Ashley Chandler, an educator with 18 years of experience, says the first thing to do when your teen breaks down is show up and be present, not try to fix it. Parents are wired to act when they sense distress, but managing your own emotions and turning toward your teen with full attention is what actually matters. Your relationship with yourself shapes theirs more than anything else.
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The Teenage Guide podcast and content posted by Ashley Chandler, The Teenage Guide, is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a qualified medical professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. Hi, I'm Ashley Chandler, and in 18 years as an educator and a coach, I've helped thousands of parents, tweens, and teens build the relationships and the skills they need to thrive together At school and in life. And this is The Parenting Podcast, where I integrate and then distill the research and principles of mindset, neuroscience, psychology, education, spirituality, and even wellness into simple-to-follow strategies that grow your connection and confidence throughout adolescence. The belief that parenting a teen is destined to be terrible is outdated and it's unhealthy. And I'm here to guide you to the soul-to-systems toolkit you both need to thrive from the inside out. This is The Teenage Guide Podcast. Well, hi there, Ashley here, The Teenage Guide, and I'm so happy that you're here. In this episode, I am going to walk you through what to do when they're breaking down because this is one Of the top questions I get asked by parents. What do I do if they're having an emotional breakdown? What do I do if they're stressed? What do I do if they are angry? What do I do if they're really sad? So the title of this podcast is a little bit of a trick. It's a little bit misleading because I frame it the way that you ask it. A lot of parents ask it, right? What do I do? But the thing is, is that when you ask that question first, you're asking the wrong question. The question needs to be, how do I show up? Because there isn't anything that you need to do at first when they're breaking down. Now, I'm just going to use the term breaking down to cover all of those big emotions. Okay? Stress, anger, anxiety, all the things. You do not need to do anything. You need to focus on your being. You need to focus on your energy. And here's why that can be such a challenge for so many of us. Because we are wired to survive. And that means that when we have a perceived threat or when our adolescent is going through stress, we are wired as parents to keep them alive. And so their challenge, their struggle, their stress, their discomfort feels so uncomfortable for us. So when they have something that happens, I want you to remember this. I don't need to do anything right now. I just need to be here. I just need to manage my own energy, my own ability to regulate my emotions. I just need to become aware of what I'm thinking and be here. You turn towards them. You show up for them with your presence. You don't have to say or do anything at first. And when you show up with your full being in that moment, what you communicate— because remember, I say this a lot, all behavior is communication. So we're communicating with our presence alone. And what you communicate by just being there is, I see you, your emotions don't scare me, I'm right here, which is exactly what they need. They don't need you to do anything. I know you have limited time and energy, so thank you for being here, and kudos to you for investing In this time for yourself and for your teen. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to continue the ripple effect and like, subscribe, review, and/or share with a fellow parent who could also benefit. Remember, the number one way that you have influence in your teenager's life is in your relationship with yourself and with them. So never doubt how much power you have. Because you are the teenage guide too.
