how to move on from a divorce - Divorced Single Mom

Hey, welcome to Testimony Tuesday. The reason why I'm doing this is because the Bible talks about how there is so much power in our testimony. And if you are a divorced single mom who is struggling financially and has so much fear about the future, then this testimony is here to empower you. I'm going to be talking to one of our clients, Laura. She is a phenomenal, phenomenal woman of God who just came into the program completely broke and so terrified about the future. And she has completely turned her life around in less than six months. And so if you identify with Laura, if you feel like you are in that place right now, then this video is just for you. So I want you to enjoy this video and just really envision how what she's experiencing right now is available for you as well. God bless you, conqueror. Hey, welcome back to the channel. Today I've got an incredible guest with me. She is a conqueror, and she is Laura, and she actually is still in the coaching group and just continuing to develop and grow herself. And I wanted to bring you on Laura, because I just think that you have. I mean, I just told you before we even hit record that I. I talk a lot about you when. Especially when I meet with women that are interested in the program. Like, you're one of the stories that, like, I frequently bring up, especially when it comes up to, like, them struggling with the fear of the unknown. Right. And so I just kind of want you to introduce yourself and tell everyone where you were before you got into the coaching room.

Okay. Well, I was a stay at home mom for 10 years before getting married and becoming a mom. I felt like I lived a really vibrant, exciting life. Like, I traveled a ton. I lived abroad for, like, almost 10 years. But I really wanted to be a mom. I really wanted to be married. I really wanted to have a family. And, you know, when it all kind of fell apart, I remember just feeling like I had zero identity, zero capacity. Like, move forward. I had not worked really in, like, 10 years. I homeschooled my kids, and all of a sudden I was getting catapulted into being a single mom. And even though I had been a mom and been doing all that, I felt like my skills did not translate in the real world. And I was like, I'm just a fit home mom. Just, like now I'm just a bartender. Like, I forgot everything I had ever done in my life. And because I was so involved in my children's lives, like, 24 hours a day, the thought of not being with them or being a Part time mom. Just I couldn't believe, you know, And I felt like, you know, we had raised them in a Christian what? You know, like a Christian home with Christian values. And not being able to answer those questions for my kids, like, wow, you know, like, I thought Christians didn't. I just felt like I had failed them on such a big level. So I pretty much spent the first half of the several months just like in a state of shock. Just not being able to breathe, like in a freeze, and not knowing, like, what the next step was and not knowing how to serve my kids, not knowing how to throw up for myself and just crying all the time. All the time, just crying anytime I was crying. And I finally signed up for an online therapy, and it was once a week, and then I did twice a week. And every time I would get on this call and I would get off, I felt like I was reliving it. I felt like the traumatic experience was just getting a course.

It's like, this is the opposite of what you're supposed to do for me.

Yeah. And I didn't feel like I was getting any feedback. And I was like, I need to know what to do. Like, I don't have any money. Like, I'm not working. I have two children. Like, I don't need you to validate my feelings right now. I need you to help me get out of this. She was super nice. Like, she was super nice, but I felt like there was a lot of, like, this going on and I was like, I need something. Like, I need you to write it down for me.

Just slip me a note if you don't want to say it at least.

Yeah, that's. That's pretty much how I felt. Like, I would get off the phone and I would just sit and I would just feel like it's not gonna work, you know? And I don't know if, like the algorithm was like reading my thoughts, but all of a sudden, like, your feed started coming up. It was like, hey, what's up? You're divorced. Just about this.

In my defense, I have never once said that in a video.

But you.

Know what I mean?

It started coming up and I started watching the videos and it was like it was really speaking to me. And I started watching more of the video and I went online and then I kind of just bought it for a little bit. And like I said, I didn't have a steady income at the time, so it just seemed like I will afford that. So I finally just asked my mom. I was like, listen, therapy is not working. It's not. I feel like I can't breathe and I can't. I can't function as an. And I said, I want to try this program and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Jeez. Wow. That's. That's, that's incredible. So I want you to elaborate on this then, because I'm interested in this because I actually haven't heard you talk about this yet. What was the biggest difference that you believe from therapy and coaching that really helped you? Because, I mean, it didn't take you very long at all to, to like, overcome what you were going through, and you're still continuing to overcome to like next levels. Right. So what do you think the biggest difference was?

Action step by, like fully stepping into, like, it was almost like stepping into gratitude. Like, it was the action step. Like, I don't know if you remember at the time when I started, I was like running all the time. I was checking, training all the time. I even trained for a jujitsu tournament, like hardcore trade. Like, like, I was just like, avoid. And I didn't, I didn't realize I was doing that until you kind of called me out on it. And it was being called out on little things like that where a therapist, they don't really call you out like that, you know, at least in my case, there weren't action steps. There was a lot like just listening and like, just evaluate how you feel, you know, like, it wasn't like, okay, you need to make a list. Like, stacking the evidence for me was one of the biggest tools. And to this day that I use, not only like with a divorce, but whenever I felt self doubt, whenever in interpersonal relationships with my mom, like at work, even with my kids, sometimes my kids, you know, so it was the action step and being able to have somebody just kind of look at what you're doing and be like, no, that's not what you need to be doing. Like, you need to fit in it and you need to evaluate what makes me feel that way. I don't think that ever been.

Is that weird? It's like, it's the opposite of what people tell us. Like, people tell you to do what you were actually doing. Hey, just focus on the things that you love. Just spend your time doing that. Just keep your mind off of it. And I'm telling you the opposite. I'm like, well, let's get your mind back into it real quick so that we can start to address it and really, really give you long lasting Freedom. And I believe, like, obviously that's what got you. And I love stacking the evidence. Man, that is so powerful. I use it too. I use it verbally a lot sometimes because it's just a freaking powerful tool. And this is what's wild. I want everyone to, like, catch this. It's like she asked her mom for help. And I just remember this is something that I. I say often in these calls whenever I'm talking to, like, ladies that are interested in the program and I'm giving them your story. I'm like, this. This lady came in and her mom had to pay for her first couple months because she just could not. I'm like. And then you fast forward like three months later, and she's like, paying me three times the amount. And I'm like, laura, you're already subscribed. And I had to remember that when I had to refund you twice because you were overpaying, which was like, one of your biggest fears was like, finances. How am I going to make it? How am I going to provide for my kids? And I'm like, clearly you're providing because you're just resubscribing to the coaching group over and over again. And I'm like, hold up. I keep seeing Laura Villa. Laura Villa, Laura Villa. I'm like, you're already there, Laura. Like, you don't have to repay to be in there. It's. You're already subscribe to it. And so it's so funny how, like, you went from this place of just crippled with fear and the thing that you were most fearful of. It's like, now you're getting so much breakthrough in as well. Tell. Tell us a little bit about that.

Well, yeah, like, when you. I remember we had this one conversation and it really just resonated with me because I was stuck in the. Like, I'm just a bitch, you know, like, stay at home, mom. Like, being a bartender was so shameful. Even though, like, I have a degree in teaching, I've taught abroad. Like, I have all these other skills, but in this moment, like, that's just what's working for my kids and me right now. It gives me all the time leverage that I need. A super unique situation. Like, I work super hard when I don't have them, and then I have all this time with them when I do have them, which was one of my biggest fears. And I remember writing that down, like, time, language time. I need to be able to give them whatever's the closest to what they're used to. With me. And so anyways, you had talked about just showing up as the best version of yourself in any situation. And so instead of being like, I'm just of this, I was like, I'm gonna be the best damn bartenders that I can be. I'm gonna be the best damn mom when I am with my kids. Then I can be like, I just reframed that whole sentence and took the just out of there. And it changed everything. Like, I went from, you know, just like having a couple shifts to like, oh, Lord, you're so responsible. Can you pick up a couple shifts to, like, some other people coming in from other companies and contracting me to work outside of my own company and pay me what felt like I was robbing them? Like, I was like, excuse me, how much are you gonna pay me? And it just was like. It just was like, God was like, that's all you needed. Like, you just needed to act the way I see you, like, the way I know you are, and incredible amount of joy and peace. Whereas before, when I would think the opposite, I would show up and just be like, I can't believe I work. And I'm. And then I turned it around and I'm like, excited to go to work, excited, excited to speak into, like, my co workers, excited to listen to their stories, excited to, like, engage with my, like, my regulars. And it changed my whole experience.

That's phenomenal. That's so good, man. And I. I love that. It's like, show up in everything. Like, that in everything. Because, I mean, it is so true. When you go into any situation to serve, there's blessing that's attached to it. It comes. You don't even have to ask for it. Sometimes you're just kind of like, is this really happening right now? And it's just because you're serving and you're showing up the way that you want to show up. Because here's the thing. You're going to be a bartender. And you guys hear me say this all the time, right? You hear me say this all the time, too. Like, life happens on its terms, but it's experienced on our terms. Being a bartender happened on its terms, but your experience as a bartender happens on your terms. And you've decided. You've decided how you want to experience it. And now there's a lot of bartenders that are probably going to listen to this and they're going to be like, what the hell? I want to. I want to experience that. Change your mindset. Show up the way that you want to show up, focus on that. See yourself the way God sees you. Stack the evidence on your worth, your value and who you are and use that to create this belief in you to, like, start moving forward. Man, Laura, I love that. I love that. That is so good. Let's end off with this because. Because I got to get off and I got to go do a coaching session right after this. But going from where you were to where you are now, if somebody is where you used to be and they're on the fence, not even of just this coaching group, but maybe they're entertaining a different coach or whatever, and they're just looking for help and they feel like I just can't afford it because that was probably your biggest bottleneck besides my, My button up that I was wearing. Right. That was the biggest thing that was really holding you back. And we'll tell people about that a little bit later. Or you can actually tell them about it here real quickly. But what, what would you say to that individual and tell them about my button up?

Well, I, I think I remember, remember you telling me the story that I inadvertently. I had added you and then I had added somebody that was on following me because I did jujitsu and it was. I was trying to find a jujitsu school for a friend in Texas. And I like, just randomly, like the picture that you were in and they told me their testimony with you. And for me, like, that was so powerful. It was so powerful to hear and to see somebody going through the process with you. And it was, I was like, okay, this person looks like they're doing really good. Like, had no reason to tell me their story. Like, this is the story I'm walking through. Are you going with coach frames? Like, and, like, would tell me, like, these little steps that they were taking. I mean, that I feel like was godlike, girl, just take, take the next step. But you often say, like, I think you might have said, you might have posted something sometime about like, crackheads make it happen. Like, no matter what it takes for that one hit. And if they can do that on a daily basis with the motivation that they have, why can't you do what it takes to healing yourself? You know what I mean? And so it was extremely humbling to have to ask my mom as a 40 year old to be like, mom, I really, I really want to take this chance and try this program. And it's the best thing that I've ever done. And everybody in my family, even my mom, like, my mom will ask about the program and she'll ask me for, You know, like, she'll be like, are you stuck in heaven? Because I explained the whole process to her. Yeah, but it's just like, you gotta. You gotta just take that chance. Like, I never believed that I would be where I'm at right now in that moment when I was just feeling like I was in a hole. And to look back on that, oh, my God, I can't even tell you how much it's done for me personally, for my children. And even it's, like, led on to, like, the people around me, like, the people I work with, like, the young people, other people that are going through this. Like, I feel confident enough that they're looking at my experience and that I could say there hope on the other side, like, you're gonna be okay, but you gotta do your work.

Oh, Laura, that's so beautiful. That's. How long did it take you tell people how long it took you to get to this place?

I even want to say, like, 45, maybe.

Yeah. Yeah. And she's just been kicking ass since, huh? I said, and you've just been kicking ass since?

Yeah, it was. It was. Even after I got in the group, there was so many times where I was like, that's like, super vulnerable. But I had to, like, had to speak where I actually was. And to be able to get that feedback and to be able to see, like, one of the things that attracted me to the group was that you work mostly with men. And I just wanted to understand that. Like, I wanted to understand the other side, and I didn't wanna. There's so many people that love you that in the beginning will just tell you, just do like, the worst advice. The worst advice, like, there's so much love for you and, like, hate for the other person. And I didn't want to show up like that for my kids or for my. Like, it didn't feel right in my soul. Like, how could I go from, like. Like being born again with Christ, being Christian, raising my children like that. And now I'm going to just hate this person that I built a life with, that I had children with. And I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to have that kind of a divorce. I didn't want to have that kind of feeling towards, like, those kind of feelings towards him. And it's a. It's a. It's a work in progress all the time. There's no, like, there. That's what people get stuck on, is that there's this illusion of like, when am I going to get there? When am I going to get there? And you just gotta keep putting in the work. Like, you're gonna get so far ahead. Like, even last week, I had a moment where I felt like, emotionally, I went all the way back and I was like, hold on. Like, I got. It took me a couple hours. And I was like, I'm good.

Yes, yes.

Constantly have to just put in the work. Put in the work and the community. Like, I have friends like, that I could reach out to, like Dominica Griselda Anthony if I want, like, overly honest advice.

Yeah, he's good at that.

I could say I'm like, I'm working through this, or I'm going through this. And because they're in the process, they can speak into me in a moment where maybe I can't find that for myself. And that's. That's lovely.

That's so beautiful. Laura, thank you so much for sharing all that. Honestly, your words really did bless me just listening to this, because it's just so cool to see where you were and where you are at now. And even before the call, you were like, remember, I couldn't stop crying. I'm like, yeah, I remember that now. You can't stop smiling and you can't stop laughing. And that's a good problem to have. Right? And so I just want you to know, you know, publicly here, I just want to say I'm so proud of you. I honor you. I honor your courage, your vulnerability. I cannot wait to see the impact that you have in more people's lives that you're already having. God's really, really going to use your voice. So thank you so much for being here today and for being open to share your story with people, because there is power in our testimony, and. And I love that it was a testimony that got you here, and now your testimony is going to bring more people to be able to come through the same process and get what you carry now. So thank you so much for sharing that.