How to Deal with a Breakup - Best Advice for Divorce Recovery

And you weren't meant to stay here. So please hear me out. Don't stay here. Don't do it. Do it for your family. Do it for your legacy. Do it for everybody that you come in contact with every single day. Hey, I'm Coach Frank. Welcome back to my channel where I help you recover from divorce or heartbreak. And in this video today I I want to talk specifically about something that is incredibly important. Now if you miss this, your journey is going to take a lot longer and it's going to take you so much discipline to finally break through to the freedom that you deserve. Okay? So I really want you to pay attention and I want you to wait to the end of this video also, because this isn't just a video that's going to encourage you, that's going to make you feel good, but it's actually a video that at the end I'm going to give you an assignment that I want you to do because. Because I believe it's genuinely, genuinely going to help you. This is something that I have my clients do as well. Also, before we get started, I want you to ignore that loud beeping as best as you possibly can. I'm filming this at my parents house cause I'm currently building and that is why there's also a beautiful picture of my little girl right up there. So let's hop straight into this video. Okay? I want to talk about the key ingredient that you need to to be able to get past this season that you're in. Because you're not meant to stay here. If you stay here, your life, you're going to experience misery for the rest of your life. And you're never going to open yourself up to receive what God actually has for you. That love story, that marriage, that relationship, and more than that, that relationship with your kids, that relationship with your friends, with your family, that dream opportunity of a career. Because yes, you are still stuck. And so that is why this is so important now. We hear so much about self love and self care right now. And self love and self care is key to your fulfillment in life. But it cannot be about you. If self love and self care is based out of selfishness, in other words, it's all about me, then it's not going to work. The only way that self care and self love genuinely works is if it's done out of a selfless place, out of a place where I'm doing this not for myself. I'm doing this for my kids. I'm doing this for my bloodline. I'm doing this for the generations that are to come after me because I want you to know everything that you're going through right now, if you do not beat it, it's not going to stay stuck with you. It's going to carry on in your bloodline. And I don't know about you, but I don't want my kids personally to be battling with the same things that I battled with when I have the opportunity to conquer it right now and set them for success. So in order to have selfless self love and self care, you've got to have your focus, right? The focus cannot be that I want to heal so that I can just be happy. That's not strong enough. The strongest motivator in this life is desire. But it's got to be desire that makes you discontent not for yourself, but for others. There's a difference between human sorrow and spiritual sorrow. Both of them are genuine. Both of them we actually experience. Right? You might be experiencing human sorrow, which means, I can't believe that I'm going through this. Why is this happening to me? Life is always beating me down. I shouldn't have been treated that way. I shouldn't have been spoke to that way. That is human sorrow. But when we get to spiritual sorrow, it's more along the lines of if I don't get healed, it's not going to just affect me, it's going to affect everybody that I come in contact with. It's going to affect my kids, it's going to affect my family, it's going to affect my future family, it's going to affect my future relationships, my future friendships. And I do not want that for my life. I have to get out that kind of sorrow, that kind of discontentment is going to pull you, pull you out of this situation because right now maybe you're feeling like, man, I really got to push myself in this healing process. I really got to try and think about this. I really got to try and do this. I really got to try and show up in this area. But when you have desire and a desire that's greater than yourself, it's no longer you pushing yourself now it's pulling you. But you've got to have a clear vision of where you want to be. So. So that when you focus on that, that naturally creates this urgency in you and it puts you in an emotional state of I want to be there, not I have to be there. There's a big difference. You don't have to get healed, you don't have to get free from this. But do you want to? Do you want to? And why do you want to? So having an emotionally compelling why is the most significant key that you're going to need in order to make it past this situation that you' it cannot be about yourself. If it's about yourself. You're going to fail over and over and over again. Stop focusing on you and it's time to get your eyes off of you and put them elsewhere. This is why I wake up at five in the morning. This is why I spend time with the Lord. This is why I take ice, ice cold baths, right, with ice in them. And this is why I exercise. This is why I try and eat healthy. This is why I try and learn as much as I can. This is why when traumas arise and triggers arise, I do the work to try and see what's actually going on and, and heal that way. I don't project that onto my kids, onto my family, onto my friends. I heard a quote once said, very powerful quote, and it was about mothers, but I think it applies on, I believe that it applies across the board. And it said that a hurt mom will hurt her children, but a healed mom will heal her children. Now, I want you to really hear that and I really want you to soak that in. If you continue to stay hurt, what's going to happen with your kids? And I want you just to look at the situation right now. And this is going to be part of your assignment. I want you to grab a journal and I want you to start doing some assessing of your life right now. Where are you at because of this divorce or this heartbreak? Where are you feeling stuck? And don't just stop there. Now I want you to actually write out how it's affecting your relationship with your kids, how it's affecting your relationship with your family, how it's affecting your relationship in business and in work, with your coworkers, with any relationship that's in your life, how is it affecting in those areas? And then I want you to go a step further. If you don't change now, because you don't have to change. So if you choose not to change now, if you choose not to heal now in five years, where would those relationships be? Who are you going to hurt? Who are you going to disappoint, including yourself, but also your kids, also your legacy, also the people that believe in you, how are you going to affect them? And then I want you to go 10 years down the line. If in 10 years you do not change, what is the worst possible outcome now that you're not present with your kids in 10 years, is the relationship with them going to be great or is it going to be more surface level and they're not really going to be drawn to you? Why? Because you were never there with with them. Because you were so consumed by the situation that life threw at you. You see what I'm saying? I really, really want you to take some time and sit down and self evaluate. If I don't make a change now, where are these relationships going to be? Where am I going to be? And you're going to use that pain as leverage to say, no, I've got to move now. Now remember, it has to revolve around, around others, not just yourself. It can revolve around yourself, but it also has to include others. Because if it doesn't include others, you are not a big enough reason. If you're the only reason on why you want to heal, why you want to move forward, why you want this freedom, then you're going to compromise and you're going to have to be extremely disciplined. But when it becomes about something bigger than yourself, when it becomes about your legacy, when it becomes about your bloodline, when it becomes about your family, in that moment now it's no longer, man, I have to do this now. It's I want to because I want to have a relationship like this, because I want them to experience this type of freedom, because I want them to have a healed mom or a healed dad, because I want them to have somebody that they actually look up to, because your kids are looking up to you right now, whether you know it or not. So do I want to give them something that's worthy to look up to? Or do I want the hero in their life to be Tom Brady? Do I want the hero in their life to be Conor McGregor? Do I want the hero in their life to be some celebrity that they have no intimate relationship with? Or do I want the number one most influential voice and heroic voice in their life to be me? This is when you're going to use pleasure as leverage. I want you to think about, if you decided to make that shift now, where would that relationship be in five years? Where would your family be in five years? How would you be showing up and loving selflessly in that next relationship, in that next marriage with your kids, with your family? How would you do that? How would that feel? What kind of effect, ripple effect would that have in your legacy? If you said, I am going to heal, I am deciding to heal now. What would that look like in five years? And what would that look like in 10 years? And here's the thing, it's got to be so emotionally compelling that when you see it and you read makes you say, man, I want that so much more than I want this place that I'm in right now. And this, this is what genuine self love and self care is all about. So I want you to do that and I want you to comment down below if you are going to take on this challenge. And honestly, if you follow me on Instagram, send me a message on there as well. I'm pretty active on my Instagram messages and I want to hear from you because I want to be praying for you. Here's the thing. God wants so much more for your life. And God will always bless discontentment, but he will not bless it unless it's for others. If you're discontent for yourself, for example, if you feel like I'm just not making enough money, God's not going to bless that. But if you feel like I'm not making enough money to make a change in the people that I love's life, God will begin to bless you. Because now you want more for others, not for yourself. You're not some hoarder, right? And this is what that toxic self love and self care has all turned into. Where you are hoarding things for yourself, you see all on people's bios, right, that have gone through heartbreak. And I'm all about me. It's just me, me, me, me, me. Well, if you keep living with that type of self love and self care, you're going to end up with, guess who? Me. And that is it. And you were not made to be alone. You keep saying that because it's easier to say I would rather be alone than to take the risk and say, you know what? I actually genuinely desire being with someone that can reciprocate to the level that I give as well and opening yourself up and being vulnerable to that and. But the best experiences in life come when there's risk involved. If you never risk it. I know this sounds stupid, but you never get the biscuit right? You've got to have some risk in your life if you want to experience fulfillment. And you weren't meant to stay here. So please hear me out. Don't stay here. Don't do it. Do it for your family. Do it for your legacy. Do it for everybody that you come in contact with every single day. And I promise you, if you focus on that, you're going to start seeing changes happen in your life almost instantly.