A short personal reflection by Francisco Javier Ortega recounting the moment his partner left and his immediate emotional and spiritual response. He describes feeling overwhelming grief, turning to prayer, experiencing God’s presence, and advising listeners to face their pain vulnerably (not distract or run) as the first step toward receiving deeper love and healing.
I remember the moment that my ex left, and maybe this is right where you're at right now. I remember sitting in her empty office on the floor with a pink wall that she used to use as a background. And the first words as I was sitting there that came out of my mouth was, fuck, what the hell, man? Just like that. I remember it. I remember it as if it was yesterday. And I remember what happened right after with a quiet, still voice, with tears coming down my face. The first thing I said after that was, God, I need you right now, Father. I'm sorry that I haven't done everything right, but in this moment, I need you. And his presence came into that room in a way that I had never experienced in a very, very long time. And it was like the first time ever in my life that I felt like a son really being loved. At least that I can remember. So I'd say that to say this, in order to experience God's goodness deeply, you got to be willing to express and experience the pain that you're feeling. Deeply doesn't mean you stay there, but it means that that level of vulnerability will open you up to receive a new level of love. So this is what you're going through right now. This is where you start. You don't start by going out and hanging out with people. You don't start by starting to distract yourself. You don't start by running away from the thoughts in your head. You start by running straight into the pain and straight into the thoughts and being 100% vulnerable and honest with him.
