Why do men lose in divorce court?

Look, if you're a man and you're going through a divorce right now, you're going to want to hear this or you're going to really regret it after you have court. By the way, guys, this is my puppy. I'm not just wearing this to wear it, okay? So guys, if y' all see his little head pop out, just know it's my new baby. French bulldog, baby Tank. Baby Tank. Welcome back to the channel, man. My name is Frank Ortega. I'm a divorce recovery coach and I've been doing this now for three years. And I've helped thousands of men and women get incredible results throughout their divorce process and in healing after the divorce. So I really wanted to make a video because throughout all the years that I've been doing this now, I haven't made one video on how to win in court and how specifically as a man. Because men are the ones that feel this in higher numbers. Now there is women, obviously that go through the exact same thing, but men feel it in higher numbers. They feel like they get screwed over more often in court than women do. And this is the one reason why that is true. The reason why men, more than women, end up getting screwed over in court. It's not because the system, which, yes, that we can partially blame the system for it, right, we can partially blame society, but these are all things that you can't control as a man right now. This is where a victim minded man will make camp and make and build his home on the premise of the government's against me, society is against me, the system's against me. So there's no way that I'm going to win. And so then guess what happens. They do nothing differently to create a different result. They just lay there and they take, they take their kicks to the face. So I would have you think of things this way because the one thing that you can control is going to be your mindset. Now I know you're probably going to want to click off of this already, but just because I said that word right, why do you think, okay, and I'm sorry, I get really passionate about this because I was there, like I went through this. And I'm going to give you guys some, some of the things that I did that I thought through. So the mindsets that I had to adapt going into court so that I don't get the same crappy luck that every single other man in the United States is getting right now. And it starts with your mindset. And if you're currently losing right now, in this divorce, I want you to know something. The enemy of your divorce is not your ex. I know you think it is, but the enemy of divorce is not your ex. The enemy of this season in your life, which we will label divorce, is actually your own mind. Your own mind. Your own mind is what's creating all those feelings that you're experiencing right now. If you're going into court and you're feeling crazy anxious, guess why. It's because it's your mind trying to tell you, hey, hey, dummy, you got to prepare. You don't know what's going to happen here. You think that she might ask for this, and you're not prepared to even ask to counter that. You're not even prepared to respond to that, and that's why you're feeling anxious to. But most men will just allow themselves to get crippled. But not you, because you're watching this video. Most men will just allow themselves to get crippled, and they'll say, man, I'm just struggling with anxiety because I have to go to court. Guess what? You got to go to court anyways. You might as well go with your balls in hand with some confidence, with the Holy Spirit anointing on you. Then you walk in there saying, no, no, you know what? I know that I'm more than a conqueror. I did not choose this battle. But now, guess what? I get to show up in it. I get to show up in it. You have the choice on that. You can either show up to court anxious, worried, and frustrated, or you can show up calm, present, confident, and knowing, knowing the game plan that you're bringing to the table. You got two choices. You got two choices here. So the number one way to not get screwed over in court, it's going to be your mindset. And this is specifically why most men get screwed over. Not because their ex screwed them over, but because they themselves screwed them over. Be honest with me right now, men, be on it. And there's some women in here. You're going to be able to relate to this as well. Because I've worked with some women who almost screwed themselves over in the divorce process as well. Be honest with me, men. How many of you are saying, I will give her the house? You're thinking this, I will give her the house. I will give her the cars. Because maybe, just maybe, you'll never say this out loud, but you're thinking it in your heart of hearts. Maybe if I do all these things, she'll see how good I am and she'll come back. She'll change her mind. Maybe if I start showing up this way now, maybe if I give her everything now, she will recognize the change that is happening in me. Let me tell you something, men. This level of manipulation is not going to get you the result that you want. It's going to screw you. It's going to screw you badly. This is why divorced men are leading suicide rates. And I don't even know if I can talk like this on YouTube. They might flag it. This is why I love talking in the conqueror's community, because I can say whatever the heck I want because it's my platform, right? But this level of manipulation is what's making men, divorced men specifically lead suicide rates. Why is that it? It is because we have this made up story in our head that maybe if I lay down everything that I have for this individual, which think about it this way, the more that you're laying down for this individual that chose to leave you, the more that you're actually adding weight on you and you're making it harder for yourself. So this is what the story that we paint in our head, we paint this story in our head of, I'm doing this because I want what's best for my kids. Is this really what's best for your kids? Then if you're watching this video, it's because to some degree you're trusting my opinion as a coach to you. And so I'm going to coach you in this moment by challenging that thought. Is that really what's best for the kids? Is you being depressed and financially frustrated for the next five to 10 years? Is that what's best for the kids? Is you being so stressed out that you fall into this pit of depression that your ex didn't put you into, you did. And you're going to blame your ex for putting you in that pit. But you made those decisions, or you maybe you made the decision to not watch this entire video, to not commit to a coach, to not get a mentor, to not get help, to not link arms with people, to walk through this process and that choice or that lack of choice ended up you, it made you end up here. Is that what's best for your kids? Let me ask you something, man of God. Do you show up as a better father when you're relaxed, when you're feeling peace, when you're feeling joy, when you have more than enough? Or do you show up as a better father when you're lacking, when you're stressed about the next paycheck that's going to come through. When you're worried about what next month is going to look like, which one shows up as a better father? Which one? Now here's the thing. If you think that in this video I'm going to give you specific tactics, like tangible tactics that you can do in court. I not going to do that. Okay. You want access to that? There's the Conquerors community. The details are in the descriptions. You can go in there, you can sign up, join a powerful community, the most powerful community in the divorce recovery world right now. And you're going to get access to a coaching call with a judge, literally that covers all of this and homework on how to build out your case so that you have a higher chance of winning. Tactics. The tactics are there. But right now I'm worried about your mind, man. The true enemy here, the true enemy is your mindset. Where is it at right now? You got to go in with an abundance mindset, not a scarcity mindset. You know what a scarcity mindset says? It says, let me go against what I know I need to do because I don't want them to react in this specific way. That's scarcity. You know what an abundance mindset says? No, I know. I know what I need to do. I know that I cannot give her everything because of the position that is going to place me. The position that is going to place me as a. As a. An emotional leader in this family. I know where that's going to place me. So I know that I'm not going to do that. I'm not willing to do that. That's when you start asking yourself, what am I willing to give up if she never says thank you? Because right now you are only willing to lay all that stuff down for her so that she can say thank you and potentially take it easy on you in court. Let me give you a rude awakening. She's not going to take it easy on you in court. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. This is probably why you are in the position that you are right now. It's because you don't understand the basic fundamentals of building attraction in a relationship. So you're thinking, that's what's going to happen. That's not what's going to happen at all. The reason why she lost attraction is because you are displaying no self respect. And now even in this place where you say, hey, I'm not even going to challenge it, you just take whatever you want. Even though you just decided to crap on our Entire family, even though you just decided to crap on the commitment and covenant that we have made. I'm just going to go ahead and lay down again. No, no, no, no. And this is what I run into more often with Christians because they feel that that's the godly way, that that's the godly thing to do. Here's the thing. That's not Jesus. That's not God. God gives us over to our own desires. That is a scripture. Go look it up. It's in the Bible. He gives us over to our own desires. And guess what? Whenever you turn away from him and you're not no longer living a holy life, the covering of blessing, that's over your life, it begins to rot away. Not because he's a bad God, but because you chose to get out of alignment. If you get back into alignment, the blessings come. If you get out of alignment, the blessings dry up. It's all over the word. You can find so many different stories that literally show you this principle in there. But for you, now you're saying, I got to be a godly man, which means even if she steps out of the umbrella, which what she's doing is she's completely getting away from the umbrella. She's already divorced you in her heart. You're waiting for a piece of paper, and Jesus is looking at the heart. Just like a man commits adultery, whenever he stares at a woman incorrectly and thinks about her a certain way, he's already committed adultery. When somebody says, I don't want to be with this individual anymore, and they've decided that in their heart, and more than likely they're actually already out there dating, you're sitting here waiting for a piece of paper to release you when it's the position of the heart that should be releasing you. They've already divorced you. They're already gone. They're already gone. They're already gone. And we need to show up the way that God would show up. Hey, you know what? You're choosing to do this. That means you are out of my blessing. Imagine that you were a king, and imagine the queen wants to leave and go to a different kingdom. And then imagine that they're sitting at the table and the king has everybody, everybody in his kingdom, all the high uppers, all the high positions. He's got the. This. All those people surrounding him at the table. And then he says, hey, hold on. The queen who's actually leaving me for another kingdom, and she is completely disrespectful. She's completely dishonoring she does not operate out of these values anymore. She's completely broken the covenant. I'm going to take the food that is for you guys and I'm going to give that to her and she's going to go ahead and take it as she leaves this kingdom and goes somewhere else. No, no, no. Serve your house. Serve your house. Serve your house. You are not removing those things from her. She is releasing them. She is getting out of the covering or he, if you're a lady, getting out of the covering of your blessing. So guess what? It's no longer up to you to try and provide and protect for that individual that you didn't make that decision, by the way. They did. They're the ones that made that decision and they made it for you. Now you just got to respond. It's like God, man. God wants to bless you. God is a good God. He is a gracious God. He is a giving God and he gives good gifts to his children. He does those things. But if you choose in your heart of hearts to get away from God, he's not going to just be there hounding you, trying to get you to come back. He's going to wait with open arms. But it says that he gives us over to our own heart's desires. If their heart's desire is to leave you and have nothing to do with you, then give them exactly that. Give them nothing to do with you with. Which means no more provision, which means no more emotional support, which means you're not going to. You're not going to be able to walk just all over me. Now, you can do those things, but for the love of all that is holy, implement some boundaries in your life. Get some boundaries set in place to where you're not leaving feeling all resentful afterwards. If you are feeling resentful after you go to court because you feel like you got screwed over, it's for one reason and one reason only. You showed up scared. You showed up with a scarcity mindset. You didn't ask for what you wanted. You didn't ask for what you thought was the right thing to ask for, which was the correct thing to ask for. Instead, you bend it over backwards with an attempt to manipulate the situation to try and get that individual back or to try and get them to have some pity, mercy on you. That's what you did. Congratulations. You played yourself. She didn't play you. The judge didn't play you. You played yourself. Now, here's the thing. My coach says this to me all the time and Such a good freaking saying, hey, every day that you wake up, give men something to respect and give God something to work with. It is your duty to show up and give those individuals in that room something to respect. Show up in a way that's respectful. Stand up for you and yours. Now you got to take care of you. You got to put your oxygen mask on first. If you're in an airplane and that thing is going down, the airplane is going down, you need your oxygen mask. You need your finances, you need your house. You need that. You need that car. You didn't choose to leave the house. If you chose to leave the house, then by God, you better choose to leave the house. But you're leaving the house too, because you're making that decision. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm sorry, sweetie, that's bad parenting. That's terrible parenting. So use this as an opportunity to show up in an abundant way. And guess what? If you do that, you will actually be blessing the person that's leaving you. How so? You might be wondering, let me tell you, because you're giving them the opportunity to face the reality that their decisions is creating. And now they have a chance to either shift or continue down that path. Most people continue down that path because of their freaking ego. So they create a bigger mess out of their life. I see this all the time with my clients, man. It's like my clients are getting healthy, they're doing good, they're developing a life that they love and they're happy about. They're being incredible examples for their kids. And then their co parent, it's just digging a deeper and deeper and deeper ditch. That they've completely betrayed their values, they've completely betrayed their morals and they just keep going in that direction. Why? Because of pride? Because of pride. We're not going to play that game. You're not going to play that game. You want to win in court? Know what you want. Know what you are not willing to compromise with. Know it. Know it. See everything that she could come at you with or he could come at you with. See it. And then don't just get obsessed with the problem. Become obsessed with the potential solutions if they choose to do that. How do I want to respond? What. What's my counter? What is it that I want? What is it that if I. If I. If I know that I fought for this, I'm going to feel good about myself. But if I know that I didn't fight for it when I knew that I needed to fight for it. And I know that in my heart of hearts I'm going to be resentful. I'm going to feel like a clown. I'm going to feel like I lost. You're not going to get everything that you want in court. Some of you might. I've helped. There's been some people that have come through my program that actually have gotten everything that they wanted, plus more. But they had the boldness to go in and ask for it. Now there's other been other individuals and Mark, like this is literally almost word for word what they say every time. I didn't get everything I wanted for, but I left feeling so much peace and so freaking proud of myself for showing up and asking for exactly what I wanted and not bending on it. I let, I showed up and I let God do the work. God's going to decide what you're going to get, but God can't decide that for you. God can't work in your favor for you if you don't give him what to work with. Ask and you shall receive. A lot of you, you're just not asking. And you're not asking because you're scared that you're going to piss her off or they're going to piss him off a little bit more. Does that matter? What's the worst thing that they're going to do that they could do is divorce you. They're already doing that. They can't do anything worse. So go in there knowing what is it that's going to set me up to be the greatest individual that I can be? That to lead these kids? Because I need to be in tip top condition to lead these kids. Because this divorce, as much as it's hurting you, it's more about them than it is you. Because it could affect the trajectory of your legacy. It's going to. Whether you like it or not, it's going to affect the trajectory of your legacy. It's your decision though, if it affects it in a positive way or in a negative way. So why would you start from lower than the ground? Just because you're not willing to work on your mindset? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you put yourself in that position? You got to play this game smart. You got to play this game with tenacity and you got to play this game with an abundance mindset. If you go in with the mindset of fear and scarcity, you are done. And do not blame your ex because your ex is not the one to blame do not blame the judge because the judge is not the one to blame. You've got to take full ownership and accountability for the simple fact that. You know what? I walked into that courtroom scared. I walked into that courtroom not even knowing what the heck it is that I wanted. I walked into that courtroom trying to, like, do the things that I didn't want to do just so that maybe I could make that individual take it easier on me or maybe they could finally see my heart. In other words, you're doing the same thing that you probably did your entire marriage, which is, hey, I'm going to do something for my wife that I don't actually want to do, and it's actually going to make me very resentful. But the only reason I'm going to do it is because I'm hoping that she will actually give me some head tonight. And then when she doesn't give you some head, guess what? Now you're resentful. Now you're frustrated. Now you're pissed off. Now you're easily triggered. And it's not her fault. You think it's her fault. You blame her. You look at her and you're like, well, you. If only you would this and this and that. And you don't even make me feel wanted. And da, da, da, whatever. You could have said no. You could have. You could have been honest and said no, I'm sorry. Like, I would love to do that for you, but I feel like I've been giving and giving and giving, and I gotta be honest with you. I have, like, this expectation now because I feel like our sex life is a little dried up. And I feel like if I'm doing this for you, I know personally that I'm going to be expecting something in return. So I would rather say no now until I get to a place where I'm willing to give free freely and. Or let you be aware of that so that you can start reciprocating and we can figure this thing out. But you didn't choose to do that in the marriage, so choose to do it now. Choose to do it now. Choose to set your boundaries now. Choose to show up abundantly now. Choose to be truthful and honest now. Like, whenever I went to court, like, you can ask my mom, you can ask my brothers, you can ask anybody that was there. I'll call my mom right now. Actually, the court, like, the judge didn't even say anything. Like, literally, I didn't even let my attorney speak for me. She doesn't know I'm Calling her, by the way. Okay, If you know Spanish. I literally just said, when I went to court, what happened, mom? Who spoke more, me or the attorney? She said, well, you did. I was like, what'd the attorney say afterwards? He said that I obviously didn't need any help. Here's the thing, y'. All. You know why I did most of the speaking? Because I went in there unafraid to get shut up by the judge or by the jury or by any of the people in there or by my own attorney. I knew what I wanted. I knew how I was gonna counter. I knew what I was not willing to settle for and went in there fearlessly. So fearless that the. My own attorney was like, dude, like, he didn't even need an attorney. Like, I don't even know why I paid him. This is where you need to be. Now, I'm not saying do that, right? If I could do things differently, I would let him handle it while still coming in with the same mindset and running that through him as my, like, official filter, right? But I just wasn't very happy with my attorney at the time. I was like, bro, you're not doing what I want you to do. You're not saying it the way I need to say it. You're changing things up on me. Like, this is what it is. I need it said that way. And so I took that into my own hands. But maybe you can get an attorney that will rock with you that way. But you got to be willing to show up, too. You got to be willing to show up, too. The only way that you will not get screwed over in court like every other man is if you stop showing up in court like every other man. Stop skipping the mindset videos. Work on your mindset. Stop looking for the 1, 2, 3 steps to create attraction in a woman. The 1, 2, 3 steps to finally get over the divorce. A lot of this stuff is all mindset. Your entire life is going to be mindset Christians. Listen to me. The Bible says, as a man thinketh and believeth in his heart, so. So he shall be. In other words, the mindset of a man will determine the course of his life. Work on your mindset going into court. And I'm telling you, if you do that, even if you don't get everything that you wanted in that court date, you're going to leave with your head held high, knowing that you didn't get screwed over and at least knowing that you honored yourself, that you stood for what you knew you needed to stand for. And to me. That's what makes you a winner. So go out there and win. God bless you. If you guys like this, you want more specific help, the link is in the description for the Conquerors community. Go ahead and hop in there. It's only $49 a month and I cover co parenting. I cover dating after divorce, how to heal from a divorce, and then things like this as well as, well, additional mindset stuff. So I'd love to see you in there, especially if you connect with, like, my style. I know I can be a little intense, but I'm telling you, it's only because I've been through this. I was there. I was there. And I'm seeing so many people fall short. And the only reason they're falling short is because they're not coachable, man. They think that they can do it on their own good, go and do it. And then you get screwed over and you're like, well, I can't believe that happened. You didn't listen. You didn't listen to somebody who's been there, done that. It's like if Michael Jordan said, hey, adjust your free. Your free throw with this, this, and this, and you don't do it. And then you're wondering why you're missing free throws. You can't be mad at Michael. You should be mad at yourself for not listening and implementing the things that the person who's already gone through it told you to do. God bless you. Subscribe to this channel. Share it with somebody if you feel like this would actually bless them. I'll see you on the next video.