Healing from divorce trauma and regret - Adriana's Story

All right, Adriana. So first of all, I just want to say that it's been. Honestly, it's been such an honor working with you and getting to have some sort of role in your life. Right. Especially on this journey that you've been on. And it makes me extremely grateful just to know that I'm going to have just a small dent in your legacy, in your kids legacy, their kids legacy. And that is what all of this is about. And so I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart that you trusted me, because I know it's not easy. So, yeah, thank you so much.

No, thank you. And I don't think it's been little. I feel like you kind of just kind of were that last puzzle piece to kind of put a lot of things together for me, because, like, I shared with you. So I've been divorced for four years now, so I've been going through this journey for. For five years, and I feel like I reached out a lot, right? I was going to the healing rooms at church. I went through their school of ministry. I've been in and out of therapy, like, these whole five years. And I think the experience that I had with you, it just kind of put it all together where I was able to put the spiritual, the practical, and actually work through it together versus it being separate. And so that, to me, just made all the difference.

Wow.

I love that so much.

I love that. Because one of the main things that I truly do believe is that if it's spiritual, it has to be practical. And I told you all that. I was like, and if it's practical, it's spiritual. It's not one or the other. It's both. And. And I love that. So tell. Tell me and anyone who's listening just kind of like what. What your expectation was, even if it wasn't a good one. Right? Versus your experience. Because I know, for example, like, one of our other women, right? Amber, her first, like, weekend, I think it was like, three days before we even had her a call. She was like, I don't know if this is for me. And I told her, I was like, hey, look, if it's not for you in two weeks, I'll give you a full refund, right? And then our first call, and she was like, oh, my word. This is everything I needed. So I know that sometimes expectations can be kind of low or we can be kind of guarded, right? But what was your expectation and what was your experience?

Well, like, I shared with you, I felt like I had kind of seeked out and gone through everything already. And so I don't even remember how I came to your page, honestly. I just know that I was on Instagram and I ended up on your profile somehow. And so I started following you for a few days, and that's when you started posting about this group. And it was in December when we started together. So it was towards the end of the year. I was just kind of really reflecting and wanting to kind of close out the year, see how things had gone last year. And just I knew this year had to be a year of breakthrough for me. God had just been putting that in my heart throughout last year. Like, last year, I felt like he just kept sitting like, you know, you need to be still. You need to be still. You need to work through things. Right. I was in a car accident, which triggered my back. So I had back pain. I recovered from that. And then I was in. It was in a boot because I sprained my foot. And then after that, I was off the boot for a week. And then I got Covid. So, like, I just. God was just like, you need to sit still and you need to work through these things.

It's like opposition after opposition.

Yeah. And I'm like, working through, like, no, God, I'm gonna power through this. I got this. I got this. Like, no, like, you need to sit still. And so when. When I saw you were posting your group, I was like, okay. I just felt like this was something that I needed to do. Like, I said, I didn't really know what to expect. I felt like. I said, I felt like I had already gone through it. So I'm like, okay, well, worst case scenario, I'll go through, like, you know, similar things that I've already gone through.

Yeah.

But no, like, I think just right off the bat, just even having that conversation with you, I think you started confirming a lot of things without you knowing. That kind of holy spirit had already been putting in my mind. And that's what really put me to ease. I think when I checked in with you, I was just kind of like, no, like, let me look at my finances. Is this really something I can invest in? And it was like, yes, like, you need to do this for yourself. Right. Because I feel like I always put myself in the back and it's just like, you know, do everything for my girls, But I'm like, no, I can't be there for my girls if I can't work through a lot of these things. And, yeah, it's just off the bat, the Very first thing you posted on the. On our group was a passage or not a passage. It was the message from TD Jakes and.

Yeah, the interview.

Yeah. And so right after I heard it, those are two of the pastors that I follow. So that for me was like, once again, confirmation. Like, this is where you need to be. I got the book and I started reading it. The first book I had read in who knows how many years. I have a lot of books, I start them, but I just never have the time. I never moved make the time to finish through. And so that in itself was just huge for me, you know, And I think it was just the exercises and it wasn't just the exercises, but I think it was the timeline of how you presented them as well that just made all the difference for me. Right. We started with that flip the script. And that was so powerful for me. I do vision boards, so I've been doing vision boards for four years now. And. And so I kind of already know what I want, where God is kind of leading me in that year. But for me, what made all the difference was when you had us write the evidence, right? What was the evidence of the script that I was believing? And why was that not true for me anymore? Right. Why was I holding on to those things? And it wasn't until I actually started writing these down, like, right, you're better off alone. Well, why is that not true? You know, what are God's truths about me? What does he have for me that is going to debunk that? And it was debunking each one that made it that much more powerful. I had the vision, but I couldn't get past, these are the thoughts that I have, right? These are the thoughts the enemy's putting in my head. And then he's like, just keeps replaying. And now how am I going to get to this vision that I know God has for me, that this life that I know that, you know, God promises us that when he takes something away, right. It's because he has something better waiting for us, right? So that. That to me was super powerful.

I love that.

I love that so much because I can hear. I can hear just even just in your tonality, like how this was something that it just aligned with you. And it was like the fact that it aligned with you so much. It just created more passion, more desire, more zeal to be like, this is something that I need to put all my efforts into. And then, I mean, I can just imagine that as you started seeing, even just from flip the script to stacking the evidence to, you know, forgiveness, to healing, regret. Like, all of these little tools, I almost feel like they just stacked one on top of the other. And you were just like, oh, my word, I got to invest everything more into this one and into this one and into this one.

No, definitely. And I think that's what I appreciated about you, that when I did come with you with questions, I think when I talked to you about it was the Tony Robb, right? It was the prime video. I felt so peaceful, but, like, in my spirit, I was just like, should I be doing this? He's talking about energy coming into me, right? And then you just kind of broke it down for me. Like, spiritually, how does that align? Right? We receive Holy Spirit all the time. We receive his power. And so it's like, okay, I'm inviting Holy Spirit to come through me and heal me, right? And to come through me and empower me. So it was just those little things, right? Because you hear certain words and they kind of trigger, like, oh, like, you know, is that really what I should be doing? Not only that, but just having you. I think a lot of the practices that you do, you kind of back them up with scripture, right? When we were talking about, like, just flipping the script, right? Or just holding every thought captive, right? You walk me through spiritually, like, where that comes in the Bible, and once again, it's the practical and the spiritual coming together, right? I might have seen and heard those things before, but I couldn't believe them as much. Knowing, like, not having that evidence to support it, not knowing where it was coming from. And that was, once again, that was the game changer for me, that I can actually put both of them into practice and be okay with practicing this, because I know that it's backed up, you know, spiritually, it's backed up in the Bible.

Yes.

Oh, I love that.

So tell me, what's the biggest takeaway that you're the most grateful for out of this?

The biggest takeaway for me, when I saw Breakthrough, like I said, I think it was the intentionality of just how you presented things. And like you said, it was week by week, me working through it, and then the next week, okay, like, now I got to go into this activity. Now I got to go into this one. So I think everything kind of helped prepare me. For me, the breakthrough. Can't even speak. The big breakthrough for me was the regret, right? And I think I shared on that that week. Like, I was in tears in that message. Because when you were talking Like, I just felt it, you know, Holy Spirit was just like, this is what you need to work through. And I had shared with you just like having been able to work through some of those things with my girls, I couldn't let go of it. You know, I was able to forgive. I was able to do this and that, but. But I hadn't forgiven myself, right. I still had a lot of regret of what the circumstances. And I think the week prior to that, we had talked about looking at the blessing, right? And so working through that, okay, well, I'm able to see the blessing in my divorce. I'm able to see what God has done through me and just how he's used that circumstance, right? So I think I shared with you. So out of that, I lead a Bible study on Fridays for single moms, right? I'm able to connect with them because I've been through this experience. I'm able to create the safe space to open up my home, right? To just use God to minister to these women through that heartbreak, through that experience that I've been through. And so I see his faithfulness, right? And so when I look at the circumstance with my daughters, I couldn't see past it, like, God, how are you going to use this? I just see the trauma. I just see the regression in them. You know, I just. I. It's a daily struggle for me. And so reflecting back on that, it's like I could see his faithfulness in me. So I have to believe in his faithfulness for them. I have to believe, you know, I have to be able to work through and be okay with. With who I was at that point. And once again, it was debunking those lies, right? Me going back and saying, okay, what really happened? What was I able to do for them? And. And it was those lies that you're not a good mom, right? And it was just that, that replay, and it was words that had been spoken over me that I just started believing. And so once I was able to once again lay that foundation and debunked every single one by actually laying the evidence, I was just kind of. It was released over me that, like, okay, you've seen his faithfulness. You're going to see it again. You might not see it right now, but that's God's promise that he will be faithful and that he will use this for their good, you know, down the line. So. So my job as a mom is to help them work through it, you know, and thankfully now I'm equipped now I can actually Work with my girls to be able to do that. You know, it might not be as paper cut as here, right? Because just of their age and where they're at, but it's this, you know, just having the skills, having the things that I've already gone through that now I can support them through it. And that to me, that was, you know, huge.

I love that. I love that so much.

Because that's what it's all about. Like I even told you ladies, I'm sure you were on that call when I was saying how like the reason why I do this, it's yes, I care about y', all, but I care more about Yalls legacy. I care more about those little girls. I care more about the kids, right, because they're the ones that get to carry like whatever we build off of, they get to build off of that. And so let's build as high as possible and let's break as much strongholds as possible so they don't have to do it so that they can experience a new level of breakthrough. And I just absolutely love that. I do want to ask you this, and we can end on this question because I want to make sure I honor your time also. What changed after your breakthrough? What was a difference that you noticed even maybe in you relationship with your daughters work, like, whatever. What was one of the biggest changes that you have noticed?

So I have to take it back to taking every thought captive, right? We talked about focus, right? And that was one of your big topics in the beginning. And so I think like you said, putting in the work each day, putting in the work, that 1%, you know, just makes all the difference as you start building on it, right? Because not only are you building that 1%, but you're still continuing all the other things that you, that you've done. So it starts, you know, progressively, right? It makes a big difference in a short amount of time. And so for me, it was that focus, right? It was think having that mindset of abundance, right? We talked about just the action or just the thought behind the action, right? And if that thought isn't correct, even though our action might, you know, we might be good action. Exactly. It might be a good action. But because that thought was negative, because it's coming from a place of fear, it's coming from, you know, being scared, whatever it is, you know, that action, ultimately it won't have those good results. And so for me, you know, flipping those, those negative thoughts into positive ones and just being very mindful, you know, being very intentional with My thoughts of what, what do I want for today? Right? Just focusing on today. Because when you start thinking like too far ahead, you just kind of get overwhelmed, like I can't get there, you know, and that made all the difference for me. I think I shared with you, like I was able to finish that book. I had not finished a book in forever, right? Making it. Because I would just always make excuses. I'm a single mom, I don't have time, you know, and it's like, no, I need to make time. This is for me, like, this is gonna be part of my healing, right? And so that book, all the Difference, you know, I think I told you I started that, that fitness challenge and it was, I did a fitness challenge and then I'm doing the 75 hard, right? So it includes reading that book and that's why I did it, right? Being really intentional about what I want to do includes, that includes the, you know, just the fitness, the meal plan and all that. So I've been able to lose 15 pounds since then, you know, and it's just, it's huge for me because it's that mindset. Like, if it's important enough for me, I'm going to make the time. If it's important enough for me, I'm going to invest the money in it, you know, and it's making those small changes each and every day and being intentional, right? It's not Easy to get two 45 minute workouts in every day. You know, one of them has to be outside, right? And it's like making it work with what I have. Yes, I, I'm a single mom. But like, what I need to teach my girls, you know, healthy eating habits. I need to teach my girls to stay fit, right? I want to promote education for them. So it's like the intentionality behind each individual thing just made all the difference. And once again, it was that mindset, it was that focus that we talked about, like, what do I want out of this? And for me, once again, it's going to be breakthrough. Like there was no other option. I'm going to do the work because I have to see the breakthrough. Like, I just, I hear God saying, like, you know, you're ready to move on to this next phase. But I just felt like I was stuck for so long and so changing that mindset, being focused each and every morning, right? Being intentional or even just those, those check ins at night, like, how did things go? How can I make things better? Right? Because as a parent, you feel like a failure every Day, right? You. You pinpoint all of those moments that I yelled at them again, like, oh, like, I shouldn't have said that. Like, I should have chosen my words differently.

Right?

But it's like, okay, in the moment. Like, I can easily, like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, and I start catching myself and. And I start. You. Okay, like, give me a minute. Like, sometimes mommy needs a timeout, right?

Yeah.

Because it's like, okay, like, I'm too caught up in the moment, and even then, you know, living in each and every moment, and it's like choosing peace in the moment. So, yeah, like, what they're doing is, you know, driving me crazy at this moment, but I'm still going to choose a place of peace because I need to be able to discipline them. Right. And it's not just, you know, giving them, like, you know, this is your punishment. No, like, I want them to learn. I want to disciple them through it. I want them to teach them what it is, because I don't. I see, once again, the downfall you talked about, you know, those break, those breaking down those bondages and just, you know, those generational crisis that keep coming. Well, my parents went through divorce, right? And so I see that, and I think that was my biggest fear. Like, I don't want to turn into my parents. Like, 20 years later, they still can't talk to each other. They still can't be in the same room. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to hold those, you know, those quick, those grudges and live out of that anger the rest of my life, you know? So like I said, it was just everything coming together. I think that that was just so huge.

I love that.

And what I'm hearing also, and you're not even saying it, but I remember when you first started when you did the Tony Robbins exercise, you sent a message, and it was something along the lines of, I don't have enough time, but I chose to do it at night. And, oh, my goodness. And it was what you were saying. You always had the excuse, and we all have it, right? And it's. It's. Let's think about it for a second. Let's be practical. It's a valid excuse. It's a valid reason. And you and a lot of people are right when they say that. But right only gets you so far. You see what I mean? And I think what you've realized, probably without even realizing, and you probably did realize it, is that with you choosing to be quote, unquote, Selfish in moments. It's actually made you selfless overall with your little girls. Am I. Am I correct in saying that?

Yeah, no, definitely. And it's. It's created those moments where I can bond with them, right? When I can have those conversations with them. And it makes all the difference because now I'm not just focused on, like, you know, scolding them about this, this, and this. Like, now I can actually love on them and they then feel it. Right? Because I tell them, like, me disciplining you is loving you. Right. I'm correcting you. It says in the Bible, you know, but they don'. Feel it that way. Right. You're the worst mom ever. La da da da da. Right. But I can actually, you know, spend those times. I could take them to the park every day so I can get my walk in, you know, and for them, it's. It's fun time and they enjoy it, and it's something that they need, you know, so it's just. Yeah, it definitely. I definitely would agree with that.

Adriana, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you because I've just seen from when you started and from what you've been telling me, just. Even. Just your relationship with your little girls has just. It's just shifted. Even if it's just a small. Like, that's not saying, hey, you were a bad mother. No. But we can all evolve and we can all expand and we can all grow. And I love that now you're, like, in such a place where even disciplining your kids, it's like you're showing love through it. Whereas before, it would come out of a place of frustration, it would come out of a place of, like, tiredness, weariness. Right? And now it's like you are so in control of your life again. You're starting to live life by design. And that is how God intended us to live life. It's a life of abundance. And I said this before. I do believe that that's in money, but I also do believe that it is in peace, it is in joy, it is in relationship. It is in connection with our kids. It is in every area of our lives. And I just see. I see a woman in front of me right now that's living a life full of abundance and that has abundantly so much to give, and that's giving out of the overflow. And I'm so excited to see where you go on and what you do next. Adriana. For real?

Yeah. No, thank you. I think one of Your messages in the, like, Mindful Wednesday, you said, like, we needed to take action, right? So God is going to direct, but we have to take action. And I felt like I was waiting God, like, you know, what do I do next? How can I, you know, how can I be better, be a better parent? How can I get past this, right? And I'm just waiting for him to just miraculously do all the work. No, I got to put in the work myself, right? And it's making all the difference.

Oh, I love that. I love that.

Well, hopefully this encourages a ton of people. If there's somebody who's listening to this, right, and they're like, man, that sounds great, but kind of like you said, you were like, do I really want to invest this? And they're struggling with, like, making the decision to invest money into something like this. What would you say to that person? It's.

It's worth it, you know, like, what do you have to lose, right? If. If you don't do it, right, you're just going to be stuck still in the same place that you were. And so we invest in our kids, we invest in clothes, we invest in eating out, right? And so it's being intentional. What, you know, where do your treasures. You know, where do you hold your treasures, right? Because where you invest your money is really what's important to you. And if your mental well being is important to you, right? If your spiritual well being is important to you, if having that future, that life where you can get control back is important to you, then you need to invest in that. And this is definitely something to invest in.

I love that because that's so true.

You didn't just invest into you, you invested into you upfront is what it looks like. But really, you invested into your kids, you invested into your health, you invested into every area. Like, you're, You're. You're. You're not a different person. You're an evolved being now. Like, it's. It's just so different. I love that. Adriana, thank you so much.