Why did my ex move on so fast?

The problem with this question of why did my ex move on so fast? Is that it's keeping you stuck. It's keeping you stuck in this place where you feel like you cannot move forward because your mind is completely consumed and you can't live that way. Hey. Welcome back to my channel. I'm Coach Frank, the founder of 1% Divorce Recovery Coaching, where I help you overcome heartbreak pretty quickly. Today I want to cover an issue that I've been getting a lot of messages about. And it is the question that goes on in our mind that torments so many of us. If you're going through a very recent heartbreak, or it might have even been for a while now, and that is the question of why did my ex move on so fast? If you've been asking this question, you're probably experiencing so much turmoil in your head and so much pain is being created. Now, this is something that I teach every single client, and I go into depth on how this is created. But pain in your heartbreak is inevitable. You're going to experience pain, but suffering is optional, and suffering is created up here. Okay? And so when you begin, I want you to think about this when you begin to ask the question constantly of why did my ex move on so fast? If that is the question that is just constantly going on in your mind and the answer that your brain keeps giving you is, well, it's because you weren't good enough. What's. Because you didn't do enough. What's. Because they didn't really love you? Well, it's because they didn't really care about you, and it's just making you feel terrible. I just want to ask you, why keep entertaining that question? Okay? That's the first thing I want to ask you. Like, sincerely, I want you to think about it. Why do you keep asking that question if it leads you to feel this way? Now, I am going to give you some answers that are more than likely very true. And. But before I do that, I want you to be open to exploring those answers. You don't have to accept them and you don't have to disregard them, but be open to explore that these might be some actual possibilities. And the fact that I'm not enough might not be the right answer. And I'm open to that. So I really hope that you keep that in mind as this video goes on, what I want to address first is that God doesn't want you right here in this place where you're at right now. He doesn't want you to stay there. And this Question that you keep asking over and over and over again, it's keeping you stuck in the same place. And that's not what God wants for your life. Okay? That's not what I want for your life. That's why I'm doing this video. Because I want to help you shift your perspective a little bit and hopefully bring some clarity so that you no longer stay in a place of suffering. Because if you stay in this place, okay, a lot of the people that I deal with have kids. If you stay in this place, your kid is actually losing you. Why? Because you're not there. You're not present. You're constantly consumed with this question that is not bringing any good results in your life. And we all know, right, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different result. So let's stop asking this question and let's just nip it in the butt right now. First thing we need to hit on is our ego. Our ego, it's not going to serve us, especially in situations like this. If you want to live a happy life, you've got to kill that ego as soon as you possibly can. Why? Because ego pride says, why did they choose that person over me? I'm better than that. I'm this, I'm that. Right? And we begin to compare. That's what our ego begins to do. And we start to compare ourselves with that person. Comparison leads to nothing else but suffering. Because it just takes you through this whole rabbit hole of imagination, of delusion that just brings suffering to your life, and that's not helping you either. So you need to let go of the ego, okay? Stop making all of this mean something about you, because more than likely it doesn't. And if they left because they weren't satisfied in the relationship, that doesn't mean that you are the problem. Because do we all have areas that we need to grow in? Absolutely. Can we all evolve and become our true, authentic self that God always made us to be? Absolutely. We can always better ourselves. But at the same time, if this person was the right person, they would not have given up on you. They would have chosen you and they would have walked this journey with you to keep evolving, to keep finding yourself and themselves and each other and keep growing in this relationship, individually and together. If this was the right person. But obviously it's not the right person, because if it was, they'd be here. So we've got very clear evidence that this is not the right person. Why? Because they're not here right now, and that alone should help you not suffer as much. If you choose to accept that perspective. Right. It's going to help you not suffer as much. Because the reason why you might be suffering is because you still believe that that is the one, that that is my person, that my future is tied to them. And as soon as we can change that identity and chain and cut off that thinking pattern, we can begin to experience some freedom. Okay? So that's only going to happen, though, if you are willing to kill off the pride and recognize that this has nothing to do with me. All it has to do is with their capacity. They capped out and that's it. It's not me, it's them. Right? We hear that all the time in breakups now. We can take that and make it very, very toxic. So I don't want you to do that as well. That's why I'm saying that. Do we always have areas that we can grow in? Absolutely. Take this relationship and learn from it. Okay? Look at areas that you could have grown in that maybe you got comfortable and content in and then just stayed. And now look at those areas and be like, am I really happy being that kind of person in the next relationship is. If not, make adjustments. And if you are content with that, then that's your choice. It's not right, it's not wrong. It's just your choice and the life that you choose to design. So I want to give you three reasons why your ex moved on so fast that hopefully is going to bring you some clarity. Reason number one, your ex is still hurting and they're trying to numb the pain. I see this so often, and we all see it so often. Think about how many friends you've had that get out of a relationship and the first thing they start doing is they go out and they start sleeping around, they start dating, they commit to somebody new. Just because of the fear of being lonely, just because of the fear of feeling and experiencing the pain, the emotions, the grief that came from losing that relationship. So that's point number one is that your ex is probably still hurting and they're using that relationship to help numb that pain a little bit. That is their method of coping. That doesn't mean that they're trying to get back at you. That doesn't mean that you're not good enough. It just means that that is the way that they chose to. To deal with the suffering from this relationship, or I should say the grief of the loss of this relationship. So that's point number one. They might Just still be hurting. And that's the way to cope. Point number two, they might have in the relationship to some degree felt a lack of maybe an area, a fundamental need that they have. And. And at the first sign of that need being met by someone else, they ran to it. Now with this, we can face a lot of issues, especially if we focus on it in the wrong way, because we'll make it yet again mean something about ourselves. Well, see, that means that I wasn't good enough for them. It doesn't mean that you weren't good enough for them. It might just mean that Yalls fundamental needs weren't aligned. It might just mean that what you want are willing to offer and what you are capable to offer is not what they need in return and vice versa. I want you to just for a second, don't romanticize the relationship. Forget about just the history and all the good things and all that stuff and just be logical about it. Okay? Was there some needs in your relationship that were not being met, but you chose to overlook them? And now you probably feel a little bit lost because you chose to overlook them because you love that person More than likely, if the relationship ended, the answer is yes. Okay? And I want you to be honest because the truth will set you free. You gotta be honest with yourself. And Paul in the Bible also says to be honest in your self evaluation. So be really transparent with yourself. Really ask yourself, was I fully like, fulfilled in that relationship? Was my fundamental needs being met in that relationship? And if the answer is no, then that means that more than likely that other person was experiencing the same thing. And is it right that they did that? I personally don't think so. What I do tell all my clients is that low value men and low value women always have somebody lined up before they exit the relationship. They're always entertaining a backup before they exit the relationship. And so that should also give you some peace of mind that, wow, this person was actually already trying to escape. And I don't want to be with someone that's going to do that. I would rather be with someone that's going to communicate like, hey babe, this is what I'm needing right now. This is one of my fundamental needs. I want to see if we can work through this because I want to make you happy and I would love for you to be able to meet this core value of mine. Right, that sounds like something that we would want. And so the point number two is that they might have just felt neglected to a certain degree in that relationship and ran to the first sign of affection whenever somebody gave it to them. And that's all that means, doesn't mean that you're not good enough. It just means that maybe you guys were not aligned, and that's okay. It doesn't make them a terrible person, and it doesn't make you a terrible person. It just means that you guys were not aligned, and that's okay. Why is that so okay? Because this now gives you the freedom to find somebody who can fulfill your fundamental needs and you fulfill theirs. And it can be easy. Do relationships take work? Absolutely. Absolutely they do. But there is some core things that if we meet someone that comes into alignment, something as simple as meeting fundamental needs. Like, for example, physical touch. I'm a huge physical touch person. So one of my fundamental needs, because I grew up in a house of tons of affection, right? My mom was super, super affectionate. So one of my fundamental needs is like, man, I like kissing. I like holding hands. I like, uh, her arm being on my arm, her holding my arm. I like her rubbing my back. I like rubbing her back. And if I'm with somebody that doesn't like those fundamental needs, that doesn't can't meet those because she's just wired differently. That doesn't mean she's a terrible person. That doesn't mean she's not good enough or that I'm not good enough. It just means that we have different fundamental needs. That's all that means. So don't make it mean something bigger than that, because as soon as you do that, you. You're going to create your own suffering. And reason number three, they're scared to be alone. They're scared of being single. And usually this is a person that makes a lot of their decisions based out of fear. They don't want to be alone because they're scared of, you know, being alone with their own thoughts. They're scared of feeling the emotions that they're feeling. They're scared of missing out on a future partner. And somebody like that usually is constantly operating out of fear. And if you've done any work with me or followed me for any amount of time, then you know that I always preach this. If you make a decision based out of fear, you're going to create a negative result in your life. This is why I believe we see so many divorces that happen right now, this day and age. It's because so many people are committing to someone out of fear of, I don't want to be alone. And this is pretty good. And. And so I Want to make sure that I don't end up alone. So I'm just going to go ahead and compromise some of my fundamental needs and my core values for this person so that I'm not alone. You see how that can get pretty wild pretty quickly? So if this is a person that is making fear based decisions, then it should bring comfort to your life that they're now out of your life. Because you don't want someone like that in your life. Because in the long run, it's just going to yield a bad result. And I want you to really ponder this for a second, okay? And maybe this could be you right now. Maybe you're scared of being alone. And I want you to really wonder why. Why am I scared to be alone? Because the truth of the matter is, if you really love yourself, if you really like who you are, you don't mind spending time alone. To some people, being alone looks like imprisonment. It looks like they're going to be alone forever. It looks like nobody likes me. It looks like I'm not worthy. It looks like I'm not lovable. But to somebody else, that same situation could look like. I cannot wait to discover more about myself. I cannot wait to develop more skills that I've wanted to learn. I cannot wait to try some of these hobbies that I've wanted to test out before. I cannot wait to pursue this career that I've always dreamt of. I cannot wait to have some time to myself so I can really figure out what's going on deep inside and become a better version of me. The genuine, authentic me that God designed me to be. That person. That person doesn't mind being alone. That person doesn't go from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship. No. That person takes some time. They make some adjustments, and then whenever they're ready and they're in the mindset of I want to be in a relationship, not I need to be in a relationship. They make a way better calculated call. So I want to wrap this video up by saying this. Okay? The problem with this question of why did my ex move on so fast? Is that it's keeping you stuck. It's keeping you stuck as a parent. It's keeping you stuck as an employee, as a business owner, as a son, as a friend, as everything as you yourself. It's keeping you stuck in this place where you feel like you cannot move forward because your mind is completely consumed. And you can't live that way. You aren't meant to live that way. The solution to this is you've got to completely change the narrative. Which is why I gave you those three points on why, more than likely, they moved on so fast so that it could bring you some clarity and show you that you are not the problem. Because the reason you're suffering is because in your mind right now, the thing that's playing over and over is that you were the problem. But it takes two to tango. Not one person is the problem. I hear it all. Oh, if I could just tell you how many times I hear that my ex is a narcissist. Right? Well, let me just give it to you straight, okay? They might have been a narcissist to you, but in their mind, you might have been the narcissist. Because everybody is living their own reality and has their own perspective. And so if you want to finally get unstuck, you've got to change the narrative playing in your head and choose to believe maybe they did move on so fast or go to be with someone so fast and because they're scared to experience the pain and they're just numbing. Or maybe it's because they felt neglected in the relationship and so did I. So we deserve to go find someone that's not going to constantly make us feel neglected. Or maybe for the third reason, they just don't know how to be single and they're afraid of being alone, and that's why they're doing that instead of I am not enough. Hopefully this brings you some clarity. Hopefully this encourages you. I'm telling you, God's got so much for you, and you do have the potential and the promise to experience a relationship that truly does fulfill you, where you are constantly giving and loving and they are constantly giving and loving back. And it's literally reciprocated back and forth because you don't want to be like an atm, where you are always depositing and they're never depositing into you. And then eventually you got overdrafts. Overdrafts. And now you're negative in the bank account because it's not being reciprocated. So see this as an opportunity. Life gives us challenges. God gives us challenges. And we can either see those as life sucks or God hates us, or we can see it as a gift from God. How is this blessing me? How is this freeing me? What is this teaching me? How is this growing me? How is this working out for my good? And when you begin to focus on that, I promise you, you will begin to kill your suffering little by little by little. Don't try and reinvent yourself in one day. Just focus on changing by 1% every single day.