How to let go of my ex (Divorce coaching)

When do you expect a woman to no longer hold on to a house full of your stuff? Hey, welcome back to the channel. Coach Frank Ortega here. And today I wanted to share an email that I received is actually from a lady. And the email read this, I have a real question. When do you expect a woman to no longer hold on to a house full of your stuff? My ex husband left back in November. Then we were officially divorced April 5 and the court gave him till June 6 to have his belongings out of the house. He still hasn't gotten his stuff. He has 20 plus guns, huge gun safes, fishing rods, lures, hunting stuff. She went on to detail with a lot of things that he still has there. And so she ended off the email with saying how long do you continue to be a storage unit? And I thought this email was really interesting, right? Because the normal practical solution is hey, it's not your job anymore. If the court gave him till June 6th and he's the one that left, then you just gotta let this stuff go, right? If I was you, practically what I would do is I would just schedule time with him and if he doesn't want to schedule a time with you to go pick up his stuff, then I would just say, hey, your stuff will be outside on this day, from this time moving forward, when you want to come pick it up, it'll be right there, easily accessible to you, hope you come get it. Would hate for you to like lose all of this stuff. Right? That's what I would do. That's the practical answer. But this is really interesting because we are now in July and so it's been over a month that this person, honestly, we're about to be in August over a month that this dude has supposed to, supposedly supposed to go. I can't even talk right now. I'm so sorry for that. It's this. The coffee's got me a little jittery. But it's been over a month since this dude has supposed to have gone to pick up his stuff. So naturally what I'm thinking is if you were actually over this divorce, if you were actually over this person, you would have already gotten rid of his stuff, right? Because it's not your responsibility anymore. From my story, personally speaking, the moment that I knew that I was done and I was moving forward and doing all that good stuff and really on pace to, to start my healing journey was when I didn't like the rug anymore in the living room and I got rid of it because I didn't like it anymore. And she liked it, but she's the one that left. And I think it was like not even a month in on or probably about a month and a half, honestly, because I think for a month we were still kind of hooking up and whatnot. But about a month and a half later, I just, I got tired of that rug. I just didn't like it. And it's not that it made me feel anything or anything like that in that moment. I just was like, man, I don't like this. I want the living room to look the way that I want it to look, right? And I just got rid of it. And that to me is one of the first signs that you are ready to move on from this relationship if you are willing to just remove their stuff right now. Here's the thing. Removing their stuff isn't the solution. Isn't the only solution. Just like you get a lot of videos where they say, hey, go, no contact. That's going to really, really help you. Well, it is. And it isn't because you're still not dealing with the root of it. You want to get to a healthy place where you can see your ex and you don't want to chop their head off. Right where you can see your ex and you don't have these pent up emotions and feel against that person, which it seems to me that you, you might still have some emotional connection there. Maybe. I mean, I mean, and this is pretty fresh, it seems like. So I don't blame you. But I, I would just say look inwardly, ask yourself, what am I still holding on to? Because what we do mentally, what we do emotionally, what we do spiritually, we naturally do practically, right? So if you're holding on to these things, it's because you're still holding on to him and to that marriage. And so what I would highly encourage you to do is ask yourself that, why am I still holding on to this person? And maybe get a journal and start writing down, write down the story, write down the dream, the idea that you had made up in your mind that you guys were gonna have together. I want you to write it down and it's gonna hurt. But then what I also want you to do is to start letting that thing go. Start letting it go and accepting that that chapter is closed. And now to start healing, Start writing what you want to live. Now you have a new opportunity, right? Divorce isn't death. It can be life or it can be death. It's really just up to you. And I can't do this for you. Nobody else can do this for you. I can help you on coaching calls, but at the end of the day, you have to do the work. So write down what you want your new life to look like and envision what would it be like to not hate this person anymore, to not want anything bad against this person anymore, and to not even hold these type of emotions anymore. How freeing would that feel like? And just envision that and just feel it and allow yourself to dream a little bit, allow yourself to think outside of the box, to just think, what is my new life looking like? I can create whatever it is that I want to create now and then go out and create a life that this man will regret leaving because he's the one that left, right? That's the decision that I made. I decided that I was going to create a life that not just my ex would regret leaving, but anybody that I ever came in contact, they would regret leaving. Because at the end of the day, we have to remember, even though we don't like this, we have to remember we are all an option. Right? You have that term being said a ton right now where it says, oh, never be someone's option. Well, you are just like that person is your option also. But be the best option out there, be irresistible to where they don't want to pick anybody else. Like any other option is a huge downgrade compared to you, right? But the only way you can start getting on that journey to become the best option that anybody can ever come in contact with is by beginning to let go. And I think practically you need to start letting these things go. Put them outside the house, shoot them a text message, get to a place where you don't hate him, you don't hold any resentment. Because if you're holding resentment, if you're holding unforgiveness, if you're holding on to the dreams, if you're holding on to the memories, if you're holding on to the desire. And memories will always be there. But I mean the emotion that comes with those memories, if you're holding on to all those things, you're going to hold on to this stuff longer. But the sooner you can deal with the root issue, the sooner you can actually let this stuff go practically and do it in a very healthy way and be unshaken when that person shows up. So hopefully that helps you, hopefully that gives you a little bit of insight, gives you a little bit, little bit of homework and some encouragement. If you have any situation that you want to send my way, just feel free to email me Frank Coach Frank ortega.com and I will respond to your email in video format and obviously keep it very anonymous as far as the names goes to protect you and your ex. And so yeah, feel free to send me an email. Hopefully this helps. Make sure that you share this with anybody that needs to hear it and follow the channel for any more content. And again, if you want some help one on one, feel free to go over to my website and book a paid coaching call with me. I would love to help you out in any way that I can.