Greg Faxon argues that true success includes contentment, which is distinct from ambition. Using an opening anecdote about Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller, he explains the hedonic treadmill and how people adapt quickly to gains. The core claim: reduce the gap between what you have and what you need either by increasing resources or — more sustainably — by needing less. He provides six concrete strategies: 1) focus on what you already have (gratitude, mindfulness), 2) avoid social comparison, 3) diversify your happiness, 4) focus on what you can control (process goals), 5) release expectations (accept reality), and 6) define needs more broadly (flexibility). The video uses personal stories, survey evidence, and quotes (Tony Robbins; Novak Djokovic) to illustrate points and ends by urging readers to keep ambition but not attach their happiness to outcomes.
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I once heard a story about two writers, Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller. They're at this extravagant party hosted by a billionaire hedge fund manager. Kurt leans over and says, joe, how does it feel to know that our host made more today than your novel Catch 22 made in its entire history? Joe pauses for a minute. Then he says, I've got something he can never have. What on earth could that be? Asks Kurt. The knowledge that I've got enough. Once you've achieved a certain level of success, it becomes clear that just achieving more is not going to make you happier. I sold over a million dollars worth of coaching and courses before I turned 30. That first sale felt great, but every sale after that didn't really change anything. And that's when I realized if I didn't learn how to become content with what I had, no amount of success would ever feel like enough. This is due in part to a psychological theory called the hedonic treadmill. So we feel good when we get a promotion, or we buy a new car, or we reach a fitness goal. But we also adapt to those changes very, very quickly. So it's worth learning how to become content with what you have now. True success requires separating contentment from ambition and developing them both simultaneously. It all comes down to distinguishing a want from a need. Contentment is about having as much as you need or more. The bigger the gap between what you need and what you have, the less content you'll be. So, for example, if you think you need to make 200k a year to be happy, and you only make 50k, you're not going to be content. There are two ways to close this gap. The first option in this example is to make more money. Then what you have will be equal to what you think you need. This is how a lot of us approach life. We're driven by a sense of lack, and we use that to achieve things. Fortunately, there's another way to become content. Needing less. By needing less, I'm not just talking about lowering your living expenses, although if you live in New York City, that's probably helpful. My apartment was tiny. I'm also talking about lowering your perceived needs. Many of us believe that we need more money than we actually do, or more free time or more friends. In other words, we confuse our needs and our wants. You might want to make 200k a year, but do you really need that much to be happy? Almost everyone in the world survives on far less, and plenty of them are very happy. You can become content now, regardless of what you have seen simply by needing less. This doesn't prevent you from improving your life because there's a third option, which is needing less while wanting more. It's the second gap between what we have and what we want that creates motivation. What is the difference between a want and a need? With a need, you're saying I can't be happy without this thing. And with a want you're saying this would be preferable. In other words, you're not attaching your happiness to a want. This type of ambition can seem weaker when which is why a lot of us fall into the trap of making our wants into needs. We try to use our discontent to fuel achievement, and then we wonder why it never feels like enough. To avoid this, we need to learn to need less while wanting more. Here are six ways. 1. Focus on what you already have. Contentment is a game of perception. Whatever we focus on grows. When you focus on what you don't have, your perceived needs go up. When you focus on what you have, your perceived needs go down. Gratitude's probably the biggest shortcut to needing less. It makes me think of this quote by Eckhart Tolle Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Mindfulness practices like meditation are also really helpful in this moment. Your needs are always met. It's only when we go into the past or the future that a gap opens up. Number two, Avoid the comparison game. Contentment is totally relative. A lot of people will say, don't compare yourself to others, but that's just how human beings are wired. We're always seeing how how we measure up to other people. In a 1998 survey, respondents had to choose between two scenarios. In the first, they made $50k a year and their peers made 25k. In the second, they made 100k a year, but their peers made 200k. And this is what's crazy. Half of respondents chose the first option. They wanted to make more than their peers, even though it meant that they'd make less overall. This is one reason I quit social media four years ago. It's just too tempting to measure your success based on other people. And that's a game you can never win because there's always someone doing better than you in a given domain. Never mind the fact that social media is not a complete picture of someone's life. Number three Diversify your happiness. When I was in high school, I focused all my energy on wrestling. When I was winning, life was amazing. When I was losing, life was terrible because my identity Happiness, self worth, they were all tied up in that one thing. Single minded focus can definitely create results, but it also creates pressure. These days, I'm diversified across my marriage, my friendships, my work, my athletic pursuits. And it's hard to have a bad day when there's so many different ways to win. Okay, number four, focus on what you can control. It's risky to get too attached to one specific outcome. To say, when I hit this much in revenue or when my partner changes, then I'll be happy because it might not happen for you, no matter how hard you try. This is one reason I like to set process goals and not just outcome goals. So a process goal would be something like, I'm going to put out one YouTube video a week. And an outcome goal would be, I want to hit this many subscribers. If I can't find joy in the process itself, I usually just set another goal. Otherwise, I'm staking too much on something in the future. Same thing with trying to get the approval or esteem of other people. It's just completely out of your control. Number five, release your expectations. In the movie Stutts, Jonah Hill's therapist, Phil Stutz, says life is pain, uncertainty, and constant work. People who accept this fact, he has noticed, are happier than those who don't. The job that looked easy on the outside was actually a nightmare on the inside, or the movie that your friends raved about just didn't really measure up. When you actually went and saw it, you hoped your partner would make dinner for you, and they didn't. So much of our suffering comes from expecting things to be different from, from how they are. When we accept reality for what it is, when we don't need it to be any different, the result is contentment. Number six, define your needs more broadly. I used to compete in obstacle course racing, and then I started to get this weird pain in my ribs when I ran. I went crazy, going to all these doctors, getting ultrasounds, going to physical therapy. But none of it really helped. One day I thought to myself, this is only happening when I run. I can still lift weights, I can ride my bike, I can do a million other things. And my only goal with running is just to move my body and to compete. So why don't I just try something else? Good idea. A few years later, the pain actually went away on its own. And I didn't end up running that much because I'd found other things that I enjoyed even more. The more broadly you define your needs, the more flexible you can be in reaching them. It's hard to stay content when you're attached to one specific type of exercise or one relationship or one job. When when you let go of your perceived needs, your need for approval, your need for reality to be different from how it is, you're left only with things you actually want, things you're motivated to do for their own sake. So before you didn't even really know what you wanted, you were just being driven by a bunch of made up needs. And those needs actually obscured your natural motivation. This is the type of motivation that makes you want to go to Spain, take a walk, ask someone on a date, start a business. Can you still set goals? Of course. There's a whole field of personal development that is all about teaching you how to get what you want. Hey everybody, it's Tony Robbins. The key is to want these things without needing them. And to do that, you have to learn how to trust, to recognize, to follow your natural excitement. An interviewer from the Financial Times once asked tennis champion Novak Djokovic how he stays motivated. He said, I can carry on playing at this level because I like hitting the ball. The interviewer asked him, are there people who don't like hitting the ball? Djokovic said, oh yes, there's people out there who don't have the right motivation. I don't need to ask them. You can see it. So keep your ambition. Just make sure that you actually enjoy hitting the ball first. That way you'll always have enough.
