446. Concluding 1 year of Relocation | My Relocation Diaries

Hi, everyone. This is a new personal episode in my Relocation Diaries series. I haven't recorded a personal episode in almost six months. And now that it's the end of the year, the beginning of the new year, the end of my year living in Barcelona, I figured that is the right time to go back into and record another episode for my Relocation Diaries series. So if you're new to my podcast or channel, just to give you a quick update at the beginning of 2024, in fact, it was January 4th where I moved to Barcelona from Tel Aviv, Israel with my family. And in the first six months of my experience here, I also recorded weekly episodes sharing with you my. My relocation experience. I talked about the behind the scenes of my life. I talked about what it feels like to move to a new country, face a new culture, my language learning experience. And I think it was around June where I stopped recording episodes because things got really busy and we had the summer and we were traveling and there was so much on my plate that I stopped recording. And here I am back again with a year in review episode talking about the experience of moving to a new country, running a business, and doing so many different things in one year. So I want to share with you that, and I just want to apologize to people who have been following my story and you guys were expecting more updates, and I haven't shared updates, so here it is. And I think it's important for people who put out work online like I do, so I share my lessons. And so many people use my lessons to learn and to improve. And I feel like it's important that I share a little bit about me personally and my life and the behind the scenes of everything that we. You see, because when I follow people, when I learn with people, I'm also really curious about who they are as human beings and individuals. And I want to offer more of that to you. It's not always easy. You know, I haven't recorded a personal episode in months, and it feels like it's a skill that needs to be developed, being open, being vulnerable, being personal, especially when you have a business online. And I think it's a good opportunity for. For me to do that. And I was resisting recording it, not because I don't want to share. It's just that it's hard to take that time to carve out time out of your day to reflect on your life and to also do it publicly. But I want to do it and I'm happy that I'm doing it. I just wanted to share that is the reason why I haven't done it in so long. And also to acknowledge that while I enjoy speaking to you and talking to you and sharing my experience, there's always this slight resistance about doing that, but it's not there now. Once I hit play and I start speaking, all of a sudden I remember that it's not that hard. It's actually easy, and I want to do more of that. I'm already setting an intention for 2025, but here it is. So today, in this personal episode of my Relocation Diaries, reviewing One Year in a new Country, I'm going to share with you some of the biggest challenges that I've had this year. I'm going to share with you where I'm at, where we are as a family, and I'll share with you my biggest takeaways from one year of living in a new country and also set an intention with you for 2025. Now, you know, when I thought about recording this podcast episode, obviously I felt some resistance. So some of it was because of, you know, opening up and being, you know, and sharing my story, and not just lessons. But another part was because I didn't even know where to start. It felt like I had a jar of marbles and they all got spilled on the floor, and now I have to pick up all the marbles and put them in the jar and sort them out and share that with you. And while it's not an impossible mission, it just feels a little overwhelming and scary and messy, and that's what it feels like trying to make sense of the first year of relocation, because it's a lot. And if you have immigrated to a new country, relocated, traveled for a year, even though traveling is a little different, but you moved, especially with a family. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, just living life sometimes is a bit overwhelming in managing life and business and your studies and family, if you have a family to take care of. So doing that in a new country is just a lot. And there are many things happening at the same time. And to make sense of it is a task that I'm happy to do, but it's just a reality check of where I am today. It seems like when you move to a new country, there are phases, and it feels like waves of difficulty and ease. It's almost as if you walk up the mountain and you're constantly in movement, right? And you're constantly moving forward and moving up, but sometimes the days are sunny and you have no weight on your shoulders, and you are walking up and it's easy and you have your family around you and you're all walking up with joy, and maybe there is a plateau and you chill and you picnic a little bit, and then you continue moving up and all of a sudden it's rainy, where it's really windy. And all of a sudden you have to carry your daughter's bags as well. And sometimes you have to carry your children on you and keep moving up, and sometimes your partner, and sometimes you need to be carried, and sometimes it's sunny again, and then you keep on going up, and then it feels easy again, only to discover that there is a very steep part, or maybe there was a snowstorm, and you keep going up. And that is how it feels. I mean, I think that's a good description for life in general. But I definitely felt that this first year of moving to Barcelona now, because of that, I realized that there are phases and waves of difficulty, and I'll try to explain what they were and then I'll talk about the challenges. It feels like when you first move in, you just try to survive. You're in survival mode. You're just like, okay, let me pretend like everything's okay. Let's start our lives here. But you try to figure out things and to find an apartment and to get your children to school. And there are all these things that you need to do just to be able to say, okay, this is my place, this is where I live right now. Until you get all the basics. And then there is a sense of ease, only to realize that now you're starting to settle in. And then you have to start managing the emotional aspect of leaving your home country and moving to a new place, managing emotions, managing how you communicate relationships. And then there is another wave when you feel that you have figured that out. You realize that you are a part of a community and a place that you have to adapt to and immerse in, which is another new challenge. Like, it starts with a small. Like, you zoom in and you're only focused on you. And then you start zooming out and you discover that there is so much more that you need to deal with. And every time you feel like you figured out something, there is something bigger that is waiting for you. And even though it sounds scary, what I'm describing is really the process of growth, because I wouldn't be able to manage that challenge or difficulty had I not solved the challenges prior to that. So every time you face a bigger challenge, it feels scary and it feels like, ah, it never ends, but it's just because that's how it is. That's how life is. You just solve one thing, and then because you're ready for the next big thing, you're ready to face another challenge. So what I've learned is that when things get easy, not to get into a place where it's like, okay, I'm done. That's it. I will no longer feel difficulty because it just creates a lot of frustration later on when there is. When you face another challenge. And I remember vividly an episode that I recorded, I think it was around May, where I said, I think we're past the difficulty. I think that now we are okay, I think. And little did I know that there was a whole lot more drama and, you know, challenge waiting for us. But that ended, too, and we were able to handle it and to get past it. So even though it feels scary when you realize that this is life and you just kind of, like, manage whatever comes your way, especially when you move to a new country, it makes things easier. Now, I want to say that even though I'm talking a lot about challenges, I want to start with telling you that I'm so happy that we've made this decision. I'm so grateful for these challenges. I'm so in awe seeing how my daughters handle situations, challenges, how they're learning new things, how they're able to enjoy all the new things that come their way, new cultures, new adventures, new holidays. How interesting it is to live in a new place where you don't take everything for granted, where you discover new things, where you don't know everything about that place yet, and how fulfilling it is when you are able to get past some kind of difficulty, whether it's on your own or someone that you love is facing, because you learn so much along the way. And that learning is going to stay with you for life. So I do not regret anything. I love Barcelona. I love the city. And even though I don't always feel like I belong, I do feel like it's mine a little bit. When I walk down the streets, I already know I have my favorite places and restaurants and bars and stores and streets and neighborhoods. I know how to get by. I don't have to check Google Maps all the time. To me, that's huge. And it means that I have personally come a long way to be where I am today. So I think that a relocation experience is such a valuable experience and so empowering, even though it might feel hard at the beginning. And again, it's been a year, and I Still know that I have a lot more to learn and a lot more to adapt to. And I don't know, in one year I'll probably have different challenges or different stories or different realizations to share with you. Okay, so now talking about the biggest challenges that we've faced and trying to identify those first, I would say the biggest challenge or the most important mission for me this year was to maintain the well being of my family. Because when it's not just you, you have to manage or not to manage, that's a word that I need to be mindful of. I tend to use that a lot, but not to manage, but just to contain the experiences of everyone around you that is not just you. So I have my own emotions and feelings and sometimes I'm sad and sometimes I'm stressed and sometimes I'm excited and. But that doesn't mean that that's how my partner feels, Gil. And that definitely not doesn't mean that that's how my daughters feel. And in fact, sometimes I realized that this year I put a lot of my emotions or acknowledging my emotions aside and I was kind of like the reflection of how my daughters feel. So for us, for one of my daughters, it was a smooth transition. She loves it here. It's easier for her. And even though the school day is really long, she does really well. Like, she's, she's managing emotionally. And then for my other daughter, there are a lot more challenges. She's hypersensitive, so she experiences everything to the fullest. She's very contained in school, but she allows herself to break down at home, which is great. Like, I love it that she allows herself to be herself and to feel all the feelings all the way when she's home. But that could be also very, really stressful in worrying to be there and to see that. And when she's stressed or anxious or sad, like, I immediately feel the same. So I'm like, even though it's not great, like I'm, I'm kind of like experiencing the same thing. And it sometimes feel like if they're happy, I'm happy. If they're upset, then I'm upset. So this is something that I've been trying to manage myself on myself, like my own feelings not to be so affected by what's happening with the people I love. But it's hard. So I've been the reflection of, of them emotionally. And this is why, like, on one hand I want everyone to feel good and feel calm. On the other hand, it's not possible So I have to acknowledge that and be okay with the fact that it's okay that if I feel good about this relocation, but my partner is confused and a little lost, and it's okay if it's the other way around, or if my daughters are frustrated or they miss their family back home, it's okay. Like, there is space for that. And we need to allow the bad feelings or the negative emotions, even though they're not really bad, they're just hard to manage. But it's a part of. Of this experience, but at the same time to make sure that we take care of them well and that we have patience for it. And that is the number one priority for me. And also the biggest challenge, the second most challenging thing for me was to manage work and life because I moved here, and that took up a lot of time and energy of me. And then I also had to manage my business. And that was not a good year for the business. It was a tough year because I've made a lot of internal changes. I felt really stuck in terms of how we created some of the systems and the processes in the business. I wanted to innovate, but I felt like I didn't have the ability to do that most of it because I was really putting in most of my focus and time into my personal life, that I didn't have a lot left to make big changes in my business. But I wanted. I wanted to create better systems for us so we as a team could grow and develop together. And we all felt that it wasn't just me, and it's okay. That's. That's what it is or what it's like when any business is growing. Right. There is a point where what worked for us before doesn't work for us more, when we want to do more or different things or to work easier or faster. So this year was a year where we recalibrated, in a way, in the business. And I put in a lot of time and work into changing one of my programs, working on developing better processes for creating better content. We changed the structure of the company completely how we work, which took up a lot of time. I got coaching. I signed up for a mastermind. Like, I invested in learning how to do that and in getting the coaching that I need to do it well. And even though it was a year where there wasn't a lot of growth, it was still important for me to invest back in my business. So that next year, in 2025, we will have the right infrastructure to grow. So doing all of that in my business, while also setting up my life in Barcelona. It was just a lot. And finding the balance between work, but work is also very personal. It's like, it's me, but the business is. Is me. It's like it's a personal brand. And how I show up in front of my team and, you know, like, I. I wanted to be a better leader in my team for my colleagues. Right. And that versus how I show up for my family, for my friends, like, that has been always in question. And. And. And I was trying to find the right energy to be my best in both. I can't tell you. I was always my best. I cannot tell you. And I had to put in a lot of personal work to get to a place where I'm happy with how I show up, both at work and in my life. But there were a few months where I wasn't happy in how I showed up here, and I wasn't happy in how I showed up there. That was really, really hard. That was really frustrating. And I'm glad I took the time, with the incredible help of my partner, Gil, and with the incredible help of my beautiful team and that we were able to work it out together, which is a good opportunity to say thank you, team, and thank you, Gil, and thanks to my friends and thanks to my family back home for all the support and for working towards a mutual goal together. So, yeah, I'm so grateful that now, as I'm recording this, today is January 2, 2025, I feel like we have come a full cycle in terms of what we had set up to do in 2024 and how we're starting 2025. The next most challenging thing for me this year was setting up systems. Now, if you've ever moved to a new country, if you immigrated, you will definitely resonate with this one. When you grow up in a place and when you live most of your life in a place, you already have a strong foundation that you often take for granted. It's kind of like the infrastructure was always there. All the systems that you need to live your life has always been there. That's how it feels like because you've created it throughout your life slowly, or you've inherited it from your family and from your parents and from the environment you lived in, that you never had to really create a new system for yourself. But when you move to a new place, you have to not only create the systems, but to figure them out and understand how it all works, whether it's the place you live and how to get around, whether it's the babysitter you need to find for yourself or the places you shop and the help that you need, and how to find it and how to get it when you get super busy, what happens when you get sick, what happens when there is a vacation? Figuring out what all those vacations are and how those holidays are celebrated and if the stores are closed or not, and how do you need to prepare for it, if you need to go on vacation, how do you do that? Where do you go? How do you get a car? How do you. How do you drive here? What do you do with a driver's license? All the things that were already figured out back home, you have to rediscover them and to create them. And creating them could create a lot of stress. Because me, a person who needs to be in control, is not always excited about doing something that is completely new. So for me to be able to do something, I have to understand it. So there is a lot of research involved, a lot of questions that you ask the people around you, a lot of Google search, and you figure it out and you do it on the way. And sometimes you invest too much money or too much time into figuring something out, but you figure it out and then you have it. And then you created a system, but you do it like a system over system over system throughout the year. And that is really exhausting. And it also makes you feel unsafe in a way because you don't know how to do the things that you need to do. Now, of course you can ask. I have help. I have incredible friends here, but I can't ask them for every single small thing. I have to figure it out on my own. It just adds up. Do you know that I had to wait 10 months to go to the doctor for the first time? I had to wait. I didn't have to wait. I could have gone in week one, but I didn't because there was something that was not clear about what I do, where I go, how do I use my insurance, do I even have a proper health card? Getting the public health card, getting the insurance, understanding who's a doctor that actually speaks English that I could speak to confidently. Like all of those things. Like. Like that took up almost 10 months. Now it's not like every day for 10 months. I did something to get to that goal of going to the doctors, but it was always in the back of my head and I haven't done anything about it. And it's like, what about it? What about it? What about you need to go to get blood tests, you need to go see a doctor. You need to know where to go in case something urgent happens. Right. Create the system. So when something urgent happens, you already have a system in place. So it took me 10 months to do it. And I was so freaking scared the first time. It wasn't scary at all. And the worst thing that could have happened was that I would have to use Google Translate in front of the doctor. I ended up not having to use it. But still, why was it so scary for me? Why was it so scary to put in my freaking card into the machine and to get a number? I've done courageous things in my life, yet that little thing held me back for so long. But it's these things, these small systems that are not in place that you need to create in your first year of relocation or immigration. And I want to honor that. I want all of us who have been through something like that to not expect us to. To be able to do it and not to be frustrated that it takes time, that we don't know it all, that we're not great at it, that there is still so much that we need to figure out. It's actually a pretty incredible thing. And even though it could be frustrating, every time you figure out something or you create a system, you create a stronger foundation for your life in a new place. No matter how long you're going to stay there, it's important for you to feel safe and to feel at home. And I can tell you that after one year, I feel like I have a strong foundation already, but it took a whole year, and I'm okay with that. Okay. So the next challenging thing for me that I'm going to talk about is really like, managing the relationship with the people back home and longings. You know, I shared with you in the first few episodes that I'm very, very close with my family, My parents and my sister and her family. Like my niece and nephew are my other. Are like my other kids. We lived in the same complex. We were in each other's lives all the time, physically. And all of a sudden, I pulled away from it. And it had an impact on our lives, on their lives, a pretty significant one. And being able to rediscover how we stay in close contact and how we stay involved in each other's lives also take time. That's another system you create. There were times where weeks would go by and then I'd be like, I haven't spoken to my sister or I haven't Spoken to my best friend. I would feel shame and I would feel guilt and I would feel responsibility. I'm the one who moved. I'm the one who needs to stay in touch. But also, I was so busy with just life and managing everything that I shared with you and more. And I was like, I don't know how to. How to continue staying close, in close contact with my family and friends because I don't love phone calls. I don't love text messages, and that is a problem when you move away. So I had to teach myself how to love it, and I had to figure out the circumstances that would allow me to do it. So now I schedule calls with them. Now. I, you know, I make sure that I do it when I'm not doing other things at the same time. I need to not be around my computer so I don't get distracted by messages that come up on slack. It took me time after I felt like this, this really emptiness in my heart knowing that I need to create a place for them in my life now and I need to find a good way to do it. So apart from traveling, they came here. My sister came here twice. My parents came here three times over the past year. We went there twice. So we have met several times. But it's the day to day that I miss the most and that I have learned how to integrate that into my life using FaceTime, using Zoom, using phone calls, using text messages. I love now leaving long audio messages to my friends and have them leave long audio messages to me. So we're having these deep conversations offline, and that's cool. Okay, so the next and last challenge is, of course, Spanish. I am definitely not where I had hoped to be by the end of my first year here. Not even close. Well, there is a part in me that is very disappointed by it. And there is a part in me that says hadar, you just didn't have enough capacity to do what's needed to learn a language. And that's the thing about learning a second language, is that you're never where you want to be or where you need to be. It's never the case. There's always a gap between where you want to be and where you actually are. And then there is a time, there comes a times where you need to use the language and you recognize that gap. And it's so painful. An important conversation, a phone call being a part of a group gathering where you feel left out because you can't speak the language well enough or you have a class with A teacher and they ask you the most basic thing and you lose the words to respond. And that gap is so painful. And then I start, you know, with the, oh, you know, you're not putting in enough work. Now. I know it's not that I. It's not that I can't learn a language. I'm. I know I can, because when I put in the time I'm able to learn, I'm progressing well. It's just that I haven't prioritized taking the time to learn every single day. And I have to have compassion for myself and give myself grace because I really didn't have time or capacity or the right mindset to learn Spanish because I was managing and juggling so many different things at the same time. And because of that, I take responsibility for not being where I want to be. But I also set an intention for creating space for it, for making it a priority, really physically scheduling it in my calendar. Because we are always responsible for to where our English is or Spanish is. It's our responsibility because it's super simple. If you don't show up every day to do the work, you're not going to be where you want to be. And I know that, and I'm recognizing it. And I'm also acknowledging that sometimes you put in work and you feel like you're going backwards because you're learning new things, right? There is like, you're at a different stage and there is a whole new world opening up to you. So it's okay. Growth doesn't always feel like you're improving, but you're still growing if you show up every single day. And that is what I know to be true. And I recognize that. I take responsibility for it. But I also. I'm so eager. Like, I feel this is the next thing for me here because I cannot wait to be able to just say what I want to make people laugh, to understand really everything. Now I understand a lot, but it's not enough. I'm missing words like there are black holes in the information that I receive. And sometimes I would speak to someone and I would understand every single word separately, but I would have to ask them to repeat. And I'd say, I understand every single word. But I did not understand what you said to me because so much of it is context and the way things are said in a certain language. In Spanish in particular, sometimes the meaning is a little different than the literal meaning of the words. And I have to learn that and love it when I discover. And all of a Sudden, the fog disappears in my brain, and there is nothing better than having that feeling of the fog disappearing or the words being accessible and being able to be understood. There's nothing better than that. And I want more of that. And I'm making a commitment to showing up every single day in 2025. Let's speak again at the end of 2025. And I really hope that I'd be able to say that's it, but it has been a challenge. Also, I live in Barcelona, so it's not just Spanish, it's also Catalan. And I'm kind of like, picking up a little bit of both. And sometimes I'm mixing them. I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I love it. I enjoy it. And I'm also learning a lot as an educator while I'm learning the language. So many ideas, so many realizations. Especially that all the things that I've been talking about over the past few years about learning a language and teaching a language like they actually work. I've studied with teachers who are super conventional, and I felt like I haven't learned anything. And I've done some exercises on my own that really helped me level up. And I've taken courses with great teachers, and I'm like, this works. This doesn't work. So I have a lot of clarity. And I know that the things that I implement based on my methods, they work for me. They actually work for me the best, because I'm the person that likes the repetitions and to understand things through implementation, because otherwise I just don't remember it. So that's it. That's for my Spanish. And let's say that at the end of 2025, I hope that I could do this part on my podcast in Spanish. Two biggest lessons that I've learned in 2024. The first one is that you don't have control over anything, only your thoughts and your actions and how you respond to things. That is the only thing I have control over. And as someone that likes everything to be planned out and to have control over the results, sometimes I don't. And I realized that right at the beginning, when we moved here, where I planned well, I did everything right. And then still the results were very different than what I had expected. And it was because I didn't have control over everything. And not being frustrated about it was a lesson that I needed to teach myself and to let go and to adapt and to just take the time if I need to. Right? And that is something that I constantly saw during this year that I need to embody. Like, do what you can that you have control over. Do your best to influence, to impact, to make a change, to be better. But when there comes a time where you no longer have control, just embrace it and think how you would like to respond to it. So that is the first big lesson that I've learned, and the second one is about being present. Because this year has been like one big ADHD experience with all the things, all the moving pieces in, you know, like organizing things, managing things, creating systems, changing systems at work, managing work, managing life, managing the schedule of my daughters, planning trips, planning flights back home, people visiting us. Like, there were always these things happening around me and. And my brain was always somewhere else. Planning, thinking, analyzing, sorting things out. So sometimes, even if I were with friends or with family or definitely with my daughters, I wasn't really present. Like, I was there, but I wasn't there. Even though I didn't have my phone or I didn't have my computer, my brain was doing other things. And my daughters started making fun of me, saying, mom, you're like, you're staring in space and we're talking to you, and then it takes you like, five seconds to respond. Why? I'm like, yeah, I know I do that. And I don't notice it while I do it. So another lesson that I've learned is to really try to be present. Even if you think you're present, even if you're physically present, you have to also be mentally present. Otherwise, we miss out on so many things that are happening around us. Otherwise we're not engaging with our reality here and now. We're either in the past or in the future, but we're not here right now. So this is something I'm working on, just being present and not distracting myself with thoughts or doing other things while doing one thing. So really focusing on one thing at a time, especially when it's about being with people you love. Because life is short and you never know what's going to happen. And you want to be fully present. You want to give people around you the gift of being present and then receiving that gift of feeling what it's like to be present. So that is the second lesson. And maybe I could even say that is an intention, another intention that I set for myself for 2025. So now moving into what I wish for myself, and I share that with you, and if you want to take some of it, then that's great. The first one is more ease in life. So remember the imagery of me going up the the mountain and sometimes it's sunny, sometimes it's windy, sometimes it's rainy. Sometimes I have to carry a lot of shit and sometimes I have to carry other people, and sometimes I'm exhausted and sometimes I need to rest. So I just want it to be easier. I wanted. I want to get the same results. I want to get to the top of the mountain or to continue walking, but I want the days to be easier. So to get the same results or even better results with just less work, to put in less effort, to not feel like I always have to carry weights or baggage. That is what I wish for myself. And I also wish for myself more innovation, to create new things, to have space to come up with new ideas, to think up new ideas for my students, for myself. You know, I always combine mindset work and thought work with my teaching. And I always look at other fields to get ideas. And I try to create new ways of learning. And I feel like I'm ready to come up with something new. And I also want to help more people around the world. So innovation is definitely an intention that I want to set for 2025. And that's it. Now I want to ask you, what is the intention that you set for yourself in 2025? What is your one word that is going to lead you in 2025? If you're watching this on YouTube, just write it in the comments. If you're listening to the podcast, you can send me a DM on Instagram Hadar Accentsway to let me know. That's it. That is my review of my first year in Barcelona relocating to Barcelona, and actual review of 2024. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for listening. And I promise to drop more episodes in the Relocation Diaries. It's not going to be every week, but I will share more of the behind the scenes of my life here. I definitely have more capacity now, knock on wood. Let's see what comes. But that's it. Thank you so much for being a part of my journey. And remember that every week I also have a video about learning English so you can speak English with clarity, confidence and freedom. There's a lot that I have planned for the beginning of 2025 because I love the momentum of the new year. So if English is one of your goals for 2025, you will definitely enjoy what I have planned for you in January and February. So thank you so much. Have a beautiful, beautiful year. I love you. And I'll talk to you soon. Bye.