How to get over my divorce

Sam sa. Foreign. What's going on, everyone? Hope you're having a blessed day. Excited to be here with you today, man. I think today is going to be an incredibly powerful Q A. I hope that I bring some clarity to your life. I'm live right now on YouTube, and this is where I'm looking at. And if you see my phone right here on YouTube is because I'm also live on Instagram. And so what I'm going to be doing today is a live Q and A. And so if you want your question to be answered on this, then if you're on Instagram, head over onto YouTube. The link is in my profile, right. Right there in my bio. So head over to YouTube. You can drop a question in here and we'll get this thing started. So I want to start off with a question that I actually received, which I think is a really, really good question. Okay. And I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with, and this is really going to help you so that you don't commit the same mistakes. And that's all that coaching really is, is at the end of the day, it's helping people avoid the same mistakes that I made. Right. And really speed up your healing process through the experience of another individual. And so I see we got five people tuned in right now on YouTube. So drop it in the comments. Drop it. If you're here, I'm gonna put the chat up so that we can see your comments coming in here. I wanna. I wanna see who's here with me. And if you got questions, drop them in the comments here on YouTube as well. Again, Instagram, head over to YouTube right now. The link is in my bio, so you can drop questions in there. I'm doing a Q A here for the next hour and a half to two hours, roughly. So I want to help as many people as possible. So if you want some help, come over, hang out, hang out on YouTube. Okay. My brother Anthony. Good seeing you, brother. Okay, so the first question that I want to start to address is this. Somebody asked me, how do you move on when you have chosen to remain friends and are in contact regularly? Samuel, how you doing, brother? Good to see you on here, man. God bless you, my brother. So how do you move on? See if I can put this. Yeah, I can put this in the chat. Perfect. This is the question that I'm going to be answering for y'. All. Okay. Drop it in the chat. So how do you. Let me get rid of this logo so you guys can actually see that beautiful how do you move on when you have chosen to remain friends and are in contact regularly? Okay, so this is a really good question because I feel like a lot of people get stuck in this season of their lives and. And we get stuck there for quite a bit. Quite a bit, right? So first of all, I think you got to get really clear on why you want that friendship, okay? Because what we see most often is that people want to remain friends and it's literally because they're so afraid of actually moving on. So life is really about two things, right? And this is something that I teach the Conquerors in my coaching group that I meet with weekly quite a bit. You can either make a fear based decision or you can make a faith based decision. That's really it. Normally your fear based decision is, I want to make sure that I stay in contact with this individual as much as I can because I don't know when I'll meet someone like this person ever again. And so if that. That is your mindset, then obviously it's going to be extremely difficult to let go of your ex. Not only that, but we got to think about this new mindset that I've really adopted into my life and that I'm teaching inside of the Conquerors community quite a bit. It's about fruitful thinking, okay? It's not about doing the right or the wrong thing. So the person that asked this right now I want to ask you. It's not about if what you're doing is right or if what you're doing is wrong. I think the true question that needs to be asked here is if, is it fruitful? Is it fruitful for you to still remain in consistent contact with this individual and friends? Is it fruitful for where you want to be in the next year, where you want to be in the next six months, where you want to be in the next two years? If it's not fruitful, then I think you have your answer. I think. I think it's your answer right then and there. Right? And so the best way to move on is to actually move on. Stop holding on. The reason why you're keeping them around is because you don't want to move on. And so you have this deep desire in you. And I get that. I understand that. My heart goes out for you. You got this deep desire in you to let go of your ex. But then at the same time, it's like, here I'm putting the. So anyone who's just now tuning in, you can actually see what question it is. That I'm addressing. Right. So how do you move on when you have chosen to remain friends and are in contact regularly? You got to start cutting it off little by little. First of all, you got to decide is this fruitful for where I want to be in my life? And this is with anything that you're going through, any decision that you have to make, is it fruitful? If it's not, then you've got to cut that off. It's a dead branch that isn't bringing life to you, that isn't going to get you to where you want to get to. And so really what you're doing is you're holding yourself back. So, so you, I, I, I want to say that it's going to be impossible for you to move on and continue being friends like that. But anything is possible, right? So it really just depends on what it is that you want, what kind of experience you want to have through this, you're going to go through this breakup anyways, you're already broken up. But what experience do you want to have? Do you want to, do you want to have this lingering experience to where eventually, hopefully it will tailor off or eventually he's going to start seeing somebody or she's going to start seeing somebody and then you're going to get really, really hurt and then you're going to get pissed off and resentful and then you're going to use that as closure. It really just depends on your experience and what it is that you desire for your life. Right? And so I think in this season you got to ask yourself, is it fruitful to remain friends and in consistent regular contact? And if your answer deep down in your heart is no, that's not fruitful for where I want to be, then this is where you got to make a faith based decision, not a fear based decision. And you got to start walking in abundance and you got to make the hard, the tough call. You got to make the tough call because if you're not willing to make that tough call, then don't expect somebody else to be willing to make a tough call for you. Right? And so I want you to stand up for yourself in this season to yourself. So this, this is why it's so key guys to the Bible talks about like making our body a living sacrifice. Why does it talk about that? Because our flesh has desires and our spirit has another set of desires. So your spirit, from what I'm getting from this question, is I want to move on, but your flesh is saying I don't Want to let go. And all this means is that your flesh right now is literally stronger than your spirit is. How do you make your spirit stronger? You train it. Right? So I was sharing this with a couple of my boys last night. Like my inner circle, right? I was sharing this with them how I always wanted to be a man that tithed. I always wanted to do that. I always wanted to give God what is his, which everything actually is his. But I didn't want to struggle with tithing. And I remember actually praying and telling God, I do not want to tithe. I don't want to give you any of my money. My money. That's where my heart was. I told him I don't want to, but my spirit wants to be that type of man. So even though right now I don't feel a desire, a fleshly desire to give you my money, what I'm going to do is I'm going to choose to do it anyway, because I know that's what my spirit is desiring, and I want to make him strong, not my flesh. Right. And so in this season, you wanting to move on is your spirit. It's God telling you, it's the Holy Spirit inside of you telling you, sweetie, there's something more for you. Like, son, there's something more for you. There's something bigger for you. But you got to let this thing go, right? And then your flesh is clinging on to what was. And as long as you cling on to what was, you're never going to get what is and what can be in your life. You'll always be living in the past, always. And this is just going to create more frustration in your life. Right? And so that's what I would say to that. Hopefully that. Hopefully that helped you out a ton. Okay, we got some live questions here, actually. So I. I kind of like this one. What strategy you give to forgive myself and to move on to forgive and forget is a good question. Okay. Mariella Gonzalez asked, what strategy do you give to forgive myself and to move on to forgive and forget? I got cheated on after almost nine years of marriage. We have two kids, and we are in divorce proceedings now. Well, first off, I just want to say that I'm extremely sorry that you're going through that right now, because I know that that can be extremely tough and difficult at times. And so I want you to know my heart goes out to you. And I want you to know that what you're experiencing right now, this confusion, this pain, it's absolutely normal. Okay? And you now have a choice. You now have a choice. So here's the thing, okay? Mariela. Pain is an event. Suffering is created by ourselves. Pain comes from the external world. Suffering is created by our internal world in here, okay? And so this whole process of forgiving it has nothing to do with the outside. It has nothing to do with your ex. It has nothing to do with any other, anybody else, except for you. That's the first thing that we've got to understand, okay? And the first thing that I want you to really start to adapt here is that you're never going to forget, okay? So if your goal is to forget, you might as well give up now, because there's no way you're gonna do that unless something wild happens, some miraculous thing happens where you just lose that part of your memory. And I just don't see that happening, okay? So you're never gonna forget. But I see this all the time. But here's the thing. The only reason you want to forget it is because it's bringing you pain. So you no longer wanna experience pain. So what if I told you that. That you can turn that event into something that no longer brings you pain and then you won't want to forget it, right? Like, I do not have a single desire in my heart to forget what happened to me, to forget that, you know, how my ex left to forget everything that I went through. I don't have one desire in me to forget it. Why? Because it doesn't hurt me anymore. It's a blessing for me. And I genuinely see it as a blessing, and I genuinely experience it as a blessing. So when you experience something as a blessing, do you want to forget it? No, no, no. You're like. You look. You want to look back at it and use it as an anchor of God's goodness in your life, right? And so the only reason why you're truly wanting to forget this is because it's still bringing pain to your life. So if we heal the pain, the desire to forget it will go. And here's the thing that, that desire to forget it, it's gonna have to go eventually because you're not going to forget it. You're not going to. We got to begin to accept that. Okay? So I think the key here is to forgive. Okay? Now, forgiveness, Somebody also asked this question, right? Samuel Logan said topic forgiveness. One occurrence was talked about, but still on the mind daily. How do you overcome what happened before, especially when your significant other is very private and secretive? This is a really good question. And it goes hand in hand with this. Look, look, this is all. All of this is forgiveness, man. All of this is forgiveness. So I'll go ahead and I'll throw your comment up here as well. Okay? Forgiveness. One occurrence was talked about, so I'm assuming that you guys talked about it, but it's still on your mind daily. Okay? And so this is kind of what's happening with Mariela. She knows what happened, but it's still tormenting her daily. So this is how suffering is created. Okay, guys, Suffering is created by what you entertain in your head and by the story you tell yourself about the event over and over again. Suffering is created when we make everything mean something about us, period. Right? So the reason why infidelity hurts so bad, right? First of all, it's because now I. I am forced to change the way that I look at you. And I am for. And that means that I am forced to. To shift my blueprint of how life should be and how life is happening. That sucks, dude. Like, if we're being honest, that sucks. And if you guys are on Instagram right now and you want me to answer your question, hop on over to YouTube. I'm live over here. That's why I'm looking over here. You can drop your question in the comments and I'll be able to address them over here. I'm gonna be here for about two hours answering questions roughly. Okay. The link is in my bio. Okay. Instagram. So it sucks. It sucks to realize that, man, I'm in a season in life where everything that I thought was true is what we say, which is not true. Everything that you thought is true is no longer true. That's a lie. We exaggerate it. But the more we say that, the more that our brain is wired to show us that that is true. It's true that everything you ever believed is a lie. Not everything you ever believed is a lie. Okay? Not even everything you believed about that individual is a lie. It's just not true. There's a lot of things that still remain. They messed up. Yes. We're not going to justify that. We're not going to just act like that didn't happen. But there's other things that are still true about that individual. They still created incredible memories with you. They still made you feel a certain type of way. They still loved you, even if it was for a season. You still had an incredible relationship with them, even if it was for a season. So don't make it anything bigger than it needs to be. So in this scenario, let's talk about forgiveness, then forgiveness at its simplest form. We got to understand what forgiveness is, or else we can't do it. Forgiveness is releasing the emotions of anger and resentment. That's it. And it's replacing it with a new emotion, whatever emotion it is that you want to experience. That's all forgiveness is. It's not justifying the people's behavior. It's not justifying what they did. It's not saying that you accept what they did and that you think that that's okay. It's not saying any of that. What it's simply saying is, I refuse to keep living life angry and bitter and full of resentment. And I want to choose to experience peace. I want to choose to experience joy. I want to choose to experience gratitude, whatever emotion it is that you want to experience. So, Mariela, if you're still on here, drop this in the chat, okay? If you had a choice on what you would want to ideally feel about this situation, what would that emotion be? Samuel, you too. Anybody who's gotten cheated on in here, right? If you're on here and you dealt with some infidelity, what is the emotion that you would want to feel about that situation in an ideal world? How would you want to feel about it today? How would you want to feel about it if you knew that you were healthy and that you did finally just forgive and that you did finally let that go? Okay, drop. Drop it in the comments. I want to hear from you, okay? How would you want to feel if you got cheated on? I'm talking about the people who are sick and tired of dealing with unforgiveness, because it's crippling your mind, it's crippling your emotions, and it's crippling your days. And you're no longer the playful, joyful person that you used to be because you're holding on to this resentment and to this anger. What emotions would you want to experience in an ideal world about that situation? How would you want to feel about it? Peace and happiness. Mariela, thank you for your vulnerability and your courage. Peace and happiness is what you would want to feel. Okay, Perfect. Perfect. Mariela. So here's the thing, Volina. Freedom. I love that. So this is the question that I want you to begin to entertain in your own head. What would I need to believe about that situation to feel peace? What would you need to believe about it? This is why I don't tell people what to do. I want you to discover it. So, Mariela and Volina and Mary and Samuel, what Would you need to believe about your specific situation so that you could feel those emotions? This is going to take some work right here, okay? But I want to honor you guys, especially the fact that you guys are doing this publicly right now, because this is the work that most people never do, ever, Ever. Let me ask you, what would you need to believe about that situation so that you can experience what the emotion you want to experience, so you can experience peace and happiness? What would you need to believe about what they did? Okay. Effort and actions from your partner. Here's the thing, though, Samuel. You are tying your breakthrough to somebody else's actions. Remember how I was talking about how suffering is created from the internal world, not the external world? You're trying to create joy from the external world. You're trying to create peace from the external world. You're trying to create all of these emotions from the external world. The more you keep doing that, brother, you're going to lead yourself to a place of failure. You can't control what that individual does. You can set healthy boundaries and say, this is what I need to see from you so that this can continue happening. But what do you need to feel, man? What do you want to feel? What do you want to feel? Peace. You want to feel peace, okay? So regardless of their effort and their actions, what do you need to believe about the situation, about what happened to experience peace? I really want you guys to think about this. And while you're thinking about this, I'm going to really break this down for anyone who's watching right now, okay? Infidelity. When it happens, the torture begins. When we begin to create a story, a dialogue, I like to call it a script. Almost as if it's a movie, we start to create the script in our head. And that script revolves around me. It revolves around my value. It revolves around my worth, and it revolves around my future. That is why it's tormenting you. Because now you're believing that you're not good enough. Their action to you means that I'm not good enough. Their action now means that you aren't respectable and that they don't care about you, okay? So that you're not worthy to be cared about. Their action now also means that I might not ever have the future that I desired. My future is ruined. So when that is the story that we begin to entertain in our head, obviously, man, obviously, that's gonna hurt, right? So this is a process that I take people through called flip the script. And that's what I'm trying to walk you guys through right now? Obviously, it's a little difficult because I don't have you face to face, and we're doing it through chat. But I honor you because you're trying to change the story. And the more that you change the story, the more you change what you feel about that story. And that's all forgiveness is, is releasing anger and resentment. That's all it is. All it is. So if you can start feeling differently about that situation, that means you forgive, you've forgiven. That means you're no longer holding on to anything else. Why? Because you no longer owe me anything. How good would it be to tell that individual, you know, you don't owe me anything anymore. I'm good. Genuinely good. With a genuine smile on your face. How amazing would that feel? My brother, Matanesis, thank you for that, brother. I love you, man. Thank you for your constant encouragement, dude. You're a huge blessing to my life. So we got to begin to change the story. Okay? Now, this is what happens most people. Most people. This is why therapy is not as effective as it could be with individuals. I don't think it's necessarily always because of the therapist, which half the time it is, but I think it's also because of the individual. This is where the work comes in, okay? You have to consciously choose to practice that new story that you're writing about the situation over and over and over again. Because what's annoying now will become automatic later. This is a saying that I have with my clients. They all know it. What's annoying now will become automatic later. So you've got to practice that script, that new story about that situation consciously so that you can overcome the subconscious story that is driving your suffering right now. That is driving your resentment, that is driving your anger. Right? And so how do we consciously do that? I do it very practical. I'm a very practical guy, okay? The people in my coaching group know I'm a very practical dude. And I think that's why people that come into the Conquerors community get such great results. Because it's very practical, what I tell you to do. It's literally a step by step by step. So this is what you need to do. You need to create your new script, reveal the old script. As you reveal the old script, you're going to feel all these different types of emotions coming up, like anger and resentment and rage. Allow yourself to experience those, because true forgiveness is never reached until you actually experience the rage and the anger and the bitterness that you're actually experiencing. You've got to be able to release those emotions. You can't release them by suppressing them. You got to release them by expressing them. Okay, obviously this doesn't mean go express it on your kids, express it on your ex, on anything. No, you can experience these on your own terms in your own safe space. I literally. This is. This is how I did it. I would take a bat, my little daughter's softball bat, and I would beat the crap out of my couch. And I would be screaming at the top of my lungs, like, some pretty mean things about my ex and some pretty mean things about God, because God can handle it. I fully let the rage out. After I fully let it out, then I changed the narrative. I flipped the script on that story. So I had experienced the emotions that I was experiencing. And then what I did was I created a new story. And then this is what I want you to do. I want you to set three reminders a day that say, flip the script. And those three reminders, you're going to actually choose to intentionally look at your new story, be like, man, the fact that they cheated on me means this, it means this, it means this, it means this. And now what's happening is you are using your conscious mind to transform your subconscious story. It's the only way to do it. You got to do the reps if you want the results. And, and this is why I say what's annoying now will be automatic later, because it's going to be annoying to do it. But look, any of you that played sports, right? I remember when I first started training Jiu Jitsu, it was so annoying. The details that you had just to do an arm bar, like, just to be able to choke somebody out. Also, it's like so many details with your finger has to go in. It can't be this way, it can't be this way. It has to be this way. And when you choke it, it's not this way, it's not this way, it's not this way, it's this way. Small little details that you have to think about when you're choking somebody. So it used to be really annoying when I started training Jiu Jitsu, but the more I trained Jiu Jitsu, the more it became automatic. And now I just land those chokes. Now I just land those arm bars. The same thing. When you started driving, if you drove a stick, anybody here who drove a stick, right? Like, if you drove a stick, you know how annoying it was to learn how to drive a freaking stick because of all the details the RPMs, when it's okay to shift what speed goes into which gear. Right. And then on top of that, you get on the road and now you got to think about the vehicles that are on the road. So it's extremely annoying. Details. But the more you practiced it consciously, the more it became automatic. The same goes for the healing process. The same thing goes for forgiveness. The more you practice it annoyingly, the more will become automatic later. This is why my one on one clients and people in the coaching group genuinely get over their ex in less than 90 days. Because they're willing to do the work day in and day out. They're fully committed to the process. Not to a meeting, not to an exercise, to a process. To a process. You have got to get obsessed of getting free from this unforgiveness. You've got to become obsessed about getting free from this anger and this resentment if you don't get free from it. This is how you get obsessed. If you don't get free from it. What's it going to cost you? For me, it cost me my business. I had a thriving business back in the day. It cost me all of that, all of it. To the point where I was selling my GoPro just so that I could get money to eat and to feed my daughter. I mean, I was borrowing money from my parents because I'd be in the house on this same location and the next thing you know, my water cut off, my light cut off. You don't know how many nights I slept in here with no electricity and no running water. Why unforgiveness crippled my heart. If you don't beat this unforgiveness, what's it going to cost you? What's it going to cost you? Man? It cost me months with my little, little daughter. I mean, I still saw her, but it cost me months of memories and moments that I could have created. Why? Because I wasn't present. Because unforgiveness was crippling me. You got to get obsessed about this. That's how you get obsessed with it. Look at your life in the next six months, in the next years. If you don't beat this unforgiveness. Where are you going to be? Where is your relationship with your kids going to be? Where is your career going to be? I get people that come and work with me and they're like, dude, I've already been let go from two other jobs because of this thing. Because of this thing. And that's why they commit to the process. Because they tell Themselves. I can't afford to not invest into this because if I don't invest into this, it's going to cost me more in the long run. When you begin to count the cost of what this is going to cost me in the long run, you'll begin to get obsessed with the process. And the moment you get obsessed with the process, and I literally just taught you guys how to overcome this. Now it's about doing the work. Now, if you need a support system, if you need more detailed help where you can sit on a call with me every single week and we can actually talk about your situation, uproot the causes, and then I can actually help you flip the script, right? Because I know some of you right now are probably struggling to flip it, and that's okay, right? That's why sometimes you need some help, and it's okay. So if that's something you want to do, go over to conquerors.community, okay? On your website, just go to conquerors.community and create a new user and then subscribe to any one of those options, okay? To meet with me every single week. It's gonna be the middle option, the 175amonth, okay? You. You can just get access to the two calls every single week with me. And if you just want the support, more guidance calls like this, where I'm actually gonna be able to help you live though once a month and support calls every single week, then use the community access. There's help for everyone. That's only 49.95amonth, okay. For support calls weekly and the tools to actually help you overcome this, like step by step, walking you through it. I think it's powerful for you. So that is how you overcome unforgiveness. And by the way, Instagram, if you just tuned in, I'm live on YouTube right now doing a live Q and A. So if you want me to answer your question, head over to YouTube, drop it in the comments. The link is in my bio, and I will answer your question here live on YouTube right now. Okay? Vanina said the process works. The peace that comes is worth giving up the anger and pain. Yes. Yes, it is. Vanina is an incredible testimony, honestly. Vanina, by the way, we're going to do a testimonial, me and you, and I'm going to upload it on YouTube because your story is phenomenal, your healing journey is phenomenal, and the fact that you started going out onto the dating scene and you were able to exit relationships because you guys Weren't aligned. Even though you really like them, speaks volumes of how far you you've come. And I can't wait to see what God does in your life. It's phenomenal. Okay, so Mariella said I need to release all the anger or what is it? We don't talk at all. Just when he calls to talk with our kids, I get super nervous, and my heart beats so fast when he texts to call them. Yeah, it's just because you're still holding on to anger and resentment. That's really all it is. As soon as we're able to beat that, you're going to be good. Think about this. You guys don't talk at all, but he still controls you. You guys don't talk at all, but he still runs your life right now. How long are you going to allow that to happen? How long are you going to allow this man to run your life, to dictate your emotions? If somebody controls your emotions, they control your life's experience because it doesn't matter how much money you have, it doesn't matter how many kids you have, it doesn't matter how many friends you have. If you wake up tomorrow and you are depressed and anxious, your life is depressed and anxious. Matter what you have in life, your life is your emotions. This is why we have to develop emotional intelligence and emotional maturity and emotional fitness. If we don't, people own us. People own us. Mariela, I would love to help you, man. I really would. I really would. Go to the conquerors.community and join. Join the Conquerors community. I. I help everyone. That's why I'm doing this right now for free. I help everyone, but I serve the committed. So commit to yourself, and I'll commit to you. I promise. And the process is going to be so worth it. Okay, next question. Next question that I have. Hopefully that brings you some clarity on unforgiveness. Okay. Oh, nice. Mariela. Yeah, I saw that you put though that you're. You're not able to invest into yourself. Okay? So if you're not able to invest in yourself, it's going to be really hard to help you because I can only help people that are able to invest into themselves and are willing to. Okay, so we'll chat about that. We'll chat about that at 5. And thank you for being bold and scheduling that. Okay, somebody asked this question. This is a good question. This is a little personal, so I'll get personal with you guys. Okay? So somebody asked, how long have you been divorced? I got Divorced. Well, I got left in 2019. Got divorced in 2020. And just saying, like, it was a. It was a process. It was a process. So I would say now it's been about, what, three. Three years. Three years since I've been divorced. And I couldn't be happier. Genuinely couldn't be happier. Couldn't be more blessed, man. I do. I don't wish to regret anything or forget anything that I went through, because I feel like it's all just been so, so good for me. And I got to that place probably in close to a year. Close to a year. And now I help people get there in less than 90 days. So it's a blessing. It's a huge blessing. Dana White said, I listen to you every day. Your videos have helped me so much in the last months, man. Thank you for saying that. I love that. I love that. I love that they've been a blessing for you. That's what I'm here to do. I'm here to help. I'm here to help as many people that want it. And if my videos are all that helps you, that's perfect. Continue watching the videos. If you ever want deeper help, get into the Conquerors community, the best freaking community to overcome divorce in the world. Okay? So, yeah, I've been divorced three years. Okay. Somebody asked, how do you forgive? Already covered that. What forgiveness looks like. Got another personal question here that I'll share as well. I think I can go a little bit on this. I think there's a good hidden message in here. Okay. So how is your ex taking it that you are a divorce recovery coach? So I like this question for a couple different reasons, because there's a lot of people that in order to get over their ex, their leverage to do that, like, their driving force, is to make their ex regret losing them. Right. Which is good in the beginning, but it will not help you long term. If the only reason you want to get over your ex is so that they regret losing you, they are still the master of your life. They are still the priority in your brain and in your mind and in your emotions. And so it's good to help you start, but it's not good to get you to the end. It's not going to. It'll actually just cripple you. Because what if they never regret losing you? What if they just genuinely never, ever regret losing you? Now, the target that you focused on hitting for so many years, you'll never get to hit. So you'll feel defeated. You'll feel like this journey wasn't worth it. You feel like you lost. And I'm not. I'm not here to help people feel like they're losing. I mean, I'm here to help create some winners in life. Okay? Because God has designed you to win. When Jesus got crucified, right? And he was buried in a tomb and he did not lose. He won. He came back from the dead and won. You are his son. You are his daughter. You were designed to win. The best way to worship God is to win. Any Christians that are listening right now, you want to worship God? Freaking win in life. Win in life. Because the Bible says that it is the goodness of God that leads a man to repentance. What if people see your life and they see so much of God's goodness in their life that it leads them to repent? This is what repentance is. It's to change a way of thinking. What if your life is so filled with God's goodness that people start realizing, dude, I gotta start operating differently, I gotta start doing things differently because this dude is showing me how good it is to live a life filled with God, right? So I think that's the main thing here. I think the main thing here is to not get obsessed about your ex, like, regret losing you. But I think it's about designing a life that shows God's goodness so much that it draws people in. There's power in your testimony, right? If you are not getting people that are around you right now that want to be around you, it's because you're living a. Pardon my language, you're living a shitty story. You're living a shitty story. You want to live a better story, that's on you. That's not on God. That's not on God. God's not going to just turn your story around. You have to give him something to work with. God will not reach down from heaven and change everything for you. That's not how he works. Because you will take it for granted. You will take it for granted and then you'll never develop as a human. You'll never expand. Therefore, you'll never be a great leader and you'll never be able to lead people. So he would be doing a disservice to you to just pull you out of what you're going through, to just completely take those emotions away. He would be doing it. That's why he doesn't do it. There is free will in life. A good parent lets their kids struggle with hard things because that builds character, integrity and endurance. In them, this is all Bible, right? And so I don't know why, as Christians, we believe that I can just pray to God and all of this stuff is going to go away. No, no. Faith without works is dead. Your faith is your prayer. You showing up daily and doing the work and submitting to the process is your works. Okay? If you don't do that, then your faith is dead. It's biblical. I'm sorry. That's just how this works, right? So here's my answer to how is your ex taking it that you are a divorce recovery coach? I don't know. I don't know because quite frankly, I don't care. I don't. I really don't care. I know that they're aware that I do it now, right? Like her sister commented, some hateful comment, not hateful, but just like some rude comment on one of my TikToks, like back in the day. So I just blocked her, right? And then me and my. My ex's dad had a little bit of a discussion one day because he got out of line with my mom and I had to, in a very loving and stern way, put him in his place. And he brought up that, hey, well, don't you, like, do a podcast or something? So I know that they know, but again, they are not the masters of my life. She is not the master of my life. I. I don't think twice about anything that she might be thinking that she might be doing ever throughout my days. For real? For real. Like, I was just, I was just talking to Haley the other day and I was telling her how my co parenting relationship and my clients know this. My co parenting relationship is the most peaceful co parenting relationship ever. Why? Because she's not the master of my mind and my emotions. I am now. I don't know what she's experiencing on her end, but on my end, peace. Peace. Well, I kind of have a hint of what she's experiencing on her end because of the conversation that I had with her father that there's some things being said over there that aren't very true. There's some frustrations, there's some resentments going on over there. So I have an idea of what's going on over there, but it doesn't affect my life, man. I just don't allow it to. And I don't really have to try to not allow it to. Why? Because I have such a good life that I'm actually genuinely obsessed with. And this doesn't mean that I have all the money in the world. It doesn't mean that I have all the friends in the world. It doesn't mean that I have the best anything in the world. All it means is that I take every single day, and I try my best to not take it for granted. I look at the blessings in every single day that I have, and the more I'm obsessed with my blessings, the more I'm focused on. Focused on my blessings, the least I care about anybody else's opinion, especially. Especially my ex. There's just no reason for it. There's no reason for it. Honestly, like, let me put it to you guys in this. In this. In this way. I don't even care what my parents think about me being a divorce recovery coach. Like, I mean, I didn't. You know, a certain part of me would hope that they're proud of me, and they've told me that they are proud of me, but it doesn't drive me like other people doesn't drive me. And so for anyone who's right now trying to get over their ex so that she can regret or he can regret losing you, I would say use it for right now. But I want you to be aware, because I love you and I care about you, that that leverage, that energy is going to expire. And if she never or he never regrets losing you, it's going to lead you astray. So you got to get a new target. You got to get a new goal. Okay, hopefully that. Hopefully that's. That answers that question. Okay, this is really good right here. This is a really good question. Hey, drop a 100 emoji in the chat if you're a man on here, because this next one is for you. Drop a 100 emoji in the chat if you're a man in here. This next one is for you. Okay, Instagram. By the way, I am live on YouTube. That's why I'm looking in this direction. If you want me to answer your question, then go over to YouTube. The link is in my bio, and I promise you, you drop a question in this chat, and I'm going to answer it. Okay? I'm going to be here for about an hour and a half, two hours, roughly. Okay. It's already been 42 minutes. That's crazy. Time went by quick. Awesome. So we got some men in the house. We got some men in the house. This is for you. Okay. Somebody asked this question. It was a lady. And don't mind me, but I'm gonna be a little basic white girl and sip on my Starbucks well, while I prep for this answer, actually, gentlemen, the men that are in here, help me drop in the chat. How did you feel, Anthony? I know you went through a breakup. Papa Caps. I don't know what you went through, but, Anthony, how did you feel after your breakup? When you were going through that? Papa Caps, how did you feel after your separation? Drop. Drop it in the chat. Help me on this one. I want your men's help. That way people see that it's not just me doing it type of thing. Well, actually, Papa Capps kind of said it in here on the chat already. I think of her every morning when I wake up. Anxiety builds during the day. Is there really an answer to how do I let go? Papa Caps? Yes, there is, brother. Okay? I don't know how long you've been following me, brother, but I help people get over their divorce in 90 days or less. And I know as soon as I say that there's skepticism that comes in, but that's why I have so many testimonials on my Instagram. There's no BS Here. I have, literally, the roadmap to help you get over this fast and in an effective way. But you got to be willing to come correct, okay? If you're all in, you're going to get everything you want out of that process. Anthony said, worthless, worthless, worthless. Yep. So so far, we've got two men who have answered this question. Anthony was obsessed with why, with which probably created nothing but anxiety and depression and stress. Okay? And he was feeling worthless. Papa Caps was feeling worthless as well and struggling with getting his mind off of her and anxiety building up every single day during the day. This is what men go through. Okay? Let me let you guys in in a little bit of a secret, okay? The number one leading person in suicide is divorced men. It's divorced men. If that doesn't tell you what men go through after a separation. Here's the thing. When men choose you, they really choose you. And it's not based off of anything else. It's them choosing you. And we got to be honest here. We've got to literally be honest here, okay? And I know some ladies aren't going to like this, but we got to keep it real. We got to keep it 100. Ladies. When you choose a man, you choose him based off of what he can do for you. That's why you choose a man. Can he protect you? Can he provide for you? Can he create passion in the relationship? Can he keep the adventure alive? Can he keep creating these emotions in you? You see what I'm saying? If you come up to your man and you need something fixed in the house and he can't do it subconsciously, you begin to lose respect for that man, which means the man has to constantly show up and perform to. To keep your love. Okay? This is usually how women pick a man, right? The women who pick a man just because they want to pick a man, and the man does nothing in the house, the man doesn't bring the finances, the man doesn't provide, protect, anything like that, preside or lead, those women end up actually not being happy at all with that individual. So I'm not saying there's something wrong with it. I'm saying that's how you're wired. And I'm saying, men, you're actually wired to produce, to protect and to lead. You're wired for that. So there's no right or wrong here, okay? This is just how we're wired. Like, I have this obsession of protection. I have this obsession of producing. I have this obsession with leading. Every man does. Now, because of your childhood, you're brought up in such a way where that might develop or they might kill that off, okay? This is why when. When single moms raise kids, boys, they don't raise men. The way that men come about is by learning from another man. And so single moms that have done it successfully more than likely brought in really good male role models to help with the son. And that's why the son, when they're age 35, 45, is still choosing and walking in abundance and in freedom. It's just a fact. Okay? I know that's gonna. It's. I know that's gonna hurt a lot of people's ego, but I don't care about your ego. I care about the truth and I care about what works. So if you want your life to work, listen to it, okay? I'm telling you, it's coming from a loving place. So men, after a separation, man, it's the truth. They feel worthless. They feel worthless because I've given all of my life for this individual. And therein lies the problem. Therein lies the problem. Men especially. And if you're here on Instagram, listen to me. Also, by the way, guys, come over to YouTube so you can drop your question in the chat. I'm going to be here for about another hour roughly, okay? And I'll answer your questions Instagram, on the YouTube chat. So come over here. The link is in my bio. I'll see you over here. Okay, Drop. Drop in the chat over here, when you came over here from Instagram, just put ig, ig. So here's the thing. Men feel worthless because they've given up everything. And that is the problem. Men. Okay, here's the thing. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever in your entire remaining of your life, lay down your mission and your purpose for your wife. I know that sounds bad, but please hear me out. If she becomes your sole purpose, that means she is on the pedestal of your life. And a woman wants to be with a man that has a purpose that is bigger than themselves. Men, just like you, you want to be with a healthy woman who has her own life, who has her own hobbies, who has her own friends. A woman wants the same thing. Wants the same thing. Now this is what's beautiful, man. Jesus showed us this in the Bible. We just don't talk about it, especially in church for some reason. I don't know why we don't talk about it. And then we wonder why the church has a higher divorce rate than the world does, right? It's because we're not teaching it right. Adriana Lopez, good seeing you over here. Welcome. Welcome over from ig. So Jesus was all about his mission and his purpose, and he is the best person to. To follow when it comes to masculinity, okay? Jesus would not allow his mom, would not allow his dad, would not allow his earthly dad, would not allow his friends to come in between him and his purpose. This is how men should operate. This doesn't mean that you're a total a hole. This just means that you stand for your mission and your purpose, and nobody can come in between that. Now, what message does it send women when she can come in between your mission and your purpose? I want you to think about this. Really think about it. Take some time to think about it. What message is that sending to her? It's sending to her that you're weak, that you're spineless, that you don't stand for anything, that people can talk you out of whatever decisions you've decided to make. Now, does that sound like a man that a woman would trust with her future, with her family? Does that sound like a woman, like a man that a woman would trust? Hell no. Heck no, dude. This is why the men that do that, right? They do it because the woman pushes, pushes, pushes. And finally, instead of being willing to go to war with her, you would rather keep the peace, which is a total lie, because you're really just creating external peace while creating internal resentment. So there is no peace. So you would rather do that than stand for what you believe and continue to move forward. So what ends up happening is that woman starts to not respect you anymore. She starts talking back just a little bit more. She literally starts talking like rudely to you. She starts challenging everything that you're going to do. She starts trying to control now every area in your life because now she's trying to see. And women do this subconsciously. This is how they're wired. This is how they filter out not high quality men so that they can filter in high quality men because God wired them that way, right? So you, you want a woman that trusts you and you want peace in the household. Create it. How do you create it? You become a man worth following. How do you become a man worth following? You find your mission, you find your purpose. And you do not let anybody come in the way of that. Even the love of your life. Even the love of your life. Jesus said that I come with a sword, with a two edged sword to divide mother, son, father and daughter. Really what he's saying there is you cannot follow me unless you're willing to say no to these people. What he is showing us as men is that you cannot fulfill purpose if you let somebody that you love talk you out of it. That's not masculinity. It's the opposite of. That's the problem in today's age. This is why everything is so jacked up right now. And here's the thing, men, we are the problem. Whether you want to believe it or not, we are the problem. Not women. Women are doing a bunch of heinous stuff right now. Okay? This is very true, but it's not their fault. It's not their fault. Like let's be real here for a moment. Why should they, why should they stop doing only fans when you're subscribed to it? Hey, welcome. Mendez from, from Instagram. Good seeing you over here, brother. Why should they stop doing only fans if you're subscribed to it? Why should they stop dropping their pants for every other dude, right? And creating this terrible past that will haunt them for the rest of their life? Why would they do that if you're still going to sleep with them and give them attention and slide into their dms? Why should they? There's no reward there. There's absolutely zero reward there for them. Modern women are the one that get the reward. How are women rewarded with attention? You men are giving them all the intention. Stop giving them attention. If every man on earth would unsubscribe From Only fans would stop sliding into the DMS of a woman who does nothing but post her ass on Instagram. They would have a reason to start covering up. They would have a reason to start acting like a traditional woman. They would have a reason to be more respectful towards men. But we don't give them a reason to. Why? Because we reward their behavior. They. Today, we're the problem. We're not leading. We're not leading with our actions, man. We're not leading with our actions. You want something different? Do something different, Man. Just saying. Get off of Snapchat. Stop. Stop putting little heart emojis whenever she posts something that's a little provocative. Every other dude in the world is doing that. You're no different than them. You're not going to stand out. You're not going to stand out. Stand out. Stand for something. Be a man of honor. Be a man of integrity. Be a man of courage. Be a man that serves the Lord, man. You know how rare that is nowadays? There's a lot of people that are Christians, but they sure are quiet about it. There's a lot of people that don't stand for this transgender movement being pushed onto our kids, but they sure are quiet about it. What do you stand for? What do you stand for? So to answer the question, what does a man feel after a separation? They feel worthless. That's what they feel. And that's why they act according to their feelings. That's why they stop taking care of themselves. That's why they lose hope. That's why they give up on their dreams. That's why they distance themselves and isolate. That's why they don't go and talk to anyone about their struggles. Why? Because everything that they do moving forward is driven by this deep sense of unworthiness and feeling like you aren't worth a piece of. This is the truth. This is what men experience. This is why they lead suicide rates. Divorced men leading suicide rates. That's what I experienced. That's what I went through. That's why I'm obsessed with helping men not do the same thing, with helping women not do the same thing. Because a healthy woman will help heal a man. But a hurt woman will continue to do the same garbage that society is continuing to do, will continue to literally demasculate men just so that she can feel some level of value and worth, Worthiness. That's what a hurt woman does. That's what a hurt woman does. You. You see a woman that's super disrespectful towards men. She's hurt. Don't even mess with that, bro. I'm giving you men some good standards right now, okay? I'm giving you men some good standards. Let me tell you something. You should be the prize. You're not right now, but you should be the prize. You should be the prize. You shouldn't be bending over backwards to get anybody. You should be on mission and on purpose. And then guess what will happen there. God will bring a woman that sees you on mission and on purpose, and she will be aligned to you ladies. The same thing. You should not be bending over backwards just to try and get any piece of flesh to commit to you. Become obsessed with becoming the daughter of God that you were designed to be. Become obsessed with healing your heart, with healing your mind, with healing your spirit. Not walking by the flesh, but being led by the spirit. Become obsessed with that. And if you become obsessed with that and you actually take the time to work through your traumas, through. To work through your hurt, what's going to happen is you're going to attract a masculine, godly man. Because I'll tell you something right now, there are no good men that are attracted to a masculine woman. They're not. They want a feminine woman, period. Okay, I know I went on a little bit of a tangent there, okay? But I feel like God led that one. Okay, Got another good question here. Let me see here. See if I got some questions here on YouTube. Man, you guys are awesome in the chat, man. It's so good seeing you guys here. Jacqueline Edwards, good seeing you. Olina, so good seeing you. Mariella. So proud of you for opening up Mendez, man. Papa Caps, thank you for being here for. For such a good time. It's so good. Anthony said, men pick a woman. Men pick a woman that just nurtures. Amen to that. Amen to that. Amen. A nurturing woman will nurture you, will nurture the family. And as she's doing, that will actually nurture your mission. That's why she's your rib. That's why she walks beside you. Okay? It's amazing. My ex could never be satisfied no matter how much I gave. That's just that. That is just a. A big old green light to tell you, hey, man, this person is constantly focusing on what's missing, not on what they have. And somebody like that is always miserable. Is always miserable. Guys, this is what's crazy, man. Like, this is why Robin Williams, right? Like, I believe this is why Robin Williams did what he did and took his life away and left too early. It's because he was constantly focused on what was missing. I believe that is the main problem right here, is in this freaking world, in this dating scene, is this is why I'm obsessed like the conquerors. Know this. The people that I get to meet with every single week know this. Hey, you want to get into a relationship? Focus on what you can give, not what on you're receiving from them. Focus on serving. Hey, you want to get a promotion in your job? Focus on giving. Focus on serving. Now. Hurt people. I want to be very clear here, okay? Especially before people start writing comments over here on. On Instagram, hurt people will tell you to not give because they're still hurt that they gave and they didn't get anything back. Well, let me tell you something. That person is not a giver. They're a manipulator. Let me break that down for you real quick. If I go to give you a gift and I don't expect anything in return, that is a true gift. Why? Because there's no strings attached to it. But if I give you a gift and then in my head, I'm expecting a return on it. I'm expecting you to return the favor. I'm putting that obligation on you without even communicating it. Therefore, I am a manipulator who's saying, I'm only doing this in hopes that you will do this for me. That's not a giver, okay? Manipulators are the ones that get hurt by quote, unquote, giving. True givers don't get hurt. They do not get hurt. They do not get hurt. Like, a month ago, I sent a thousand dollars to a ant in Mexico because they're really struggling. So I sent them, boom, thousand bucks. Did not expect anything in return. First of all, they can't give me anything in return. Maybe a thank you. But even then, I told my parents, hey, give this to them. Don't tell them who it's from. Because I didn't want anything in return. Even last night, I went out with my boys and I paid for the entire tab at topgolf, right? And it was a little awkward. Why? Because they were all, like, thanking me, and I was like, dude, I didn't even want them to know that I was paying it. But the server brought the freaking card over here, man. Made me. Made me sign in front of them, and they're like, man, thank you so much. And I was like, I didn't want them to know. I didn't want them to know. I wanted to stay anonymous. Givers give because they want to give and because that's who they are. And they give from a place of love. If you're giving for love, you're always going to be let down. If you're giving from love, you'll never be let down. So, Papa Caps don't change who you are just because somebody didn't know how to appreciate it, bro. Moving forward. Because if you shift, if you change and you stop being who you are, if you stop giving because somebody didn't appreciate it, she owns you, bro. She owns you. She is your master now. That experience, that pain that you went through is your master, and you are a slave to it. I don't care how you want to look at it, that is exactly what's happening. Why? Because I used to be a giver until this person did this to me. I will not be controlled by anybody. Nobody will tell me what I can and cannot do. If I feel like that is who I am deep down in my heart, I'm not going to adjust for someone just because they hurt me. You kidding me? It's pathetic. It's weak. It's weak. That's not leadership. That's not leadership. That is not what God designed us to be like. Imagine if Jesus would have said, I will not go to the cross unless people recognize it. Unless people 2000 years later say they believe in me. Everyone, I need them to do it. I will not give my life for this world unless they do. Xyz. Jesus didn't do that, man. Jesus said, I will give my life regardless of what anybody says. Why? Because that's just who I am. And I don't expect anything from you, man. I want relationship, but if you don't give it to me, I'm okay with it. I still want to give you this gift. A gift is something that you receive freely, that somebody gives to you freely. And if you don't like it, you can toss it and they don't care. Why you. Because it was a gift. Do what you want with it. Do what you. I remember I gave a gift to somebody, and they had the audacity to go and turn it, like, return it to the store and get the money instead, right? And there was somebody that I was with at the time that found out about that, and they're like, that's so messed up again. Trying to plant these seeds of, like, resentment and anger in me. I was like, dude, it was a gift. It was a gift. Who am I to put expectations on what they can and cannot do with it? Maybe they needed the money more. Maybe it's not exactly what they wanted. That's okay. I went to give. I didn't go to give. And make sure that they kept it and used it two times a week. That's the stupidest thing ever. So Papa Caps do not change who you are, brother. I see that you just said, I need help moving forward, brother. Where do I go to see your coaching options and community? Go to conquerors.community. i'm gonna type it in here right now. Okay. Conquerors Community on the website, you can go do that. Conquerors.community, okay? Just register a new user and then it'll give you three different options that are extremely effective. It just really depends on what experience you want through this process. Okay? That's really all it is. That's the difference between the prices, is what experience do you want? Okay. And so every single one of those options is going to be extremely effective. Extremely effective. If you're willing to give me all you got. Okay, Papa Caps, the next thing that you can also do is you can go to the App Store and just look up Conquerors Community and you can download the app instead and do it that way, whichever way you want to do, brother. Conquerors.community if you're interested in coaching, you can go check that out. And, brother, I would love to be a part of this journey with you. I'm telling you, man, there's not one person that shows up and gives me everything that they have that leaves regretting it. I've got people in that community that are already way over their divorce, and they're still part of it. Why? Because they want to continue to develop themselves because of how powerful the community is. And all I'm also going to say, brother, is make sure that you come with an open heart, because the Holy Spirit will meet you on these calls. Like, here's the thing. I don't just have wise and persuasive words, okay? There is a demonstration of the Holy Spirit's power on our calls, and I believe that is why people come out transformed so rapidly. And it's phenomenal. Okay? So hope to see you in there, brother. Okay, I got another question. This is a good question, guys. Make sure you drop your questions. Instagram, make sure that you come over to YouTube. Link is in my bio. I'm answering questions on YouTube live right now. I'm gonna do maybe like another 30 minutes to an hour roughly. I'm really feeling good. No, I can't do another hour because I've got A session with Mariela here at 4:00pm so in, in 50 minutes. So I'll be here for another 30 minutes. So come over here, Instagram, hang out, drop it in the chat that you came over here from, from ig. Yeah, See Heather, there's Heather. Heather's been in the group, I don't know for how long now, man, but she just continues to grow and develop and man, Laura was in there the other week. She's been in there for like six, seven months now. And she came in and she was struggling with her mom and left with breakthrough for her family dynamic. Like, it's not just divorce recovery, y'. All. It's not just, it's so much bigger than that. Okay, I got another question that I'm going to answer. This is a good one. This is a good one. This is a good practical one too, for someone who's struggling. Hey, how do you bring yourself to file when you are so afraid? This is a good question, man. This is a good question. Again, excuse me for letting the basic white girl out of me while I sip on my Starbucks. Awesome. Awesome. So how do you bring yourself to file when you are so afraid? You won't. You won't. Every decision that we make as humans is based off of our emotions. When you're afraid. When you're afraid. Oh, Volena, thank you so much for that. It is true. The new app is amazing. So much incredible coaching content in there that is going to bring you breakthrough and freedom and such. So easy to navigate. It's literally like the conqueror's own Facebook. It's phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. You can post stories on there, videos, you can join groups, there's a book club in there, there's a fitness group in there. There's a conqueror's church. There's going to be a support call in there. So you can do like, even if you're not in the coaching group, you'll have access to one support call a week, men and women individually. So you'll be able to access all that stuff in the community. It's awesome. So here's the thing. You won't bring yourself to file when you're so afraid. You really won't. You really won't. You've got to get to a good, strong, emotional place. And here's what's creating the fear. It's the fear of the unknown, which I just released a full like 30 minute training session on, like the fear of the unknown and how we can overcome it. So I'm going to give you Sorry for that. So I'm gonna give you the. I'm gonna give you the keynotes on that right now. Okay? Your relationship with the unknown has to begin to shift. If you want to file, you've got to start creating a big enough reason on why you need to file, period. That's it. It's. It has to happen that way. And I know the person who's asking this right now, you're like, dude, but how do I do that? This is why you need community. Like the Conquerors community. I'm serious. You come on here. We get to figure out why you're so scared. We literally go ahead and shift that in you. And then what we do is we stack so much evidence on why it's actually the best thing that you could do. It's not positive thinking. And then what happens is that drives you to action. So many people came into the group terrified to finally file, and then they send the message, hey, everyone, I just filed, bro. I just. I wish I could show y', all, but Instagram's on my phone right now, so I can't pull it. Pull it up on my phone. There was a client, Jeanette. I'm not going to say her last name to give her a little bit of privacy, but Jeanette came in and she could not get rid of her dress. Her wedding dress. She could not get rid of it. Here's what's wild. This is what I told her. I said, don't worry about getting rid of the dress. It's going to happen. It's going to come up. It's going to happen. It's going to be a byproduct of you working through this process. Four weeks in, guys. Four weeks in, that's 30 days in. I get a picture from her. She's one of my one on one clients. So our experience is a little bit more intense than just in the group coaching, right? Because it's like we have an ongoing relationship that's happening as one on one, right? Four weeks in, I get a picture. And she said, what was it that she said, man, it's so beautiful. I'm gonna pull it up on my laptop. Okay. So it was a picture of the dress, and it was like some store purchasing it or something like that. And all she put was breakthrough. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. And then I said, no way. What was that like? And she said, it feels so good. Good. I'm so proud of myself. Thank you for being a part of this journey. Breakthrough feels so real. Like I put in the work to get where I want to be. That amazing. The same thing happens with filing. The same thing happens with filing. You're terrified to file. Get around the right people, get in the right place, start feeling all the right emotions, start changing the story of what you're telling yourself about filing, and you will willingly go and file. And it's not going to be like, oh, I can't believe I'm going to go file. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. You're going to go in there with this attitude of man. I know that God's got me. I know this is the best thing for me. I genuinely feel it, like it's the best thing for me. You're going to go in there empowered and do it right, but you got to work through it. Jacqueline Edwards said, I was also so afraid God had supernaturally put a piece on me. He won't force you, but if you're ready to trust him, he will do it with you. Exactly. You know what Jacqueline did without even knowing that she probably did this? She changed the story about what filing was. That's it. That's what she did. In practical terms, she changed the story about filing where it was once a story driven by fear, then it was once a story driven by peace. How does that story happen? First off, she's got a relationship with the Lord. She probably started to trust God a lot more. And then that led her to get to a place where her brain said, well, if I trust him so much, then if I file, everything's going to be okay. Boom, new story. That's how this stuff practically works, y'. All. Okay? Now, if you're struggling, recreating a new story, and that's where you need to reach out for some help, right? But that's all that happens. So you're not going to bring yourself. I'm serious, you are not going to bring yourself to file if you operate out of fear. We go back to the first way. Like the first point that I made when I started this live. That is that there is two decisions that we make in life that drive everything. We can make fear based decisions. Okay? You're afraid to file. So guess what? You're not filing. You're making a fear based decision which is leading to nothing more but anxiety, more depression, and postponing your breakthrough and postponing the life that God has for you. Why? Because you are being more obedient to fear than you are being obedient to Faith. Now that's a word that'll preach. That's a word that'll preach. But here's the thing most people will tell you, faith it, like fake it till you make it type of deal. I don't believe in that. I believe that you can create genuine faith in you. And faith is the evidence of things not seen and the things hoped for. Faith is the evidence, which means that there has to be evidence that we have faith. What's the evidence? You feel different. A person that has faith is, it's, it's, it's so different, it's so different than fear. A person that has faith, it's almost as if your heart and your spirit is saying, oh yes, here we go, here we go. This is exactly what we need to do. And there's this level of excitement in you, but your flesh, your mind is like, oh my God, are we really doing this right now? Are we really do? Is this really happening? That's how you know when you're making a faith based move, because it scares the hell out of your flesh, but it empowers your spirit and your spirit is alive and excited. And instead of it being anxious, there's like one degree difference between anxiety and excitement. Instead of being anxious, you start to be excited because you're expecting good things to happen on the other end. That's a faith based decision. So if you want to file, you've got to get out of fear. How do you get out of fear practically? You start creating a new story about the unknown. You got to change your relationship with the unknown. There's a process to that. Okay. Doesn't have to take a long time. That's just completely up to you. Depends what resource you go after. I have a proven resource that shows you that it doesn't take a long time. And it's proven after two and a half years of doing this work now or two years, it's a proven, it's a proven science at this point because it didn't just work for me, it worked for me and it's worked for hundreds. There's people here commenting right now, even Mary, she said that was me afraid to file. But Coach and the group helped me. Alongside with God, of course. See? Exactly. And then where is she? Volina said all of it is legit. Coach Frank knows I was skeptical about it. So many people are because I literally say something outlandish, which is get over your ex in 90 days or less. No one's going to believe that until you experience it. But this is one of the best decisions I've made to join the Conquerors community and kickstart my healing journey even more. Yeah. And we're happy that you're there. For real. Heather said. It is so amazing. Dude, you guys are blessing me right now. I love having Conquerors on here. You guys just fill me up. For real. For real. So that is what I would say to that. Okay. If you want to file, you can't be afraid to do it. If you do it afraid, it's going to be very difficult. This is why I love when people come and work with me through the divorce process, not after. Because you make in the divorce process. Here's why. Men get so screwed over in divorce because they operate out of fear. That's all it is. That's all it is. They make a bunch of fear based decisions. They don't want to make her mad so that she doesn't do xyz, so she doesn't do this, so she doesn't with the kids. So I would just rather again, they keep doing the same BS that got them into this place. I just want to keep the peace. When the truth is you're operating out of fear, you're not looking for peace. You're cowarding from conflict. And conflict is a good thing because muscle is produced by resistance and resistance only. You want to go have a comfortable workout. Good luck getting good results. The people that get the best results are the people that create the most resistance. That's why time doesn't heal you. It's time under tension that heals you. How much tension are you creating in your. In your healing journey? And I don't mean suffering. Because just because you're creating your own suffering, it does not mean you're healing. You're just torturing yourself. You're just digging it deeper and deeper. That pain, man, that unwillingness to give anymore, that unwillingness to open up to anybody and be vulnerable, it's just getting deeper and deeper and deeper that that crippling anxiety that has you not present with your children. It's just getting deeper and deeper and deeper because we're unwilling to ask for help. There's a process to this stuff, y'. All. There really is. I hope I see you guys in there. Any other questions? Any other questions? Again, if you're on Instagram, I'm live on YouTube right now, so go to the link in my bio. Hop over onto YouTube and drop your question in the chat so I can answer it. I think I've covered so far all the questions I covered and if you missed this, then you can re watch it under the live section later on here today. I covered how do you move on when you have chosen to remain friends and are in contact with your ex still? I covered how long have I been divorced? I covered if I give a crap about what my ex thinks about me being a divorce recovery coach. I covered what. What does a man feel after a separation? And I covered how do you bring yourself to file when you are so afraid? And I also covered on how to forgive after an infidelity. So I covered a lot of stuff today. It was awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Cool. Well, it looks like there's no more questions, and I have a session here, a clarity call with Mariella, and hopefully she'll be a part of the 1%, 1% conquers community here later on today. And so I'm gonna go chat with her here in the next 30 minutes. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go ahead and log off, y'. All. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you guys for being so engaging. I love you guys. I love serving so much. Oh, here. We got one more question. I'll answer this. I'm about to turn off the chat, but I'll answer this question. Okay. How do you move on if you're. If you try to keep the peace and she just emasculates you? You create your own closure, brother. You create your own closure. That's how you move on. You don't try and forget what she's done and how she's treated you. Like you're almost using, man. I tried keeping the piece, and she just keeps emasculating me as a reason to not move on? What if you use that as a reason to move on? I want you to think about that for a second. What if you use the fact that this person is incapable of receiving peace and of respecting me? They're so incapable of it that I don't. I don't want to be in contact with a human like that no more. I don't want them to have no more of my emotions. I don't want them to be a master over my life. Why would you use that as a reason to not move on when it can be such a powerful reason to. To move on, brother? I'm just saying, bro, like, why would you want to waste your time with someone who emasculates you constantly? And I think, honestly, bro, you got to be honest with yourself here too, because I think part of the problem might also be that you try and keep the peace instead of leaning into healthy conflict. But I don't blame you because you probably weren't taught how to have healthy conflict. And we cover all of that again in the Conqueror's community. How to have healthy conflict. The only way you can start having healthy conflict with another individual is when you start having healthy conflict within yourself. Within yourself. And when a man shows up feeling worthy and powerful, he's not easily triggered, and he's in control of himself. In control of himself. And so we need some emotional intelligence. We need some emotional clearance, brother. Like, I can already tell, even just by this message, like, I can already tell you are a man right now who is just heavy right now, bro. And I don't blame you. I don't blame you. You're feeling heavy right now. I mean, you feel like you're ready to explode. Like, you're probably feeling the way that I used to feel, which I used to walk around with this attitude of like, I wish somebody would so I can throw down right now and let out rage, Right? And so there's a lot of work that needs to be done there, brother. Doesn't take a long time, but it takes you being all in. Takes you being all in. And what I would say is, how do you move on? Use that as closure when a woman emasculates you. Instead of seeing it as a why are they doing this to me? See it as a thank you for showing me who you are. Goodbye now. Use it as that. It's as simple as that. It's as simple as that, man. You get what you tolerate, bro. That's what you get in life. You get what you tolerate. That's why I don't have crappy people in the Conquerors community. I have over a hundred. I have over 250, 000 followers across my platform. Platforms. I think I have like 40 something people in the community. Why? Not everyone's fit. I don't tolerate, like, pathetic weakness where you're just trying to avoid everything and blame everybody else. I don't tolerate that. Not in this community. That's why these people get results, bro. That's why they're living fulfilled lives in the hardest season of their life. That's why they're the happiest they've ever been in the hardest season of their life. Why? Because they're not weak. They're not cowards. They're courageous. And I don't tolerate the cowardly. I don't. I will help you. I will encourage you. I will make content like this to hopefully get you out of that state eventually and get you to really commit and be courageous in your life. Right? But I. I don't tolerate that in the community. I've kicked people out because of that. You get what you tolerate, brother. You get what you tolerate. The moment you stop tolerating people, emasculating you, the moment you stop tolerating you, avoiding conflict is the moment you will experience the life that God designed for you and wants you to experience. Until that day comes, until you learn how to do that and be able to operate in that way, you're going to continue to create the same cycles in your life. You're going to continue to have women in your life that emasculate you because you're going to tolerate it. Oh, well, she didn't really mean it. Well, she this and that. No, no. And because you don't stand up for yourself, and when you do stand up for yourself, you stand up yourself as a little boy and you start kicking and screaming and why are you talking to this way? And I can't believe you did it. And then they just lose even more respect for you. So you just really emasculated yourself. And then it's just a vicious cycle that keeps on going, right? And so we got to do some work in that area, brother. This goes deeper than that. But the first thing I would say is stop tolerating it. And if you want to move on, use what she has done not as a reason of why is this happening to me, but as a reason of this is why I want to move on. Because I will not tolerate this type of behavior. I will not tolerate this type of relationship, and I will stand up for myself. If you would respect yourself enough to say no, she would start respecting you. And if she doesn't start respecting you, it is a great sign that she does not belong in your life. So stop making it a big deal. Allow the people that need to be in your life to be in your life and allow the people that don't need to be in your life to not be in your life. I made a video on this. I don't know how long ago, right? Not that long ago. But I was talking about when Jesus fed the 5,000. It was an incredible miracle that he did. But he didn't tell them, hey, go and get more food. He said, hey, what do you have? In other words, God will work with what's left, bro, not with what left. So you're so obsessed with what left that you're missing out on what's left, what do you have to work with? What seeds do you have to sow so that you can reap a harvest? Focus on that. Focus on that, brother. There's patterns of thinking. There's patterns of focus. And we are our patterns. That's it. That's it. In life, we are our patterns. You are not who God says you are. You are the patterns that you practice every single day. So start practicing patterns that are godly patterns. And you'll change. You'll. You'll become who God always wanted you to be, who he always designed you to be, who he sees you as. You'll become that person. So your pattern right now is you're constantly focused on what's missing, which is why even when your kids are gone, you're probably, like, depressed, you're probably anxious, you're probably feeling like you're lonely and all this stuff. And I get it, bro. It's because no one's taught you these things. And that's why I'm here to try and help. Right? I would encourage you to focus on what you have in those moments. The moment you start feeling lonely, it is an indicator that you're focusing on what's missing, not on what you have. You're focusing, in other words, on what left, not on what's left. Stop focusing on her. It's a disservice to the people that love you and that have stuck around with you. It's dishonoring to them. It's disrespectful to them. Give them your attention. Give them your focus. Give it to them. The people that are left, not the people that left. If you keep focusing on what left, then what's left will diminish and fall away, and then you're really going to be struggling. Really. People do this all the time, man. People do this all the time. They become extremely ungrateful because they're only focused on what's missing, that they never appreciate what they have. And then the people that were trying to be there for them, they're like, dude, I don't even know why I'm here, bro. Like, you don't even give a crap about me. You're just so focused on what you don't have that you're not even taking time for us, and we're sitting here trying to help you. And then they're like, see, Nobody loves me. And they could go into this victim mentality, and they spiral and spiral, and they're the ones that created it. They're the ones that created it. Everywhere we are in life right now, y', all, we created that. You are made in the likeness and image of God. God is a creator, which means you. You are a creator. Bishop T.D. jake says this. God never made a chair. God never made a house. He made a tree. Man made the chair. Man made the house. That's not taking away from God. That's actually glorifying him for the giftings and talents and abilities that he gave you. You're a creator if you don't take the time to design this life and to create the life that you want and to create the emotions that you want. And, man, this is something that. That I teach the conquerors how to do. We. This past Wednesday, I just taught another man how to do this. And it was powerful, dude. Powerful. I taught him how to create the emotions he wants to feel. In a. In a moment where he was feeling so hurt and defeated, we didn't have him run away from it. The. The dudes that were there, they saw this. We didn't have him run away from it and distract himself. We actually had him dive into it and feel it. And we got to see a new side of this man, a true vulnerable side. And then the next thing we did was I taught him how to do what the Bible says. The Bible says to take heart, for I have overcome the world. Take it. Not wait for heart to come to you. Not wait for somebody to give you heart. Not go to church so that you can get heart. Then say that it says, take it. Take it. It's an action. It means you can create it. What does heart mean? Sometimes it means peace. Sometimes you need peace in a situation. Sometimes you need joy in a situation. Sometimes you need deep love and deep gratitude in a situation. Whatever it is that you need, take it. You have the ability to create it. Life was designed to be experienced on your terms, regardless of what happens in this life. But are you willing to go through the process to learn how to do that, or are you going to be a slave to your circumstances for the rest of your life? We got a decision to make, y'. All. We got a decision to make. Ezran TV said, I lost my friends because of this. This woman. They weren't your friends. They weren't your friends, bro. They weren't your friends. If they were your friends, they would have stayed. Just saying they would have. And I would also start asking the question, how were you treating those friendships when she left? Were you constantly bitching about her? Were you constantly talking about how she screwed you over, how she did this to you How? This isn't fair. Was that the number one topic on your tongue? Did you wear them out? Like, we need some context here, bro. We got to be. We got to be honest with ourselves, man. Here's. Here's what happened with me. I'm gonna give you guys my personal experience with this, okay? I was really good friends, close friends, brothers with my ex's cousins, with, like, three of her cousins. I was so close to him, so close to some of her aunts and uncles, man. So close to them. Super close to them. When she left, you know what she did? She started blasting me on social media, saying all these things that weren't even true about me. I mean, making it seem like I was an abusive person, which I've now noticed that most women that are hurt, do they just call everyone a narcissist nowadays? It's ridiculous. Right? Now, to the people who have been in narcissistic relationships, my heart goes out to you, but not everyone is a freaking narcissist. Like, talk to a woman that's actually been in a narcissistic relationship, and you will learn very quickly what an actual narcissist is. So don't dishonor them and their experience by just throwing that out there, everyone. Okay? Just wanted to put that out there. So she started painting me out to be this type of guy. Guess what I did? I didn't defend myself. I let her talk. I let her talk. I let her talk. And when I came over to her cousin's house still, or when I talked to them on the phone or they called me, I didn't about her, man. I didn't. Because what good is it gonna do? What good. What good would it do for me in that moment to. About her? Nothing. Nothing. It would do absolutely zero. You know what I did do? I bitched to the Lord about it. Oh, I complained like crazy to God about it. That's the problem. I. I tell people. I tell men, hey, don't go and do that, like, with everyone. And they're like, well, then what am I supposed to do? As if that's the only option, bro. Like, that's why you need some Jesus in your life. That's why you need a relationship with God. That is the safest space that you can be yourself. That is the safest space to deal with everything that you're going through. That is the saf space to process your emotions. Why? Because he does not judge you. He does not condemn you. He sees you. He hears you. He cares about you, regardless of what you say to him about him or about his kids, he's still for you a hundred percent of the time. And so men are out here feeling lonely and suicidal because they just want a woman that they can cry, that they can cry with. Cry in your prayer closet. It's not that you don't have a shoulder to lean on. It's that you're ignoring the one shoulder that matters. God, Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price so that you can have a friend that is closer than a brother, so that you can have a helper. The player Paracletos is what his name is, the Holy Spirit. And you're over here complaining because you don't have a woman to open up to. You're over here complaining because you don't have people to talk to. Talk to him, and then you'll be a blessing to other individuals. I promise you, man, the conversation, the dialogue will be different. So here's what I did. I didn't defend myself. I cried about it with God. I complained about it with God. I kid you not. You can ask anybody in my family. I'd love to bring one of my family members on here, a couple of them, and just be like, hey, remember when you would text me screenshots of what my ex was saying about me? How do I respond? They'd be like, bro, you just kept saying, like, that doesn't matter. She's just hurt. That's why she's doing that. Because that's literally what I would do every time. It got to the point where I just told people, hey, man, just stop sending me that. Like, I don't care if she's saying that. She's operating out of hurt. So I don't really care. I know who I am. The people who know me know who I am. So I'm gonna allow truth to defend me. I'm not gonna try and defend myself because that's not a battle that I picked. So it's not my battle to fight. It's his. It's his. I owned my wrongs. I owned everything that I did wrong. I was super accountable. He gets to defend me, not me. Her family that I was close to. Have a relationship with me till this day, a deep relationship. One of them messaged me the other day because he's going into surgery. We have a deep relationship. They're strangers with her. They're strangers with her. I want you guys to think about that. They run into her and her family at Target or at Kroger, and my ex's family Acts as if they don't see them and they avoid them and they go into a different aisle to try and not run into them. Because she did what some of you guys are doing. Well, my ex. This and this and this and this and this and that. Stop complaining. Be a man about it. And I know that that triggers some men right now. So let me tell you what I mean by that. Go to God. Weep in the presence of the Lord. Cry in the presence of the Lord. Release your rage, your anger in the presence of the Lord. Wrestle with him. And when you come out, I got my prayer closet right here. Right here, right next to me. I got my prayer closet. When I come out of that room, I'm not the same person. I got a good head on my shoulders because I give him everything in there. Everything. See, look at this. Thank you for being honest, brother. And vulnerable on here, man. Especially public like this. I'll honor you. I think you'd make a good fit in the Conquerors coaching group, honestly. So consider. Consider joining. Go to the App Store, look up the Conquerors community, and then sign up for whichever plan you feel is best for you. He said, dude, she told the judge I beat her up every day for 22 years. I couldn't believe the. She said, dude, some women are wicked. She persuaded my son to lie to the cops to say I threatened his life. Focus on what you can control, man. I know that's so hard. I know that that is difficult, man. I got. I can't show you on my phone because I have Instagram on my phone. And if they would just all listen and go to YouTube, I could get off of Instagram, but they won't. So I have to keep my phone live so they don't miss out either. Right. But actually, you know what? I'm just gonna do it. No, I'm not gonna pull it up. I had another client, worked with him about a year ago. Dude was a firefighter. Is a firefighter. Went through the exact same thing, bro, that you're telling me right now. I'm talking about he could only see his kids when he was being watched by officials in a concrete room for one hour a week. One hour a week is all he could do that. It took him months to get that, bro. To get that. It took him months to get it. He wasn't seeing them for months because she was lying. This is what we did. It's the principle that I always teach. Focus on what you can control. What good does it do you to obsess about the Fact that she's lying about you, Nothing. It just makes you more anxious, it just makes you more depressed. It just makes you more trigger happy. So what's going to end up happening is you're going to show up in the courtroom and because you're already flustered, you're already pissed, you're not going to show up as your best self. So you're not going to be able to make this best outcome for yourself. Let truth defend you and eventually it will be you. Just be diligent. What can you control? You can gather evidence that prove that what she's saying isn't true. Find it. Look for it. The reason you can't find it right now, because I know that's what you're thinking, man, I just can't find her. There's nothing, there's nothing I can do to prove it. It's because you're so focused on her and what she's doing. So your reticular activating system in your brain is obsessed with her. So it's giving you more of what she's doing and it's deleting everything else that's available for you. This is how we operate as humans, okay? This is why I'm not some advice giving coach. I think that's bs. I teach you how to actually solve your life's problems fast too so that you never ever need anyone to help you solve problems. You just use the holy Ghost and the giftings that he's given you, right? So as soon as you start looking for how can I show that I'm not that type of guy? How can I show that this is not true? How can. What can I do? What can I do? What will happen is you will double down on what you can control and watch as God begins to make a way to work it out. That client that I'm talking to you about, he is winning his court case right now. It's still happening right now because it takes some time. But the amount of witnesses that have come up and testified against her, some of them being her own family. Insane. Insane. So I'm not mentioning names because I like to keep people's things private. But I want you to know, bro, I've worked with people going through what you're going through and I've seen their situation begin to turn around. And I've seen them go from depressed and suicidal and crazy angry to actually, actually being joyful in the season. Not only that, but man, this dude is dating a smoke show right now and he's like, he's like, coach, I could have never done that, man. He's like, you really helped me. You really helped me. To where I was able to ask out some incredible women, and I landed one that's aligned with me, who believes in me, who cares about me. And she's hot, right? That's what healing does for you. All right, guys, I gotta get off. I gotta call in 15 minutes. Love you guys. Instagram. Love you guys. Everyone who came on here on YouTube appreciate you deeply. I hope this blessed you. Instagram. If you're just now tuning in, literally go over to YouTube under the live section and you can watch the live. I talked about how to forgive. I talked about what men experience when they go through a separation. I talked about so many different things, like, what does my ex think about my divorce? How to show up when your ex is talking crap about you. So many different things. So go check it out on YouTube. Love you guys. God bless. And YouTube.