Why is life after divorce so hard?

Complaining will diminish the blessings of God in my life, but gratitude will multiply the blessings of God in my life. We've got two options moving forward, okay? Whether you complain or not, it's not going to change the fact that they left. You know what it will change, though? It'll change your experience. Hey, y'. All. Welcome back to the channel. On this video, specifically, I want to cover the post that I just posted on Instagram. The post that I just posted on Instagram that says why our life falls apart after a divorce. Now, here's the thing, okay? I know for most of us, we think that it's because our ex left, that our whole life is ruined, but that's just not the truth, okay? I know it feels like it, but I want you to hear me out on this, okay? I want to give you a perspective that ends up happening. What ends up happening is that individual ends up leaving us. And then when they leave us, we're so focused on the wound. Like, have you ever. Have you ever stubbed your baby toe, like, on the door or something? Or on the corner of the bed? And it's the absolute worst pain you've ever experienced in your entire life, right? What happens in that moment? In that moment, it doesn't matter who's around. It doesn't matter what you're doing. You stop and you look at the pain, and all your attention immediately goes to the pain. And now this is what happens to us when we go through a divorce. This is what happens to us when all of a sudden, you're left there sitting in your ex's or now ex, empty office, staring at a pink wall. And I say it in that detail because that's literally what happened to me. And so you're left there with just shattered pieces in so much pain. But then what happens to that baby toe? The pain goes away. And then you can continue doing things in my last five minutes, right? But it just keeps on going. But imagine if you hit your baby toe and all you could talk about for the next three months is how you hit your baby toe, and that's all you obsessed over, man, why'd I hit my baby toe, man? How can I not hit my toe again, man? What can I do to avoid get hurting my toe again? This is the life that we start to create, and this is what happened to me. We don't experience the life that we have after a divorce. We end up experiencing the life that we focus on. That's what you experience because right now you might be experiencing Some loneliness. But you've got friends that love you. You got family that loves you. And here's what's crazy. Even when you were married, sometimes you would lay in bed and you would still feel lonely, but you had somebody there with you. So if you're experiencing loneliness right now, it's not because you're lonely and it's not because you don't have anybody around you. It's because that's where your focus is right now. And so on this post, what I was speaking about specifically is that God doesn't work with what left. God works with what's left. And if we obsess over what left, we will end up losing what we don't have. I want you to write this down, okay? Complaining will diminish the blessings of God in my life, but gratitude will multiply the blessings of God in my. In my life. We've got two options moving forward, okay? Whether you complain or not, it's not going to change the fact that they left. You know what it will change, though? It'll change your experience. You know what it will change, though? It will change the fact that now you're so grateful that you're spending extra time with your kids or the time that you do have with your kids and you're so. You're just present with them instead of not being present because what you're focused on what left. And so now your kids are sitting there wondering, well, where do I stand? Because mom isn't here anymore. I mean, she's here with me right now, but she's not paying attention to me. Dad is here, but he's just on his phone or he's just in freaking la la land, right? So don't. Don't diminish the blessings that you have in your life right now because you're so obsessed about what left. I get that what left hurt. I get that you miss what left. But if you don't pay attention, this is what most people don't talk about. If you don't pay attention to. To what you have left, to the people that are in your life, to those beautiful children that are still in your life, to that job opportunity, to that business that you have. If you don't pay attention to those things because you're so obsessed by focusing on what left, then what you have now will literally fall through the cracks of your hands and you will have nothing later on. Our life ends up falling apart not because that person left us, but because of our inability to focus or our unwillingness to do the work and to focus on the controllables, the things that we do have today. You do have an opportunity in your job today. There's so many people that are, like, broke right now. This is what happened to me. They're broke right now because of their divorce. That's what they say was because my ex left. No. No, it wasn't. You're the one who didn't choose to continue to take care of yourself, who didn't choose to do the work. So then what ends up happening, that starts spiraling because you weren't willing to do the work. Now you're emotionally and mentally spiraling. So now when you show up at work, you're not even showing up as the original you. And so now you are compromising in your work. Now you are sabotaging the opportunities that you have. I get that. That's where I was. That's why I lost the trucking company that I had spent so many hours, so much blood, sweat, and tears building. I lost it. Not because my ex left and she took it from me. I lost it. But because of my inability to be able to focus on what I had because I was so focused on what was missing. Sometimes that's all we need. We need to focus on what we have. And I'm telling you, if you can begin to focus on what you have and you can double down on those things. Here's the thing. It's not going to heal you from this divorce. You're still going to have pain, but you're not going to add more pain to what you're experiencing already. Life already brings us problems. Divorce already brings us problems. Can we just make a decision today that we aren't going to take part in adding more problems to that? There was a message today from a gentleman. Watch this. There was a gentleman who had been wanting to join my program. He was like, actually, man, doing pretty good. Don't need it. Then check up on him again today. What ends up happening? Struggling now he's saying, I don't have the money to do it. But guess what he did last night. He was out getting drunk. How much money did you spend on alcohol to get drunk? But now I don't got money to invest into myself to get better. If we continue down this path, what's going to end up happening? I'm telling you, this is why I want you to listen. This is why I'm sharing this with you. Because I don't want you to live the same mistakes that I live. That's why I started doing What I do, because I want to help you get through this faster and in a better position than the way that I had to go through because I didn't have someone like this for me. I didn't have anyone like this. I just had people talk about the same old bull crap. Hang out with your friends, right? Start doing exercise. Never address the meaning. Don't even challenge the meaning. Don't even think about the meaning. That. Not even teaching you how to create your own emotions so that you can continue to live life moving forward. No dependency on God. Not. Not showing me only quoting scriptures at me, but not showing me how to do what the scriptures say so I can experience freedom in my life. I didn't have that. I didn't have that. So that's what I'm trying to give to you right now. God works with what's left, not with what left. And if you focus on what left, you'll end up drinking yourself to sleep and throwing away all the money that you could be invested into your future, into your healing journey, into yourself, into your kids. You'll end up throwing all that money away on stupid garbage like only fans, alcohol and weed. Why do I name those? Because that was me. That's where I was. Because I was obsessed with what's missing. And that started to diminish what I have. If you complain about this long enough, you're going to diminish the blessings of God in your life. I don't want you to do that. So what I do want you to do is focus on what you can control and focus on what you do have. That's not going to heal you from your divorce. It's not going to teach you how to let go. That's not going to teach you how to accept this. That's not going to teach you how to break this. The attachment. That's not going to teach you how to create emotional and mental strength or intelligence. Not going to teach you any of that. But it will. What it will do is it's going to save you from problems and pains that could be created in the near future. I don't want you to add more on to you. You already got enough that you got to deal with. So focus on the things that you can control. Reach out to some family members and some friends and tell them how much you love them. How about for a moment, how about you make this decision with me today and then you come back and drop a comment and make this decision with me that for seven days I will not complain about what I'M going through. I will not call the people that I love just to and moan about my situation. But instead I will call them to talk to them and to tell them how much I appreciate them and why I appreciate them. I will call them to check in on what's going on in their life for a moment. Because I'm telling you, God said, right? The Bible says that it is better to give than it is to receive. I'm going to make a whole other video on this. When we go through a divorce, the number one thing we start doing is we start waiting to receive. Who's going to help me? Who's going to give me money, who's going to send me food, who's going to ask me to hang out. And what we do is we create more problems because we're just focused on what I can get, what I can get, what I can get. And that's not going to bring your breakthrough. One of the moments, one of the best moments that gave me the most breakthrough when I was going through my situation. It was probably maybe like a month, month and a half in was when I met up with for coffee with a. He was a graduating intern from my church at the time, and I got to speak life into him. That dude had no idea what I was going through in that moment, and he didn't have to. But when I went there to serve him, the amount of breakthrough that I experienced, I'll never forget walking back to my Toyota Tundra. Tundras are amazing trucks. They never break down. Old reliables, right? I remember getting into my truck and just weeping and I just broke down thanking God, thanking him that he allowed me to go and have that moment with that man. Felt so good to feel worthy. Felt so good to feel powerful. But you can't feel worthy and powerful if you're always looking to take. That is what giving is for. That is what giving creates. So if you don't want to ruin what you have now, please stop obsessing over what left. I hope this encourages you and I hope this helps you. And here's the thing. If you love this content, if you love the style of information that I give and how I break things down and you want to ask me something, something more personal, then consider joining the Conquerors community. Okay. For right now, I don't know for how long I'm doing this, but for right now I'm doing a name your own price option. Because I know some people are struggling worse than others. And so if you click the link down below, you get to name the price that you're willing to invest into your future and nobody will know what it is. So there's no shame, there's no guilt with it. But now there are. There's also no excuse to not get help and in that Conquers Community every Friday at 1:30 you can ask me a question in there. You can message me. I'm a lot more active on there than I am on on social media because it's the private community, right? You can post on there and other individuals that are going through similar situations or that have already gone through my coaching program and have overcome it will be there to lift you up and to speak into your life. So if that sounds like something you want to be a part of, because I know I wish I had something like that to be a part of back in the day, then go ahead and go to the link down below and join us inside the Conquerors community and introduce yourself and I will see you there. God bless you. Subscribe to the channel if this is something that you feel would be beneficial for you in your healing journey and I'll catch you on the next video.