100. A native English speaker criticized my English… This is my response

Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar and this is episode number 100. And today we are going to talk about criticism and native speakerism, where I'm going to talk about a comment that I've received recently and dismantle it right here with you. It's gonna be fun. Hey, everyone, it's Hadar. Thank you so much for tuning in for another episode. And this one is going to be fun. I think it's worthy of being the hundredth episode, which is crazy, 100 episodes. But yeah, I did not plan something fancy, but it ended up being this episode as the hundredth episode. I keep saying hundredth because it's a lot of fun. Try it to pronounce it with that D DTH at the end. Hundredth, hundredth. Say it like ten times and you'll be able to do anything in life anyway. So I think this is worthwhile because I never do this. I've never done it. I've never taken any negative comments that I've received in the past and talked about them publicly, mainly because I don't really care. I just see it and move on. But this one caught my eye and heart in particular, because it felt like it wasn't directed just at me. It was directed towards all non native speakers of English. And that was crossing a red line, because if this exists out there, then we have a lot of work to do because it's not just me getting those comments, it's a lot of other people that don't have the platform that I have to talk about it and to air it out. And they don't have the experience dealing with negative comments. And such comments can definitely make a person feel insecure. You know, the other day, one of the teachers in my community, English Teachers Academy community, shared with me that her students came to the final lesson with her crying because someone said something negative about her English. And, and that's the thing, like, people feel like they're entitled to comment on other people's accents and English, and that is absolutely wrong. And I wanted to talk about this and the fact that it still happens to me and it happens to so many people that I know, because we need to understand that once we feel bad about it, we actually collaborate with the sense that some people have better English and then they're better than you because they make you feel inferior and they use language as a way to gain power over you. And not a lot of people do that, but some do. And we need to draw a very clear, clear boundary here. When it comes to people commenting on our English, what we can or cannot do, what we're entitled to do, how we sound, how they scale us, how they position us, if we sound very close to a native speaker or very far from a native speaker, it's none of anyone's business how my English sounds. Now, I'm going to say that later on as well, but I just want to make it clear. Kind feedback, helpful feedback, constructive criticism, all of that is amazing. Helpful. Helps us build ourselves as better communicators. And we shouldn't feel bad if we get this positive, friendly feedback from from people trying to point out things that are important for us. But if something is said in a derogatory way, in a way that is hurtful or disrespectful, then we need to recognize that it's not about us. It's not about our English. It's about them and their desperate need of making people feel bad so they can feel good about themselves. And I'm saying that because this cannot stop you from moving forward, or the fear of getting such feedback cannot stop you from moving forward or from speaking or from thinking positively about yourself. Okay, so this is why I decided to take this comment and talk about it publicly. You're probably wondering what this comment is all about, so I'm going to just move into the full episode and share it with you here. And once you're done, don't forget to first subscribe to my podcast if you haven't yet, and come on over to Instagram and tell me what you think. I'm Hadar Accentsway and make sure you pop in to say hi because I really want to hear from you. Okay, so let's listen.

Are you concerned about being criticized for your English, being judged for your pronunciation, grammar, and maybe made fun of your cute little accent? If that's the case for you, then I want you to know that I totally get you. As a non native speaker of English and a public one teaching English and teaching pronunciation, I can tell you that I've had my share of comments from people who think that I simply don't do a good enough job teaching and speaking English and they made a point of telling me what I'm doing wrong. Now, I'm not talking about kind, generous feedback from people who want to share with me their knowledge because those comments help me become a better communicator and I'm very grateful for those. No, I'm talking about the mean, nasty comments that are meant to make me feel bad and small. Now in the past they used to let those comments affect me and I would get hurt. But these days these comments just make me laugh and I just keep going. Sometimes I comment something funny on them. But recently I received this comment that I decided not to move on and turn to bring it here and discuss it here because first of all, to show you that even I get negative comments and I get judged for my English. So you should feel good about yourself and see that it really isn't the reason why we should stop doing what we want to do. And it should definitely not stop us from creating and speaking and expressing our thoughts. Especially if you are a business owner or an entrepreneur and you're thinking about starting a YouTube channel or showing up on video, on social and you're afraid because you're afraid that people are going to make fun of your English and question your authority. So this is definitely not the reason why you should not do what you want to do. And I am a living example of that. And even though you may get negative comments, it means nothing. And the second reason why I wanted to bring this comment here is because I wanted to show you what I what Native speakerism looks like. Native speakerism is an ideology in the ELT industry, English language teaching industry that suggests that native speakers or people who are characterized as native speakers are superior to non native speakers pedagogically, culturally and linguistically. Now it's broader than just the English teaching industry because if you've ever tried to apply for a job and they the requirements stated that it's for native speakers only, regardless of their skills or expertise, that is native speakerism as well, preferring a certain group simply because of their linguistic background. So let's go into the story. There is a video that I created called the single most effective thing to improve your English. And in the video I start talking about all the possible things that you can do and then at some point I say you you do you boo. Which is a slang word to you know, you do whatever you want. And this video has been up and running for a while. But recently I saw a comment on this video and in the comment JR says when I was first learning Hebrew I was advised never dash as a non native speaker dash to use very slingly phrases, period. It sounds awful as in open quotation marks, you do you boo close quotation marks. Nah, bad space.

New paragraph.

Also hadar dash your word English in quotation marks of course sounds much more like English with an e. Just saying an N. Don't say that though. Okay, so let's Break it down, my friends. Let's break it down. Now. To be honest, when I first read it, I got all fired up by the audacity and I comment something funny and witty and mean. But then I decided to do something different. I'm going to share with you what I commented at the end. Now here is the thing. First of all, it seems like this person knows me. So so they were using English and I'm going to say they because I don't know if it's a he or a she. So I'm going to use they now that person knows me. Otherwise they wouldn't be using the word Hebrew or to describe their Hebrew journey. Now, I don't know if this person actually learns Hebrew. I kind of doubt it, but whatever. Let's just agree that that person learns Hebrew and someone else, who is that person anyway, told them that they should never use slangly words because it sounds bad. First of all, who cares what someone said to you about your Hebrew, right? I don't care about what they think about your Hebrew and you should not be sharing that with me because my English journey and your Hebrew journey are not the same. So don't compare and don't give me notes. You are not my teacher. Second, when someone says you should never use it as a non native speaker, it suggests that they, as native speakers, are entitled to use certain words in a way that non native speakers are not entitled to use because it sounds bad. Oh God forbid it butchers the language so we cannot use a certain set of words because we are not culturally immersed like slang words. Now that, my friends, is native speakerism, the assumption that only a select group of people can use the language fully and others cannot because it sounds bad. Now, it doesn't sound bad because I pronounced it wrong. It sounded bad to him because it was culturally inappropriate because I did not grow up in the US does that make any sense to you? Because to me it doesn't. I don't know. Now honestly, if I were to see someone who is trying to use slang words when speaking, I would be so incredibly respectful and appreciative. Not only that, they're coming closer to me by communicating with me in the language that I was born into. They're also coming closer to me by using certain cultural elements that are meant to bring us even more closer and to make the conversation more specific and more comfortable. So I would be very appreciative of that. So let's just agree that there is no universal law that says that non native speakers cannot use slang words. And just because someone said that to you does not make it true. So, J.R. if I were you, I would do some soul searching to see why other people's ideas and voices or are so dominant that are preventing you from communicating confidently and fluently. Because I'm assuming that having all these ideas about how you should or shouldn't communicate in a second language probably affect your fluency in Hebrew, if that indeed is a language that you are pursuing. Anyway, let's move on to the second part. The second part says, also hadar, your word English sounds much more like Engle Esh. So JR didn't feel like it was enough to let me know that I shouldn't be using slang. He also wanted to hurt me at a place where I feel very confident and comfortable, and that is pronunciation. So he decided to let me know that my pronunciation is not accurate. It doesn't matter that the sound in English is unstressed and oftentimes the turns into a schwa and. And that's called an allophone. But let's set that aside. The way it was said was meant to hurt. And I'm saying that because I want you to be able to recognize it when you get negative or mean feedback. Because if the feedback is meant to make you feel small, then you need to make a decision and say to yourself that you are not going to let anything it affect you because it's about them, and it's about them trying to gain power over you. And it's not about you not doing a good enough job. Because ultimately, I don't care if I mispronounce the word English and say it like English. I don't care. The purpose is not to sound exactly like a native so this person does not get what it is that I'm talking about. Those nuances when I teach, they don't matter as long as we are all communicating confidently. My message and my goal is to simplify pronunciation and to simplify how spoken English works. And those subtle nuances, they don't freaking matter. Now to wrap it up, he said, just saying without a G with an n. That sounds slangly saying just sayin', right? That's how I would pronounce it. And then he said, don't say that though, meaning I can write it down because I'm a native speaker, but you can't say that because you are not. That is native speakerism. When people use language to have power over you, it is your job not to comply with it, not to participate, not to take part in it you feeling bad, you feeling hurt, you feeling like they might be right is being complacent is agreeing with that assumption that they are better than you, that they have something that you don't. And I'm not speaking out of nowhere. I have students and teachers in my community that share with me the negative comments that they receive constantly on their English and on their accent. So it's not something that I invented and it's not something that just happened to me. And this is why I'm speaking to those people who get those negative comments and they need to just not take emotional part in it. Because once you are hurt or affected or you are upset because of that, it's like you acknowledge the fact that they are better than you, that they have something that you don't. And that is absolutely not true. And you know that and I know that. It's just don't let that ritual or that habit happen to you again next time you come across such situation. And here's another thing. I don't see English as something that belongs to native speakers or to non native speakers. A language does not belong to anyone and no one needs permission to use English one way or another. English is a language and as a language it is fluid and flexible and it's designed to be molded into something new by the mouth of the person who uses it. Now of course we want to be clear and of course we want to use English in a certain way that optimizes our communication. This is why I'm so passionate about pronunciation. But there is a difference between pronunciation and using the language properly and using the language to belong somewhere. Because I already feel like I belong and I don't need anyone telling me that I sound like a native or that I don't sound like a native, or giving me permission to use slang words or approving my pronunciation. And neither should you. Oh and by the way, here is what I responded to. Here is what you don't understand. I'm not trying to get into your team. I am the team.

Okay? So I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you have something to say or if you would like to share with me your story about you know someone that says something to you and now you are discovering that you should not feel bad but angry at that person, then I am here to listen. You can find me at Hadar Accentsway or you can just go to the post and share it on my website. So thank you so much for tuning in again. I love you all very much and I'll talk to you in the next episode.