person. Just choose 1% every day towards the relationship.