279. Real Stories About What's Possible | Interview with Dharshini

Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar and today we are going to listen to a real life story about English success. You are going to listen to an interview with one of my students who is going to tell you what is possible now that English is no longer an obstacle. Let's listen.

Hello everyone. Today we have another interview in the what's possible? What's possible for you when English is no longer an obstacle? A lot of things are possible. So I want you to hear real stories from real people about what's possible and. Yes. So I just wanted to share with you today Darshini's story. So let's welcome her.

Hello. Hello. How are you?

I'm good. How are you, my dear?

I'm great. I'm great. It's my pleasure to talk to you in person. Oh my God, you're such an inspiration. I always think about you each and every day because it's not easy to do an international business especially, you know, I always feel what kind of heart you have, you know, such a big heart. You have to help others. It's not easy to do this kind of, you know, helping people, people like us, you know, every day I feel so, so good.

It's such a privilege to be around people like you and to kind of like do a little bit to support and to help. That's why I, you know, I go to work every morning and when I go to sleep, this is what I think about.

So thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

For those who don't know you or not, our students from the last round of no. Sam, would you like to introduce yourself?

Yeah. Okay. So I first joined in the influency community in October 2020, end of 2020. And then that's where my journey started. So I started posting those weekly video discussion topic initially. So you advised us that we have to post at least one video per. Per week. And then initially it was so hard for me because of course I always judge myself that and also I'm a perfect. I was a perfectionist and also I make a lot of mmm sound and at the same time I wasn't sure whether I'm like making a progress. So like okay, let's do it. Also, it was a helpful community and I like the rules because we always have to sign. I'm in a legal field so you know, whenever I sign something like anything with legal, I always trust that forum. So I trusted your forum and then I signed up right away and then I I started watching others videos first and then I realized okay, why can't I do it? And then right away I posted my videos and then after a week I started posting one video per day and I persistently did that for nearly 38 days and wow, that's amazing.

Can you tell us for those who are afraid of video, the impact that it had on your confidence and speech?

Sure, yeah, I will. Okay. Every day. The first hard thing was to find the topic. But thank God you already posted the questions. So I always followed those questions and I talk about nearly a minute. Initially it was started with 30 seconds and then 45 seconds and then at the end I think it was like three I could able to speak for three minutes. It was a recorded video though initially it was hard for me to record myself and I wasn't confident enough to post those videos. But like of course I didn't judge myself. It's okay anyway if I'm not posting it, like I'm not improving. So I just posted it and then. But the thing is I don't watch my videos after that because I don't want to watch it. But like at the end of 31st days what I saw was I wasn't making that much sound. And then my confidence has grown a lot. Even if I was making mistake. I started talking to people initially. I live in Canada. I came to Canada like seven years ago. But I started going to school like two years ago because of my summer issues. I graduated school in 2019. And then even those days I always keep myself quiet because I was so afraid that in to speak to anyone because it's full of native speakers. I don't want them to judge me. That's my first concern. But thank God after posting those videos in Influenza Community at least I make those small talks with people without judging myself. Especially with if I go to grocery store, I try to talk to the cashiers at least I say hi, how are you? About weather something I try to talk to people and then slowly, slowly I came to know in 2021 me I came to know about your beyond community. And then right away I joined in beyond community. And then I started making so many progress and then only I came to know about your new sound. And then I think I came to know about in November but you know, in August or something somewhere in 2021. But I joined in new sound in 2021. Yeah, now I got the chance to talk to you the founder, the inspir. Yeah, yeah.

So you know, I think that your participation has been Pretty remarkable. Like you showing up both in beyond and no sound.

Yeah.

And I definitely think that this had a huge part of you being able to let go of perfectionism. So in a way you're like a recovering perfectionist, which is like, you know, being a recovering alcoholic, you always have that tendency of maybe slipping back into perfection. And do you mind talking a little bit more about, you know, I think you said I've been living in the, in Canada for seven years. You're originally from Sri Lanka, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm sure that a lot of people say, oh, okay, it's easy for her because she lives in Canada as an English speaking country. And yet you ended up in a situation where you were afraid to speak in a room full of native speakers, even though you've been living in Canada for so many years. So can you talk a little bit about this conflict or this ambivalent situation where you do live in an English speaking country, yet you're still not feeling confident and safe in the language?

Yeah. Okay. So when I came to Canada, so in back home I studied in Tamil Medium school. So we, we don't speak English at home. And also even in school we studied only grammar. So learning grammar and speaking in English is two different things. So at the same time my perfectionism always stop. And perfectionism and judging and all those things stop me to stop talking. Right? But people always told me like if I talk to some other people, some other countries people, you live in a different country, it's easy for why can't you speak? But it's not something like that. If you are, if you are a perfectionist and if you always constantly criticize yourself, especially even if you make a single mistake and you are mind wise kept telling you, hey, don't even open your mouth, you know, you are such a horrible person. All those inner conflict with myself, you know, every small mistake, even like even if I make a present or past tense difference, I always criticize, oh my God, you are such a, such an idiot. You are such a stupid. You a are such. You know what people think about you. It's better not to open your mouth, you know. And at the same time, especially like when you interact with the native speaker, every time when they say, sorry, can you please repeat that? That really hurts me or not. So after that, after a few interactions, I told myself, you know what, it's better not to open your mouth because they didn't understand first of all what you are saying. At the same time, it was so hard for me to understand Their accent because someone who comes from a Sri Lankan Indian background, it was so hard for me, especially Eileen. Toronto, it's a multicultural city. Like, each person has a different accent. So it was so, so extremely hard for me to understand those accents. First of all, even if they say, hey, how are you? You know, every person has a different accent. I was like, can you please repeat that? You know, even someone even hurt me. 1:10. I was in a restaurant. I was working in a restaurant. I was selling Energy Bites. She asked me, do you know what's the ingredient? Like, I understand what she was saying, but it was. The music was loud. I couldn't understand what she was saying. I said, sorry, could you please repeat that? And then she was like, can you say what it is in that energy bite? So I was so humiliated. But at the same time, sorry that.

You had to experience that. Yeah, yeah.

And then I composed myself. Of course I came, appreciated myself that, you know, even in a different country, I can able to talk to someone at the same time. I understand their feelings. Came. I talked to her right away. I told her, this is what. In that. In that Energy bites, you know, I felt so bad. At the same time, I talked to her right away in a kind way that made me feel so good. So this is how all the interaction was. That's why I. I hurt myself a lot trying to come home. You know, it's. It's not. Talk to people. You know, keep quiet, keep quiet. Not to talk to people. But it was extremely, extremely hard until I. I joined in your group. And I. Even though I came to Canada in 2013 because of the domestic violence and all those things that made me even introverted than before. It was in 2017, I went to school. Even for the first six months. I didn't even say hi to anyone. Could you understand that? Because. Because even if I talk to my professor, my face will turn red. I have that kind of anxiety if I want to talk to people in English, even. Not in English, even with anyone, because of all kinds of drama and all those things. But I can't thank you enough. And like, I know I'm not. I'm not speaking perfectly even right now. I know all the mistakes and everything, but like the way you talk about in New Sound, it's all about the. It's all the permission to speak and you have to embrace the mistake. That is the first word that came to my mind when it comes to perfectionism, you know, embracing. I didn't even know the word. I know the word embrace, but like embracing the mistakes you make every day, even like in everything that's. That makes you better person every day. That's how you learn. You are, you are allowing yourself to make mistakes mean you are learning something. You are not staying at home. You are coming out of your house and you are talking to people, even though you feel so bad inside, but outside, you are allowing yourself to talk to people and improving. And at the same time, you are allowing yourself to be heard, to be seen. Those are the things I learned from you. I always feel grateful that those words, even though I don't practice every day because of my work schedule and I'm alone, I have to, I have to make my life on my own. I'm so sorry.

Don't apologize for feeling feelings, my dear. And thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Yeah, yeah. But I embrace myself the way I am and I embrace all the mistakes I did.

And I want to, I want to tell you that, you know, I think that being able to have that clarity around what it is and what is holding you back and where you're. You're at now. And I know it's like a constant journey, it's a constant struggle.

Yeah.

But I do know that like recognizing that and being, and sharing what you shared today is, is really a huge part of the, of healing, you know, and curing that hurt place, that trauma that, that experience that have, you know, were many experiences that you've had in your life that are creating this fear. And you know, you said something about it's like that in my native language as well. But when it's in English, it's enhanced. So if any way you have, you feel like you're introverted or you have like some sort of anxiety around speaking with other people. So it really does enhance in a second language. And it's important that we don't think like that. We don't make English the evil, you know, the devil that like we're afraid of, because then we end up not wanting to use it. And you are so brave for being able to like, show up like you have and now, you know, like showing others that it's possible. Darjini, what was the most meaningful part in the training that made this difference for you?

Okay, so first of all, you talk about the sounds. I, I didn't even know that different kinds of sounds existed in English before I joined your community. And also you talk about like the everyday videos. Even if you are making like a one minute video or just five minutes of tongue twisters, the Practice the muscle memory. And also putting writing things down. Especially like the 90 days journey I just did only three goes. I wrote it down. And then I, I always. It's like a vision board. I wrote it down and I see every day. And I made that journey for 90 days. I made videos and I, I posted tongue twister challenge every day. I also like, after work, I go home. Even sometimes I go home very late because I'm an entrepreneur too. And I always give myself the time to learn. That is the first thing. And then I always keep in touch with other community members and I always asked out with the mentors and the coaching pad. We have awesome coaching pad. And then also our mentors in Facebook community, they helped me to figure out, like, how to break down all the difficult sounds in a clear version. So that helped me a lot. Every day.

Yeah. And what does it feel like for you to speak now? You know, with clients or with colleagues or with friends. In. In English.

Okay. So this is the greatest achievement I learned from this course. If you have seen me last year, if you want to make a phone call, I always make sure that no one is around me because no one wants to see me while I'm talking. Because my work, I need to call a lot of people. And so it's full of lots of communication skill you need. And then I always take my cell phone and I go down, I sit in my car and then I make that phone call because I don't want any. Anyone to hear my voice. And I always make a very, very, like a low voice. Hello, can you hear me? Like, you know, can you speak to this person? They always yell at me, can you please talk loud? You know, those kind of things. Because I don't want to speak loud. And then now it's exactly opposite.

Oh, my God, this is amazing. I love that because the way I described it is like it's, you know, hiding it as much as possible, so. So deep and low. Yeah. Like hiding yourself, hiding your voice.

Yeah, yeah, even.

I mean, you're going live with me now, which is a huge accomplishment.

Yeah. And not only that, you know, our Katrina from Russia, she is one of my inspiration from beyond. And she, because of her, I even did my live one minute videos after I saw her videos every day. I motivated myself. If she's doing it, then I can do it. And then I always posted my live videos for 90 days in New sound and beyond. That also helped me to overcome that perfectionism. And also at the end, I came to know it's your Own mind wise, it's not the English. The first few days it was hard for me because finding the words was really hard for me. And then slowly, since I have really good listening skill and then I always write down those words and I try to incorporate it in my daily routine. So that helped me to come live and talk to people. That also helped me in this course in new Sound, even in Beyond Community. And also the coaching classes and daily conversation practice also helped me to talk. Yeah. And then what happened was recently, I think first week of January, in our office, we had a office meeting. And they are all great people, they have a very high education. And because I always compare myself because I don't have a really good education background, right? So I always compare myself how I'm going to make that happen. But like I told myself, oh, I don't want to go even you know, it's a business meeting, I don't have enough information to share. Even if I want to share, I don't know how to explain it in English. And then, you know, I made my mind, okay, let me go. And if they ask any question and I can, I can speak. And then I went there and then it was nearly for two hours. And then I shared my ideas, I hear my feedbacks, all my experiences in English for nearly two hours. And then later after that day onwards, I. I always show up to each and every meeting. I don't afraid to talk, I don't afraid to talk to people at any cost. And then recently, because since I'm an entrepreneur, I always meet people due to Covid, our business is very low. But like what happened was recently I talked to two lawyers and then I got a new business deal, you know, so it's, it's really possible. I think even today's topic is what's possible. I think it's possible if you, if you embrace yourself, you embrace your mistakes, if you have the ability to accept the way you are for everything, your voice, your personality, whatever, you know, even if you don't have anything in your pocket, if you have the strength to go outside and you know, ask for help and ask for a job and everything that's part of you, that's you, you have to embrace all those things and you have to accept that and you have to take that as a blessing from beyond and then you have to make that happen. It's possible. We have the mindset, it's possible. And if you, at the same time, if you don't know anything, there are so many resources like you, you Know so many great people. They are ready to help you. That's what I learned. And also I think you are the number one person I think you shared about the artist way, the three pages journal. Since then I started writing three pages journal and then I. I completed nearly. Nearly for a year. Yeah, I'm still writing it. And still.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Yeah. Every morning I. I write three pages and I always dedicate that for you. And also the mistakes. Embracing the mistakes and perfectionism and then imposter syndrome. Oh, my God. How many great lessons you shared with us. And I made a really, really big progress. And your community, they helped me a lot. Elena, Amar, Katrina, Leah, they are like an angel. They always there for us. And your team, they're always there for us. Even if any technical issue or like a credit card issue, anything. Even if you just want to talk to them, they are always available for you.

I'm so happy that this is your experience. And I also want to mention that all of this is possible because of you. Because you decided to get out of your comfort zone and to show up and to ask questions and to do all the things that you advised others to do. Because I think that's what makes you so special and your journey so special. And it's just the beginning. So I really want to thank you for coming here and sharing all that today. Usually I end with asking for a piece of advice, but you already gave the best advice. I think that anyone could give and anyone could receive. So you're really, really inspiring. And we always encourage our students to share their stories and their vulnerability because it really reminds others or shows others that they're not alone and that it is possible.

Yeah, I think that's. That's the right word. Vulnerability. Even like I'm reading vulnerability.

Brittany Brown.

Yeah. Brittany Brown's book, Daring Greatly. Oh, my God, she's the best. Yeah. I think I got the courage to show up now. And even though I know it's because of you, I don't know how to say thanks to you. Maybe one day I come to Israel. I want to give you a heart. Now I can give you a virtual heart. Thank you so much, Hara. Thank you so, so, so much. God bless you. I wish all the very best. You are the best. And keep continuing your journey. We are always there for you. We always wish happiness and joy for you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you for sharing your story. And I love you very much. Thank you, Doshi.

I love you too. Take care. Take care.

My friends.

Sam.