How to let go of my ex - Divorce Healing

If you've been divorced for quite a while now and you're still stuck, I want you to stay till the end of this video because I'm going to show you exactly why you're still stuck and what you need to do to get unstuck and finally let this thing go. Hey. I want to welcome you back to my channel, and if this is your first time here, welcome. I want you to know my name is Frank Ortega, and I am a man of honor, courage, integrity, and presence. And I'm on a mission to change the statistics of suicide. Can't even say that word. To change the statistics of divorced men leading suicide rates. Okay. And I believe that this video is one of the reasons that leads men to that specific path. And so if we can catch this, I believe you're going to get completely over your divorce. This is why I say that, because these are the top things that I learned going through my divorce. That as soon as I acquired these two individual pieces, what ended up happening was I no longer had any resentment, I no longer had any anger, and I was no longer hurt by the actions of my now ex wife. Right? And I really think that's what we want whenever we want to get over a divorce. What do you really want? Like, let's define that first, right? Getting over a divorce actually means I just want to feel good, better. I don't want to feel hurt about this anymore. I don't want to be angry at them. I don't want to hold anything against them. I don't want to be judging them. I don't want to be blaming them. Because all of those actions, yes, in the moment, they might feel good, right? It's like that release you get if somebody mouths off to you in public and you just wail on them. You get that release of, boom, I did something about it. But then how do you feel afterwards? You don't feel very good, right? You feel like, man, I didn't stand for what I believe in. I made a show out of myself, right? And now I'm not just. I'm not proud of the way that I showed up. The same thing happens in this experience, right? You are currently feeling resentful. Maybe that's where you're at, or you're feeling hurt or you're feeling angry, or you're feeling all three at the same time. And because of that, you're just consistently focused on, what is my ex doing? What is. Why is she doing that? Why is she talking to me this way? Why can't she learn how to, like, treat me. It's funny. After years of being together, she's still treating me this way. This is exactly why we didn't work out, right? And so what happens is I want you to notice something. If that's where your attention is, there's a. There's a quote that goes where. Where your focus goes, energy flows, right? And you're so focused. We become so focused on blaming our ex, and we become so focused on. On the resentment, on the hurt, on the sadness and what caused that, what we believe caused that sadness, that we can never take our focus and focus on our kids. We can never take our focus and shift it to our future. And so therefore, our future is not getting any of our energy. And I'm gonna hit on this a little bit further down the video, so make sure you stick around for that. Okay? So defining getting over divorce means that we just simply have to feel different about the situation. That's why you're here. So I want to help you do that. Okay? I want you to write this down if you're taking notes. Okay? Meaning equals feeling. Meaning equals feeling. Here's something that's incredible about me and you that God gifted us with, that he gifted nobody else with. He gifted us with the ability to attach meaning and to give meaning to circumstances and to situations. What does that mean? That. That means that this divorce that you're going through, this heartbreak that you're going through, this crippling season that you're going through, it doesn't necessarily have to mean that it's something bad. It doesn't necessarily have to mean that it's the end of what you had hopes for in the future. It doesn't have to mean that at all. You have a choice in that. And I think that's the first thing that I want you to catch, is that you actually have a decision to. That you can make right now to say, moving forward, I'm going to decide that I'm going to make all of this mean something good in my life. There's a scripture in the Bible that says that he will take what the enemy meant for evil and work it for your good. There's another. There's another scripture that says that there is no weapon that will be formed against you that shall prosper. Yes, I know what you're going through right now. You feels like a weapon, and yes, I know that it feels like it's prospering. But what if I told you that you have a choice to say no more? Will it prosper? No, More will this mean the end of my life? And you guys have to say hi to Baby Tank. Okay? This dude, I can't get him away from me. I did not know that Frenchies were going to be this clingy. So gentlemen, if you're struggling with getting attention and wanting attention, get yourself a French bulldog. Trust me, they're not going to leave you alone. So we've got to understand, I want you to understand, I'm like almost like submitting to you to please catch the reality that the meaning that you're attaching to this situation, you're in full control of what it is. You are, 100%. So how do we begin to change the meaning? First of all, we gotta do what the Bible says. We gotta begin to take every single thought captive, right? Maybe you're a Christian watching this right now. Cause I know I post a lot of Christian content as well, right? And I love Jesus. If I'm not wearing button ups, I'm usually trying to wear some sort of Jesus T shirt, right? And so maybe you're a Christian right now and you're saying, man, I've been trying, I've been trying, I've been working my tail off. And here's the thing, whenever I built the desk that I work out of right now, it took me forever to build it. You know why? Because I didn't have the right tools. As soon as I got the right tools, the process sped up drastically. I knew I knew how to build tables, you know, you know how to get over this. But the problem might not be that you don't know how and it might not even be the effort that you're putting in. The problem might be that you're using the wrong tools. For example, the Bible says to take every thought captive. But in this season, maybe what you've been trying to do is avoid every thought that's coming into your mind right now. Maybe what you're trying to do right now is instead of thinking about this situation more so, so that you can change the meaning, you're trying to think about the situation less so what are you doing? You're going to a gym and you're just working out, trying to get your mind off of things. Yes or no? Maybe you're going and you're hanging out with friends or family. Not so that you can create new memories and new moments, right? And to give this thing meaning, but so that you can just take a break from thinking of everything you've been thinking and just push that aside. Well, the Bible doesn't say for us to do that, that's not where healing is found. Which is why if you've been doing that, you've probably been able to fast forward into, like, three years of doing the same thing and you've noticed. For some reason, I still get triggered by them. For some reason, every time I see them, I still have this feeling. For some reason, I still have this residue of resentment and anger in the background, and it plays whenever I'm with my kids. And I don't like that because it makes me not be as present and not be the father that I know God designed me to be for them. Right now. Maybe that's where you're at. And if you're at the moment, then I would submit to you to consider the simple fact that maybe, just maybe, you are actually trying to distract yourself more from the problem than actually following the way that God told us to do it so that you can overcome the problem. The only way to change the meaning of this is to take every thought captive, not to avoid every single thought. Remember, your meaning is equals your feeling. Figure out, what am I currently making this mean about me? What am I currently making this mean about my kids? What am I currently making this mean about my future? That is where all your pain and suffering is coming from. I want you to write this down. Your suffering will end when you learn these two things. When you learn the lesson and when you find the blessing, that's when your suffering ends. It doesn't matter what season you're going through. As soon as you learn the lesson, what happens? Growth enters your life, and growth brings fulfillment. So you could be going through the hardest season in the world. Right? Like some of these individuals who have committed to walking through this process alongside with me in my coaching program. Right? These individuals, it doesn't mean that they're not going through the hardest season ever. But what it does mean is that. Sorry, Tank's down here, so I got to make sure you didn't rip off my mic. Right? But it does mean that in the middle of hell, they're experiencing fulfillment, which is why they have joy. Right? There's a lot of us trying to be strong, and it's exhausting trying to be strong. What if I told you that you can get to a place where you no longer have to be strong or try to be strong? You're just actually experiencing fulfillment. You're just actually happy because growth entered your life. Why? Because you started to learn the lessons that this season is teaching you. If you learn the lesson, your suffering will begin to end. If you really want to put the nail on the coffin to the suffering, the next thing you got to do is you got to find your current blessings. That's number two. Number one, learn the lessons. Number two, find the current blessings. Okay? Nothing pissed me off more. I swear, nothing pissed me off more in my life when I was going through this divorce than people telling me, you'll see that in a couple of years. You're going to look back and it's going to be a huge blessing. Hey, hey, guess what? I appreciate that. Thank you for saying that. However, I'm really struggling right now. I don't have two years to wait. I need some blessings today. I need to be able to see some blessings in this moment, right? In the Bible, In Isaiah, chapter 45, it says that there are hidden treasures in the darkness. So I'm not trying to say, hey, I'm not going through a dark season, but if the Bible says that there are hidden treasures in the darkness, guess what? I want to find those treasures because those are today's blessings. I want you to know something, okay? Just because you can't see them right now, it does not mean that this season doesn't currently have any. A current blessing attached to it. You got blessings today because of what you're going through. You're going to get more blessings tomorrow. You're going to get more blessings two months from now, three months from now, a year from now, two years from now. But do not disregard the simple fact that you've got blessings today that are available to you. That's how you're going to get over this thing, man. I'm telling you right now. Has somebody in Christmas. Has somebody in Christmas ever given you a present and they gave you that gift and you're resentful, hurt, and angry about it? Something that you wanted, something that you were like, man, that is amazing. You've never felt resentment towards a gift. So the journey that you're on is turning this divorce into a gift, not into a prison. You're turning it into a present, not a prison cell. Okay? That's the journey you're on. How do you do that? Number one, you learn the lessons that this season is trying to teach you. And number two, you've got to find the blessings. If you can't find the blessings in today, you will not find the blessings in tomorrow. And that is why we struggle so much, right? And there is a process that I actually walk people through. You can find that inside of the Conquerors community. It's down below. Okay. I'm doing something crazy right now that nobody out there is doing because I genuinely want to fulfill this mission of helping divorced men, helping change the statistic that divorced men lead suicide rates. And so I felt like God put it on my heart to allow you to name your own price. Okay? My coaching program, it's not for everyone. And I know that. Right? It's a four figure investment. Just being completely transparent with you because I feel like no coaches on Instagram or on YouTube or on social media right now are transparent. It's like there's always a freaking hook, right? There's no hook here. Okay? My coaching program is multiple four figure investment. But I felt like God wanted me to give everyone access to these specific tools, but I'm only here for the top 1%. I'm here for the individuals. This is for the individuals that value investing into their future, that value making a sacrifice in, into themselves and for their kids, and that value doing the hard work. And so that's the option that you got, right? If you want access to those specific tools, you can go down below and get access to that. But I want to finish this video off with a reminder. Okay. You have all the power. God has destined you to be able to attach meaning to this situation. So don't just let life attach it. Don't let your ex attach the meaning. Don't. Don't let the enemy speak lies into you and tell you that this means that you're a complete failure and absolute garbage. No, no, no, no. Don't believe those things. It's time to start standing up for yourself, and it's time to start fighting for yourself. How are you going to stand up for yourself? You're going to catch yourself and say, no, I'm not going to allow this to be the meaning of what I'm going through, of my kid's future or of my future. I'm not going to have it. Then how do you. That's standing up for yourself now. Now how do you fight for yourself? You start learning the lessons in this season and you start identifying the blessings in this season. God promised you hidden treasures in the darkness. He didn't say you weren't going to go through any darkness, but he promised you hidden treasures in that darkness. And so if I was you, I would do everything I can right now to start finding those treasures today, not tomorrow. Because if you're anything like I was, I was very ready to run my truck off of the bridge when it was raining multiple times over here, over Lake Lavon, Right. I was so ready and the only thing that kept me sane was learning how to learn the lessons and find the blessings. I love you Conqueror. I hope this blessed you. Make sure that you subscribe to this channel if you need this kind of content. Okay? If you really want to dive deep into the work, get inside the Conqueror's community, man, where I do question and answer. As soon as you get in there, post that you're new and what you're trying to get out of the community and I will reach out in there to you personally so that we can get on a one on one call because I need to hear your story a little bit and try and do the best that I can to give you a roadmap for your specific situation. Because I'm telling you, anybody that I've gotten to meet with and I've given them a roadmap and they followed it always gets over their divorce in less than 90 days. God bless you Conqueror. I'll see you on the next video.