How to get over your divorce FAST! - NO BS!
Speaker: Francisco Javier Ortega (first-person). In this YouTube video he critiques common post-divorce advice—spending more time with friends/family, getting productive, going to the gym, or deleting ex-related content—as helpful but ultimately distracting because they do not address underlying emotional wounds. He explains that healing requires (1) honest vulnerability about what the separation means about oneself, (2) changing the personal meaning assigned to the loss (reframing it as opportunity rather than end), and (3) finding a mentor/community (Conquerors Community) to guide structured work and exercises. He uses personal anecdotes (empty house, sitting in ex-wife’s office, building a house cash after recovery) and claims rapid progress if the three principles are practiced; he also mentions concrete outcomes (paid off $10,000 child support, built dream house) and that he overcame his divorce within a year and has been divorced three years total.
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Hey, on this video, I'm going to cover three specific principles that you can start practicing today that are actually going to help you get over your divorce and over your ex like this. Hey, welcome back to the channel. Today I want to cover some. Some issues that I believe I'm seeing a lot of. Okay. There's a lot of advice going on around there on how to get over your ex and how to get over your divorce. And as somebody who actually went through a divorce, who watched all those videos, did all those things, what I noticed was none of it freaking works. None of it works. Like, all these things that they tell you to do, and you're going to see, I'm going to cover them a little bit deeply. It's just so surface level that it never did what I needed it to do. And so I don't want you to make the same mistakes. So that's why I'm making this video. The first mistake that we make, the first terrible advice that people give you, it's not terrible. Okay, I need to reword my phrasing. I need to calm down a little bit, but it doesn't work. The first advice that they give you that tells you, hey, this is what you need to do so you can start healing is they tell you to start hanging out with your friends. They start telling you to hang out with your friends, spend more time with family. And yes, I do believe there's some truth to this. I do believe that this is helpful for you, but this is not going to heal you. And so if your plan of action is, I'm just gonna hang out with friends and have a good time, hang out with family and connect, and I just believe that that's what's going to heal me. It's going to help you feel better, but it's not going to heal you, okay? Because once you leave hanging out with your friends and hanging out with your family and you go back home, just this would happen to me. Guys, I'm speaking from experience here, okay? When I did this, I would come back home and it was in the same place where this. This house now is, right? But it was in my mobile home that I had here. And I would walk in and the house would be empty and quiet. And then all of a sudden I was like, dude, what the heck, man? I just went. I had a great time with family and friends, but I'm back here now, and it's like, I didn't even go out and hang out with my family and my friends. I'm right back to square one. And this is why this advice does not work and does not help you heal. It will help you feel better, but this is merely a distraction to the problem. Second piece of advice that people give you is to start getting more productive. Start working on your life, Start creating your life. This is part of the healing process, okay? I got to give them that. This is part of the healing process. But this is the last piece, okay? Through the proven process that I. That I walk through now, I've now helped thousands of men and women walk through. This is the final piece of the puzzle. But sometimes we use it as, like, the very beginning. We use it when everything is just going to hell. We use it when our emotions are just flying everywhere. And we were. We can't control anything that we're doing when we're struggling with anxiety, with depression. If you were like me, when you're struggling with suicidal ideation and when somebody tells you, hey, you got to get more productive, but you're struggling with suicidal ideation, it's a little difficult to do because you don't really believe in yourself. So anything that you touch just breaks. Any interview that you go to, you don't get why? Because you're showing up as not enough. Because you're operating out of this place of worthlessness, right? And so getting more productive. I hear this all the time. I ask people, right? Hey, what have you been doing in order to get to where you want to get to in order to finally get over this divorce, in order to finally experience peace, in order to finally feel good enough and not like a failure. Not like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you. What are you doing to do that? A lot of them say, well, I've been staying really busy. You know, I've been working on this. I've been applying for my real estate license. I hear this a lot. Everyone's trying to be a real estate agent or something now, like, sell houses, right? Like, the market passed. I know there's going to be a lot of real estate agents that listen to this. They're going to be like, the market didn't pass. It's just this. No, the. The really good market just passed right now. It's okay. It'll pick up again later, though, okay? So they're doing all these things to try and get over their ex. All these distractions. This is simply just another distraction because yet again, it is not attacking the root issue. I did the exact same thing, man. I started getting productive. I started going to gyms and Filming videos off of my phone. This is how I was able to start making money again after I lost my business, going through my divorce. Not because she took it, but because I was so emotionally and mentally ill and jacked up that I just lost all of it. And really, I do believe that God's hand was in that. And I have another story that'll go along with that that I. I'd love to share with you eventually, but I started getting productive. But then again, the same thing would happen. I'd get productive, and then I'd go hang out with friends, and then I'd come home empty house. Same thing if my little girl just got dropped off that day. And then I went to go do something productive. And then I come home. Guess little toys and shoes are laying around the house, and I'm seeing them, but she's no longer here. She's at her mom's. And I'm just like, dude, what the hell? I'm looking at the nails on the wall. I still remember the nails on the wall where our pictures used to be of me and her together and me and my little girl together with her mom, and all these different things. And all the pain just starts coming again. And there you go again, crying yourself to sleep, if you can go to sleep. Or you're mindlessly scrolling through social media, which is probably how some of you found me, because that's how I found a lot of the terrible advice that I found, which was, hey, just hang out with your friends and start getting productive. Those are good things to do. I'm not saying don't do them, but I am telling you, if that's all you do, in a year from now, you're going to be in the same place emotionally and spiritually. Okay? Next thing is going to the gym. You're gonna be jacked physically, but you're gonna stay emotionally and mentally weak. The amount of people who, man, I'm on this healing journey. I've been hitting the gym, right? I always ask, what are you doing to get to where you want to get to, man? I've just. I started going to the gym consistently. I'm like, how's that helping you? Well, it helps me feel better. I'm like, and then what happens when you come home? They're like, everything just comes back, man. Everything comes back. The gym is a phenomenal tool. All of these things that I'm reading off of right now, right, that I've shared with you, the hanging with the friends and family, the getting more productive, the going to the gym, all of these things are incredible tools to help you find, feel better so that then you can actually do the work. Because the work works so much better when you're in a powerful emotional state. What does that mean? When you feel good? When you feel good, when you feel powerful, that's the moment to begin to do the work, okay? And sometimes, guess what? When you feel like garbage, that's also the moment to do the work. It's never too late to do the work. But the work, especially the process that I've designed, takes you from. There's going to be the first point on the other one. It takes you to address what's actually happening, fully experience the grief, pain and suffering in those moments and then change it so that you leave differently in the next five to 10 minutes of the actual exercise. So these are great tools to use. But going to the gym doesn't heal a heart. It doesn't. It distracts you from the broken heart. And if anything, it makes you more guarded and it makes you more surface level. Because now you're at the gym and you're jacked and you're just thinking like, okay, this is all that matters in life, life. And now nobody can really talk to you on a deep level, right? This is why you have all these jack dudes that just pop off. It's like a dynamite just waiting to pop off. Why? Because they've suppressed all the feelings and emotions in the gym. And we celebrate this crap, bro. It's the stupidest thing. I see all of these reels or tick tocks, people just like, this is how I deal with my problems and they're just lifting and I'm like, well, that's going to do you very good in the next 10 years. You're going to be miserable. You're not going to know how to emotionally open up a woman. You're not going to know how to emotionally open up to a woman. You're not going to know how to, to meet your kids emotional needs. All because, just. Because the gym doesn't teach you that. The, the gym teaches you mental strength. So you go to the gym when you don't feel like going to the gym and it empowers you, but the emotional stuff is still there. And it's the key thing to life, all of life is an emotion. So the things that I'm talking about right now, it's all distractions so that you don't experience an emotion. Therefore you're never going to get better. The last one that I want to cover Okay, I wanted to do three, but I had to add this one. Delete them. This is what they tell you all the time. Hey, delete the pictures. Get them off your social media. Here's the thing. You can delete pictures and you can delete social media, but you cannot delete memories. Those will always be here. Whether you want to believe it or not. You're going to have to deal with those. Okay? So this advice, sure, go ahead and do it. I don't really care. I'm not telling you what to do and what not to do. But what I am telling you is that this doesn't work. It doesn't heal you. Because what's going to happen the next time that one of your friends post a picture of them and maybe that your partner is now with their new partner and you see your friend post, are you going to delete your friend? It's illogical and it's stupid. You're running away from a trigger that is hurting you right now when it's actually trying to bless you. Let's go back to the gym. Let's go back to the gym. Then, as an analogy, when the pain hits, do you stop? No, that's when it's working. If it's painful, does it mean that it's bad? No, that's when it's working. It means you're getting stronger. We all know this. When you start going to the gym, the first thing you enjoy so much is just the pump, first of all. And second of all, the soreness, because you feel like, man, I did something. I'm sore right now. My lats, my chest, my traps, my shoulders, extremely sore right now. And I love it. Why? Because, man, it means that I did work. A trigger is the same way a trigger is trying to get you to heal. It's saying, hey, this is still bothering you. That means there's still work to be done. So if you delete them off of everything, guess what you're doing? You're deleting a whole lot of potential blessings. You're deleting a whole lot of potential opportunities to grow, heal, and develop. So that doesn't work either. Here's the three things that I want to give you, though. We got to the best part of the video, okay? And here's what I want to say first and foremost before I jump into this, okay? If you feel like, man, if you've been following my content for a while and you're saying, you know what? I really resonate with you, and you, you want to enter into A mentorship relationship with me, then I would encourage you to go to the Conquerors Community. Just go to conquerors.community or download the Conquerors app by searching Conquerors Community. You can download it on your iPhone or on your Android and you can join me in there. I do a live every single week and then there is a support call for you like where we can actually like engage every single week. And you're going to have access to my entire course so that you can learn how to do in detail some of these things that I'm about to cover. Okay. So if you think that that's something that you want to be doing, then it's only $49 a month and I believe that that is worth your future to invest into. Okay, so here we go. Three things that three principles. The first principle that's actually going to help you start healing is to get honest and vulnerable. You got to get honest and vulnerable. Ask this question, what does all this mean about me? What does it mean about you? Get honest about it. What are you believing that this situation means about you? For me, it meant that I was a failure man. For me, it meant that I wasn't good enough. For me, it meant that I was unlovable. For me, it meant that I was a terrible dad. For me, it meant that I was a black sheep in my family. For me, it meant that I was a bad Christian. For me, it meant that I was. I was less of a man. For me, it meant that I wasn't enough of a man. For me, it meant that I was never going to be happy again. For me, it meant that I was never going to have the life that I've always wanted. For me, it meant that I wasn't going to have the dreams that I had seen before in my life. You know what's crazy? Fast forward three years from now or three years from that moment and I'm living in part of my dream. I got to build my dream house. Cash. Paid it cash. How? Because I started to get honest and vulnerable and I started to change the meaning. This right here is what's going to affect you. You got to get honest about where you're at. The first thing I did is I sat in my ex wife's office when it was empty because her dad came and helped her move everything out. And so I sat there in her empty office staring at the pink wall that used to be her background in her office. I just remember, don't judge me here. But I was rocking. I was wearing my rock Revival jeans, my cowboy boots that my parents, that my. My godfather sent me from Mexico. And I was wearing a hoodie and a hat, my VOS trucking hat that I made from the company that I used to have. And I sat there, and I remember I took a picture with my legs crossed, and I sent it. I don't have that picture anymore. I wish I could find that picture. I deleted it, and I sent it to my ex's cousin, who's one of my, like, closest friends. All I put was, she left, bro. And in that moment, as I sent that, man, I remember this like it was yesterday. The first things that came out of my mouth just like this, by the way. All I said was, What the hell, man? And then, boom, I broke down. I got so honest and so vulnerable in that moment, with what was happening in my life, with the areas that I had fallen short with, what I had done wrong, with the potential that this could be the end of everything that ever wanted. And I got honest. You know who I got honest with? I got honest with God. So if you don't believe in God, then that's on you. Okay? Go ahead and talk to a friend. You can't talk to a friend. Get in the Conqueror's community. Get into a support group. That's the one place I guarantee you that you can bleed out fully, and we will be there to patch you right back up. And we won't tell you that you're weak. We won't tell you, hey, you got to just get over it. Hey, you just got to move on. No, no, no. We will come and link arms with you. Why? Because we've been there, done that, and got the result, and we want you to do the exact same thing. The first thing you got doing, you got to get. Start getting honest and vulnerable. What does this mean about me? That's where all that pain came from. That's where that scream came from when I yelled. Came from. This means that I am a failure. This means that my life is over. Part number two, this is where it gets really good. Next thing you got to start doing is you got to start changing the meaning. But you can't change the meaning until you know what the meaning is. Until you get honest and vulnerable. If you've been going through this, which I got a lot of followers that have been going through this for a while, that have been stuck for two, three years still, and it's because they've never got honest about what it means about them. They just want to blame their ex and put it on their ex and. And act like everything is okay with me and then never address the root problem. And then I got the other spec. Opposite side of the spectrum, which is they're honest, but they just choose to stay there and they choose to believe that it's time to start changing the meaning. Change what this means. If you change the meaning, you'll change the feeling that you're experiencing about what you're going through. I promise you, man, if this means that it's the end of your life, you're going to feel like garbage. But if this begins to mean that this might be the beginning of the life that you've always wanted, this is going to be the beginning of you finding yourself again after losing yourself in the marriage. This is going to be the beginning of you picking up those passion projects, the. The. The mission and the purpose that you felt that God put in you, that you completely put aside because of this relationship and for that person. If it means that you get to pick those up again, man, life gets really good. You know when stuff started turning around for me, when I found out that her leaving meant that I could build this house on my parents land again. It was always a dream that I wanted. She never wanted to do that. Now guess what? I built this house, paid it cash, no mortgage. My dream house on my family's land. You know what that means to me? That means legacy. You know when. When everything started turning around, when I started recognizing that, hey, her leaving doesn't mean my life is over. It means that the life I truly wanted is just beginning. So if you can start addressing the meaning and changing it, you're going to be light years ahead of where most people are, that all they're doing is hanging out with friends, getting more productive, going to the gym, and deleting their. Their ex off of social media platforms. I'm telling you, I got a full exercise, a full workshop that covers the details, the nuances, the. The key points on how to do that inside of the Conquers community. So again, if you feel like that's something that you want to do, get on in there. The last thing that I want to share is you got to get a mentor. You got to get somebody who's been there, done that, got the result. Okay? If you want to get jacked, you don't go to an overweight dude and say, hey, get me jacked. No, you go to a dude who is jacked. If I want to look like the Rock, I would go to the Rock. He doesn't offer that Service. Therefore, I can't do that. But if I wanted to, that's the type of individual that I would run to. Why? Because you become. We hear this all the time, and whether we like it or not, our parents were right. You become the person that you are surrounded with, like the top five people that you surround yourself with. So in this season, if you're a woman and you're listening to this right now, get away from the single older ladies who are saying you don't even need a man. Get away from them. Because if you listen to them, you're going to become old and bitter and lonely just like them, okay? You need to get around strong women who have gone through a divorce and overcame it, and you can see the fruit in their life. Okay? If that's not me, that's not me. Go find somebody else. But if it is me, I would be honored to walk that journey with you. I would be honored to do life with you, man, inside the Conquerors community. That's family in there. I would be honored to. To link up arms with you and say, hey, I know where you are right now. This is how we maneuver and we get out of it. This is the steps you need to start to take. This is what we need to do. That's what we need to begin to happen, what we need to begin to do if we want to actually get over this. Until then, I'm telling you guys, we're going to keep spinning our wheels in circles. Hanging out with friends, dating somebody new, sleeping with people, deleting them from social media. And then what's going to end up happening? Everything that you didn't heal, you're going to take that into the next relationship, and you're going to create the exact same thing all over again. You're going to start bleeding on the people who didn't ever cut you. And it's all because I decided to distract myself. I decided to run from the problem. I decided not to get honest, man. I decided not to discover what this actually means about me. And then I decided. I decided after that moment that I was just going to accept that meaning. You know what? Maybe this does mean that all women are the same. I'll accept it. Maybe this does mean that all men are the same. I'll accept it. Maybe this does mean that love is dead. I'll accept it. And then you're going to live a miserable life because you're going to betray everything your heart's always desired because you accepted a negative meaning instead of stepping into changing it. And operating in that way. I hope this helps you. I hope this blesses you. I'm telling you, if you start doing these three things right now, I promise you, you're going to be light years ahead of any of where you were today in the next three weeks. I'm telling you, time is not going to heal you. Just like time doesn't heal a broken bone, it is the procedure that heals that broken bone. I have been divorced for three years now. It took me less than a year to overcome it in a very powerful way. And I've been helping people do it ever since then. Ever since then. I've been divorced now for three years. So you do the math. You do the math. Built this house cash, paid off $10,000 of back paid child support, Boom, at once. It's only been three years. There's a lot of people that are still struggling right now, unfortunately, because they didn't do the work. They're still struggling. They're not living the life that they've always wanted to live. Why? Because they've been distracting themselves. So you can either be a person that distracts themselves or you can be a person of action that gets you the results. And I promise you, if you commit to that, life's gonna get really good. Hopefully this blessed. You subscribe to the channel, send this to somebody if you know that they need it, if you know this is going to bless them. And again, if you feel like you'd be a good fit and I'm a good fit to live this life together, then go ahead and join Conquers community. You'll get access to the divorce recovery academy, to my mindset trainings that I have in there, as well as the perfect blueprint of how to set boundaries with a toxic co parent that has been proven time and time and time again to generate peace in the lives of so many men and women that have to deal with toxic co parents. Okay. Hopefully I'll see you again on the next video. God bless you.
