306. Student special: Differently Abled by Vanessa and Soraya

Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar and this is episode number 306. And today we have a special, special episode because today I won't be speaking. In this episode, you're going to hear an interview conducted by two of my students, Soraya and Vanessa, about being differently able to abled.

Hey.

Hey everyone. How are you doing? I'm so happy that you are here with us. This episode is aired on Friday and tomorrow is April 1st. And April 1st is most commonly known as April Fools. But April 1st also marks the beginning of International Limb Difference and Limb Loss Awareness Month. Limb spelled L, I M B, pronounced lim, is basically a broad definition for your legs or your arms and all the parts related to it, like shoulders and knees and hips. And this month raises awareness to people who are built differently and their stories and their experience. Vanessa, my dear, dear student from beyond, is going to share her story. And Soraya, another student of mine, has decided to interview her. This episode was initially recorded for my private community podcast, my beyond podcast. Beyond is an English practice community. And on the podcast, some of my students interview each other. And this interview was so good, so profound, and also shared her story in such a beautiful way, Vanessa's story, that I asked them if they'd be willing to allow me to share their story here on the podcast.

And.

And luckily for us, they agreed. So, first of all, Vanessa and Soraya, I love you both very, very much. And thank you for letting me share this today. And here's a message from Vanessa. I want to inspire others to embrace their differences because we are all unique. And no matter what life throws at us, it is important to acknowledge that we are all beautiful and capable to. To do anything we want in our own unique ways. Let's join hands, celebrate our differences, and help to create a world where we can be accepted and loved for who we truly are. Thank you, Vanessa. And let's listen to today's episode.

Hello, dear Beyonders, thank you for being here.

Today.

Vanessa and I are going to do a special activity. Let's say that especially because Vanessa is going to share some important and significant information about her and about other aspects. And we both consider that this is going to be so beneficial for all of us as a society. But first, I want to make a brief introduction about Vanessa. As you might know, Vanessa is our fellow beyond them. She was raised and she was. She was born and raised in Mexico, but she has been living in Canada for four years now. Welcome, Vanessa.

Thanks, Soraya. Thanks so much for having me here. I'm so happy, excited, thrilled. Everything at the same time. Like, a lot of motions going through me right now.

Okay, Vanessa, well, let's start with this interesting conversation. Vanessa, please, would you like to explain to us what is symbrachidactyly of the hand?

Okay. Well, simbrachydactyly is a congenital condition, which means you are born with it, and it affects the hand like mine. You can have short fingers or basically none, and you have just your palm of your hand. And it can also affect your feet, meaning that affects your tendons, your bones, and your ligaments, and that affects the mobility of the lymph, your hand, your leg. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, it's clear. Please tell us, how was growing up with this limb difference?

Well, growing up with imbractidectyly, when I was born, it wasn't kind of easy because there wasn't a lot of information about it out there, not even in hospitals. So for my parents, it was kind of new and a shock and an issue to know how to deal with it. And due to that, during my childhood, I wasn't able to express what was going on. If someone will ask me, like, what. What do you have on your hand? Or what happened or things like that, I. The beginning, I just didn't know how to answer, and it was kind of tough. You know, children are very straightforward. They don't have filters. Be, like, really mean sometimes, but they don't do it with that intention. Right. But I suffered a lot of bullying, so. So it wasn't so nice and happy. But it's good parts because I also got to meet really good friends that I have now, you know.

Okay, that was the good part. Okay, Vanessa, please tell us, how many surgeries have you undergone and what those procedures involved in on emotional terms?

Okay. Well, I have had five surgeries during my childhood, which it affects you emotionally a lot, because, I mean, you are having surgeries for a reason. Like, in my mind, I was. They were trying to fix me. They were trying to make me look like normal, you know, like the default people you see everywhere on tv. And I always felt like I didn't fit in, you know, like I had to hide it or have all these surgeries to be normal or. Yeah, yeah. So it did affect a lot. And also because I will spend six months with the cast sometimes in my hand, and I will have to go to the school like that, you know, for six months. So it was. It was difficult. It was a challenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does your hand ever hurt and what care do you need to take about it?

I didn't think about that before because I don't consider that I take care of my hand or I have some special cares, but I have to take care of care when I'm going to do some heavyweight lifting or things like that. Because if that hits my little numb here, it hurts a lot. So that's the only thing that I sometimes try to be aware. Like try not to hit straight my hand. But apart from that, like non other one. Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay. Can you prophysis be used in some. Some symbrochidactyly cases?

Yes, actually there are many processes, prosthetics that help people like to have more distrosity. I don't know how to pronounce that word, but that you can have more mobility or more grip. So they put kind of if you are missing part of your fingers, that would like one piece. Or if you are missing all your fingers.

Like an extension?

Yeah, like an extension of your fingers. And you can even have like full practices if you are missing like your whole fingers or your hand.

Okay, okay, thank you. As far as you know, is this an expensive condition? I mean, in economic terms?

As far as I know, yes, it is. Because I mean, there are not many hospitals know about it and they don't know how to treat this condition. So you have to specially look for one and it's kind of a specialist has to be on a specialist. So it's kind of expensive. I don't know how much nowadays though. But I remember in the past during my surgeries, because my mom had medical support. Yeah. It was almost nothing for us like the surgeries we will pay. It was like 400 pesos. And nowadays it's like $20.

Okay, okay, okay. Well, please tell us how do. How do you feel when you were able to put a name to your condition, when you know exactly what it was?

Okay. Well, as you know, Soraja, I spent 29 years of my life not knowing about my condition, not knowing about what I had. Because even though I had many surgeries, the doctors never explained to me what it was or what the surgery consists of, you know, and my parents never talked to me about it. So I always grew up. This is normally a deformation. I always said that. And last year, here and beyond, I started to be like more inspired and encouraged by you guys to kind of get out of my comfort zone. And I started to look for conditions of the hand until I found the one that it was exactly like my hand touching raggedactly And I was like, wow, that's super weird. And it just, it create. It created a burst of emotions in me because I feel like when you can name something, it's really powerful because you are aware of it. You can work on it instead of just leaving there as taboo, you know, and don't try to find like a solution to like get out of your mind. Your golden cage. So for me, it was really important to know about this because now I'm able to talk about it when before I wasn't.

Oh, yes, Vanessa, I know that is really important for you. Yes. What do you believe about facing uncomfortable stairs because of your physical difference?

Well, for many years at the beginning, I would get angry, upset also, like, I don't know, I had a lot of confidence issues and many don't know. But going to the grocery store, it's like a big deal for me because back then in Mexico, we will always use cash to pay or things like that. And nowadays we also use cash. So every time that I would go to the grocery store or grab like an apple or go to the register to pay to the cashier, it was. There is an interaction that you see always there. It's like you pay, the lady charged you, you know, and everything moves on. With me, it was always different, you know, like the lady always kind of looking at my hand every time that she was passing something through the scan and. Or people following my hand when I was choosing like fruits and vegetables. And I didn't understand that they didn't know about it. Yeah, it was the first time they saw it. So they are curious. They know, they know want to know what it is, you know. So nowadays I'm okay with it and I understand that. So I don't get uncomfortable anymore.

Okay. Okay.

Yes.

In part that the response. My next question that it was, do you think people treat you differently when they are aware of your limb difference?

Okay. So sometimes I think they do and sometimes I think they don't because I don't want to have that thought in my hand. But you know, when I meet someone new, there's always this awkward situation at the beginning because when I stretch my hand to say hello and they grab my hand, they can feel that something is different. And yeah, I wished if that wasn't there, like that situation will be different. Maybe the conversation will start differently, you know, like, hey, how are you doing? Or things like that instead of, oh, what happened to your hand? You know, and sometimes with those kind of people, like I try to open a can, you Know or something. It's like, oh, no, no, no, I will help you. I will do it. And it's like, dude, living. I've been living 20 years of my life, like, doing this on my own, you know, which is cool. Like, people ask for help, you sometimes don't want to ask for help, and they ask you. But I do feel that sometimes people treat me differently because of this. Not because I'm different, but maybe they doubt that I can do certain tasks. Yeah. So yeah. Yes.

That is really interesting because one of the things that I wonder is, in your view, obviously, according to your experience. Yes. If the situation arises, it is better to offer help or not to offer help to a person with an impairment.

Okay. I will say you can ask, always ask, if you see someone is having troubles to do a certain task, you can ask if that person needs help. I'm sure if they need help, they will say yes. But if they don't and they're doing something really confident, like people going on wheelchairs, you know, sometimes on the street, they feel super confident they know how to do it. And sometimes they cannot climb, like a ramp or something. They ask for help, you know, or sometimes if you see that person, like, alone, it's good to ask, you know, it's not something bad. Yeah. I will say that it's nice to ask people that have, like, kind of impairments if they have something to work on, if they need help. Yeah, it would be nice.

So the. The approach should be not to make assumptions instead of that as directly to the people. Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Vanessa, what do you think of the word disability?

I don't like it. I never liked it because I think that's a label that people that are different were labeled to like, put like, you know, disability. But I haven't seen any people that you can name, like with disability, have like an issues to do something they want to do, because they never. And I think if you ask to any person that you can think that has disability, they will say that they don't feel they have any, because we don't. It's just adaptation. We adapt. We do things maybe a little bit differently, but I think instead of disability, it should be adaptability.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, something important that is happening now in your life is that now you are part of an association. Please tell us about the Lucky Fin Project and its objectives.

Yeah, well, I love the Lucky Fin Project. The Lucky Free Project. It's association or a community which is spreading awareness about syn back cadetly and also about limb loss difference. And sometimes people are also born amputee. That means that they are losing a leg or a hand. And I mean, it's just unbelievable this community, you know, that you can see all that kind of bodies shapes and they are working right now to have more representation like in books, children books, in movies, in, you know, kind of fashion shows and things like that. So people are more aware that we exist, are people that have difference like us exist. And it's normal, it's okay. And yeah, I think it's really cool. I love the Lucky Pin project. If you want to check it out, I will send you the link and you can see how awesome it is.

Okay, thank you. Vanessa, what has it mean for you to belong to this NGO and especially to be in contact with other people with symbrachidactyl?

Oh, it's amazing because although I haven't met them in person because the Lucky film project is based in United States and they have a little few people in Canada, but spread just knowing and seeing a lot of people like me, it's just so cool, you know. And also it opened my mind to many possibilities because I had a lot of limiting beliefs like I cannot do this because of my hand. I cannot do that because of my hand. And now that I see a world full of people like me doing aero yoga, you know, playing guitar, doing sculptures, making things with their hands, this really awesome. I feel like I fit in, you know, like I belong.

You are not alone. There is a community.

Yeah, yeah. Because I never knew someone like me, you know, in my 29 years of my life, I mean, I have encountered people without arms, without legs, which you see kind of normal, you know, but people like kind of weird hands like me. You know, I never met someone, but now that I'm there, it's just amazing. I'm not alone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you like to do or achieve with this project in the future?

Well, as I'm in Canada and there are not many like gatherings or things going on here, I would like to become like an ambassador of the Lucky Fin project here in Canada. And also, why not in the future extend that to Mexico and other parts of the world because I think it's really, really important that everyone knows, I'm sure that there is one like me in any part of the world that they need this kind of community and support, you know?

Yeah, agree. Totally agree, Vanessa. Well, what would you say to those people that is still, still are prejudiced and don't see people with physical defences as normal people.

I will say to educate themselves more, you know, it can happen to anyone. Like, I mean, it's something that you don't decide to born with, you know, you win the lottery and it doesn't mean that it's something bad. So maybe use a little bit of education, it's good. But I also don't blame them because prejudice, it's part of us and it's always going to be there. It's just in us to know what to do with it and how to react after we have that thought, you know, and just that be more conscious about your prejudice. Yes, yes.

And thank you Vanessa, for sharing this information with us because I ensure that we here are learning a lot and also talking and making visible a situation that exists in our everyday life, but that in some occasions is not easy to talk about.

Thank you.

Well, what should be a healthy attitude when children express curiosity toward a physical difference? I am asking this especially because there are situations when children are pointing out the person with a disability and parents used to feel shame or act awkwardly how those situations should be managed in order to make them, let's say, normal or.

That's a great question because I think it's just the willingness to want to do something about it will drive you to those tools and information. I believe that parents that have children with a limb difference should be more encouraging to the children to do things. If you are having normal children, normal put in between quotes, the same, you know, always try to keep them occupied, show them that they can do things and if they failed, it doesn't matter, they can try another thing, they can do things, but that's the thing, you know, to show them they can do things. And the hand or the difference don't define them. Yeah, but the things they do and if they do the things from the heart and with love, like nothing else matters, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Vanessa, from your, your perspective, in order that we, the the whole society should be more inclusive, let's say that how should we act when we see or we come across or we met someone with a handicap?

Well, as I mentioned before, one of the situations when I meet people, people the first time, it's kind of an awkward feeling because they don't know how to react, they don't know what to say or things like that. It's just let it be, you know, There are people all around the world that are different and it's okay to be different. And I cannot say anything else because I'm been also in that situation where I see something new and, and I look at it, you know, and I wonder. But the thing is that, you know, or sometimes I see it beautiful and that's it, the thought path. But the thing is when you keep the thought in your mind, you know, and kind of don't know what to do with it and you always think that a person with a disability, it's always going to be a person with disability. It's not true, you know, so I think, like I said, the prejudice or the thought of prejudice is always going to be there. Just don't stick with it, you know, move on and do things. Always don't stare at people. It's uncomfortable when you start staring or if you want to know something, you can come and ask instead of pointing and you're not talking with your hand, with someone else, like covering your mouth, like, oh, I saw something. Just ask if you are curious or just move on and don't look.

Okay.

Okay.

Please tell us. This is interesting. What recent accomplishments have you achieved? What can you do now with your right hand that you couldn't do before?

Oh, I can do a lot of things, like drawing. That was one of the things that I always wanted to do but I wasn't allowed to because that wasn't something for getting, like make a living, you know. So nowadays I can draw. I'm practicing my drawing skills and my right handed. So everything that I do, it's with my right hand and also doing yoga and some kind of poses that before I always denied to do because I said, oh, I cannot do this because I don't have the balance. I'm missing part of my hand and that won't give me the grip because I don't have one. And now a few weeks ago, I was able to do my first headstand and arm balance and it felt so amazing. I felt like that was a win for me because in my mind I was never going to be able to do it. And now that I did it, it proves me that I was wrong, you know, that just us limiting the lips in my head, that I can do anything I want.

Perfect. Where Vanessa, what advice would you give to parents or relative of a. Of a person with a physical handicap?

Talk with them about it. Don't stay quiet. I know many people see it nowadays as taboo and don't talk about it. Like for example, I've seen a lot of children like with differences, maybe not physical but overweight or things like that, that they feel weird, you know. But their parents don't talk about it. They say, hey, it's normal. You are going through some moments. You know, the vulnerability has to be accepted. And that means if your children feel, like, sad and wants to cry, let it cry. Listen to your children also and always accept their vulnerability. Embrace their difference and make them love their difference.

Oh, that's beautiful, Vanessa.

Thank you.

Okay, Vanessa, keeping in mind that none of us is exempt from having an accident or losing a limb, what would you tell us about how to deal with the physical difference? As an advice, I will say don't.

Let that hinder you. Don't let that stop you. You can do things as you were with your two hands, maybe a little bit different, but there is always a way and look for help. Hadar told me something that kind of pushed me, you know, to. That to look for a group support was that everyone needs therapy. And not because everyone is crazy, but because we all need to talk about it. And I will say, if something like that happens to you, just talk about it. If you feel bad or something like that, there will always will be communities like the Lucky Fin Project, you know, that they can give you all the support you need. Information and yeah, like, cheer you up and. Yeah. You are not alone.

Thank you. Well, why do you consider that it's important to make disability visible and to talk about it naturally?

Because we were talking before about it. There are not many topics about this issue, although it's not an issue. You know, there are just not many things or people talking about it because we consider as a taboo still, or at least in my country, Mexico, it's just still taboo to talk about disabilities because we think that people with disabilities are less than normal. Normal people. But I don't know, I think we should all look at disability in a different way. You know, just call it adaptability.

Okay, well, and finally, what does it mean to you to talk about this topic here at Beyond?

Oh, it means a lot because, I mean, I have talked about this with a few people, you know, and beyond, not everyone, because it's still working on my journey of acceptance. And it's just you that are doing this interview with me. I feel better like, talking about it because I feel that I'm not alone, you know, me. But talking about this, it's really a huge step for me because I haven't done this fully, as in Beyond. It's my first one or the first time I talk about this like this. And I just feel like my body is lighter, you know, like my body weight's lighter. Like I can talk about it now without even crying because before it was all the time putting myself in the place of a victim. Like all the things that happened to me and part of me and this and that, you know, and something that I learned in beyond has been unaccountable. And if I say nowadays I'm going to the grocery store alone, I am going to the grocery store alone. And I think I wouldn't have been able to do that without beyond, because it was here, in beyond that they found all those doors, you know, that I just needed kind of to open a little bit. So it means a lot to me because I want to say thank you to all of you for your inspiration, you know, because your videos, because you are always encouraging people to like, fulfill their dreams because you are doing it too. So please keep doing it. Maybe you don't know who are you really touching and changing the lives of others with the things you say and do there. And. Well, one of those. It's me. So thank you so much everyone for being so amazing, for being you. And I'm just really thankful for this opportunity, Soreja, to talk about this here in Beyond. And yeah, I feel like kind of better that I can be myself, you know, with you instead of hiding. Because many times I'm super conscious of my difference that I will always, or you will always see me using my right. My left hand. And sometimes I have to turn off my camera because I know that I have to use both hands, like to fix here or here, and I don't want people to see it. So that was what I used to do. But now that I talking to you with. With you about this, I feel like I don't have the necessity to do it anymore because they know, you know, So I don't care.

Ivan is old. My Spanish is rising a bit. Vanessa, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to be part of this significant moment. I know what does it mean for you to be here, to be talking about your condition and your life. And thank you also for sharing with us, with all of us, your perspective. Because maybe you are not aware, but it is true that I am sure that it is not easy for us also to start a conversation with a person who have a physical difference. So thank you for opening that window, for sharing those insights because I am sure that this is going to help us in order to normalize the physical differences in our everyday life. Thank you so much, Vanessa.

Thank you, Soreya. I appreciate a lot this opportunity.

Thank you Bye.

Bye. It.