Hadar Shemesh talks about why practicing pronunciation can feel fake and how imposter syndrome shows up when you're learning English. She pushes back on the feeling and argues that habit-building and persistence are what actually work.
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Welcome to the influencey podcast. I'm Hadar and this is episode number 357. In today is Mindset Friday. We are going to talk about mindset in English so you can build better confidence and manage your thoughts and make sure that nothing gets in the way of your success, my friend. Okay. As you know, I love mindset work and this is what we're gonna do today. By the way, if you like these talks, then I recommend that you check out my English mindset. It's my $29 program that offers 30 daily mindset mini episodes, 10 minutes each with a question to reflect on. And my students, my mindset students absolutely love it. They say that just listening to these talks daily has completely changed the way they think about English, the way they use English, and it has built their confidence not just in English and other areas of their lives as well. So check it out. I'm going to put the link below to my English mindset, but for now, let's go ahead and listen to today's episode.
So let's talk a little bit about feeling fake. And I actually have another story from Instagram. I posted a clip from my weekly YouTube video where I shared my fear of feeling like an imposter when I first started teaching. And that person was really very much against the idea of teaching pronunciation or specifically American accent. And I actually agree with that. I think that no one needs to learn specifically to like, no one needs to lose their accent or to acquire a perfect American accent unless their actors working for a specific role. But other than that, it's all about clarity over accuracy. And you know that. You know, I always say that here, but of course, on Instagram, if you don't go deeper, it's really hard for you to get the message. And then that person said something that really kind of like triggered me, even though I actually under agreed with some of the things they said. It's better for people not to work on their accents because then they just sound phony, which is the topic of today's talk. It's about feeling fake. And I said what I think about that, you know, observation that it's judgmental in and of itself. Just like someone would judge someone else's foreign accent. Judging other person's authenticity and whether or not they feel fake is also a privileged perspective. But that perspective is a lot of times what prevents us from actually doing this type of work. Because when you work on your pronunciation, you are bound to feel fake because you're doing something that is not natural. You're changing the way you pronounce things, that means that you're changing habits. And think about it. Let's say you are used to walking a certain way and now I tell you, oh, no, you have to walk with your toes curled inside, right? Because that's the healthiest way for you to walk. Otherwise you would, I don't know, you would lose your ability to walk. Then it would feel fake at the beginning and then it would feel less fake. And then, you know, I don't think it's the most natural thing to do. But ultimately, when you do something enough times, you develop a new habit and it stops feeling fake. But there is a point, especially with pronunciation, where it does feel fake and artificial. And a lot of times people stop at that point because it doesn't feel like themselves anyway. Speaking in a second language make you feel inauthentic. And as a result, you may stop, you may feel like, oh, this is not right. It doesn't feel right. Because your authenticity radar or meter will say, no, no, no, this is wrong. It doesn't feel right. And I want you to embrace that feeling and to know that it's a natural part of this process. So on one hand you have how you feel when you practice, but on the other hand, you have that voice of people like the person who made that comment about, oh, they sound bony. Or maybe your friends or family who might say, that doesn't sound like you. Who are you trying to be? Who are you trying to pretend to be? Who do you think you are? And even if they might not say it sometimes that's the inner critic that may have, like, say these things, right? So we're both feeling inauthentic and artificial, but we're also afraid of people actually validating that fear. And as a result, what it does is it becomes such an obstacle for people to actually do the work and get past that stage. And then people get stuck in that stage because they, they're not, they're not willing to push themselves to go beyond the feeling fake until they make it your their own. It's also a matter of habit. It's also a matter of consistency, persistence, all of that good stuff, right? But it's also the mental understanding of, oh, people might think that I'm different and they wouldn't accept me or they would think, who do you think you are? So I'm not saying that this is not a real thing. It is a real thing. But you have to understand that. First of all, going back to what we said today, other people's opinions are their business. They're entitled to have their opinions, but they shouldn't determine how we operate or the decisions that we make, or it shouldn't affect the outcome of our lives or the things that we do right. We want to see certain results in our lives, and they should be the outcome of what we do and not the outcome of what they think. So remember that if you keep doing the work. And again, seven days is not enough to get past the feeling of fakeness and the artificial feeling. It does take a little bit more time, but it does happen for me, you know, and this was not my accent 20 years ago. And there was a point where it felt really, really fake for me to speak with a different accent or with the accent that I used to have, where the. The old pronunciation would now feel fake because this is my. My natural. This is how I feel most authentic. And the last thing I want to mention is that when there is a gap between who you are inside and how you feel you are portrayed, then it really kicks off the imposter syndrome. This feeling like you're not good enough. This feeling that people are going to find out that you're a fraud. I have a lot to say about the imposter syndrome. If you're in my English mindset course, then you've already gone through this training, probably. And I have a podcast episode about it that I'm going to link to it because, like, if you want to dive deep into this concept, but it's a psychological pattern that prevents you from being able to celebrate your achievements, to acknowledge your achievements, and you're constantly in this fear that people are going to discover that you're a fraud. And it happens anyway when we speak a second language, because we're never going to be in English like we are in our first language, and even more so if we have that additional barrier of feeling fake because of our pronunciation. So I wanted to use this time to tell you that it's a perfectly fine to feel artificial. In fact, it means that you're doing a good job because you're not supposed to feel comfortable at first when you work on your pronunciation. Second, do it enough times and you will make it your own and it will no longer feel phony and artificial. And three, if you're afraid of other people's opinions and afraid of this judgment of, oh, you sound fake, you sound phony, you sound artificial, then remember that you're doing things for yourself and not for them. And while feedback is always great to get, if it's done in the right way. It's important to remember that you should stay in your lane, do your thing, and get the results that you're after. All right, my friends, that's it for today. These are 10 minutes about mindset, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about it. Let me know in the comments what you think. Have a good day and I'll talk to you all very, very soon. Thank you so much for being here.
