249. Hope

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar, your host, and today we're going to talk about hope. Hey. Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for tuning in for this episode today. And I. I want to start with a question. I wonder if you've ever gotten to a point where you felt, you know, completely like you want to completely give up on your English, like there is no end in sight. You know, you've been working on this for so long and you've tried so many different classes and courses and you practice on Your own and YouTube videos and podcasts and books and exercises and nothing, nothing seems to work, right? Or maybe you saw a little bit of progress, but then you got stuck and you're like, ah, this is not going to work for me anymore. And in a way you felt like, there's no hope for me. What's the point? There's no hope. Now, I want you to take a minute, a second, actually, if you can, if you're not driving, just close your eyes for a second and just think of the word hope. Maybe say it out loud, maybe say it in your first language. See what emotions it generates. What are the thoughts that come to mind when you think about hope? Hope, such a positive word to me. When I say hope or think hope, then I feel lighter. It's such an important emotion to have when you're doing pretty much everything. And it's such a negative experience to have when you feel like you have lost your hope. And I want to talk about this because this is something that I've been seeing in my students. And if that was the case for several of my students, I bet that this is the case for many other people. Now you might say to yourself, oh, Hadar, I don't know what you're talking about. I have not lost hope. So I want to talk about what it looks like and feels like. Okay, first of all, to know if this is something that has happened to you. And by the way, at the end, I'm going to share with you some stories of students of mine who have lost hope and have gained it back. But first, let's talk about what it looks like, right? What losing hope looks like. Well, first of all, you feel less motivated during the lessons that you take. Maybe you do take lesson, you do practice, but you just feel less motivated. And you may feel general resentment towards the language, right? Like, ah, I hate English, I hate speaking. Maybe you avoid speaking it or you resent speaking it and you find yourself investing less and less time in Your practice, even though you know, logically, you know that you need to do this, but you just can't find the power in you to practice. And when you do practice, let's say you do, then you get yourself distracted easily, right? You check your email every two seconds. You check your phone. You experience negative emotions. And maybe you're also feeling like you haven't seen any improvement in a long, long time, right? You feel like you've been stuck on a plateau and nothing has changed for a while now. Does this sound like something that you feel currently you are feeling right now as you're listening to this podcast? Maybe you felt that before. In a way, it feels like it's a natural part of learning anything, right, for the long run. But the question is, how long do you let it last? Because if it lasts for too long, there is a problem. And before we talk about how to solve that problem and to hear stories of people who have solved it, let's talk about why it happens. And one of the reasons is that maybe you were forced to learn English for something specific that you weren't excited about, maybe a job opportunity or maybe a relocation. But you're so, you know, struggling with so many different things, and the last thing you want to do is learn English. Maybe you need to immigrate to a new country and you have all these other things to process and to take care of. And English is the last thing on your list, even though it is the first potentially, like, you know, the first thing you should focus on. You know it, you should, but you don't want to, and that creates resentment. And when you're resentful and negative, of course the learning is not going to be productive. And maybe you had a bad experience when you were younger. Now, this is very prevalent with my students, and I want you to think about it for a minute because it has a huge impact. And sometimes we dismiss experiences like that. We're like, yeah, she was a bad teacher, but that bad teacher in first grade that yelled at you and laughed at you because you couldn't say a word in English, that had an impact on you, on your English experience and who you are today and how you are communicating or how willing you are to learn and practice English, or even what it means to practice English. So I want you to think about whether or not you had a negative experience as a child learning English. Another reason could be lack of support. Maybe there's no one supporting you on your journey. Maybe there is someone actually making you feel bad for doing this. And like In a way, you know that this is something that you need to do, but you're not getting that feedback from the people you care about and who care about you. And that can easily cause you to lose motivation and lose hope. And maybe you haven't seen progress because you've been spending your time in a way that is not very effective, or you've been learning things that you don't really need. I call it the illusion of learning. I have a podcast episode about it. I'm going to share it in the description. But if that was the case, then probably, you know, you have felt stuck for a good reason because you haven't improved and that caused you to lose hope. So these are just a few of the reasons why this happens. And I want you to take a minute and think if any of those things happen to you, and if not, see if you can think of the cause for why you have this resistance and you don't feel motivated again and you have lost hope. And now, shifting gears, I want to talk about the fact that it's not finite, it's not a state that you should be in for the rest of your life. And if you're here, I know that you believe in that. So I know that inside of you there is a spark of hope that is waiting to get bigger and bigger and bigger. So let's talk about how to do that. The first thing that you should do is remember that you cannot and should not do it alone. A language is meant to be learned with others. You learn a language to be able to connect with others. And when is a better way to connect with others than when you are actually learning and practicing your English? You have to speak English to improve and grow. And when you speak with like minded people, people who inspire you, people that when you see the results in their lives and how they practice and how they show up for themselves and for their English, it gives you this motivation to do the same. People who will hold you accountable and say, hey, why didn't you come yesterday or last week to the conversation group that we had and make you feel bad enough to show up? And when you show up, you see results. Or they will tell you, oh, it was so great, too bad you weren't there. And then you'll feel FOMO just enough to make you show up the next time. Listen, my friends, you cannot do it alone. You should not do it alone. And there are so many incredible communities out there that will support you, paid and unpaid. And I'm going to tell you about my free Community. If you don't know it just yet, it's the influency community on Facebook. Link in the description Absolutely free for you to practice English and get motivated. And if you're not a member, please join. And if you are a member, start showing up to the speaking clubs, start posting videos for the weekly discussion, because that is how you build your hope muscle, really. So find a community that will help you thrive and grow. The second thing is to understand why you do what you do. I always talk about it and I'm gonna talk about it now because I want you to do it right now and it changes. Even if you thought about it in the past, I want you to think about it again. Why do you want to be fluent? To have limitless fluency, expressing yourself freely, not second guessing yourself, not psyching yourself out when you make a mistake or get stuck or forget a word. Why do you want that? And don't tell me to be fluent and don't tell me to sound like a native. It's not that. That is the way for you to get something bigger now. It does not have to be a job in English, right? The obvious answer because I want to get a better job. Because I want to move to the U.S. yes, it's a great reason. And if that's your reason, amen to that. Because that is, you know, an opportunity. It's a door to live the life that you want to do things that you want to do. But for some that's not the case. So what is it? Is it self fulfillment? Is it feeling like you have conquered something that was important to you? Feeling free? Just free? If you need to use English on a regular basis and you don't feel free in English, that affects how you feel about yourself, how you feel inside. So feeling free is a legit why, in my opinion. So why? Why do you want to do that if needed? Pause this podcast, think about it, maybe journal about it, and let's talk about another way to gain hope. And you are less likely to relate to that, but I'm telling you it works. And that is build the English practice habit. I wish I had a song about building the English practice habit. Like the rhythm of it feels like a really good song. And the reason why you need to do that, because sometimes we have motivation when we think about our why, but sometimes it does not last. And then that's when the habit kicks in. If you really want to accomplish something in life, if you want to learn something, if you want to turn something into a habit and you, you know, a language is a habit. Pronunciation habits, speaking habits, grammar habits, vocabulary habits, all of that is a set of habits. If you want to build new habits, you have to have habits in place for that, for practice, for speaking. And when you do, it becomes a part of your life. And then you don't always have to think about doing the work right, you don't have to get yourself into doing that. And then that part becomes a non issue. And then you just show up for your practice and you see the progress when that happens. Because when it's a habit, there isn't all this resentment and negativity. Because a habit is something that you do automatically without thinking about it. It's part of your life. When you don't turn it into a habit, when you practice like three times a month or even a week, you know, and it's not organized and you don't know what you're doing and you feel scattered and you feel like ineffective, then it's not real practice. And you can't build a habit this way. It has to be short, concise, daily. And when you do, you start gaining back the hope. And I know that because I've seen that work in my program, New Sound, my signature program. The first module is all about just building habits and high performance and doing the work in the most efficient way. And people who go through my program build those English practice habits thanks to this module. That gives them the right foundations and then it's much easier for them to gain hope. So building habits and building healthy habits. Another thing that you can do is make it very personal. Like think of the connections that you want to have. Make it about people. So yes, it's similar to the why, but I also want you to have like a deeper emotional connection because again, you know, you're learning a language to be able to connect and to speak and to love and to feel things in English. And I'm inviting you to include those feelings when you are practicing, before, after, during. So make it personal. And then you need to also work on your mindset. You want to be able to distinguish between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. And when you have a fixed mindset where you feel like, okay, this is how it is, there is nothing I can do to change it, or a mistake means that I have failed. And all the things that we tend to think when speaking English as a second language, that is fixed mindset, that is not helping you grow, that is not taking you anywhere. But when you have a growth mindset, which is a way to look at the cup half full, if you may, right? When you make a mistake and you're like, okay, what can I learn from this? Or when you feel incompetent in the language, you can say to yourself, okay, I'm smart, I know I can learn. But you're not walking around with a feeling of, okay, you're born with this ability to acquire languages and you didn't win the lottery of language talent. And that's just how it is. No, it's not how it is. You can learn a language, right? But if you think that you can't, you won't be able to and you will lose hope. So working on your mindset and working towards a growth mindset with every thought that you have is one of the best ways to gain hope. And I'm going to link to a bunch of episodes about mindset and put it in the description because I think it is so incredibly important. And if you're new to me and to my podcast or videos, then I definitely invite you to check it out. Now, another thing that you can do is to put yourself in an environment that is designed to help you thrive and to follow a blueprint that works to help you not only gain hope, but really transform how you communicate in English and how you think about yourself as a speaker of English as a second language. And that environment is so important because it can save you a lot of time. Because if you know that this has worked for some people, then it might work for you. Because like I said, you need the mindset practice, you need the habit practice, you need the community to thrive and you need to understand why you're doing what you're doing. And yes, I'm going to talk about my program because it does all of that and I think it's awesome and I want you to know about it. And we're opening doors soon. So yes, I'm going to talk about it because I know it can help you save a lot of time and heartache. If you are at a stage where you feel like you have lost your hope, it's reversible. I need you to know that. And like I said, all the tips that I've given you before, you can do them and you should do them on your own. But if you don't want to do them on your own, then inside of New Sound, my program, we do that with you and for you because we set you up for success with daily habits and daily practice. We offer you the most incredible community in this world with coaches and ambassadors who are there to help and support you. And really, you'll find people who are so eager to grow and learn and stay committed to the work. I always say that our students are the most heartful community in the world. Really, I've never seen anything like that. And I've been a part of a bunch of different communities. And if you feel like you want to stay on track and get the resources and tools to help you change your mindset and step into the fluent mindset, and of course, do all the other effective work of English and pronunciation and things that will free up your English, if freedom is something that is important to you, if freedom is your why or part of it, because I feel, I believe that we all want freedom. We don't want to feel like we are locked inside of a language or limited by words or by, you know, the emotion that we're feeling when speaking in English. When we completed our previous round of New Sound, one of our ambassadors, her name is Galina. Hi, Galina. If you're listening to this, she hosted a session and she asked the members to share their experience in one word. And she said, for me, it is hope. And then many other members said, yes, for me, too, New Sound is hope. Now, remember, at the beginning of this episode, I said that when I say the word hope, I feel bubbly, I feel lighter, I feel like everything's possible. And to know that this program has helped people feel that makes me feel so incredibly happy and proud and content. And I want people to feel that as well. And I want to talk about the experiences of a few of my students. The first one is Kimberly. Kimberly Tennyson. She came to New Sound because she felt like she needed to understand the mystic of speaking English. Even though she has lived in the US for over 40 years, she wasn't able to hear or pronounce certain sounds. And she didn't feel confident, she didn't feel fluent. But with the program, she finally was able to not only hear and pronounce the words, but also to feel more confident and more able to speak in English. And one of the things that I love about her and how she approaches English is that she says that learning English is her self care. Doing this course was her self care. So it's not even about being or becoming fluent. It's about doing things that bring back the hope and the passion for communicating. And there's also Glenda. Glenda also lives in the US and in the past, she used to be terrified of not understanding other people. And she would avoid conversation, because she did not want to be in a situation where she would have to ask someone to repeat themselves or to say that again, or just to pretend like she understood them and respond and hope that she got it right. And now, after the program, she realized that this is no longer an issue. She found herself just simply asking people to clarify what they meant. And then she said, oh, my God, like, this used to be such a big deal for me. And that has brought back the hope, you know, building up that hope that, yes, I got this, I can do it. And here's something interesting about my students and probably you as well. It always feels like there is something more to be done. It does not matter how much you practice, how much you improve, how much you learn. You'll always say, yes, I still need to do this, this, and that. There's still, like, this grammar that needs to be improved, or my pronunciation could be more automatic and spontaneous. Yes, we get that. But still, you have to acknowledge your improvements when they happen. And you know, when that happens. Every small achievement brings back the hope. It's like you're building up that hope. You're making that spark grow bigger and bigger. So that's Glenda, and there's also Marcelo. And Marcelo has taken many, many, many different English classes before. And only inside of New Sound, he was able to understand what is the correct way of saying things, and also what to do when he feels stuck, and how to overcome challenges and definitely how to work on his mindset so that he is not stuck in this fixed mindset. This was a big deal for him. And the biggest deal of all was starting to like his voice because he used to hate his voice. He used to not want to speak because he did not like the sound of his voice, and he learned how to love it. And that gave him hope. And that hope kept him motivated and kept him talking, which is what we want, right? We want our students to just keep talking without filtering themselves and feeling free. And that's what happened ultimately, by doing the work and learning to love your voice. Now, there's a lot of hard work behind all of this, right? It's not like, oh, I walk into a course, and then the next day, I feel hope. There is a lot of tedious work that goes into this daily practice, and, you know, doing the work and checking yourself and talking to others and practicing speaking, but at least you have the roadmap on how to do that day by day by day. Now, it does not have to be New Sound. I believe that if you find the right course training, or even if you create your own path based on all the recommendations and what you need to learn, that could definitely work for you. But you have to include all of these elements because when you do, all of them come together and help you gain back hope and motivation and joy when communicating in English. Thank you so much for being here today for listening to this. I hope this brought you some hope and this understanding that there is a possibility for you as well. If you want to find out more about New Sound, I'm inviting you to click the link below to see if doors are open and find out more about the program and if not, get a the wait list for when we open doors. Thank you so much, so much for being here and take care. I'll talk to you soon. Bye. It.