how to feel better after a divorce - Kevin's Story

Hey, conqueror, welcome back to the channel. Look, if you're struggling through your divorce right now, specifically with the thought pattern of I'm failing as a parent, or even worse, I'm gonna be replaced as a parent. Now, here's the thing. I know that even just saying that out loud sounds a little illogical, right? But this is something that we genuinely struggle with. And so what I'm gonna share with you today is the story of my brother Kevin, who walked through this healing journey with us, and he actually overcame this in one night. And you're gonna see how we're gon actually walk through it as well, because at the end of this, I want you to stick around and I want you to get a journal ready and a piece of paper or a piece of paper and a pen ready so that you can actually participate in the coaching section that I actually had with him that he's obviously given me the permission to share with you so that you can get your own breakthrough as well right now. And so, hey, if joining my coaching program has been something that you. You haven't been able to afford, that's absolutely okay. We're bringing these resources right to you right now. So if you want to hear the story of a man who desperately, desperately struggled with the fear of being replaced as a parent or the fake reality that maybe I'm failing as a parent, and you want to hear how that can affect you and how you can turn that around, this video is for you. And stick around towards the end so that you can get the full training session on how to actually work through this yourself. God bless you, Conquer. Enjoy this video. Hey, guys, thanks for tuning in. So today I got my brother Kevin in here with me, and Kevin is a Conquer alumni, and he now actually leads support calls inside of the Conquerors community, which is just so powerful because I remember you telling me whenever you first came, brother, I don't know if you remember this or not, but you told me, man, I could see myself doing something like you're doing. In other words, like I'm doing. And now you're. You're pretty much doing that now with the Conquerors community.

And.

And it's only going to get even better as more men begin to, like, you know, funnel into the community and start asking for genuine help. And so I think it's going to be awesome just for people to hear where you were at, where you're at now, what you were trying to do to get to where you're at today and what wasn't working and what finally worked. So let's just start off, brother, by just introduce yourself to everyone and tell them of course, where me and you met.

Yeah. So how's everybody doing? My name is Kevin Kyle. I'm 35, single, father of two, and bingo. Hello. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you. Now I met coach Frank on Instagram. I was following him for months right before actually during the process, it was really tough because I didn't really know where to turn. We have all these outlets with social media. So I came across Frank on social media with Instagram and he just spoke to me. There was. Every time I watched one of your videos, brother, it just spoke to me. And it was kind of hard to. To deny. It was hard to ignore. And. And the more I listened to my gut, the more I was like, you know what? Like every time I would have this, this trial and tribulation facing me, I was just like, you know what? I just. Let me just. Let me just dive into this a little bit more. And then there was this one video where you posted about someone struggling. This is what you do, and this is where you can contact me. And it was just like you were talking to me. So I was gravitated to that energy was because it was undeniable. So, you know, I'm thankful that I came across you, brother, because obviously fast forward to today. I'm. I'm the best version of myself. I call it 2.0. I leveled up and I had to leave some things behind in order to do so. So yeah, I'm very thankful, man. I'm very blessed to be here, man.

Thank you so much for saying that, brother. Honestly, I'm very blessed just by you being in my life. And ever since you've entered my life, man, you've already had such an impact even just in my life. And I know in so many of the conquerors lives as well. Like your posts are just high heat every single time inside of the community.

I appreciate you. Yeah.

So. So tell us then, Kevin, where was Kevin 1.0 at? What were you struggling with whenever you walked into the coaching group? What was it that you needed freedom from?

So 1.0 version of myself. I needed freedom from relying on others. It was hard for me to realize that I was able to give myself everything that I was seeking in someone else and not even just in my past relationship. You know, ever since I've evaluated friendships, I've evaluated family members. So like, this is a lesson that goes beyond the means of a divorce. I mean, you're so much more than what you advertise. So it was multi beneficial for me. But I struggled a lot with learning how to be okay as it. As I was. I lost myself in the comfort of a relationship where I chose the comfort over happiness. And I didn't even understand what I was doing. So how can you fix what you don't know? Right. So leveling up meant stepping outside of that comfort zone and accepting those feelings and not getting wrapped up in the questions that were constantly haunting me. Like, why am I not enough? Why did she leave? Or he, depending on the circumstances. Right. You know, no judgment. You know, love shows no. No face. Right. My thing was, what do I do to get past those questions? I was asking all the wrong questions. And when I realized that I was able to ask myself and give myself the same power that I was given those questions to the answers, that's when I took back the control.

That's so good. That's so good, brother. That's so good. So what was it like for you, bro, coming into the coaching group and learning that it is your thoughts that create those feelings? What was that realization for you?

I mean, I feel like you have to really accept your current circumstances. Because I feel like I was having people tell me things here and there about what I should or should not do. And even though they were friends, it didn't really make a difference to me. Coming to you and seeing your story and how you healed and that. It's not a matter of time, it's a matter of choice. All that just kind of spoke to me and I was ready to hear it, you know? Like, I. I know we have a lot of people that come to the group and they don't really know what to say. They don't know how to be vulnerable. It takes vulnerability. It takes honesty. You. You do have to put in the work. Good does not come cheap. It does not come easy. It takes a lot of effort, you know, and while a lot of that is free, it does require things that people aren't necessarily willing to do. So stepping out of my comfort zone and being vulnerable was huge for me. And then of course, reciprocating and doing the work that you do, you know, advertise in the, in the scenes, it's like, what more can I ask for, you know, like, if I just do what I'm being told to do and I put in the work behind the scenes and I'm consistent and I'm honest and I'm dedicated, you get what you. What you pay for. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, that's really good, brother.

So.

So tell us then, brother, for anyone who's listening, what had you tried before that just wasn't getting you to where you wanted to get to? Actually, first off, answer this, just really quickly. How long were you struggling for before we met?

So it was about a good six months. She had left me in June, and I had followed you since. I want to say maybe as early as October, maybe even a little bit before then, because I was still in the house. We had sold the house in October, but I was struggling in December, especially not just because of the holidays, but, you know, just because of my circumstances. Um, and it didn't take, but I'd say, what, two months? Not even for me to really turn around full circle and. And find the better version of myself. Now, mind you, we always have work to do, but it was a huge improvement. And you called me out on it right away. I mean, you've seen it before. I did, yeah. Yeah.

It was beautiful, too, man. I still remember the session that we had. It's one of my favorite ones. And I think the topic was the root of suffering. And we. We unpacked what you were really struggling with, which was this story that you were entertaining about being replaced as a parent and failing as a father. And I just remember being, you know, having the honor to kind of walk you through that. That little process. Tell me. Tell us what that night did for you, brother. And actually being able to. Instead of running from the pain, leaning into it, and then getting the answers that you needed in a way that actually empowered you, instead of continue to cripple you like it was for months before.

Can you just repeat the one at the beginning for me so I can highlight this accurately?

Yeah. So I remember when we did the how to Stop Suffering or the Root of Suffering, and you were struggling with the story of failing as a parent, being replaced as a parent. What was it like for you to walk through that process with me that night and get the breakthrough?

It was. It was. I mean, it was life changing. I mean, for me, like, I kept entertaining the fact that I wasn't good enough and taking back control of that was definitely a difficult process because, again, it required vulnerability. And I was so focused on the things that I couldn't control. And when I finally had you break it down and I. I tried my best to remove the emotion from it, and I tried to apply the centered male aspect of logic toward it, I could then approach it from that. That question that Q A. That true Q A that does not involve. When you gamble, you don't gamble emotionally. When you invest, you don't invest emotionally. You invest logically. Right? So when I invested in myself logically, and you presented it to me in such a way, it just clicked. It hit for me, and then it was just a matter of the consistency. Because, yes, you can give me the answers, but I have to live that life now. I have to make that choice time and time again because I kept making the choice to believe in all the stories I was entertaining.

That's so good, brother. That is so good. Tell us this. What was the difference between following my content and then being in the game?

Ah, it's the same as somebody saying, like, oh, I hit the lottery. And you're like, oh, yeah, I wish. It's like, come on, man. Like, you can wish, but you got to do something about it. We all have dreams. You got to chase it. What are you doing about it? You know? Like, you can't keep talk. You got to talk it into existence, but you got to act on it, too. Again, you can't just expect things to happen. You're not waiting for something to happen. You're being proactive to make it happen.

Come on.

And you got to believe in yourself. You know, it starts there. I think that's the problem with a lot of us nowadays is we. We don't always start with ourselves. We try to find what we're missing in others. And it's. It's so generalized nowadays that it's like a default, you know? And it's. It could be in the smallest way, but it still is relevant in a big way when you realize that you're not getting what you need, and you can give that to yourself.

That's so good, brother. And I know this for a fact. I know that you were struggling financially, so even just making decision to join was something that you struggled with because you were like, am I allocating the money in the right place? Again, it's the logic side of us.

Right, right, right, right.

What would you say to an individual who's in the same place that you were emotionally and mentally and financially, but they're desperate, bro, to, like, get free. Free. Would you say the investment, the risk, the chance is worth it? What would you say to that individual, bro?

The short and sweet answer, to be honest with you, would be, if. If it's worth the investment, you'll find a way. If you prioritize it the way you need to prioritize it, you'll find a way. It's that simple. You chase after what you want, right? Whether it's a woman, it's a job, it's a raise, it's a house, it's a car. You chase after what you want. So if you want it bad enough and your life is pretty important, it's significant. It's everything, you know, you need to invest. It's that simple. So you will find a way, whether it's a second job or you. You borrow, you. I mean, there's. There's plenty of options. I don't have to run through them. We're all grown here. You know what I mean? Like, you'll find a way, one way or the other.

That's so good, bro. So tell them where you're at now, bro.

Tell her.

Tell me where you're at now.

So, you know, I'm living my best life honestly, because I found a way to be centered, you know, not only is that attractive, but, like, I envy it, you know? Like, I'm like, damn. Like, that didn't sway me. And normally I'd be off center. Normally, that would bother me. That opinion, that person's statement, whatever it may be, the way they feel about me, the way they treat me, they left me. They don't like me. Okay? That's. That's how you feel. Anything else you want to talk about before I move on with my life? It's no big deal. I'm not taking it personal. It's about me. And when you focus on you, it's not about what goes on around you. You can. You can accept the blessings. You can let them go. You can make peace with the way that things are as is, with no strings attached. And it's beautiful when you don't have to put that stress on anything because then you can really sit back and enjoy. Everybody talks about life and, like, being able to enjoy the moment. And I used to be so ahead into the future or so far in the past that I completely missed the present. And that's a blessing.

Come on, man.

Man, every moment. You learn from everything.

Yeah, you really do. You really do, man. I. I appreciate you so much, brother. Especially just when you said that, you know, I'm so much more than what I advertise, and I really do believe that. That this. This is just so much more than getting over your. Like, I. I say this often, and I truly do believe it. Getting over your ex is the easy part.

Then.

Then after that is where the real work comes in. Showing up as the 2.0 version of yourself. You're already starting to do it. You're already starting to design the life that you want. And I'm telling. I'm telling you, brother, and I'm just releasing this over you, like, finances will not be a struggle in your near future because you're starting to move differently now, right? And that's what I. I feel like most of us miss, is that if we just get to a place where we feel good, blessings will begin to come. Because you operate out of abundance now. And I feel like you carry that so well, brother, and here's why. It's because you're willing to pay the price. And I honor and I respect that in a man, somebody who's willing to pay the price, both financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and time wise to say, no, no, no. My future, my kids future, my legacy is worth me going all in, bro. The only reason you are where you're at today, brother, it's not because of me or anything like that. It's because you decided to go all in and you were coachable. And so, bro, I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you.

Brad, I appreciate you, but I do want you to know you were a pivotal moment in my life and I know you'll be a pivotal moment in others because it's already showing off tenfold. And I'm glad to be a part of the healing process now and contribute and give back because that's what it's about. No expectations, just love.

That's so good, bro. That's so good. Hey, bro, would you mind if I drop your Instagram handle and then that way people can follow you and message you?

Not at all. It's. It should be Katie 2.0. Let me just double check that, though. Forgive me if I'm wrong, because that might be a different. I got a few things going on here, actually. I. Forgive me. Belay my last. It's. It's K A E underscore. D underscore. Kae Katie. Awesome.

And I'm gonna put that down in the description. And so if. If you feel like, man, Kevin's story really resonated with me and I'd love to connect with him, then feel free to send him a message, man. I'm sure he's gonna respond. This dude is filled with love. So, yeah, I'm just so ready to serve humans. And he's. He's going to be continuing to do great things, bro. So thank you so much for coming on here, bro. Do you have any last nuggets that you want to give Anybody. Before we log off, Just don't quit on yourself.

There's no reason. You have every reason to give the love to yourself that you've been looking for in somebody else, and you're going to find it in yourself always. And if you ever. If someone leaves you and you. Oh, man, that was the best. No, you're the best thing. Go back to that relationship with yourself and always maintain that it's important.

Boy, that's good. That's good. We'll end there. We'll end there. Hey, conqueror. I hope that story really encouraged you. So what we're about to do right now is we're actually going to dive straight, straight into the coaching session where I helped Kevin create some of his breakthrough. And so what I want you to do is I want you to participate in this coaching session. Okay? I don't just want you to listen to it, like, if it's another YouTube video, because it's not. The. The. The trajectory of your legacy is tied to this moment. You've got a decision to make right now. You can either watch this passively, or you can participate with this actively and start doing something different in your life. And I believe that you're going to do that. So without any further ado, get your pen and paper ready, and let's jump straight into how to uproot the root of our suffering and turn it around so that we can experience the breakthrough that we need. Kevin, go ahead, brother. Come on. Everyone, give it up for Kevin in the chat. This is his first call, and this man's already saying, I'll go. I don't give a damn. I'll expose myself right now. Full vulnerability. Let's go. That's awesome.

Yeah. So. So I wrote a few things. What I'm making my separation out to be for myself and. Or my future is. I kind of feel like I failed, that I'm replaceable and. Or not enough, that our duration. The experience wasn't enough. 12 years, you know, that's a long time. Then I started questioning my attraction. Is my attraction enough? My improvements, everything that I worked on to improve that I felt were being vocalized, like, that wasn't even. That wasn't enough, you know? And then overall, just thinking, like, was it real? Like, drawing myself to that conclusion, like, when did it. When did the lines get so blurry? You know what I mean? If so, when did that stop? And then ultimately, for the future, like, will I find this again? Yeah, I think those are main points that kind of hit hard. I think about.

This is really good, brother. Thank you so much for being so, so honest, too, man. So this is what we're going to do. We're going to take I failed because that's one thing. This is why when we talk about doing the work, there's work involved. Why? Because we're about to address one statement that you said. Because that's one lie that you're believing. It is yalls responsibility to handle the rest of them as well. Do the work right when you get home at night, man, what am I making this. This part mean about myself? The fact that even. Even the fact that you're like, man, was it all fake? Did it not mean anything? What does that mean about me? You see what I'm saying? We take that other part, and then we start working that. So we're gonna. We're gonna go with I failed. Okay, okay, okay. That you failed. How'd you fail specifically? Get specific. Give me one sentence. I failed as a husband. I failed in keeping my word. I failed my vowels. What is it that your brain brings up?

I feel like. Like I just failed. As. I guess I would say it's like a lover, as a friend. As. I mean, because it's like a combined. It's a. It's a package deal. Like what I feel like I had with her. I don't feel like she necessarily had with me in the end. I can't say it's. It was the case in the beginning, but it's like, when did that switch and why did I not see that? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. That's not a good question to ask. Okay, let me. Let me tell you why. Because it doesn't give you a fruitful answer. Why didn't I see that? Why didn't I see that? Why did I see that? Whenever we ask those types of questions, we get the answer of, well, what's your brain tell you when you ask that question? When you say, why didn't I see it? What's your brain say? What does your mind go to immediately?

I mean, I kind of feel foolish.

Exactly. You feel stupid.

Yeah.

Why didn't I see it? Your brain goes, because you're stupid. Because you're dumb. Because they used you. Because they took advantage of you. You see what I'm saying? And when we start to ask that question, we get that answer. So now we've got to start changing the questions that we have. We got to ask good questions if we want good answers. Right. And if anything, we can say, where did I stop being me? And why? Where did I stop being me? And why? When did I start lying? Okay. And if you guys haven't checked out the episode, it's in the app under the Conquerors podcast with black belt husbands. If you haven't checked that out yet, you need to. So good. So good. But as men and women as well, they do this as well. We lie. We lie. We say that everything is good when everything is not good. You come home from work and you're exhausted, you're frustrated, you're anxious because finances, because you want to do this for the family and all this stuff. And she's like, babe, how are you? I'm good. I'm good. She hasn't let you go hang out with the boys in three months, but you're good. When deep down inside, you're like, dude, I can't stand you. I feel like you're stealing my life away and you're not even grateful for it. And I want to work on it because I don't want to feel that way towards you. So we start lying. So a better question would be that, where did I start losing myself and why?

Right?

And then, because guess what? Now that puts you in control. How can I make an adjustment now so that I don't do that again?

So you make it tangible, basically.

Exactly. Exactly. Because if you ask, it's like somebody saying, why can't I lose weight? If they're just constantly asking themselves, why can't I lose weight? Your brain's like, well, you suck at diets, first of all, and you don't got the genes for it. And so then you're just like, dude, I'm never gonna lose weight. Then you feel disempowered because you asked a bad question. We had this happen with Pauline on a live call. I wish I knew where that recording was so I could pull out that one clip. But in 10 minutes, I took her from depressed because she couldn't lose weight to empowered. And now she's been consistent for, like, three months in her fitness journey because she asked a different question. Instead of, why can't I lose the weight? She asked, how can I lose the weight? And how can I enjoy doing it? Brain gave her different answers. In five minutes, she came up with a whole game plan on what she could do to start working out where literally, I think people that are in here. I think Dominica was in that session before where five minutes before, she was, like, in tears because she felt like she couldn't do anything to lose the weight because she was asking a bad Question. So it's the same thing here, Kevin. You can stay stuck on why, but it's not fruitful.

Right.

You see what I'm saying?

Yeah. No, that makes sense.

And so this is why I say it's not positive thinking, y'. All. It's strategy. If you know that that same question gives you a bad answer and it keeps making you stay in that rut, it is. It is your choice if you stay in that rut at that point. Gentlemen and ladies. And now, you know, if I start asking a different question, I'll get a different answer and I'll get momentum. I can create momentum. Okay, so you felt like you failed as a husband in general. Okay.

Right.

You feel that? What's that make you feel?

Not good enough. Like broken.

Okay.

That's really nice thing, but it's like, where do you start if you don't know what that thing is? Because I'm basing it off of somebody else and not myself.

Yeah. So you feel broken. Okay. And when you're feeling broken, how do you show up?

I'm gonna act broken.

Show up broken around everybody. Right. Even when you get your kids.

That's the last. I was just gonna say that's the last thing I want. So you're right.

But even when you get your kids, you're not as present as you wish you would be, are you?

Not always.

Exactly. So then I want everyone to notice this, because this is reality. And this is why I'm a coach, not a therapist. Because I don't lie to you and I give you the truth. Okay? Because I care about y'.

All.

I really do. If you keep believing that you failed as a husband, you're gonna feel broken. And you'll continue to show up broken because your feelings dictate your actions. And the result that's going to happen is you're going to show up broken in everything in your job. You're not going to perform the way that you know you can perform with your kids. You're not going to be the dad that you know you can be as a son. You're not going to be the son that you can be. You're not going to be the friend you're going to be. None of those. So now. Now guess what happens. You reaffirm. I just fail. That's me. I knew it. I was right. I just fail. That's what I do. And now we've reaffirmed the lie and we've made it truth in our life. Does this make sense, Kevin?

Yeah, it makes a Lot of sense, actually. I think, honestly, it's funny, because everybody keeps telling me to write things down. I never thought to myself to be that guy. Like, I don't write. I don't read. And now it's like the most relevant thing. You know, we were talking on the earlier about that.

Yeah, yeah. Trust me. I didn't. I didn't write or read either. Trust me. And now I'm about to write a book. What the hell? Who would have thought? Nobody that knows me for a long time would have thought that, ever.

Well, I feel you out of yourself when you write it down, is what everybody keeps saying. You know what I mean?

Well, here's the thing. The best way to get out of your head is to literally get the stuff out of your head.

Yeah.

Which means write it down.

You.

You don't even have to write some stuff down if you don't want to. You can talk about it on a phone, film yourself, talk about it, and then play it back, and you'll notice that it has this. A very similar effect. I like writing it down because I can see it, but it's also good to hear it, because then you hear yourself say it, and you're like, that's. Dude, I'm not believing that you see what I'm saying? So try both, which. Whichever works for you. I really like writing it down because you can go back and visit it and you can leverage it, and I'll teach you guys how to do that as well. Okay? So, boom, I failed as a husband. 100%. Optional thought. And this is what's creating suffering in your life. Okay? So let's challenge it. Is this true?

No.

Why? Why isn't it true?

Well, it's not true because I'm still here doing for my kids. I'm still fighting. I want better.

I'm better as a husband. Let's get specific. Because you feel like you failed as a husband. So, as a husband, what's the truth?

As a husband, I feel like I know that I gave everything that I could. I can't necessarily control how it's received.

Mm.

So I guess, in a way to flip, my thinking is that if I was to consider the fact that it might not have just been enough for her, that maybe she had issues on her side, that maybe that was the issue and not had nothing to do with me.

Exactly. Exactly. So now let's get even more specific, though, bro, you said I gave everything that I could. First off, I know one of those things is loyalty, because you fought till the very End yes or no?

Oh, yes. Yeah, I got the counselor. I set up the appointments. I tried dating. Going back to the beginning. I tried everything that I knew to try. I even tried distance when she asked for it. And wow. Yeah. To no avail. I mean, I think it matter being checked out and just wanting to check that list off to say I feel good about. I tried. So here we are, ladies.

Let's help this brother out real quick. If your ex, instead of leaving, you would have tried all the things that he just mentioned. I tried dating her. I set up the counselor. I even gave her space when she needed it. How would you have received that? Would that have been a thumbs up or a thumbs down? Just put a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Ladies, in the chat, thumbs up. See Dominica. Thumbs up. See, this is evidence.

I appreciate that.

This is why I did that. I want you to see that people appreciate intention. The ones that want to. Okay, now here's. This is why I love this brother. Because you said. You said, man, I gave it everything I could. And that's us men. Hold on. I feel like. Can y' all hear me still? Can y' all hear me now?

It was choppy, but it's getting better.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. It said that my Internet was a little unstable. Okay, Y' all got me back. So as men, we're normally a little bit more vague. So you were just like, I did everything I could. Right? But the sauce, the good stuff is in the details. What does that mean? Man, I started dating her, bro. I set up the counselors. I literally, when she asked for distance, I honored that and I gave it to her instead of chasing her even more, even though I wanted to do the opposite. Which means I loved selflessly. As soon as I became aware of something that I was doing wrong, I did my best to adjust it. Knowing that, does that make you feel like a failure as a husband?

No.

Not even a little bit. Right.

I think I'm more disappointed in the outcome than my. My. My attempt, you know, my interest, my. My.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But here's the thing. At least you're proud of yourself, because now you know, like, let's. Let's flip this then. If you actually believed that, damn, dude, I didn't fail. I went above and beyond. Like, I did what most men would not do and what I did, other women would have appreciated. If you actually believe that, how would that make you feel?

Well, I mean, saying it like that, it sounds crazy. You know what I mean?

No, I know it sounds.

Sounds like I shouldn't be thinking at all. But. But when you explain it.

Yeah, but how would you feel if you actually believed that? How'd you feel? I mean, I can see it in your face already, but how would you feel?

I mean, I would feel bad.

You'd feel what?

What was. Repeat the question. I think I lost you for a sec. Sorry.

I said, if you actually believed everything that I just said, if you really believed that, how would you feel?

What. What were you saying? I. I.

That. That you didn't fail as a husband.

If I didn't fail as a husband? Yeah.

If you really believe that you didn't fail as a husband. She just didn't know how to value it. How would you feel about yourself?

I mean, better.

Yeah. Do you have a little more pride or what?

I mean, yeah, I mean, I would definitely have a little bit more pride. It's just I. Sometimes I get stuck on that outcome, man. I think that's what it comes down to. And then I harp on that outcome and then I lose myself.

Yeah.

Exactly where I think I go wrong.

Yeah. So let's not focus on where we go wrong right now. Let's focus on what we're addressing.

Yeah.

If you, if you. If you genuinely believed that you did not fail as a husband, how would you feel?

I would definitely feel proud.

Of yourself. Right?

Yeah.

In other words, high self esteem and confident.

And my biggest thing was not regretting. That was the most important driver for me. It's like, I don't want to. There's two kids involved, you know, like, this is the woman that I wanted to spend my life with. The last thing I want to do is not be sure of my actions.

Yeah. You know, exactly. So you would feel proud of yourself. High self esteem, no regrets, because you gave it all that you could. So how do you think you would show up, bro, if you actually felt that way? Like you felt like a badass, like, damn, dude, like, I am a catch. I gave it all. I did not fail as a husband. I literally laid it all on the line. I've got zero regrets because I went balls to the wall when I needed to, and I made the adjustments that I needed to. How'd you show up if you felt that way?

A lot better. I feel I would show up with some growth, you know, with some experience, some wounds, some. Some scars worth showing.

Exactly. So here's the thing. Now, the next time that this starts to come up and create suffering in you, what do you do? You go back to the evidence that we just created, you know, What? No, that's not true. Because I. Boom, boom, boom. And get specific. And get specific. Because what you entertain in your head, you're going to experience in your body. And we just backed it up with nothing but truth.

We.

We didn't make any scenarios up. We didn't just, oh, let's look on the bright side, like, oh, there's no weeds in the garden. No, we didn't do any of that, bro. We said, hey, what are the facts here? And you said, oh, boom, boom, boom. Then you're like. But I always look at the outcome. Exactly. You're focused on the ditch, not where you want to go. So you end up in the ditch, right? So now we're going to start focusing on where we want to go. You know what? I believe that I did not fail as a husband. And I got evidence to prove it. I got evidence to prove it to myself. And when it starts attacking you, the first thing you do, bro, just like if someone was punking your kids, like in school, what would you say? Stand up for yourself. Fight back.

Right?

Don't. Don't let your mind punk you around. Fight back and fight back. With facts, bro. With facts. I don't know if you're Christian or not. Are you Christian? Are you spiritual? Are you any of that?

I believe in God. I don't necessarily go to church, per se. I haven't. I feel. I feel God wherever I go. Just like I feel my dad, who's passed away almost a decade ago. I feel. I don't feel him at the. At the grave. I feel him wherever I'm at. So, like, when I'm in that. When I'm in that zone, I just. I'll pray. I'll just. You know what I mean? It's everywhere to me.

Yeah. So do you believe you're descended from God? That he made you, created you in the likeness of his image?

Yeah.

Then act like it. Our respects. The next time that your mind tries to punk you around, do what the Bible says, even if you don't believe in it. I just taught it to you. Take every thought captive. Hold up. What are you saying about me? I don't think you know who the hell I am. I did not fail as a husband. I got evidence to prove it. I got facts. I am worthy. I'm not unworthy. I am enough. I am literally God's kid. I am his son. I have royalty in my bloodline. What do you have? Just fake thoughts? Hell no. And you got to see it as the enemy. This is why we Lose these battles, y'.

All.

Here's the thing, Kevin. The reason why you've been stuck for a while, bro, it's not because you suck. It's because you didn't know what you were fighting. Now you know what you're fighting. Now you're prepared for the battle. So the neck. The next time. The next time that something tries to attack you like that, you combat it with truth and you stand up for yourself. And you stop making the fact that she chose to leave mean that you felt as a husband. No. You know what that means? That she just couldn't appreciate that, man. She couldn't appreciate a dude that was willing to date her, to go to counseling, to do all of these things. And that's okay. That's okay. It does. It suck.

Yeah.

But it doesn't mean that I failed, and it doesn't mean that I'm not enough. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah.

If you start showing up that way, you'll have a way better chance at show showing up as the dad that you know you can be. You'll have a way better chance at landing the dream job that you've always wanted. And it's happening almost every day in this group now at this point.

I actually did already about a couple weeks after she left me. Yeah, I'm in the union, and it's like, it's good money in four years, a pension, which don't really get offered no more. It was just weird. And I knew nobody. No one referred me. I just one out of ten people, the only one in class. So, like, I know he's looking out for me. It's just. It's. I don't want to keep getting drowned in this sea of uncertainty when I do have proof. I just got to focus on it.

Exactly. Exactly. What you focus on is going to expand 100%. 100. I just did this with Jonathan earlier today. Do. Do something for me, Kevin. Okay. And then, Anthony, you do this as well. I know some. Some other people here have already. If you haven't done this exercise, just do it. Okay? I want you to play all out with me. I want you to look around Yalls house, wherever y' all are at right now. I want you to look around and find as many brown things as possible. Look for. Look at. Jonathan's already smiling because he knows where this is going. He's like, damn, this fool got me earlier, too. Y' all. Look for brown. Find as many brown things as you can possibly find. Okay? Look around. Count them in your head. Count as many brown things that you can find in your room. Just focus on brown. How many brown things can I find? Okay. All right, go ahead. Close your eyes. Okay. How many blue things did you find? Anthony's already saying, nope, nothing. Kevin, how many blue things you find?

A Gatorade bottle. 1.

Okay, now look around, everyone. Look for blue. How much blue is in Yalls room?

Five, six.

Yeah, but you only saw a Gatorade bottle. Why'd that happen?

Because I was drinking it not long ago.

And because you were focused on brown. When you focus on brown, this is. I'm gonna teach you. I'm gonna teach y' all how to use your brain so it doesn't use you. When you focus on brown, it will literally delete anything that's not brown. It will distort anything that might be brown, which is why some of y' all cheated. You saw something that might have been tan, and you're like, oh, that's brown. I'll count it as brown. Just in your head, you just immediately you threw it in with a brown, and then it's going to distort your brown, which means all of a sudden, there's way more brown in the room. Which is when I said, well, how much blue is in there? Now all of a sudden, you're like, there's, like, five things in here that I didn't see before. This is how your brain works. So if you focus on how much this sucks, your brain is like, yep, brown. But if you focus on the blue, on the blessing, all of a sudden, you start seeing blessing everywhere. If you focus on why you're so lonely, your brain will create evidence to make you feel lonely. Because that's what it's supposed to do. It does what you tell it to do. But if you focus on the people that you have in your life, if you focus on the people that are close to you, if you focus on the opportunities that you have, if you're focused on that, all of a sudden, your brain's like, blessings, dude. Blessings. Blessings. God's in it all. God's in it all. God's in it all. It's what we choose to focus on. So in our suffering, I want y' all to notice, this suffering revolves around me as a vessel. When you're so focused on yourself, you start to suffer. When you make it mean something about yourself, you start to suffer. But when you take your eyes off of you for a moment and you serve somebody, when you take your eyes off of you and you reach out to a loved One, you tell them how much you love them and why you love them and how much you appreciate them and why you appreciate them. Your suffering starts to go away because your eyes aren't on you anymore. And this isn't positive thinking. This is a strategy. If I feel like crap, who can I serve right now? Who can I love on right now? Who can I love on? My eyes are way too much on me right now. I'm making all this mess mean something about me, and I'm missing it on the blessings. And I just got that proven to me on Monday night. So what am I going to do about it? Am I going to follow the strategy to success, or am I going to allow myself to sit here? And there's going to be moments. I want all of you to know this. There's going to be moments where you're going to allow yourself to sit there. And this is when strategy number two comes in. How are you going to talk to yourself about that then? Are you going to say to yourself, man, see, I'm an idiot. See, I knew I wasn't going to be able to get through this. See, I just keep doing the same all over again. Or, man, you know what? I'm growing. I just learned this stuff and I'm practicing it, and I might have failed this hour, but I got another chance in the next hour. And I'm gonna do my best to make it right right now. Why? Because I want to live in a place of love and abundance, not suffering and depression. It's all strategy, ladies and gentlemen. You can literally stop your own suffering. So this is what we're going to do real quick, okay? This is what we're going to do. I want everybody to close your eyes. Okay? Everyone close your eyes and focus for a second. What I want you to do right now is I want all of you to think about one person. One person that you can be extremely grateful for. I'm talking about extremely grateful for. I just want you to nod your head when you get their face in your head, okay? Keep your eyes closed. Right now that you got that person, I want you to think of a memory with them that made you feel super grateful for them, that made you feel such a deep love for them, that made you feel like, man, that's my boy, or, that's my girl, or, man, I love my parents. Whatever it is, whoever it is, go back to that memory. Don't rush it. Go back to that memory, and I want you to relive it as if you're there right now. Again, remember what they were wearing. Remember how they spoke to you. Maybe the smile on their face, maybe the way they made you feel in that moment. I want you to remember all of that. All right, everybody close your eyes. Or everybody open your eyes. Give me a thumbs up if you feel incredible right now. We took our focus and we shifted it. That's all we did. That's all we did. If you really want to take it to the next level, and you guys can ask Ilya about this. Ilya was over here trying to fight me on this. I was like, girl, you think I don't know what I'm talking about? And then finally she had to be like, okay, Coach Frank, you beat me on this. You got me out of my email stage. If you really want to take this to the next level, I want you to message three people, including the person you just thought about. You either send them a text, a voice memo, or you call them on the phone and you tell them how much you love them and why. You tell them how much you appreciate them and why. And you get specific with it. Because when you begin to do this, what ends up happening is your level of gratitude. Just like you guys felt that shift, it takes it up another notch. And guess what? You can't be grateful and depressed at the same time. You can be grateful and then you choose to go back to depressed. And this is why I want you to message them, because the feeling will carry on and explode and you're going to begin to move different. People are going to begin to say, dude, there's something different about that person. Dude, they're moving different. Like, bro, they, they messaged me the other day and God, bro, like, they almost made me cry. Like, what the hell was that? Came out of nowhere. And what's going to end up happening is now these people are going to be receiving your love, and you're not expecting anything in return. You're just giving that to them because you want to give that to them. This is something I practice, and I'm actually going to create a conqueror's KPI list. And KPI stands for Key Performing Indicators. I have a whole session that I do on that, but this is going to be one of our KPIs that we're gonna. We're gonna do every day. If you want to become more than a conqueror and live that lifestyle every single day. Three people. Three people in the morning, first thing in the morning. What am I grateful for? For them. Oh, I'm gonna let them know I'm gonna bless them with that text. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it's going to take you to a new level. You're going to experience so much love, so much depth within yourself, that your soul is going to begin to heal and it all is going to happen from a deep place of love. So if you're ever feeling down, if you're ever feeling lonely, if you're ever suffering, this one practical exercise that I just taught you will get you out of it like that. And when you're in this place, when you feel good like this, guys, that's when you can do to work. That's when you can challenge the thoughts of I failed as a husband. Because right now, Kevin, do you feel like a failure?

No.

Hell no. You don't. You feel fucking good, bro. I know you do. It's okay to say it, bro. It's okay to be happy and excited about it. You feel good.

I'm usually hands on, but it's. You have a way of showing it and explaining it that even someone like myself being an over communicator, I can understand it because it's dissected. You know what I mean? I like in the puzzle as a whole, break it down and then build it right back up in front of me and I can reciprocate that.

All right, Conqueror, thank you so much for participating with that. If you went all in on that, you're actually probably starting to feel better even right now than whenever you you first started on this video. And so I just want you to congratulate yourself, give yourself a round of applause for showing up for you and learning how to do the work and then implementing the work. So it doesn't just stop here though. Okay? So if you're an individual who you want to continue to grow and you want to learn more of these aspects and really, really channel in to, hey, how can I continue to build my legacy? How can I continue to uproot all these things that the enemy meant for evil and turn them around for my good? By taking thoughts captive and by being transformed by the renewing of your mind. If that's you, then I want to personally invite you right now to the Conquerors community. Okay? The Conqueror's community is a community that I have specifically, specifically designed. That's actually community that I wish I had when I went through a divorce. You're going to have unlimited support by all the individuals that are in there, as well as 1% coaches that I have trained and I now trust as well to actually speak life into you as well. You're also going to get access to weekly support calls and you're going to get access to a weekly live exclusive Q A with me inside of that community. Plus you're going to get access to other coaching calls just like the one you participated with that have been recorded that you can start working through at your own own given time as well so that you don't have to wait for your freedom and you can actually start designing your freedom at your own time. And so if that is something that you're saying, hey, you know what? I would love to be a part of that, then go, go ahead down below to the link. I think it says conquers community. And you can download the app for whichever phone you have, whether that be an Apple iPhone or whether that be a Google phone or an Android, which only God knows why you would still have one of those. But if that's you, hey, we got that option also for you, right? And here's what's beautiful about this, okay? I do not believe that equal amount equals the same sacrifice. I believe that there's different sacrifices for different amounts. I know when I went through my divorce that I was extremely broke and I just wish that somebody would give me the option to choose what I felt I could pay in the moment because I knew that I was 100% in, but I also knew that I didn't have a thousand dollars in my bank account to be able to invest into my future. But I knew that I really wanted to invest in my future and learn how to really deal with this stuff. And so I felt like God asked me to do that for you. And so I don't know how long this is going on for. I'm going to cut it off as soon as there's too much people in there. And I just can't help individuals anymore, right? Because I don't want the quantity of individuals that are in there to ruin the quality of this, these coaching resources, right? And so I want you to know that once you download the app, you're going to have the option to pick your own price. And that goes all the way from $10 to $50. And so you can make the level of commitment and the level of sacrifice that you believe your future is worth, that you believe your legacy is worth, that you believe your mental health is worth. And we can start getting you the breakthrough that you need immediately. So if that's something you're interested in, go ahead and check it out and make sure that you subscribe to this channel. If this is actually helpful content for you and share with an individual that you believe it's going to bless. All right, conqueror, God bless you. You have a blessed day.