414. Answering YOUR questions! Part 1 | My Relocation Diaries

Hey. Hey everyone. Welcome to my relocation Diaries, where I share with you the behind the scenes of my life after moving to Barcelona in January 2024. Today we have a fun session because today I'm going to answer your questions. Yesterday I posted on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube and asked you to ask me questions. So I get to answer them today. Today. And since I've gotten a lot of really, really great questions, there's going to be a part one and part two. Today is part one. So part one of you ask. I answer. Tudum Dramatic music Yes. Okay, first question from a subscriber on YouTube. Do you feel like you are a stranger in this country? And how can you feel that you are in the right place? This is a good question because I can definitely share that when I first came here, I did feel like I don't belong. Everything was new. I needed to discover everything from the beginning. Where is the bus stop? Where is the grocery store? How does the train work here? How to communicate with the school, Getting my apartment furnished. Like I had to do all of those different things. And I thought felt like I really struggled mainly because of the language. I didn't know how things work here. I didn't know where to search. You know, like when you live in a certain place for a few years, you already know all the small things. Like you have your favorite cafe and you have the person who fixes things and you have the bakery that you like going to and your favorite restaurant that you always order food from. So it's. It's like everything is super simple. And then you discover that you need to start. Start everything fresh. And it does make you feel like you don't belong. Six months later I can already tell you that I'm very familiar with how things work here. You know, how to get around, where to buy. I have my favorite stores already. So in that sense, I feel like I'm more oriented. But the. The sense of belonging, honestly, really depends on the day. So it's like my state of mind. Mind in a given day and certain situations. So for example, if I'm having a bad day in my mood is low, like low frequency. And maybe things don't happen the way I want them to happen, then I'm more likely to feel like I don't belong. Like things would not go the right way. I wouldn't feel like I can communicate with people. If there is any challenge, I would probably interpret it as a negative thing. And I really do think that when you're in a. In the mindset of things suck, then, you know, that comes along with it, the feeling of, like, not belonging. Everything is different here. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss, you know, I want to belong here. But at the same time, there are all these different situations where I do feel belong because I feel like, oh, I already know how things work here. I love walking in the streets here. Like, it makes me feel so anchored, and that's something I do every day. I walk a lot here, a lot more. And when I do, I feel like I totally feel like I belong. I feel like I own the streets. And that is something that is really nice and fresh and exciting for me. And when there are challenges, when I feel more empowered, then I, you know, I don't interpret it as if, oh, it's because I'm new here. It's because I don't belong. But I just find a way to get past it and I move on quickly. So it really depends on my mood and my mindset. And sometimes, even though I do a lot of mindset work and as you know, I'm a life coach, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and things don't go my way and I start interpreting things as negative and, you know, like, I don't belong, I recognize that it's just my thoughts, but sometimes I let myself be in it, and I'm like, today I want to feel sucky. Today I want to feel sorry for myself. And I'm going to do that until I go to bed, and then I'm going to wake up and start over. So I do let myself feel that, because after all, it's been a very, very intense few months for us as a family, for me personally. So I give myself permission to feel bad and to feel like I don't belong and to feel sorry for myself for a little bit, but not for. Not for too long. Sometimes, regardless of how I feel, like if I really have a harsh communication issue, like I really don't understand someone or they are being rude to me, I might feel resentful and I might feel like I don't belong. But like I said, it's. It's. It's fluid, this feeling. Now, how do I know if I'm in the right place? You know, I believe that I would feel good or fulfilled or like I'm in the right place as long as I can still do my work and what I love, which I can here. If my daughters are happy and are developing, which is the case, I can definitely say that after six months, like, I Feel like we've been through an insane journey together, and I feel like I have prevailed, you know, like, the first six months, and we are on the other side, and it has been really successful, or getting to the other side has been successful. It hasn't been successful the whole time, as you already know. So I feel like, yeah, it's the right place, but it could also, you know, it would be any place. Right? It's really what you bring with you to the place you choose. Could have been, you know, any other city in Spain, any other city in Europe, probably not too far from home and from my parents. Like, I wouldn't go there. That would not be the right place for me at this point in my life. But for now, absolutely, it feels like the right place because we are okay and that's it. And I also love Barcelona. I love this culture. I love this place. So, yes, the answer is yes. Okay, question number two from dulevaldores and also from Leah. What was your greatest culture shock or most significant cultural difference you've experienced? There are a few, but I would say that the biggest shock was how people take their time, and they're okay with it. Like, they're take. They take their time. They don't rush, they don't stress. Like, the main thing was standing in line. Like, for me, from where I come from, from Israel, like, you stand in line and the person serving you would get really stressed out if there was a long line, and they would work really, really fast to get as many people as possible. And everyone in line is, like, angry and upset, and, like, I'm one of them. Like, I hate. I hate standing in line. I hate it, especially for food. Like, I would rather not eat than stand in line for food. And here it seems like no one's rushing. They're okay with waiting. And I find it fascinating. I'm learning so much from it. So, for example, there might be a really long line, and the person giving service would still, like, have a conversation with this older woman and ask her how she's doing and help her, and they'd make jokes and, like, there are 10 people standing in line in the middle of rush hour, and everyone's chill. Everyone's just waiting. No one's angry. And I'm, like, surprised because it reminds me that what really matters is the journey, not the end. Like, so being now in the line, standing in line is really, like, a part of life. It's not what happens before you stand in line and after you get what you need. No, like me standing in line, looking at people waiting, resting for a few minutes. Like, that is life. So that is the first thing. Second thing is the siesta. Like, the fact that people take a break during the day, mind blowing. Like, I've known about it, but I see it. Like, I see that people just take time off to go to lunch, to go work out, to just go home for a little bit and then they come back again. It's not in every job, of course, but that's kind of like the common sentiment. And I haven't been able to incorporate that into my life where I'm like, wake up in the morning, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Until the moment my daughters come home. Like, I. I want to be able to say at one point during the day, okay, now I'm gonna go do something for myself for one hour. I'm gonna go to Pilates or I'm gonna go rest. I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. I'm getting it into my body. Another thing that I noticed, it's not very different because we definitely used to have that back home, but here it's kind of like more emphasized. The fact that when the afternoon comes, everyone's out with their kids, right in the squares, outdoors. Like, you see a lot of families, you see a lot of kids. Like, everyone's out and talking and communicating. Like, there's a really significant community life here. And I feel like I'm not a part of it. This is where I don't feel belong, by the way. Like, I belong by the way, because I feel like I don't have a local community, a neighborhood community just yet or at all, because I don't. My daughters don't go to a local school. So I feel that is like something so unique that I love. And the last thing is that the elderly population is thriving here, which is definitely not something that I'm used to here. So I'm talking about 70, 80, 90 year olds. And they are in great shape. They do their own grocery shopping, they walk. Like the other day I saw this older woman with her shopping cart walking, crossing the street so slowly, step by step by step. But she doesn't have assistance. She is doing it on her own. And I'm like, damn. Like, I, you know, I want to be in good shape. But like, no matter what happens, it's so nice to see that older people, the elderly, are so independent here, in such a good shape, and their communities are powerful, are strong. Like, you see them out dancing in the squares and you know, drinking and eating in the markets and sitting on a bench. And I just find it so, so wonderful and inspiring and. And this is something that I. I'm like, it's so nice for kids to see this and to be like, oh, you know, like, old age is not scary. Not just young people, not just kids, like even 44 year olds. It's nice to see that. All right, next question. Merlini or Merlin is asking, how do you feel learning and speaking Spanish and facing Catalan at the same time and culture in general? So I talked about culture, but let's talk about my Spanish. So first of all, how do I feel learning and speaking Spanish? I talked a little bit about it. I feel like I'm not doing enough. But I have to tell you that today I was at the nail salon, as you can see, and I was able to get what I want and to have like a conversation, basic conversation with a lady. And it was really nice. Like, I felt good. Like I felt accurate. And I think I am improving. I'm more confident to use structured sentences than just like random words put together, which is how it was a few months ago. I'm not actively learning, so I'm learning through hearing and then I'm repeating a lot of words and phrases. So the past few weeks have been so crazy busy with the end of the year and the event that we had, and I had my parents here and planning for the summer, so it was just like a lot. So I couldn't learn as much as I wanted. So it's not enough. But I'm learning through being here and using it as much as I can, exposing myself. You know, I just checked this community club for women that is right next to where I live. And one of the things that got me most excited is that they have a lot of networking events in Spanish. And I'm like, that's what I need. So it's freaking scary because I would show up and people would start talking to me in Spanish and I know I won't be able to have conversations, but just being around Spanish is something that I feel like I need. So I'm good with immersion and I'm not afraid to put myself in situations, but I'm not doing enough, that's for sure. Facing Catalan at the same time. And also someone else, Ernest asked me if I plan to learn Catalan well, step by step. Like, I would definitely love to understand Catalan because. Because I live in Barcelona and I respect this culture and, and where I live, but it's too hard to do both. At the same time. So once I get fluent in Spanish, Yes. I'm probably gonna learn, probably gonna expose myself deliberately to Catalan. At the same time, it's still hard for me sometimes to distinguish. When I kind of like listen to people speaking, I'm like, is it Catalan? Is it Spanish? Now it's better. But listen, like, it's it. It was really hard for me in the beginning. So that's definitely a challenge. That's definitely a challenge. Being exposed to two different languages that for the untrained ear could sound the same. And another thing that happened to me. So we went to France over the weekend. It's a two hour drive. It was amazing. South of France, this little town called Serette. And I used to speak basic French because I've learned it as a younger individual. And every time I would start speaking French, either I would completely get stuck because I would just like only think in Spanish or I would speak in Spanish thinking that it's French, or I would speak in French but then kind of like mix it up with Spanish. It was like the brain is so weird, like cannot multitask at all. So that did not work for me. So based on that, I can confidently tell you that I'm not going to learn Catalan anytime soon until I'm confident in Spanish. And Eliana is asking what is harder to learn in Spanish? Pronunciation or grammar? Of course, Grammar, of course. First of all, because God bless you Spanish speakers, your grammar is something so definitely all the different conjugations and the different tenses, I've told you in the past. Currently I'm only speaking in the present tense, which could create confusion sometimes as it has. But for me, pronunciation, like, once I. To make the sounds, not a problem. Like, I've been exposed to Spanish. I know how to make the Spanish sounds great. For me, at the beginning, I just needed to understand when to use what right. Like when to stick the tongue out for a th. In what situations based on the spelling. So that is like the one thing that I needed to kind of like click. But other than that, that is the easy part for me. Just let me pronounce things in Spanish all day long. But to actually create sentences grammatically structured? No way. Another question from YouTube. How do you deal with these situations where you don't understand what people are saying? Do you ask people to repeat what they said or to slow down? If you don't understand it, what do you do? Yeah, this is like a. Always a. Like it's always a tough situation because people do speak very fast. Here. And, like, I could pick up on some words, but my brain doesn't think fast enough. So even though I know the meaning of the word, everything is so fast that I'm not, like, getting the meaning right away. And I could say that that happens most of the time. Like, if I'm at a coffee shop and someone asks me or in a restaurant, like, situations that I've been in, I know the context, so my brain fills in the gaps. So even if the person speaks really fast and I understand one or two words, I know what they're saying, and I'm confident enough to respond as if I understood everything. So that is something good that I'm doing. Like, I'm not. I'm kind of, like, assuming, and I'm not afraid of getting it wrong. Like, I don't want to. I'm going to feel a little embarrassed, but I'm like, I'm going with it, right? But when I know the context, it's easier. For example, if I get a phone call from someone who needs to schedule an appointment. Like, I know what they are about to say. Someone just called me the other day, movie star. I'm like, okay, they're calling to confirm the meeting. I'm like, si, si, vale si. Right? And that's it. But if it's out of context, this is where it gets really, really stressful. What I would usually do is either ask them to repeat themselves. I usually say something like, I understand a lot, but I can't speak, or I don't understand, and that's it. And then usually people adjust a little bit. I tend to not ask them to say it in English. Like, I never ask them if they speak English. I never ask them to say it in English unless it's like, a service provider. And I need something very, very concrete, and I come as the client and. And I need to get, like, quick help. And then I'm like, I can't. I can't even try. I'm just gonna ask them if they speak English. It's very frustrating. There have been situations where I couldn't understand and I just said, oh, okay, okay, and left and had to find another way to get what I want or to just give up on something, which is kind of like, I think. I think that's the reality of being an immigrant or living in a place where you don't speak the language. There will be a lot of missed opportunities. Situations where I don't get it in writing. Obviously, it's a lot easier because I have Google Translate, but Still, even with Google Translate, there was like a hot conversation, not in a positive way in the parents WhatsApp group. And you know, like I wanted to respond really quickly and I had to copy paste and copy paste and I kind of like respond and that's like awkward. I don't like that. However, any negative interaction that I have, I get come out of it really quickly. Like I feel frustrated in the moment, but I don't carry it with me. This is another thing that I teach my students and I'm happy to say that I implement it. I'm just like, okay, what's next? What can I learn from it? What words didn't I know? And then I learn it for the next time. Now, someone asked Laura asked a question. Have you met anyone who could speak English fluently after the age of 40? And I want to say this a yes, Many, many, many of my students. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And the second thing is that I want to believe. So because I'm above 40 and I'm now learning a language and I have no doubt that I'm going to be able to learn the language and to speak the language fluently. Like that has never crossed my mind that my age might be a challenge. So when I thought of myself learning and speaking Spanish, I think like the only limiting beliefs or challenges that I face is that I'm not going to have enough time, which is, you know, what's, what's actually happening. And maybe it's kind of like self fulfilling prophecy, right? Me thinking it is really making it a reality. But I've never thought about the fact that I'm too old to learn. Just to show you that it's really a question of mindset, like how you think, what bothers you. I have a limiting belief around time and availability and obviously this is what plays out in my life. If someone might have a limiting belief around their capability of learning a language after the age of 40, then that is going to play out in their lives as well, right? So I think this is what we need to look at. We need to remember that everything is just a thought and then we can decide if we want to think it. So to answer your question, yes and yes, Lana is asking, do you think your daughter's first language will take a hit now? Have you thought of ways to help them maintain their language skills in your first language? This is a really good question. So I have seen that with friends that I've met here that have lived here for, for quite some time. So they say that their kids they don't use Hebrew well anymore, or they use Spanish or Catalan or English more than Hebrew at this point. I don't think that's going to be the case for my daughters because they are old enough. They're 8 and 10. So it feels like English is so rooted, Hebrew is so rooted for them that it's never going to not be their first language. Right. They're probably going to always think in Hebrew. But I am noticing that as they're learning Spanish and English, and I love that when it happens, I notice that they start incorporating, like, words or structures of English or Spanish into their speaking. That doesn't happen a lot. When it does, I'm like, whoo, that's so cute. That's so fun. I'm not worried about it so much because any, like, using languages is a fluid thing. And I get it that sometimes one language takes precedence and it might mean that other languages are not going to be as used or intuitive. So I take that into consideration. I definitely think that their reading and writing is going to be affected, and it makes me sad a little bit thinking that they're not going to read as much or write well. They're going to have spelling mistakes. But again, it's a price you pay when you offer your child more than one language. And I'm willing to pay the price because I prefer to have two or three languages that are not perfect than one language that is perfect and in which they're super proficient. The most important thing is that they have one language that they are emotionally connected to, and I think that's always going to be their first language, Hebrew. All right, I'm going to answer two more questions, and the rest I'm going to save to part two. So Saska is asking, how would you assess the English proficiency of the local population? What percentage can speak English and how is it by generation? That's a good question, too. So, first of all, I can't assess because I try to speak Spanish to people, right? Like, I don't challenge them to speak English to me. I will tell you, though, that people avoid speaking English more than they should. Like, I really feel like there is this resistance for people to speak in English. And I don't think it's like a pride thing. I think they are afraid or they believe that they don't speak English well or their English is not good. And that makes me feel sad a little bit because a lot of times I would ask someone, oh, do you speak English? And they would say, oh, very little. And then they would have an entire conversation with me, answer all my questions. They would be super proficient. I'm like, why did they say that they don't speak English? And that happened to me several times. And I don't know if it's like a. A culture thing, Cultural thing, or like, not speaking unless it's perfect or unless. Or underestimating their abilities in English. But that's, that's. That's what I feel. Now. I do feel that there is a big distinction between people who really don't speak. They refuse to speak, they barely understand, and there's a. A big population where, you know, that I feel like I. I really can't communicate with them unless I learn Spanish well, especially older generation, for sure. And I feel like there are. There is a population of people who speaks amazingly, fluently, confidently. Right? So, like, that is also something that exists here, and there is the in between. And this is where I can't assess because people avoid speaking. And I try not to speak English to people all the time. And also, I don't have a lot of interactions, social interaction, interactions with people beyond the, you know, going to the market, going to the store, speaking to a service provider. This is why I want to go to networking events so I can immerse myself in the local community more. So that's a good question. And the answer is that I don't have an answer. The next question is from Norit, and she asks, what was the thing that surprised you the most about yourself and what did you learn about yourself in this process? That's a good question. And I had to think about it for a little bit. And I think the thing that surprised me the most about myself is that I was able to handle it all. Like, I didn't collapse. I didn't get severely sick. I did get sick at some point, but. Because then it was really like, it was the peak of everything. But I was able to pull it all together without collapsing and without, like, having a nervous breakdown, because there was a lot to take care of. The bureaucracy and this whole project with all the tasks and managing the lives of my daughters. And I've shared it before that I'm like, I'm always taking over. I'm the one who's in control of everything. That's. That's kind of like my habit. And it's also like, that's the dynamic between me and Gil. Like, I'm quicker. I'm like, I can, you know, So I tend to take a lot of responsibilities, take on. And we had a lot of big projects at work. And I feel like it was really a lot, even for me, and I was surprised that I was able to sustain through it all and to understand that it's temporary. Like I always say when I teach my students, I always tell them when something is not going well or when things are frustrating, I always say, you know, imagine, like, you are going into the ocean, and there's this big wave coming at you. And, you know, even though you tend to jump over the waves, like, sometimes it's too big that you had to. That you just have to put your head down, you know, plug your nose and wait for the wave to pass so you can come out on the other side. And I feel like that's what I've done. I do feel like I'm now on the other side and summer is coming, and we are planning a family vacation. It's all. Like, there are a lot of exciting things in the future. But I think that is what surprised me the most about myself. And the one thing I learned is that no matter how fast I want to move, I always have to take into consideration the pace of the people around me. And it doesn't matter when I get there. What matters is that I get there. We get there together. And that is more important than getting there. And I. I have fire in me a lot of times, and I need to move fast, and I need to get to places so I can move on, so it doesn't stress me out. And I'm. I can cross it off, but I'm learning. I'm not great at it just yet, but I'm learning to hold myself back and to make sure that I'm not forgetting to look around and to make sure that we're all in this together. I'm learning this, and I think this is my biggest lesson and to have, you know, compassion for myself and for others as we do this work and as we do this together. So I guess, like, learning that finishing things or ending things is not the most important thing, and it's the process, the way, it's the standing in line that matters is like being present when you stand in line, even though you might get your cake in 35 minutes and not in five. All right, that's it for today. Thank you for the great, great questions. It really, like, makes me feel so grateful and so thankful to know that you are a part of this journey with me because you're asking great questions and you're really interested, and it also means that you're listening to these episodes so I'm super thankful. And that's it. This is part one. I'm going to share part two probably later. So just to make it interesting, but know that it's coming up and if I haven't answered your question yet, there's still. There's still something to look forward to. All right, my friends, thank you so, so much. Have a beautiful, beautiful rest of the day, and I will talk to you soon. By. Sa.