Ashley ChandlerFounder + CEO, The Teenage Guide · Founder and CEO, The Teenage Guide | Parent and Teen Coach

Reel #2 When Teens Pull Away, Parents Panic—Here’s Why

2 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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When teens pull away, parents panic and push harder, thinking pressure will help. But this creates a push-pull cycle where both get dysregulated. Motivation doesn't come from more pressure.

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Because when a teen pushes you away or pulls back, your nervous system doesn't interpret that automatically as, oh, they're stressed. It signals fear. It interprets it as they're slipping, they're failing, they're doomed. I'm losing control. This is gonna cost them their future. I have to fix this and right away. So you push because you care and then they pull away harder. And now you're both dysregulated just in opposite directions. We think motivation is about pushing. We need more consequences. We need more pressure. Just try harder.