In this solo episode of the Teenage Guide Podcast, host Ashley Chandler (educator, parenting coach, and mother of a tween and teen) introduces self‑compassion as the essential "superpower" for parents juggling the demands of a new school year. She begins by promoting a free Executive Function 101 video and workbook (theteenageguide.com/ef101) that promises quick solutions to the top five parenting challenges around teen compliance, energy, and time management. Chandler then shares a personal health‑scare story—a breast biopsy on her son’s birthday—that sparked a deep gratitude practice and led her to adopt self‑compassion. She explains self‑compassion using Dr. Kristin Neff’s framework, distinguishing it from self‑esteem and describing how turning compassion inward helps parents regulate emotions, avoid shame‑based reactions, and model healthy coping for their adolescents. Chandler provides concrete “natural whats” prompts and compassionate phrases parents can repeat in the moment (e.g., “What’s the most supportive thing I can do for myself right now?”) and illustrates their use in common stress triggers such as screen‑time conflicts. She ties the practice to improved parent‑teen communication, emotional intelligence, and sustainable parenting. The episode closes with a call to action: download the free guide, subscribe, and remember that a parent’s relationship with themselves is the most powerful influence on their teen.
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Hey there, I've got a real quick question for you. How would you like to know once and for all how to get your tween or your teen to do what they need to do without them talking back to you or breaking down or resisting or defending themselves, right? I mean, who doesn't wanna know how to do this? It's the million-dollar question. If it seems impossible though, it's not. You just have to take a specific approach. So to make this real in your life, I wanted to make sure you saw that I have a free resource that's a game changer this back-to-school season. It's my Executive Function 101 video and workbook guide, and in just 10 minutes, you're gonna have the solutions to the top 5 problems parents face in getting their tween or their teen to do what they need to do. In other words, to become leaders in their own lives, to manage their energy, responsibilities, time, and priorities. There are key things you've got to understand when it comes to them being able to do this and how you can help them at home. So don't wait. If you haven't already, grab my Executive Function 101 video and workbook guide and be ready for insights and answers fast. In fact, dozens of parents have said this free guide was better than the majority of paid stuff that they've tried. So head to theteenageguide.com/freeguide. /ef101. That's theteenageguide.com/ef101. Or you can find it in the show notes inside this episode. I'm so excited for you to get your hands on this guide. Now back to the episode. The belief that parenting a teen is destined to be terrible Is outdated and it's unhealthy. If you're like most parents, you want your tween or your teen to be kind, confident, motivated, and with a trusting, respectful relationship between you two. But how? Do you have to read all the parenting books and take all the parenting classes? Does it have to be so complicated? The short, exciting answer: no. Hi, I'm Ashley Chandler, and in this podcast, I guide you through the proven mindset tools, strategies, In systems I've learned throughout my 18+ years as an educator and a coach for parents, tweens, and teens. The latest soul-to-systems research you must know, along with my personal experience as the mother of a tween and a teen, to help you and your adolescent develop a bond and skills that last a lifetime. This is the Teenage Guide Podcast. Welcome back to the Teenage Guide Podcast. I am so happy that you're here. It's Ashley Wrenchandler at your service. Today's episode is going to be short and sweet, but value-packed because I'm going to be sharing the superpower that you need to practice when you're trying to do it all. So, a few years ago, I had a health scare and I had to get a breast biopsy while awaiting results on my son's birthday. Yeah, the timing was insane and very anxiety-producing, to say the least. My kids at the time were elementary and tween ages, and I just remember lying in bed the night before getting the results, crying and wondering what it was going to be. I couldn't help but go to worst-case scenario, but then also trust and hope and have faith that everything was going to be okay. And sure enough, I'm so fortunate, the next day everything came back fine. It was benign, all was well. And the feeling that I had when I found out those results was complete elation, to the point where I felt strongly, you know, that metaphor that you hear around At first, signs show up in a whisper for you to learn the lesson, and then it's the pebble, and then it's the truck. And I just felt like I was getting so many signs about how precious life was. I'd been getting so many signs and kind of living with that. And on the one hand, I think it serves me so well because it's very hard for me to get rattled or to to not stay focused on what matters. In fact, I have this little purse, it has a tombstone on it and it says, death by small talk. I genuinely cannot do small talk because I always realize how precious life is and I just want to dive deep and, you know, really connect. And at the same time, sometimes that can be anxiety-producing because I know how precious life is, right? And after I got the results, I wanted to kind of encapsulate this feeling I had, which was just hope and peace and feeling so grateful all at the same time. And I practiced at the time remembering how grateful I was for a healthy body. And from that moment on, I began practicing being super kind to myself. So when I would look in the mirror, I wouldn't automatically go to my age spots or my wrinkles. But I would go maybe to features about myself that I appreciated or qualities about myself that I appreciated. And I began being more forgiving of myself when I would make a mistake and patient with myself as the years went by. And then I started going through different life events and going through grief and practicing the skill of really being kind to myself on overload. And on the other side of the major grief, still finding myself in the sandwich years now with a teen, a tween, a business, a partner, aging parents, pets to take care of in the midst of another busy school year, I'm still practicing this. And within each one of those areas that I just mentioned— parenting, parents, partnership, work— there are multiple layers that are woven into my day-to-day. Just like you. You are also holding so much expectations, responsibilities, to-do lists, errands, bills, calls, appointments, committees, requests, right? Important things happening for your kid or your kids around school, homework assignments. It's so much. The problem is when we feel stressed within one of those areas, We tend to turn to shame, fear, blame, control. This shouldn't be happening to me or us. Why is it always so hard for us or me? What's the point in trying? And in today's culture, it's a natural response to feel a little overwhelmed when life feels so out of control. But there's one practice— And it's the practice that I applied after my health scare. This one practice and it changes day-to-day life experience for you. It's one practice that's way better than a face mask and a hot bath underneath the guise of self-care. And this one practice that's turned into my personal superpower, repeatedly improving my life. Again, I started practicing it during my health scare a few years ago. I just didn't know what it was called. And that is self-compassion. So Dr. Kristin Neff is a self-compassion expert, and she says you've already been practicing compassion. You've had compassion for other people when they're suffering. You notice them when they're suffering. You don't pity them, but you acknowledge them and their human experience, or you may be patient because they're imperfect. Or they're just managing so many things, right? And life is interwoven with their experiences. And when you notice their suffering or their challenge, you support them. You show up for them with kindness, with warmth, with patience. And self-compassion is when you turn this towards yourself when you're going through a difficult time. One of the most powerful things that you can do when you're faced with a challenge in the moment, whether it be on your own or with your adolescent, is to turn inward, to have self-compassion for your experience. It's only when we acknowledge our own experience and comfort ourselves without enabling any bad behavior that we're about to move forward or approach Our tween or our teen with the level of emotional regulation and support they truly need to solve their challenges. And I know the school year has launched here in the US at the time of this recording, but parents, we hold so much all year long. All year long, we're holding so much. And remember, no one is more motivated, more resilient, more confident from criticism. No one is more self-aware or self-driven from shame. So the number one superpower you have when you're trying to do it all and hold it all this school year, and you inevitably can't, and you can't do it perfectly, is to practice self-compassion. Practicing self-compassion is on the path to every feeling that you want in parenting, and it's way more effective And sustainable than self-esteem. So since this is a quick episode, I wanted to share a snapshot of the few of the phrases and the coaching I repeat to myself and my clients on a daily basis. And these are proven to help parents and myself thrive when their tweens and their teens are struggling or going through challenges or when they're defiant or when they're disrespectful. And that may be this school year, that may be at the time that you're listening to this beyond the school year, and here they are. I call them the natural whats. It's natural we're going through this. It's natural I feel stressed right now. And the whats— what's the most supportive thing I can do for myself in this moment? And I'm going to add on a bonus one here. I want you to think about if a friend was going through what you're going through right now. What would you say to them? What would you tell them? I'm sure you wouldn't shame them. I'm sure you wouldn't blame them. I'm sure you wouldn't start telling them what a terrible job they're doing. You would comfort them. You would acknowledge them. And you would remind them of the human experience. It's natural you feel a little bit stressed by that. You've been going through so much. It's natural That you snapped at your teenager because you were stressed, because it's a triggering stage, right? It's a natural response. That doesn't mean we're enabling it. If we have negative patterns, we're not going to go on. But I will tell you, one of the key steps to healing or solving a challenge is through self-compassion. So these are just a few of the self-compassion phrases and questions I suggest you practice repeating and implementing for yourself as you and your tween or your teen navigate this school year. What's the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself right now? Seriously, what's the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself after you listen to this? And remember, these are questions I ask myself moment to moment. These are phrases I say to myself moment And little did I know when I went through the health scare a few years ago that what I was starting to practice, what I encapsulated from feeling so darn grateful for my healthy body, feeling so grateful for myself, I started to have compassion for my own experience. I mean, the truth is, is that I do get triggered around screens. That's actually the biggest trigger I have. And I'm the teenage guide, for goodness' sake. I've created a teenage guide for screen stress which is super effective. Clients have gotten amazing results. I use it inside my own family and still I can get triggered and so one of the steps is through self-compassion in order to solve the challenge because I jump to conclusions, I can assume the worst, I get tense. And self-compassion is one of my superpowers that gets me and my teenage daughter speaking the same language again. It's the bridge that allows me to regulate my emotions and meet her where she's at. And it's all internal, it's all going on between my ears, what I'm thinking. I'm paying close attention to that inner voice, that inner thought loop, and I'm reminding myself that I'm a human too. That I'm allowed to have my experience too, and it's natural considering what I've been through, what I'm going through, what I'm feeling. I validate my own experience and then I can move forward. It allows me to reduce shame and blame and spiral into thinking I'm a failure, and to shift into compassion for myself allows me To build a bridge of emotional intelligence, to regulate my emotions, to meet her where she's at. So when you work with me inside my programs and privately, I show you why taking self-compassion deeper and applying it to your daily life is one of the keys to thriving as a parent. For now, remember, when you go through a challenge later today or this week, self-compassion is your superpower that will lead you to true inner strength and peace, 2 feelings you might think are impossible during this stage, but I assure you, experiencing them on a daily basis, it's simpler than you realize. I know you have limited time and energy, so thank you for being here, and kudos to you for investing in this time for yourself and for your teen. If you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to continue the ripple effect And like, subscribe, review, and/or share with a fellow parent who could also benefit. Remember, the number one way that you have influence in your teenager's life is in your relationship with yourself and with them. So never doubt how much power you have because you are the teenage guide too.
