How to Heal from a Divorce - Expert Tips for Moving On and Finding Happiness

Hey, Conqueror. Welcome back to the channel. On this video, I am going to give you everything. I'm talking about the exact strategy that I personally used in my life to go from losing my business and being suicidal and literally obsessing over my ex and what she was doing and where she was doing, doing it and stalking the find my iPhone and visiting the the website and creating fake Instagram accounts so that you could see their Instagram account that they blocked you on just to see what they're doing. I'm going to show you what took me from that to being able to build my home 100% cash and turn my whole life around and become the most present father I've ever been, walking this exact process. This is also the process that I've helped take hundreds of men and women through successfully to get over their divorce. Conqueror. We're going to jump straight into it on this video. Okay. Because I got a lot to cover. The first thing that we need to begin to address. First of all, we know that you want to get over your ex. We want. You want to get over your divorce. That is why you are here right now. If not, you wouldn't be watching this video. You'd be doing something else. But for some reason, you're here watching this video, and that reason is that you want to get over your divorce. So the first thing that you've got to do is you've got to ask yourself, why do I want to get over this divorce? I want to encourage you to start journaling about this, writing some thoughts down that come up to your mind on why do I want to. I know I have a desire to, but what is that desire? What is. What is the outcome that I want? Why is this so important to me? I want you to start asking that and write down anything that comes to mind. But here's the thing. The next step is we've got to change your want to a must. Here's the thing. I wanted to get over my divorce just like everybody in this world wants, Abs. But just because we want something, it does not mean that we're going to get it. There is a difference between wanting something and. And I must do this. I must have this. Whenever I went through my process, right? I'll never forget I needed to. I mean, it was a must that I made money when my daughter came over. Why? Because my electricity was out, my water was out. I didn't have any food in the fridge. So when it was a must, what I started doing, I started selling my own belongings. This is Kind of what started it all for me, it turned into a I have to instead of I want to, I have to get over this thing. I have to find a way. If I can't find a way, I have to make a way. And here's the thing, man, you've been watching a lot of videos and there's a lot of videos out there right now with a ton of advice. And I even covered one, talking about the advice that you find on these videos that does not work, like going to the gym, doing things that you enjoy, hanging out with family and friends. These are all great things, but it is just a distraction. It's not not treating the root. So I couldn't find something that was treating the root. So what ended up happening, God took me through this journey where I started realizing this process that I was going through. And now I've helped hundreds of men and women go through that. See, first thing you got to start doing is you got to ask yourself, why do I want to? Then you got to turn that into why do I have to? How do you do that? What will it, what will this cost you if you don't get over it? What's it going to cost you if you can start taking inventory of the things that it's going to cost you to not do anything different, to stay in the same place, to continue to distract yourself. If you can begin to take inventory of what that's going to cost you in the next three months, six months, year, five years, 10 years, it will start turning into an I have to. Here's the thing, if you're a business owner, you might lose your business, not because they're going to try and take it from you. This was my case. She didn't try taking the business from me. But what happened was she took my focus, she took my emotional well being, she took my mental health. So when she took those things, the business naturally crumbled. Because your business is only as healthy as you are. If you're healthy, your business is healthy. If you're not healthy, your business is going to. To feel it. So for some of you, it might cost you your business, it might cost you other things. Like it was costing me, it was costing me precious moments with my little girl. It was costing me putting chains on my daughter that she didn't have to hold, only because I was unwilling, and at that point, not even unwilling, I just didn't know how to do the work. And maybe that's where you're at right now. Maybe you have no idea how to navigate this thing. And. And you're like, man, all I've been doing is all these, what all these other videos tell me, but that's nothing but distractions and I'm not feeling better. I'm going to the gym, but I come home and then I'm dealing with the same mental problems that I was before I went to the gym and felt a little bit better. Hey, I'm starting to date again. I'm putting myself out there again. But I can't help but catch myself talking about my ex on these dates because they're overwhelming my mind. I have nothing but thoughts about what my ex is doing, what my ex did to me, how my ex hurt me. What is it costing you? Is it costing you presence with your kid? Not time with your kid, because I know you have time with your kid right now, but is it costing you presence? If you don't heal from this, what else is it going to cost you? Are you going to go into your next relationship guarded? Are you starting to believe now that all men are the same, that all women are the same? And. And so now, guess what? You don't want to open up yourself fully to another human being. Is it costing you connection? Is it costing you next level intimacy? The dreams that you always had to have a. A partner with you that you could genuinely be yourself with and live life with. Is it costing you this? You got to ask yourself, what is it costing you? As soon as you can take inventory of what it's going to cost you, the want to will turn into a have to. And that's when we can begin to move. As soon as you get to I have to do this, then what happens is we go to step one. Step one, processing your emotions. This is where the grieving happens, okay? A lot of it. There's going to be more grieving that happens later on in the process, but that's okay. You have to focus on this, this step. First and foremost, you've got to learn to process your emotions. Okay? Now, there's a lot of people that use this terminology, which is feel your feelings. The only thing that I don't like about that language is that that tells you, hey, I just have to sit in my feelings. That doesn't work. Okay? The best example that I have for that is if you happen to crap your pants, you're not going to sit in the crap just because you happen to crap your pants. No, you're going to clean that stuff up, get changed, process the fact that it happened, and then you're going to keep moving forward. Forward. Emotions are the exact same way whether you believe me or not. Go to Google. You'll find it. You can only experience an emotion for about 90 seconds. So what does that mean? If. If scientifically it's proven that you can only experience an emotion for 90 seconds. So then why were. Why was I. And why are you still feeling that emotion of sadness, still feeling that emotion of shame? It is because you are starting to create now your own emotions. The event that happened sparked an emotion in you, but after that, after those 90 seconds, that's suffering. And we are creating that suffering. How do we create that suffering? We create that suffering by our thoughts. I know this is going to blow your mind, but I'm telling you, stick with me on this. Okay? The last time that you watched a movie and something bad started happening in that movie, what was the. In your mind? Right? All our mind always goes to this. It always goes to. Man, I don't know what I would do if that happened to somebody that I loved. Has that happened to you before? I'm pretty sure it has because it happens to me often and it happens to anybody that I've asked this question to. The reason why that happens, right? Or when that happens. How do you start to feel when you're entertaining that thought in your mind? Doesn't it start to feel real? Doesn't it start to feel as if it's actually happening? But it's not happening, is it? But it's because you're thinking about it and you're focused on that thought now. Here's what's crazy. Your thoughts don't even have to be real to create a real emotion. I know that's pretty wild. The. The day that I learned that, it changed everything. I recognized that. Wow. Just because I think my life is over and it feels like my life is over because I'm constantly focused on how my life is over, that doesn't mean it has to be true, and that doesn't mean that that thought is true. You cannot do any of this until you process these emotions. You got to be able to process the sadness that you're going through and then get that sense of relief and start moving forward. You got to be able to process the anger that you're feeling. Give yourself the free to be angry in a healthy way. Go into your room. I remember, for me, I used to beat my bed, man. I would grab a bat and beat my leather couch as hard as I could, and I would just let all of the anger out and Then when I was done, it's like that relief comes over. You're like, man, okay, I needed that. I feel good. We've all had this happen. You've had it happen. Maybe it was in the shower or in your car where all of a sudden you just couldn't hold it in anymore and you just let out that ugly cry. And what happened when you were done with that ugly cry, you felt a sense of relief. That is what happens when you process an emotion, not sit in an emotion. So you got to start processing an emotion because if you do not process these emotions, then you will see life through sadness, you will see life through resentment, you would see life through anger. And now this is how you're going to start building up the cost of this divorce. This is where it's going to affect you. Long after the divorce has ended, you're, I mean, you're, I'm talking, you're going to be that dude and that woman that is 10 years down the road. Or though those 60 year old cougars that are out at the club with their girlfriends, they're just talking crap about men and saying like, I don't need a man this and this and that. And the dudes are like, I don't need a woman, like, I just need to get laid. And that's it. You're going to become that individual. And guess what, you're going to go back home and you're going to be lonely and sad and all because you never gave yourself the space to play. Process an emotion so that you could stop seeing life through the lens of anger, so you could stop seeing life through the lens of defeat. So you could stop seeing life through the lens of guilt and shame. And so you could finally see life through the lens of hope, of appreciation, of gratitude and honestly, of reality. Because the reality is, is that this is not the end. This is the beginning. You just get to choose what kind of beginning this is. Is this the beginning of a miserable life or is this the beginning of a powerful life? I made a decision and I want you to make the decision today that this is the beginning of a better life. I'm talking about a life where you get to build a house on your family's land, that you get to pay cash. I'm talking about a life where now guess what? I can make the moves I need to make to get out of the work that I've been doing, the job that I've been doing, to start doing something that is fulfilling for me. I'm talking about this is the beginning of me getting to pursue the passions and hobbies that I've always wanted to pursue. But you cannot do that if you keep seeing life through the lens of pain. And in order to stop doing that, you got to learn to process your emotions. Step number two, we got to start creating closure. Okay. I have a process that I'm going to teach you guys through all of this stuff, but it's lengthy. So if you want full access to that, go download the Conquerors community app in the App Store and get in there so you can get access to the Divorce Recovery Academy, where I cover all of this in detail, how to walk through it and do it. Okay, because if not, then we're going to be here for about five hours. So the second step is going to be creating closure. A lot of us, we believe that closure has to be given to us by that individual, and that's why we get. We stay stuck. I'm here to tell you closure can be created by you. I know this because I walk through it. And now I've helped hundreds of men and women walk through this process. I'm telling you, you do not have to wait for closure from your ex. That would be as if you were in prison and you had the keys to get yourself out of that prison. And instead of reaching around and unlocking the door, you toss them to the person who no longer cares if you're free or if you stay in there, and they just take off with them. I'm sorry. My freedom. The keys to my freedom. The keys to your freedom. It doesn't need to be in anybody else's hands. They were designed to be in your hands. So you got to take them back. We got to create closure. How do we start creating closure? We've got to start seeing this thing, this divorce, this season that you're in as a blessing, as a gift. I've never met a person that received a gift from somebody and was pissed off about it and was resentful about it. I've never met a person get a Christmas gift and just be like, oh, well, f them and. And they this and they that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Anytime somebody gets a gift and they receive that gift, what's in their heart, man. Thank you. Thank you. You didn't have to do that, but thank you. Thank you that you did. When you can see this process that you're going through, when you can finally see it as a gift and you receive it as a gift, that's going to begin to create your closure. Because now you're going to be happy that it happened instead of spiteful that it happened. It's a big shift that ends up happening. And this is in your power. You've got the power to create this. There's a whole process to it. But I want you to start doing this right now. Okay? I'm going to give you this. On this video, I want you to ask yourself this question. How is this a blessing for me? How is this actually helping me? What is this giving back to me? How is this a good thing? If you begin to answer those questions honestly, you're going to start seeing all of the blessings, and what you focus on is what you experience. So if you focus on the blessings that this situation is giving you, you're going to experience as a blessing and as a gift. You will no longer need any answers from your ex because you've created them by yourself. So we got to create closure. Step number three. We've got to kill the desire for our ex. We got to kill the desire for our ex. Okay? It's very simple, y'. All. If you no longer want your ex, and if you no longer want the life that you had with your ex, you get over them. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really that simple. The problem is we never do the work to kill the desire, because that means we've got to look at the problem. That means we've got to look at the wound. That means we got to look at the thing that hurts. And it's a lot scarier than it actually is. And it seems a lot more painful than it actually will be. It will be painful for a moment, but I'm telling you, I walk people through this process in about an hour. And in the. By the end of that hour, they're like, dude, man, I feel way different. Even the people inside the Conquerors community who never schedule a call with me, but they do the homework, they're like, man, I'm sleeping a lot better. Like Dolores. I think of Dolores right off the bat. She said, man, I was doing the kill the desire for my ex. And I gotta tell you, I started sleeping better compared to all the other months and sleepless nights that I've had just because I did that workshop. Her message even said it said, I know she was apologizing because she came into my coaching group, and she had never showed up for a call yet. It was, like, two weeks in. She was like, I haven't gone to any of the calls, but I want you to know I've been doing the homework, and I just did kill the desire for my ex, and I did the work, and I feel so much better. It's crazy, isn't it? A lot of us think that we got to talk to individuals to work through this. No, we just have to learn how to do the work and apply. Apply it, and you're going to get the freedom. I'm telling you, it helps when you talk to somebody because we can help you navigate it. But as long as you learn how to do it, boom, you can start getting over them fast. So I'm telling you, kill the desire for your ex. That's step number three. If you can kill the desire for your ex, you will naturally get over them and you'll start to let them go. Because here's the thing. If I really want this thing right here, if I really want this, if I got a huge desire for it, then I'm going to hold on to it, and I will not let this thing go until I no longer want it. So I have to find a way to no longer want this so that I will willingly let that thing go. And then the next thing that we got to do, which is actually step four, is we've got to start creating a life that we want more than the life that we had with our ex. We've got to start building a life that we love. I'm talking about a life that we're obsessed with. When you let your ex go and the life that you had with your ex go, then you start creating a new life that you love so much more, and you're willingly going to want to grab onto that thing because that thing looks so much more appealing than this thing. There's a whole process to this you got to walk through. But I'm telling you, step number three is kill the desire for your ex, stop wanting them, and you'll naturally let go. Step number four is start building a life that you are obsessed with. And I'm telling you, if you can begin to do that, what's going to happen is you're never going to look back again. The reason why people look back is because they're miserable with where they're at. And the reason why they're miserable with where they're at is because they never processed the emotion, so they never dealt with the problem. They never created the closure, so they never found the blessing and received this as probably one of the best gifts that you could have ever been handed. And then number three, they never killed the desire for their ex or their life life with Their ex. So they always think back at man, but what if. Man, but what if it's because they never walk through that process. All they did was go to the gym. All they did was hang out with their friends. All they did was start doing things that they enjoy. And they never did the work to actually uproot the problem, kill it, and then start walking in full freedom. And that's what I want for you. The last thing that you've got to do, and this is a must. Without this, you're going to fail. You got to get around the right community so that you can get support and guidance. You either got to get a mentor to help you through this, like a coach like myself or some other incredible coaches that are out there in the world, or you got to get into a community. You got to be surrounded with people that are headed in the direction that you're headed in. You got to be surrounded by people that are where you want to be. So if you want to be where I'm at, get around people like me, get in the same room as me. This is why the Conquerors community is so powerful and people experience breakthrough before even getting on a coaching call. Why is that? It's because they're around individuals that are on the same goal, that have a. The mindset that they need. Right. Maybe right now you're experiencing that victim mindset. And I'll make a whole other video on mindset. Maybe right now you're operating out of that victim mindset like, well, this wouldn't work for me. Well, well, I can't believe this is happening to me. Well, you don't know my story. Well, I'm different. Right. It's just excuse galore. So the only way you can get out of that is to get around people that have a Victor mindset, to get. Get around people that have been there, done that, got the result in a healthy way. I'm talking about people that aren't still operating out of resentment and guilt and shame and pain and hurt, but people that are operating out of true freedom. People that have a joy and an excitement in life after their divorce, like a genuine excitement. I'm talking about the type of excitement where they don't have to go around and sleep with everyone that they run into so that they can feel okay about themselves. I'm talking about like an internal identity that they now carry, a power that they now carry because of what they went through. It didn't cripple them. It catapulted them into their future. You. You've got to surround yourself around those people, okay? I'm telling you, our parents were right. Who you surround yourself with is who you're going to become. Who you surround yourself with is who you're going to become. So surround yourself with the right people. And if you love my content, if you love my way of thinking, man, I would highly encourage you to invest into yourself, to invest into your future, to invest into your kids, to invest into your mental health and join the Conquerors community and start doing the divorce recovery academy and start getting into these support calls so that you can start getting the freedom that you deserve, that your kids deserve, that the future you would thank you for. I want to ask you that, man. What you're doing today, is it going to get you to where you want to get to? If you continue doing the same things that you've been doing today, is it going to get you to where you want to go? Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no, it's time to do something different. It's time to do something different. And look, I get it. We get caught up with indecision after a divorce. I'm talking about we can't make a decision to save our lives, literally save our lives. Because to some men in here, men, divorced men, lead the suicide rates in divorce or lead the suicide rates, divorced men. Do you know why that is? It's because they never got anybody to walk them through the process. Maybe they didn't find it. But if you're watching this video, you got no more excuse. You found it. You found it. You think you're different than Johnny. You, you think so? It worked for Johnny, who is a. Who is in the military and lives states away from his kids now. And now he's doing better than he was ever doing and has an even greater relationship, his little girls, even though there's that distance in between. And mentally he's great. I mean, he's killing it out in the dating field now. Dude is phenomenal, right? He did it. Why can't you? What about Samuel, who got over his nine year marriage in 45 days. Genuinely got over it. I'm talking about his family was like, hey, what are you doing? Because you're so different. What are you doing? Because there's been a huge shift in you. I've never seen you operate this way. This might be the best thing that's ever happened to you. If it worked for him, why wouldn't it work for you? Or maybe you're like Laura, a single mom who came to me completely Broke. I'm talking about no finances. She had to borrow the finances from her mother to be able to do the program. And then one month in, her mom saw such a shift that she said, you have to do another month invested. And now I've had this problem with Laura where she's overpaid me now with. By herself, from her job, from the money that she's now making, she's overpaid me like three times in a month where I have to refund her and be like, laura, you're good. Stop overpaying. How do you go from not having enough to having more than enough? If she did it, can't you. I think of people like Dominica who, when she would see the vehicle of her ex, not even the actual vehicle, but the vehicle that her ex would drive, the make and model and, and color, and her body would go into, like, shock and anxiety and she couldn't stop shaking. And then all of a sudden, she's good. No longer crippled by anxiety. If it happened for them, why can't it happen for you? Don't create more suffering in your life. I'm telling you, if this is something that you feel would genuinely help you get inside the Conquerors community, I promise you, you're not going to regret it. All right, guys, so that is going to be the steps to get over your divorce. We're going to cover them one more time really quickly. First of all, you've got to ask yourself, why do I even want to get over this? Then you got to change that to a why do I have to get over this by counting the cost of what is this going to cost me if I don't do something different, if I don't overcome this, then the next thing you got to do is you got to process your emotions. Step number one, after that, you got to start creating your own closure. Number three, you got to kill the desire for ex. Number four, you got to build an incredible life that you're obsessed with. And then number five, get around the right community so the result stays long lasting. And anytime you have doubts, they kill the doubt in you instead of killing the belief in you. All right, Conqueror, hopefully this video helped you. I hope you apply these things. And I'm telling you, if you feel like the Conqueror's community is something for you, I'd love to see you in there. I'd love to walk this thing out with you and hear more about your story. So you can go ahead and check that out in the description down below or just go to the app store and search the Conquerors community and you'll be able to find it. Get in there. Introduce yourself. I want to meet you. I'm extremely active in there. That's the best way to reach me. If you have the 0 funds, then go ahead and send me an email to adminquers.community with your story and what you're wanting help with and I will respond with a YouTube video giving you free coaching on here as well. Don't worry, I will keep your name anonymous. I'm not going to out you like that. That's not how I roll. Okay, so hopefully this helped you. If it did and you know somebody that could use this, send the video to them. Man, drop a like it would really help the channel if you drop a like leave a comment. I love reading the comments that you guys leave. Leave and also send me a message on Instagram. You can follow me at Divorced Recovery Coach. Send me a message. Tell me if this helped you. I'd love to hear from you. God bless you Conqueror. I'll see you in the next video.