How long does it take to get over a break up?

I wanted to bring you on and I wanted to chat with you because I just remember the first time that we met. It was. I mean, it was like anybody else that I do, like, a free consultation with, usually people are just a mess because they've gone through an extreme divorce, they've gone through an extreme breakup, and they're just kind of, like, in it. In, like, the thick of it. Right. And so that's kind of how our meeting went. Honestly, like, the way I remember it was. I mean, you could. You could barely get a couple words out without wanting to fall apart right then and there, you know? And so I just kind of want you to walk. Walk me through or tell anybody that's listening, like, where you were at on that first call.

Well, I had. It probably been about a month, maybe six weeks, and I was still in a, I'd say, state of confusion. Didn't know, still was trying to process stuff. Nothing made sense to me. I kind of had a vision or plan in my. In my head of how the rest of my life was going to go, and obviously that came to an end. So I'd. Every day I just asked, now what? Now what am I going to do? As I'd say, I felt stuck, and I wasn't moving forward or nothing. And just. Just a lot of why, why, why? And nothing. Couldn't get an answer to that.

Because you also had no contact with her. Right. So it was like, even if you wanted to ask why, you weren't even asking why to her. Right.

Exactly. Exactly. I figured that was best.

Yeah. And what were. What were the three. If you could name three takeaways, what would those three takeaways be of? Like, just working with me.

And the number one, and by far the biggest one is I don't need anybody or anything else to make me happier, to control my happiness that comes from within. Yeah. And that was probably the first place we started, and it's probably made the biggest difference.

Yeah. Yeah. What's. What was. Was that hard to do for you, bro?

Yes, I was. I wouldn't say I was true codependent, but my happiness was making other people happy. Giving to others is what made me happy. And I guess I realized that shouldn't be the case. I should make myself happy first, and then when my cup overflows, then give that.

Yeah. Because you also kind of had some, like, resentment of, like, I gave so much and it wasn't enough. Right.

Yes. You always feel like, yeah, there's always something more you could do, but just not the Case.

Yeah. And that's like. It's interesting because that's kind of what I teach also, right? Is like, resentment doesn't really mean anything about another person. It just means that we have overextended ourselves and now we're resentful for that. So when we begin to experience resentment, right. We just, okay, where am I overextending? Where am I over giving? And that's where, like, the people pleasing comes in, like, the codependency. And we feel like we're doing it to make ourselves happy. But then when our expectation isn't met, it's really hurting us. And so that's why it can't be based off of that. It has to just come from, like, you, right? Like, I'm happy and I'm giving this out of abundance, not out of I need something in return type deal. So that's. That's really cool, brother. What was the second thing that I like, the second takeaway that you got from working with me?

That there's still. There's still things I still want to do. Just because I felt settled don't mean I have to give up on. On. I wouldn't say dreams, but give up on goals and aspirations. There's. Doing some journaling. Made me realize there's still things I want to do yet. Such as? I want to buy myself a boat. My kids are getting older. They're going to be out of school. I'm going to need something to do. I mean, that's just one example. There's. There's a lot of other things by. Sit down that. Yeah. Say I want to still do this. I want to do this. Maybe I want to travel more and I didn't realize it till now. Yeah, things like that. That. But there's still more. There's still more out there.

I love that. Like, it's like your whole life wasn't just tied to this person. It's almost like you finally realized that.

I wouldn't say totally tied, but I would say, like, I was complacent. Like, if this is how it is, you know, for the rest of whatever, I'm fine with that. Instead of, you know, there's still something more I want. I'm gonna go get it. I'm gonna do what I got to do to get it. So that's. That's kind of rejuvenated in a way.

Yeah. And what's the. What's the third takeaway?

Third one is how to. And we all do it. We all have negative thoughts all the time. How do you process these negative thoughts to get them in a neutral state and then move on about your day or move on to what you're trying to do instead of sit there in it and let it just eat you up and eat you up and it's, you know, you believe what your brain tells you. So it's like we retrain the brain to process the negative thought into neutral and positive thought, and then we go on. Yeah, that's always been, you know, always been a problem. And tell you the truth, I still. Still get negative thoughts, but it's. It don't eat at me. I can process it. Move on now.

Yeah. Which is. Which is key because it's like I was saying even last night in the group coaching call, is that, you know, even me, who I always do this stuff, it's like as a human, naturally you're going to experience 50, 50, 50% negative, 50% positive. But it's what we choose right to, like, follow that makes the difference. So I love that, brother. What was, in your opinion, what was the turning point when we were working together? What exercise made it change? What coaching call made things shift? What realization did you have that just kind of made everything kind of like you were like, oh, man, I think I'm actually over this person. Because I remember you saying, like, we were meeting on one of our coaching calls and you're like, yeah, I think it's going to take me, like, at least a year to get over this because, you know, I had been. You had been through a divorce before, but you were like, but this woman is like, next level. I so much more. Whatever. And I just remember you saying that, me kind of smirking because you thought it was going to take way, way, way longer. And so what was the moment that things kind of shifted?

Glad you got a better memory than me because I don't know if I said a year, but if you remember it because it's. We've done a lot together. But where it shifted, I don't know where it first started was just a letter. Just when we wrote out plan what the future, what you had in mind or what it was going to be, and then let it go, throw it away, whatever. And that's where I think kind of started. As far as the full turning point, I'm trying to think of this one because I don't know, I want to say it's our meeting where I said we're. I'm just going to leave it up to God at that point, like, whatever, you know, he has is what it's going to be. It's. I can't control, you know, the future. I can't control what's happened. I can control the now and, you know, kind of wherever we go, we go.

Yeah.

Is where I think, you know, I don't know if you remember that meeting.

I do.

I think that's kind of the one that did it.

Yeah, I remember that because I think most meetings before that were kind of. They were all around her, like, if she messages, if she doesn't message. And then after that point, everything moved and it wasn't no longer about, what if she does this or not, but it was just more about you and then moving forward. And what's trippy is that you came in, like, just falling apart on calls, and then now you're like, I mean, in the dating game again, hello. At least you got your options open. Right. And then on top of that, you are going to be starting a business also, like, it's pretty incredible.

Add into that, you know, the. Once I could realize the abundance and scarcity also made it. Made it much easier that, you know, there's. She's not the only one. There are others.

Yeah.

So, you know, it's once. Once you can process that, then it. Then it helps.

Yeah, no, definitely. So what would you say to someone, man, that, like, if they were in your shoes, you know, three and a half months ago, when we first started working together, what would you say to that person?

Just trust the process and do the work. It's not. You just can't turn a switch overnight. It's just not how it works. You got. Yeah, you just gotta. You gotta process everything and all the drills and the homeworks you've given, you know, it. It pays off in the end. You just. You just gotta do it. It's so hard at the beginning. There's no question. It's so hard at the beginning.

Yes. I always tell people, I'm like, dude, the first month working with me is the hardest because I don't let you get away from your feelings. You have to ei. You have to feel them, you know, because you got to feel it to heal it. That's just kind of how it is. What would you say to someone who says, man, I really want to work with Coach Frank, but it's just. It's just too expensive. Right. Because you were one of the highest packages because we were working one on one every single week. And then on top of that, you were doing the 1% men's group coach program. And so what would you say to someone who was like, dude, I just, I don't want to spend money on this.

In the long run, for your mental health, I think it's worth it. You know, you're gonna, you might take a hit early, but over time, I think you're gonna be grateful you did it. You took a chance. You know, obviously we may not have the one on ones anymore, but it's everything you've given in the past, like stuff to do that, you know, it's. You're gonna have it for the rest of your life. It's not just one and done type deal. So all the stuff you learn, you. You can, you know, use it forever. So it's not just, you know, a big price up front because you'll, you'll get your money's worth.

Yeah. That's awesome, brother. That's awesome, man. Dude. Well, I appreciate you big time. Hopefully this encourages someone that's like listening to it because at the end of the day, you know, like, that's really what it's all about. It's just helping people. And honestly, like, I talk about you quite often whenever I talk to any other clients just because I just remember whenever, whenever we first started meeting to where you're at now and like you're going to launch a business now, like your life is just looks even just different already. And just to see that you are creating a life that you love and something you want to, because I know you wanted the boat and you were like, yeah, I'll probably just do this as a side job or whatever. And I just remember challenging you and being like, what do you love? Like, what if you could get the boat and enjoy the process while doing it? And then now you're going to start this business, which is phenomenal, you know I'm saying. And it's just incredible, brother. I love your story. I love just seeing where you came from to where you're at now in such a short time. And I. Hopefully it encourages someone to know, like, man, I. That can be me too. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Don't have to be miserable forever, I guess.

Exactly, exactly, brother. Well, bro, thank you so much, man.