how to beat depression after a divorce.

Hey, welcome back to the channel. I'm Coach Frank and I help you recover from your heartbreak. And on this video specifically, I want to talk about post divorce depression. And it can be post breakup depression. Okay? Now this is really hard. And I remember when I went through it, it was really, really crippling. So I'm going to give you some very, very small attainable and achievable goals that you can hit to start helping you out of this. Now, obviously, disclaimer. This isn't a professional therapist counselor that's telling you exactly what's going to happen, what you need to do to completely get out of it. But these are some things that I utilized in my life, and there is some science behind some of the things that I'm actually going to share with you that are super beneficial to get you through this thing fast. Okay? So first and foremost, I remember whenever I went through this, I didn't get out of bed for a very long time. It took me forever just to get out of bed and brush my teeth. But that's what I started doing. Okay? I started making 1% attainable goals. So that is what I want you to do. Maybe you can't get out of bed. That's okay. But maybe for tomorrow you can say, you know what? Tomorrow I'm going to get out of bed when I brush my teeth and then go back into the bed. It's literally what I did. And then my second goal was like, the next couple of days I was like, you know what? I'm going to do 10 pushups because I got up to like 245 pounds, is really overweight because all I was doing was eating in bed and watching YouTube. And maybe you can relate, that's why you're here right now, right? You're just scrolling watching YouTube. And luckily I had some savings that I blew through, unfortunately. But the second thing I started doing was just I'd get out of bed, I'd do 10 pushups next to the bed, brush my teeth, and then I would go back into the bed and start watching YouTube all day. Then the next thing I added onto that was I did the 10 push ups, I brushed my teeth, and then I started changing what I was watching on YouTube because this is the number one environment that we've got to take care of. And so I started literally completely changing what I was watching on YouTube from just watching things that were entertaining to things that were actually impactful. And so I started listening to sermons, I started listening to Tony Robbins. I lost. I started listening to motivational things, right? Stuff that would get me to start believing in myself again. And so the best thing that I would say is start listening to some sermons because those are gonna speak life into you. So just, you don't have to stop watching if you feel like you can't right now, just change what you're watching. That's just a very 1% like change in the choices that you're making. You're going to see a huge, huge ROI on that return on investment. Okay, then what I did after that was I said, you know what? I'm going to do 25 push ups and I'm going to do them in the living room. So I literally started adding on to these things. So if you've got to take your recovery at that pace, then it's your life. Do whatever you feel like you need to do right now, but just know you need to do something because you can't stay in this place. Your kids deserve better and you deserve better than that. All right? Now a couple of the things that I do want to recommend into you. It's the Bloom app. It's like cognitive behavioral therapy. I started using that app. It's literally you are your own therapist on the app and then you've got a therapist in the app that's working with you. I forget how much it is a month. This isn't a partnership, anything like that. But I do want to highly recommend it. If you do that in the mornings and then when, as soon as you start feeling off. It is a great tool to start using if that is the Bloom app. And I'm going to link a link to it in the description so that you can go ahead and download it if that's something that you feel would be useful for you. Okay, the next thing that I want to recommend is I want to recommend that you start taking a cold shower. Just 30 seconds, okay? Just 30 seconds of a cold shower. Now this, this right here is a tough one because it's a cold shower and nobody wants to be cold. But there's so much science behind it. Okay? You're going to literally feel incredible afterwards. You're going to feel wide awake. It's going to wake up your entire nervous system and you're going to just feel like you're ready to go. Okay? Now that doesn't mean that you're just going to be good for the rest. They know it is going to help because it is going to slow your heart rate by 20 to 40 beats a minute, which means your stress and your Anxiety levels are going to go way down. Okay, if you can do longer than 30 seconds, then challenge yourself. And that's why I'm saying challenge yourself because none of these things that I'm telling you to do right now are easy in the state that you're in. And I know that because I was there. So I know that it's going to be a challenge. But it's. If you can rise to the challenge of these small little goals, your self esteem and your confidence is going to start coming back very, very quickly. Next thing I want to say is, I mean, obviously you got to. You talk to a therapist or a counselor, right? That should go unsaid. But I'm just going to say it anyways. Next thing I'm going to say is that I would highly, highly recommend that you do something fun. Do something fun. I remember I got to a point where I was just like, you know what? Forget this. I want to do something fun. I want to do something that I enjoy. And then I went and did it. Okay? And so do something fun. Get around your friends, get around family, right? People that are supportive, people that aren't just talking smack to you about the situation, about your ex, because that's not going to help you at all either. So just get around people that, you know, speak life into you and that you can speak life into them. Okay? Another thing that you can do, and I think this is probably one of the most important ones, is I want you to start writing about what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. See, a lot of the times we get stuck in our heads and the number one ways to get unstuck from our head is to get that stuff out of our head. The best way to do that is with writing. That is really what therapy is. When you're talking to someone, you're getting everything that's going on in here out, and which is why you leave feeling better. You can do this within yourself. Man, I am just feeling blank because da da da, da da da. And then just start writing. And what's going to happen is you're going to start to trigger your subconscious and, and you're going to start writing about things that you maybe didn't even necessarily know that you were dealing with. And that's going to help you bring a ton of relief in that moment. As you're writing, though, all these feelings are going to start to come up. Allow yourself to experience those. Okay? Remember, feelings are something that God gave us to be experienced and explored, but never to like, stay established in them. We should never stay there permanently because they're going to come and go. Just like at one point, you know, if you were dating this dude or this girl, she made you feel like you were the world. She made you felt like they were the one. It was a feeling. It's because feelings come and go, and now it's a completely different story, right? So what you're feeling now, I just want to remind. Want you to remind yourself as you're writing and you're processing these feelings, is that this is going to pass away and I'm okay. It's not going to hurt me. It's not going to kill me. I'm just experiencing what I'm supposed to experience right now, and I'm okay with that. It's kind of like when you have those. You know, those good cries when you pull up to the house, or when you're in the car at a rooftop or at a parking garage, and. Or maybe you do this in the shower and you just. You feel like, oh, I just have to cry. And you let it all out, and then afterwards, you just feel lighter. Give that to yourself, okay? All of this takes intentionality, so you've got to be intentional. And at the end of the day, the most important thing that I can tell you is that you've got to participate in your own rescue. Nobody is going to come and pull you out of this. There's no amount of therapy, no amount of counseling, no amount of coaching unless you decide to show up for yourself. And you deserve to show up for yourself. You've been showing up for so many other people for so long. Why not begin to give that to you? Because you deserve it. The last and final thing that I want to say that's really going to help you and make a massive difference, and it's because I experienced it as well, is I want you to give. I want you to give. I want you to. In this season where it can be so easy to become so selfish, I want you to become selfless. Okay? I'll never forget I was going through this terrible time, and people at my church, most of them didn't even know, and I had dudes calling me up, man, I'm going through a hard time. Like, can we get some coffee? Can we get some coffee? What I wanted to say is, bro, are you kidding me, dude? You. You're going through a hard time. You have no idea what I'm going through right now. And their issues were, like, small compared to mine, in my opinion. But to them, they were huge, right? And I don't blame them because they didn't know what I was going through. And maybe this is happening to you right now and you just feel like, man, no one cares what I'm going through, anything like that. No. What if life is bringing those people in? Because life's trying to give you an opportunity to give and to be selfless. Now, I know that sounds extremely difficult, and it is, because when I got off the phone and I said, okay, you know what? Let's meet up for coffee, I just remember driving over there and being like, man, God, like, why? Why am I going to go do this? Like, I'm going through a hard time. Why aren't they calling me to meet with me? Selfishness. See what I'm saying starts creeping in real quick to meet with me. Instead, I have to go meet with them and help them, and I'm going through something way worse. More than likely, none of that mattered because what ended up happening was I sat down, I had coffee with them, and I just helped them. And I invested into them and I gave of myself in that moment when I felt like I had nothing else to give. I encouraged them. I gave them hope in their situation. And I'll never forget, it was with one of my buddies, Brandon. Went to Cream and Sugar. It's a little coffee shop over here in Allen, Texas. And I get back in my truck when we're finished, and I just begin to weep. I begin to weep in my truck. And it was out of gratitude because I just felt so good. One of the basic human needs that we have is giving, and that is how you're going to experience fulfillment in this season. I know it sounds counterintuitive, counterproductive, whatever you want to call it, but it is so true. In a season where you feel like you deserve it, give it, give like you would like to receive it in that moment and give selflessly in that moment. I knew this dude couldn't help me. He's never been through a divorce. He was younger than me. Like he needed help on the decision on his life, all these different things. And I knew he couldn't help me through what I was going through, especially because he didn't know what I was going through, but I still gave with no expectation in return. I just went in and I spoke life to him, and I just remember sitting in my truck and having that feeling of like, God, in the middle of everything that I'm going through, you still. I mean, I get emotional even just thinking about it. Revisiting that moment because I was like, in the middle of everything that I'm going through when I feel like I'm garbage and I feel like I'm not good enough. You are using me to help people. What the heck, man? And it just got me out of myself and it created this new thing, thing in me where I was like, I just want to help people. Now I just want to help people. Even though I need the help, I want to help. When you help somebody, you really help yourself because that is how you feed your soul. That's how you feed your spirit. That's how you feed the most important part of you. So don't be selfish in this season and make it all about you and that everything has to revolve around you. And why is nobody reaching out to me and instead say, how can I reach out to somebody? How can I encourage to somebody? Even if it's not as massive as what you're going through, it's massive to them. And when you give, it's going to make a massive difference to you. Try these things. And if you need any help, please feel free to message me on Instagram, comment down below. And if you need support, I went ahead and I launched the 1% inner circle and it's part of my whole program now. And so really what it is, it's $7.77 a month, 77 cents a month. It's nothing. It's literally a ventique coffee from Starbucks a month. But you're going to get group support. You're going to be around people that are going through similar things that you're going through but are all headed in the same direction. You're going to get consistent encouragement. You're going to get exclusive content and also Bible studies that are specific for recovering from heartbreak. And then on top of that, you're going to get a group interactive coaching session with me and then also some of my assisting 1% coaches. And if that sounds like something that would be beneficial to you, I'm also going to leave that link in the description so that you can sign up and join us in that inner circle group. I hope you have a blessed day. I hope you implement some of these things. And remember, you've got to participate in your own rescue. And regardless of how you feel right now, I want you to remember who you are. You're more than a conqueror.