29. Challenges

Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar and this is episode number 29. Today we're going to talk about challenges. Hello. Hello, hello. How are you doing? It's been a while since I recorded a podcast just like this. Just me and the mic, me and you. And as I was about to hit play, it hit me that I started this podcast about four months ago, 29 episodes ago, and so much has changed, so much has changed in the past 30 days, for crying out loud. 30 days, and the whole world is in a totally different place. I'm speaking to you now in the midst of the corona crisis, coronavirus cris. So I'm hoping that when you're listening to this, maybe this is no longer an issue, but right now it is, and I'm speaking to you. It's midnight now, actually eight minutes past midnight. I'm at home. And the reason why I'm recording it so late is because I'm with the girls all day. And when I'm not, then I have to either go live for my students and I have to record videos and I just didn't have time to sit and make this podcast and record this podcast. It's hard. It's so distracting to do that in the middle of the day, even if they're quiet. And they can be quiet. My two girls, I have a six year old and a four year old, four and five months, she would correct me right now. And even though they could be quiet, it's just I'm not at ease when I know that they're out there and I'm in here recording a podcast. So I'm doing this at midnight, which actually works well for me. But if I make silly mistakes, then bear with me. It's the lack of sleep, my friends, it's the lack of sleep. So I think this late night feel. You're probably listening to this in the morning as you're drinking your coffee and I'm talking. I'm giving you the late night radio host voice right now. But as I'm recording this, I feel kind of nostalgic and I'm letting myself talk about things that are a bit more personal today. First, because it's a podcast about what I've done in the past month. In particular, the challenge that we did at the end of March and it was called the Loud and Proud challenge. I don't know if you participated in it, if not, too bad. It was freaking incredible. Not because of me, I mean, I was okay, but the people, the people were incredible. And, and, yeah, and challenges in general. I think I'm going to share with you a few of my challenges. Challenges going through this challenge, but also challenges around it, before, after, and the challenges people were facing as they were going through this challenge. So we're going to talk about all that. This is why this podcast is about challenges. I think I just used the word challenge or any variation of this word about 10 times in the past 60 seconds, so forgive me. Anyway, the loud and proud C word. The loud and proud blank. I'm not gonna say challenge again. The loud and proud challenge that took place in March was a five day challenge that I had planned months ago. And then this virus decided to start spreading all around the world. Very inconsiderate. And I was debating if I should even do it because I was supposed to start it on Monday. On Sunday we were informed that, you know, places are closing, cafes, restaurants. We need to stay at home. We can't leave for work. We need to work remotely. All of that stuff. Like, we could still go to supermarkets and pharmacies, but nothing more than that. Like we couldn't walk outside really, even though of course people still did it, but less, less people than usual. And that was kind of intimidating because mainly, you know, I work at. I have a studio and it's not far from my home, but I didn't know if I could leave my stuff there. How serious this is going to be. Like, people could still go to work if they went directly, not walking around spreading viruses all over, but you could still go to work. But I didn't know if maybe the next day I would wake up in the morning, people saying, do not leave your home. We're gonna go and deliver food for. So I would walk around with a trolley for an entire week packed with my equipment, like my mic and the camera and all the cables and everything. So I had that and I would carry it with me from my home to the studio and the tripod and the lights. I did that every day, every day of the challenge. So this was the first challenge. I would go into the studio and I would set it up and do the live because we had five lives. And then I would come back home, I. I'd pack up everything, prepare myself mentally to go live here at home. And luckily it was still okay to travel by car if I went from home directly to work and back. But it was stressful. It was stressful. And what was even more stressful is the fact that my younger daughter got really sick. It wasn't COVID 19 don't worry. But still, she was really sick. So I was very concerned with that. And it was hard to leave. Like, I didn't want to go. But luckily, like, the moment I left home and went live or connected with my people, then it was a cure to all the unhealthy stuff that is going out out there in the world. So that was the background. But other than that, honestly, I was very excited about the content because I planned it well. So I was really excited about it. And I knew that if people went through, would really, really help them. But before starting the challenge, I really thought of canceling it because I thought to myself, who in the world would be interested in a challenge at such a time? So I was projecting my own fears onto other people, right? Like, I was visualizing the worst. Of course, I didn't let it dictate my moves, luckily. But still, I had all these negative thoughts. You know, I always talk about how we psych ourselves out with all those negative thoughts about what's going to happen, how we're going to fail, and how much we suck in English. And a lot of times it's not even related to reality. Like this time I was saying to myself, no one's going to join. People are going to think that you're crazy going live. You're going to go live to five in front of five people, and they're not going to do anything because they're going to be too concerned with everything that is going on and no one wants to talk about English right now and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't let these thoughts take over. Like, they kind of, like came and I allowed them to pass through and I show them the door out because I do think that these fears and these negative thoughts, they exist and there's nothing you can do. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to let it dictate how you act and what you do? Are you like I talked about, Are you going to let it take the front wheel, the front seat? Or are you going to say, hey, I acknowledge you, thank you for being here, thank you for trying to keep me safe, but you don't belong here. Not today. So that's pretty much what I said. And I decided to go through with it, which I was really happy because over 5,000 people ended up signing up for that challenge. Five freaking thousand people. I did not expect that. And then it hit me. People need to be a part of something when it becomes uncertain. And that's one of the insights I had from this challenge, people need certainty, people need order, planning, community, structure, being involved, feeling like they matter, making a difference, being seen, challenging themselves, all of that. And this is why people decided to join that challenge. The challenge was five days, and every day we had to tackle a different element that is holding us back from being clear and confident in English. So the first day we had to map out our fluency challenges according to the fluency wheel. I talked about it in episode number 26. So you can go back and listen to it. I'm going to link to it in the show notes. And basically there I map out the elements of speech that contribute to a person's fluency. And there we have speaking time, confidence, grammar and syntax, active vocabulary. So it's the words that you know and you actually use accent. And there I include pronunciation and prosody, intonation, rhythm and stress. And finally there's listening skills, the ability to actually understand what you hear and to make sense of what you hear. So we mapped out those fluency challenges and we also tried to identify the habits, our habits, our learning habits. And I think during that day people had a lot of insights because the problem of English learners is that they are. They don't know, especially if they're self learners, they don't necessarily know what they need to focus on. So they go and kind of like learn whatever is out there. And the problem with that is that sometimes you might be learning stuff that you, you don't really need or that is not really contributing for fast growth or a breakthrough, but it's easy or it's accessible. So by mapping out your fluency needs, you know what you need to focus on. And again, you can go listen to that episode and download the fluency wheel with a few guiding questions. So you can do it yourself even if you haven't participated in the challenge. So we did that on the first day. A lot of great insights. People really participated. The second day, we talked about pronunciation challenges. So people identified their pronunciation challenges and I gave them a priority map to detect, not only detect their challenges, but also help them know what to focus on first. So that's another thing that people do everything or they think everything is equally important when it's not really. So there is. I actually created a flowchart with questions for people to ask themselves and ways for them to see if a certain sound should be prioritized high or lower. And I think that was great as well, because people started noticing things that they never noticed before. And on the third day, we Talked about intonation, prosody, intonation, rhythm, stress, all of that stuff, how you put it all together. And again, I gave the participants ways to identify what their challenges are. So that was really great as well. I think every time you need to look at your performance with an inquisitive eye and you can do it yourself. Like, you don't need to go through this challenge to do it. You can just record yourself and listen to it and try to pay attention to the things that you know exist in American English or that you hear other people do, and you listen to it. It's kind of like when I studied English literature, we had close readings where we would read into the text, like, really try to understand the meaning of every metaphor and the usage of specific words. So I call it close listening. So you have to do this close listening when you listen to yourself, to listen to all the nuances and stuff that you don't really notice because you filter it out on a regular basis. So you can do that as well, even without my guidance or anyone else's guidance. Only if you just pay attention and stop for a second and do the work and listen to. You already have a lot of tools. If you've been listening to this podcast, you've probably been consuming English content for a while. So you know a lot of stuff. Stuff. But you feel like you can't put it into practice. And the reason is that you probably don't trust yourself. You don't think that you can do it, but you can. You just have to give it a try and to do it on your own, even if you're not a part of a group or a course or anything of that sort. You don't have to have someone telling you what you're doing, right or wrong. A lot of times English learners are looking for that authoritative voice, someone, a native speaker usually, or a teacher, telling them, this is right, this is wrong. It doesn't work that way. And the sooner you let go of that need, the easier and the more effortless you'll feel and the more permission you'll give yourself and the more confident you'll become. Now, going back to the challenge. Day four was probably the most powerful day, which was about limiting beliefs and reframing all those negative thoughts. And I'm going to talk about that as part of my insights because it was probably the most meaningful day for me and for the rest of the community, the people who participated in the challenge. But what was interesting about this day, or powerful about this day is the realizations of People that people had about stuff that they thought are just their reality or things they've never paid attention to, those things have become their biggest obstacles and barriers and walls that have prevented them from pushing through, from succeeding and from reaching a breakthrough. So I'll talk about that in a sec. I'll just finish up with talking about day five. And day five was basically a project plan, was basically taking everything that people have learned throughout those four days and they had to put it into practice, meaning they had to plan it, they had to break it down into small tasks and they had to schedule it. So here I was practically asking from people to become their own project managers, the project managers of their English, and to understand that if they need to, if they want to see change, they need to treat it like a project, to understand what their focus is, what are the things that are going to get them results, how to break it down into small, small tasks, and finally to schedule it. Because if it's not in your calendar, it doesn't exist. I can tell you that from experience. And I put in my calendar everything that I want to happen, not just things that concern other people. So that was day five. Now, what are the biggest insights or the best moments of this challenge? Well, first of all, this challenge was an English challenge in disguise because it turned out to be a song challenge. Because I don't know how that happened. I think on the first or second day when people started just posting their introduction videos in the Facebook group, this guy Jose from Florida, a shout out to you, Jose, I hope you're safe and healthy. He instead of recording an introduction video, he just play the accordion, which was awesome. And then Irena commented and said, this is awesome, I want to join you. And we encouraged them to do a duo. And then she posted a song and then other people started posting songs. And then every time I started a live, I think I was a little anxious and excited before the first live. So I just posted, played a song right before starting and then I said, heck, I'm just going to continue with a song. And I played it into the live and it was awesome because people started dancing with me and commenting and that was a really nice start. And I kept that every single day of the five day challenge. I started with a different song and I took requests because I'm a considerate person. And then I announced it to be a song challenge and I started challenging people to post videos of them singing. And that was incredible because, my God, it was the best part of the challenge. I mean, English is Okay. But the songs were remarkable because people were so into it. They put their soul and heart into it. And it was also very telling because. And I mentioned that it in during the last session. I said, it's interesting how some people just post the video. They're like, here's my song. And then they're all fully out there and singing the song and, you know, enjoying, enjoying the heck out of this. And the majority of the people posted the song with resistance. What do I mean by resistance? They said, here's my song. I'm an awful singer. I'm really sorry about it. Forgive me for this, this and that. I'm not really a singer. Of course you're not a singer. We did not ask only singers to upload their song, yet they felt the need to apologize. And I, you know, I. I talked about it in one of my previous videos about how we need to stop apologizing for English. Right? It's all relates. It's just human patterns. So there was this one woman who uploaded a beautiful, heartfelt song. She was so connected, and she really apologized for her song. And then I was just like, thinking, why would you ever apologize for this beautiful moment that you shared with us? This beautiful, vulnerable moment of you being connected to yourself, to your emotions in a song. And I think it's so incredibly valuable and unique. And why do you think that you don't have permission to sing? Because you don't have a voice that can go into song competitions on tv. So if you're less than perfect, you're not allowed to sing in public. Now that is ridiculous. But these are the thoughts that we think. And if we think that about songs, we also think that about our English. So that was just a way to mirror those fears that we constantly hold in the back of our mind about English. Using something that is a little different, like a song, it's easier for people to look at that without being too attached. So that was really interesting, seeing how people treated this song challenge. And on that last day, I said, okay, there are a few types of people. The person who heard there is a song challenge and they just like, ran into their camera, turned it on and sang into the camera. Those who posted but resisted, those I just mentioned. There were those who wanted to post a song but haven't because they were too afraid or shy or they thought, oh, no, I'm not good. And they haven't posted, so they. They haven't gotten through that barrier. And the fourth type of person is the person who cringed, cringed when I just Said a song challenge. The person who said, no freaking way. There's no way I'm doing this. No way. And then I asked people, what are you, A, B, C, or D? And all of those people who said they were a D, I said, I want to see your videos up. I actually said that to all the season Ds, especially the Cs, because they wanted to do it, but they needed that extra push. But also I wanted the people who were saying to themselves, there's no way whatsoever that I'm doing this. Why? Because when you do something, and it was temporary, it was safe. The group was about to be archived, you know, like a few days later, so no one would be able to share it or even watch it. So they were safe. They had that safe space, that moment where we're all in this together when there is no wrong, when no one can really mess up to a level that people would judge them. And it's an opportunity because you remember it and you remember the experience and you say to yourself, I did it anyway. Which is an incredible feeling to say to yourself. I was afraid. I dreaded it, but I did it anyway. And I sucked and I did it anyway. It's such a big better feeling than being like, I was afraid and I didn't do it. And then what? Who remembers that? Who remembers you when you're not doing things, when you're not speaking, that's like a secret I'm telling you because it all relates to English. It all relates to speaking. I hope you can see that. Right? But anyway, and so that was great. And my insight from this whole thing is that in every person, there is a hidden singer, actor that is just waiting to come out. And people need to start finding that person in them, that inner singer or inner actor, and allow them to shine or come out, to emerge, even if it's once, once a year, once a quarter, once a decade, once in a lifetime. But you gotta allow yourself to experience the feeling of singing in public. So go do karaoke once this virus is gone, or go to a theater class or just memorize a monologue that you love and do it fall out in front of the mirror. Give yourself permission to be something and someone you are not. And to do something that is according to social standard is not perfect. But still it's perfect because you are perfect. So that works. So you can do it. You have my permission if you need it. By the way, I'm the authority because this is my podcast, right? So if you need it, which is just to show you how ridiculous it is. There you go. I'm giving it to you. Okay. So that was one of my biggest insights. Another insight that I had is that in times of uncertainty, and I mentioned that, we need each other. We need a community, we need people. And even though it's virtual, it's real. The energy is real, the love is real, the support is real, the joy is real. And for those of you who were in the challenge, you know what I'm talking about. And for those of you who participated in the influency community, it used to be the fluency challenge, you know what I'm talking about. When you're a part of something that is bigger than you and you know that people have your back. And as a result, I want to point out something that came up is that, you know, when people speak, their biggest fear is the judgment of other people, because that's what's preventing them. What are people going to say when they hear me making a mistake? What are people going to say when they hear my thick accent? What are they going to think when they realize that my English is not that good as they thought it should be or they thought it is? Right. What are they going to think? What are they going to think? That's the real thing that is stopping you. It's not your vocabulary. I mean, it might be, but that's figureoutable. Let's all admit that it's much easier to speak to ourselves or to a really good friend or to speak to someone after having a glass of wine where all the judgment is taking a step back. Right? So if that's the case, then it's not necessarily about English or not only about the level of English. It's about how you communicate that English to the world outside and the fear that you have about what people are going to think. So the biggest fear turned out to be exactly the opposite of what was going on in that community in that challenge, because the amount of support and love and empowerment that was going on there was unprecedented. I wanted to use that fancy word right now, unprecedented. And it's nice to see how it really reflected. It was like an opposite reflection. People had high anxiety about showing up and about speaking before because they thought that people are going to judge them in return. They got buckets of love and support and thumbs up and you go, girl. Or you got this, dude. And I think that's what gave them the permission to keep on going and to post a video of them singing. So it was nice to see how the biggest fear ended up being the exact opposite of what reality has presented in that challenge. And as I sat down to record this podcast, I wrote some notes down, and one of them was the following sentence. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers. And it's a line from a play by Tennessee Williams from A Streetcar Named Zyre. I don't know if you know this. There's also a great movie with Marlon Brando. And she says that at the end when they take her to the hospital, the mental hospital, they take Blanche, and she says that to the person, to the nurse taking her. And that sentence stuck with me since high school, since I was working on that play, because it's so true. And what happened during that challenge. And I've, you know, I've been seeing this constantly, every single day with my students and our community member in the influency community. By the way, if you're not a member of the influency community on Facebook, what are you waiting for? Come and join us. And I always think about that, because strangers can be so kind and so giving and so loving without needing or wanting anything in return. And all you need to do to witness that is just to show up is to be yourself, and it's to speak. And you need English for that, and you need your English for that. And you just need to be okay with the fact that it's not perfect, because it's an opportunity to show up and to witness stuff that would make you forever grateful for being a part of this world and universe and society and community. Because you can see beautiful things, even if it's virtual, even if it's not face to face. And even you can be moved and touched by people you don't really know by a comment. And that's beautiful, especially these days, because we totally need this. And I'm going to end that with a short story that illustrates that that happened two days ago. I started Accent Makeover, my online program, a little over a week ago. And in the program, we have conversation groups. Twice a week. We meet for just a simple conversation, and we break a big group into smaller groups. Now, Zoom. With Zoom, we can do practically everything. And I decided to join because I'm not running those conversation groups. I have facilitators that do that. And I decided to sit in and kind of, like, see how it feels to be a member. And it was great. Like, we all met together, and then we all broke into smaller groups, and then we reconvened. We were about 50, 60 people. And at the end Someone had a question for me about something that was supposed to happen a few hours later. And her name was Jimba, and she was wearing a nurse's uniform, which means she is on the front line. She is working like crazy. And there she was, taking her break and practicing English, which was just remarkable, and to see and to observe. And I asked her how she's doing, and the look on her face just needed no words. And she said something like, it's crazy out there. And I just thanked her for being there, being in the conversation group, and for doing, you know, for being on the front line and doing what she's doing to save people. And I can't imagine the toll it takes on her life. Her health, her family's life, her friends, everything. I can't even imagine that. I think that I'm busy and I'm working hard, and here I am, safe in my home in front of the computer, and I just said, thank you. And then all of a sudden, 50 people from around the world started unmuting themselves and saying, thank you. Thank you from Brazil, thank you from Taiwan, thank you, and thank you and thank you. And it was just one of those beautiful moments that you can only experience if you're a human being and you're open and you are willing to give as much as you're willing to get. So I'm going to end with that and I'm going to wish you all the best. I hope you're healthy and I hope you're staying the heck home. And that maybe something in this episode made you think differently about English, about giving yourself permission to do things that you don't normally do, or maybe about participating in challenges and taking on challenges, even if. Even when they scare you. If you want to share your insights with me, then come on over to Instagram. You can find me at Hadar Accentsway. You can send me a dm. I am more than happy to respond and to hear your thoughts over there. So that's how you can connect with me. And of course, if you are here and you're listening to this on itunes, then please rate and review the podcast. It would mean the world to me and would help reach more people, would help the podcast reach more people. So thank you for that and thank you for being here. And I'll catch you next time on the Influency Podcast. Sa.