Dealing with being away from your kids as a Single Dad.

Hey, welcome back to the channel. So if you are a single dad and you just went through a divorce and you're struggling because you're so far away from your kids, trust me, I know that. I went through that. You come home and the house is empty, you're far away from them, and you're just wishing that there's more that you could do. You were already struggling with parent guilt as is while you were married and there with them every single day. And now there's this distance that you didn't ask for between you them. If that's you right now and you're struggling with that, the story that you're about to hear is from a gentleman who went through that exact same thing, living hours and hours away from his kids. And he went from just completely depressed to completely turning that whole situation around. And now he's got an even deeper connection with his kids. And I believe that his story is going to bless you. It's going to encourage you, and it's going to give you a glimpse into what's possible. So I hope you enjoy day. I've got an incredible guest with me. Just so you know, if you are a dad who's going through a divorce, okay, and you are struggling because you feel like you're failing as a father because we go through this. I know I went through this. Johnny, we're going to talk about this here in a little bit. But you feel like you're failing as a father because you're distant now from your kid and you're not there as much as you used to be. This is going to be for you amongst so many different things as well that we're probably going to cover. But I know that this is going to bless you. And so if you're feeling like, man, this is me right now, I'm failing as a parent, I feel like I'm failing as a parent because of the distance between me and my kids. Now, practically, then I really believe that this story is going to encourage you quite a bit. And so I want you to welcome my brother, Johnny Walker, which, by the way, bro, that is like the sickest name in the world, right? Johnny Walker. Not to be confused with the scotch. Still hits like scotch, though.

Yep, still hits like it, you know?

Yeah, bro. So I want. I want you to just kind of share a little bit about where you were when we first met. And I don't even remember when that was. Just so you guys know, Johnny just got back from the mission field. When I say mission field, I'm Talking about, like, you know, bombs and things of that nature, just doing his thing, right? And. And he was like, hey, man, ready to do this, this. This podcast and. Or this testimonial? And if that doesn't already speak to his heart, that as soon as he comes back, he's willing to do something to serve people after going out and serving our country, like, then I don't know what does. Guys, for real. And so, bro, just tell them a little bit and, like, just remind me of where you were, because I remember one of the biggest struggles for you was that of, like, man, I feel like I'm failing as a father. So where was Johnny when we first started working together?

Yeah, so it was actually pretty close to a year ago, a little bit over, and I just moved out to Georgia, and I was struggling with the distance. I wasn't able to go to soccer games. I wasn't able to go, you know, pick them up from daycare at the end of the day or, you know, just hang out with them and. And just hear about their day. And so. So now it's gotten to the point where I found bridges for those gaps. So my oldest, she calls me pretty much every day. You know, when I was in Africa, it was like 3am and I was like, I cannot do this right now. Or I just didn't hear my phone because it's 3:00am and, you know, and so now. Now we've bridged that communication gap, and now she'll call me about anything, whether that's how her day was, if she's struggling, you know, kids are picking on her, and, you know, like, just to be excited, she tell me to tell me she got an A on something. And whereas normally I'd be home for that, you know, I'm not home for that. So now we just do it over the phone, and she'll send me pictures of her A's. One of the big things that I can think of right now, just off the top of my head is she went to her first school dances last year. I call her my little girl because she. She's my oldest, and she'll always be my little girl, just like my youngest will always be my baby girl. But she wanted to go to her first dance. I told her she was gonna have a great time, and she. She didn't know if she wanted to go. I'm like, listen, you're gonna have a great time. She's like, but you can't take dress shopping. I know. Every dad's heart just broke right there. Yeah, Every dad's heart just broke right there because mine did. And I was like, you know what? We'll find a way to do this. I don't think I'll be able to drive down there because it was like a day's heads up. I'm like, I'll take, I'll call one of my friends. They'll come pick you up, they'll take you dress shopping. We'll FaceTime. You can try on all the different dresses you want. Want. You can send me pictures. And inevitably, we found a way to go dress shopping. Granted, I wasn't there in person, but we still found a way. And were there. You always say, where there's a will, there's a way. And you just have to find creative solutions to that way.

Yeah.

So like, I can't do a 20 hour drive and then go dress shopping for, for five, six hours and be back in time for work, you know, the next day. So we found a solution and she loved it. She was able to take pictures of all her dresses. And I was like, I was like, I really like this one and this one and this one. What do you think? She's like, oh, well, I don't really like that one, but I do like this one. And she ended up picking out this gorgeous red dress. And she was absolutely beautiful.

Come on, bro. Man, I love that because that was literally one of your biggest struggles in the beat beginning. It was just, man, I'm missing out on so much. And that feeling of missing out as a, like, first of all, whenever you get left, it's like the first thing that hits you. Most men say this, almost all men say this is you feel worthless.

Yeah.

And then on top of that, now you're not able to show up for your kid the way that you used to show up for your kid. And when you were showing up for your kid in that way, you even felt like you're not doing enough for your kid. Right. And so then it gets added on even more and more. And so, bro, I remember you had a massive block where you just, you're like, man, I'm missing out on so much. And you were experiencing the distance in misery. So how in the program, through the coaching calls, all that, what was it that made you be able to kind of start turning that thing around? Because I remember when you did the Amazon package for Back to School.

Yeah. Yep. So it was, it was kind of just like reframing everything, you know, and just being like, well, I can sit here and be miserable, miserable about it. And do nothing. Right. Or I can just sit here and reframe this in my mind and say, well, I'm here. There's nothing I can do about that. But how can I also be here and be there at the same time? And that's when, you know, doing. That massive Amazon shipment came in. You know, I've told you about Chuck the Duck. You know, my little rubber ducky. I take everywhere. He just went to Africa with me. He goes everywhere with me. You know, like, I'll take pictures of him in the cockpit, on the planes. I'll take pictures of him with the flight attendants. You know, even goes out and does demo with me. Chuck goes and does everything with me. And my kids know that. And, like, I'll take pictures of them and be like, oh, where's Chuck going today? Be like, come on, Daddy. We know Chuck's going to Africa with you. Don't be silly. So it's. It's a way that I found that. That me and my kids can have an experience together.

Wow. Geez, bro, that's really good. So, again, like, this is what I'm hearing you say. I'm hearing you say that I was handed a situation, and then I got to the point where I started realizing I can be miserable in that circumstance.

Yep.

Or I can choose to experience it on my terms.

Yep. You know, just. Just reframing all that in your brain. And then once you start doing that, you start getting rid of those blocks, and once you get rid of the blocks, the creative juices start flowing, and, you know, the world's your oyster at that point. You'll. You'll find new and inventive ways every single day. Yeah.

Yeah, that's very true. And that's what you've done, because you've been. You've been distant physically. You've been present virtually.

Yeah.

And I. You said this one time, and it caught my attention, and I want you to hit on this. You said, I'm more intentional now.

Not.

Not that I was a bad dad back then, but I feel like I'm more intentional, more present now than I even was when I was married and there all the time.

Yeah, for sure. You know, it. It's kind of like taking. Taking life for granted. You know, you. When. When you have everything at your disposal, you start taking those little things for granted. Whenever my kids come down now, you know, every moment's precious. You know, we'll. We'll sit down and we'll have hard conversations together. Whereas, like, if I was back home with them, I Wouldn't have those conversations with them because I didn't feel they needed it. I was trying to shelter them and protect them. Now I shelter them and protect them with knowledge and, like, what's actually going on. So, you know, whether. Whether the distance is a couple miles, a town, a city, or, you know, three states, distance is distance. And granted, when you're closer, there's a lot more things you can do. But, you know, you. You always have to be intentional about what you do.

Mm. So, yeah, that's really true, and that's so good. There's another thing that you took from the coaching group that you even just brought it back up today, and it's a term that I say so often, and it's that life is not happening to you. It's happening for you. And that was. It's the. For you mindset that I teach.

Yeah.

I feel like, bro, you. You've adapted that to, like, the next level.

Yeah, for sure. So. So when we sit here and say, life's not happening to you, it's happening for you, you know, because, you know, I'm in the circumstances that I am, I've taken that and changed it to where I now have. My relationship with my kids has gone 180. You know, we talk more, we share more or less. Were painfully honest with each other. And I think that's one of the benefits is my oldest knows, you know, no matter what happens, she can always sit there and tell me the truth. Yeah. She doesn't have to lie. And we'll work through whatever the problem is. And you may not see the results of that at first, but you have to sit there and keep going with it and being consistent with it, because you're essentially changing the image your kids have of you in their mind. They're being like, man, this is how dad was. I used to not be able to bring, you know, X, Y, and Z up to him. He'd get mad, he'd get upset. But now I can bring home A, B, and C, which is way worse than what's over here, and he's still not getting mad. And we're working through the problem together. And. And the amount you can accomplish at the end of that is huge.

Yeah, brother. That's powerful, man. That's so powerful, because what you're talking about now is emotional intelligence that you built because of the hardships that you got put through.

Frank, Frank, we're gonna sit here and talk about emotions. I got the pillow.

Get the pillow, bro. Go show them the pillow.

So for Those of you that don't know, this is the emotion wheel pillow. Okay? It's like the color wheel, but it's got emotions in it. Okay? Me and my kids. My kids have one, too. They've got a poster of it on their wall, and it's always accessible. You know, to be able to sit there and work through those emotions. You got to have the emotion wheel pillow. Exactly.

Exactly. And, bro, this is what I. This is what I love about it, is that, like, y', all, I wish that I had a call and I might have one. No, I don't. Where. Where Johnny first signed up for a clarity call to see if this is even something that would be beneficial for him. And I wish that you could see Johnny then and then the Johnny now and the difference in his emotion, like his emotional capacity. Because as men, and you know this now, and you carry it so well, brother. Like, we've got to have the capacity to. To be the rock, to be the mountain, to be the refuge for our family, for our kids. But if we're getting easily triggered by these little things, it's like they're not going to feel safe enough to come with, like what you said A, B and C now, which is a lot heavier. And isn't it crazy that because you went through something incredibly difficult that you didn't choose, you were forced to grow emotionally? Well, you weren't forced to. You made the choice. There's a lot of people who don't make that choice. They actually get weaker emotionally because of it. Right. But you got stronger. And so what that did was it created this relationship with your daughters where it's like, in years to come, there's going to be a next level harvest, because most people never have that open communication line of communication with their parents. That's why they need a therapist. The great thing about a therapist is it's someone to be honest, open and honest with. The problem with a therapist is that's the only person you can be open and honest with. Right.

You know, and, oh, great, my dog's moving the table on us. But so. So the other great thing about, you know, having. Having this range of emotion and range of, you know, conversation now, your kids are extremely stressed out throughout this entire process.

Yeah, they are.

We. We always forget how hard it is on them as parents because, you know, Mom's in her own feelings, right? Mom's doing her own thing. Dad. Dad's over here in his feelings, and it's. It's super hard on the kids. But once you can get Them to open up to you. You're gonna see them just blossom mentally, emotionally, physically. If you're spiritual, you'll see them, you know, blossom spiritually. And the best example I have of this is we're going to take this with a grain of salt because Louisiana school systems are what they are, but they go off like a 7 point system instead of a 10 point system like the rest of the world. But, you know, she was getting, you know, B's, C's, D's regularly since, you know, she's been able to work through all this and talk to me and be emotionally there. Come on, you know, you're taking that strain off their brain for, you know, what's happening at home. And they're now able to apply that in school and bring themselves to a fuller potential. And so now, like, we're seeing A's and B's and C's. Where'd those D's go? They're gone. Yeah, gone. You know, now she can focus on school, man.

And that's what an available father does, an available parent, man. Like, here's the. Here's the thing, y'. All, I want you to understand this. It's not that Johnny wasn't experiencing a tough time. It's that he learned how to process his own emotions at a convenient time where he. He needed to do. And he got intentional about it. And then the consistency of that led him to be in a place where he's now able to hold space for other people. Not just his kids, other people. Because you've helped other people out as well, too. And, and that's what I want us to catch, is that, man, it is so crucial. The reason why I just did, bro, I don't know if it. Probably not because you were in Africa, but I just did a whole live on, like, the negative effects of a single mother's household and all the statistics behind it. And it's terrifying. And it's not because it's a single mother's household, but it's exactly what you just mentioned. And I cover it on that live. It is because when we are emotionally not okay, we are not present. So we put. We add that strain onto the kids and then that affects them in other things instead of uplifting the strain like you did, where now, without them even recognizing it, they're able to perform at a greater and better capacity in other areas in life. All because dad was willing to do the work.

Yep.

That's amazing, brother.

Yeah. And then, you know, you were talking about therapy, too. She's probably gonna hate me for this. But the oldest, she. She goes to therapy, and. And we're. We're at a point now to where, like, before she would just tell me, like, oh, yeah, you know, I went to therapy today, and I was like, oh, okay, how'd it go? She's like, it was good. Like, okay, do you want to talk about anything you talked about? No. I'm like, okay. And. And now there's times where she'll actually talk to me about what she talked about.

That's awesome.

And like. Like, that just goes to show if you're open and honest and consistent, they'll eventually be open and honest and consistent with you. And then. And then you don't have to pay a shrink to talk to your kids. Your kids will actually talk to you.

Weird. That's so weird how that works, bro.

It's wild, man.

Johnny, that's. That's phenomenal. If you could say something encouraging because I want to make sure that I honor your time and the viewers time. If you could say something to. Let's speak to a single dad right now.

Okay.

Let's speak to a single dad who freshly has just gone through the divorce, and they're feeling like, man, I do not know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. I feel like I'm failing. I'm feeling like I'm worthless. Actually, let's just put it this way. To Johnny one year ago. If you could talk to Johnny one year ago, what would you say to that?

Johnny, you know, you're gonna fail. You're gonna struggle. You're gonna be broken. You just had a massive part of your life ripped from you. Now it's time for you to heal. You got to look at what the future has to offer because it's there. This. This moment in time is just absolutely miserable. Deal with those emotions. Don't stuff them down. Go through it. Don't let it hold you back. And remember, life's not happening to you. It's happening for you. There's something better on the other end of this.

Yeah. Come on, brother. Come on. That's incredible. That's a grow. Johnny, thank you so much for doing this, brother. For real, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much.

No problem.

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