Why didn't my ex fight for me? Divorce Recovery Coaching

If you're watching this, it's probably because you're going through hell right now. You're going through excruciating pain, and there's. There's nothing that anybody can do to take that away. But I want to challenge you with this. You guys sent me a question saying, how do you deal with the feeling of not being enough to fight for it? In other words, why did my ex not fight for me? And if you're watching this, it's probably. Probably because you're going through hell right now. You're going through excruciating pain, and there's. There's nothing that anybody can do to take that away. But I. I want to challenge you with this, okay? Whenever we experience a negative emotion, whenever we experience pain, life is actually giving us two options in this, okay? And I want you to see your negative emotion as this. Because if you do, it can change the way that you live your life. The number one thing that negative emotions are doing. What if that actually means that it's life sending us a signal that something needs to change? Whether it's our actions to change the situation, to change the circumstance. And if there's nothing that we can do to change the situation or circumstance, then maybe that means that the other thing that we can do is change our perspective, change how we're looking at it. That can also mean that we are actually changing the meaning of the situation. Now, let me break this down for you really quickly, okay? When we experience pain or pleasure, that is an emotional experience. Now, where do emotions come from? Emotions come from our mind, but it's not just our thoughts. Emotions come from the meaning that we attach to. To an action, right? If you're seeing a woman and she comes up to you and she tells you, like, baby, I love you. You mean the world to me. I would do anything for you. That is going to carry a lot of weight. And you're probably going to feel really, really good about yourself because it means that the person that you love loves you and cares that deeply about you. But now let's just say that a random woman comes up to you and starts saying those exact same things. You'd probably be a little like, what is going on here? That's weird. It's the same thing. It's just a different meaning. It carries different weight. Now, let me tell you where the meaning stems from. Whenever we attach an identity to someone, that is what will change the meaning. So right now, more than likely what's happening is you are making this situation mean the fact that they did not fight for you. You are making it mean that. That you weren't enough to fight for. And you're also making it mean that you lost the love of your life, that you lost your person, that you lost your partner that was supposed to be there with you through everything. And therein lies the main issue. It's because you are attaching the identity of the right one of the. One of the perfect partner to. To someone who is not choosing you. So I want to submit this to you, okay? Whenever you were a kid and you just dreamt. Or maybe you weren't a kid, maybe you were a teenager, whatever. Whenever you just dreamt of that dream life, of having that family, right? Building that kingdom with your queen or with your king, right? Whenever you envision that, you envision probably someone that chose you, probably somebody that would fight for you, more than likely you did not envision a person that would just run off with somebody else or that would just forget about you like that. So that means that if you didn't envision that, then this person simply is not the right person. Now, I know that might be hard to accept right now, where you're at right now, but I want you to be open to the idea, to exploring that. What if this means that that was not the right person? Maybe it doesn't mean that you're not good enough, and maybe it doesn't mean that you lost the love of your life and the person that's supposed to be with you forever. But what if it just simply means that now you have the ability to find the person that will always choose you. Now you have the ability to find the person that will fight for you the way that you so desperately are fighting for this relationship to work out. If you change the meaning, you'll change the feeling that you're experiencing. And this is the only thing that you can do right now. I know that you want them back, but the only reason why you desire that so intensely is because of this identity that you've created around this person. So if you can shatter that identity, that maybe they're not the one. Because if they were the one, they would fight for me. Because if they were the ones, they would choose me. Why? Because love is a choice. And you want somebody that chooses you daily through the good and through the bad, just like you chose them through the good and through the bad. So why would you give a discount on that type of passion, on that type of love? Why would you take any less and fight for something less than that? Don't do that to yourself. So here's what I want you to do. Write down that meaning equals feeling. So the simple fact that they did not fight for you, that doesn't mean that you're not good enough. Even though that's what it feels like. Explore the idea that maybe all that means is that they capped out. That's all the fight that they had in them and that's okay. That's not good. And it's not bad. It's just their choice. And maybe you can also make it mean that. That they were not the One. Because the one would fight for you. The one would go through hell or high water to be with you, just like you would go through hell or high water to be with that person. But the only reason that you're doing that is because of the identity that you've created around that person. If you can change the identity and stop seeing them as the one, but maybe see them as they were the right person for the season that I was in. And. And now, thanks to them, I'm discovering more about myself. Now, thanks to them, I'm going to be able to show more empathy in my next relationship. Now, thanks to them, I'm going to be able to walk with more passion in my next relationship. Now, thanks to them, I get to go back to the things that I loved. Maybe you had to drop some hobbies, drop some friends, drop some reunions, drop some parties for that person. And what if now you can look at this as I have the ability to do what I have always wanted to do, what I've always dreamed of doing. And it doesn't mean that I'm missing out, and it doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. That's not why they didn't fight for me. It doesn't mean that I'm not good enough. It just means that maybe that's all they had to offer and maybe that's okay. Maybe you want someone that has a little bit more to offer, somebody that will not cap out on you, just like you will not cup out on them. Now, I know that's very difficult to accept, but I want you to explore that idea. I want you to start looking at in that way, because what you focus on, you're going to create more of. So if you just keep focusing on the fact that they didn't fight for you means that you were not enough. Guess what? Your brain is wired in such a way to give you more evidence to prove on why you're not enough. So if you want to change that, change your focus instead of focusing on the fact that you're not enough and that's why they didn't fight for you, maybe focus on the fact that they capped out. And I'm grateful that they did, because now they've released me to find somebody that will not cap out. Now they've released me to find someone that will choose me with the same tenacity, the same passion that I chose them. I want to leave you with this. How incredible would it be if you accepted the idea that if I fought that hard and had that much fun and enjoyed my time with a person that was not willing to fight for me, how much more would I enjoy a relationship with someone who will fight relentlessly for me the way that I fought for that person? That'll give you something to look forward to. And desire is the number one motivator in this entire world. And so if you can change your perspective about why they didn't fight for you, you can change the way that you feel about it. I really hope that helps you. If this has been helpful to you, please do me a favor like this video. And if you want more of this content to encourage you through this divorce that you're going through, or maybe it's just a really bad breakup, then I want you to go ahead and subscribe to my channel. I'm going to be posting more of these. You can send me a message on Instagram, ask me any question that you want, and I will Release videos on YouTube weekly answering your questions to hopefully give you some more encouragement and some motivation and. And shine a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel for you. God bless you. I'll see you on the next.