525. The "ping pong" trick that makes English small talk feel natural

Ping pong. This is what I call when there is a conversation between two people and they just go back and forth. One says one thing and the other replies, and then says another thing and the other replies as well. And there is a very special way and rhythm to these ping pong conversations. Today we are going to practice that, and we are going to practice what it's like to use your voice to flirt and How to sound excited on a first date, because today we have a shadowing and listening practice with the TV show First Dates. One thing about first dates is that you can drop the T and just connect first dates, first dates. I love shadowing practice because we get to practice and notice the nuances of speech, and that's what I do. I'm a non-native speaker of English, and I'm here to help you speak English with clarity, confidence, and freedom. Check out my website for more free content at hadarshemesh.com or follow me on social media if you want daily lessons and to interact with me regularly. In the scene, we are going to get to know them as they get to know each other. We are going to practice listening and shadowing, especially paying attention to the patterns of rhythm and intonation. Let's get started. First, I'm going to play it, and when I pause, just try to repeat what you've heard. If you don't understand it fully, that's okay. I'm going to explain it in a second.

Hi, it's a pleasure Nice to meet you.

So here they're overlapping a little bit, which makes it a little harder to hear. Let's play it again.

Hi, pleasure to meet you.

Okay. Hi, nice to meet you. Meet you. So she's, she's connecting the two words together.

Hi, pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you. That pitch going up and down at a higher voice, using the higher voice is usually sends the message of friendliness and excitement. Nice to meet you, Stephanie. Hi, pleasure to meet you. Let's listen to it again.

Hi, pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet you. Let's listen to the next sentence.

I'm Nelson, by the way.

What did he say?

I'm Nelson, by the way.

—"I'm Nelson, by the way. I'm Nelson, by the way." And then she says: "Nelson?" "Yes." "Pleasure." Nelson, pleasure. Nelson, pleasure. Nelson, question: "That's your name?" Pleasure. Right? So, this is a very typical pattern intonation pattern or speaking pattern for any new interaction between two people. And there is like the extra edge of excitement and nervousness. You can hear it in their voices because they are on TV and it's the first date. All right, let's continue. Thank you.

What are you drinking? I'm drinking a Pinot Grigio.

So let's listen to it again.

What are you drinking?

I'm drinking a Pinot Grigio. So she's asking— it's really low, but she's asking What are you drinking? What are you drinking? What are you drinking? When she reduces it like that, it sounds almost like she's saying what do you— listen! Uh, what are you drinkin'? Whaddya whaddya whaddya whaddya whaddya want? What're ya drinkin'? Because 'what are you' and 'what do you', when reduced they sound the same. What're ya drinkin'? What're ya drinkin'? She's trying to normalize the situation. What're ya drinkin'? And then he says, "What are you drinking?" "I'm drinking a Pinot Grigio." Okay, now let's listen to what she answers. "That's so classic, it hurts." What did she say? Listen to it again. "That's so classic, it hurts." That's so classic. That's so classic. That's so classic. And as you can see, there is like this back and forth. She says something, he responds, then she responds on top of it. That's the ping pong I was talking about that creates this dynamic or movement in the conversation, so there is not a lot of silence and the other person feels more comfortable. It's just something simple. What did he say?

Let's listen to it again. It's just something simple.

It's just something simple. It's just— it just— he reduces it. It's just something simple, right? So see, he responds to that. So you see, they continue this back and forth. What are you drinking? A Pinot Grigio. That's so classic. It's something simple. Transitioning to—

let's listen. Do you do egg whites at all?

What did she say? Do you do egg whites at all? So this is a way to ask the bartender if they serve drinks with egg whites, cocktails with egg whites. Do you do, do you do, do you do salads? Do you do dressing on the side? Do you do whatever, when you want to ask the restaurant or the servers or the bartender if they can do something more specific that is not on the menu. Do you do, do you do, do you do, do you do egg whites at all? Yes, there are cocktails with egg whites. Let's listen to what they respond.

I can make that happen for you.

What did he say? I can make that happen for you. Rest assured, we do egg whites. I can make that happen for you. Also like a typical kind of like confident American response. I can make that happen for you. Practice it with me. I can make it happen for you. Notice that little lift in pitch in the beginning. I can make that happen for you. Next we have: Good idea.

May I have a whiskey sour with an egg white served up?

What did she say? Listen to it again. Good idea.

May I have a whiskey sour with an egg white served up?

May I have a whiskey sour with an egg white served up? Lifting up, served up, because that's a question and they need to respond with yes or no. May I have a whiskey sour with an egg white Served up. Served up means that they shake it in the shaker with ice and then they strain it into the glass without the ice. Served up. Yes, I have some experience bartending, just saying. Next. Certainly, certainly.

Moving on. Thank you. Not to get all crazy. What did she say? Thank you. Not to get all crazy.

Not to get all crazy. Let's connect this phrase together. Not to get all crazy. Not to get all crazy. Now, I'm not sure what she is saying it about. I have two guesses. One, not to go all crazy, like it means that I'm keeping it low, I'm keeping it small, so I'm not going crazy with my request. Like, I'm not asking for a super fancy cocktail, even though I usually drink super fancy cocktails, because whiskey sour is pretty simple, pretty straightforward. So maybe she's referring to that, or maybe she's drinking something that is somewhat mild, not to go all crazy with drinking a lot of alcohol or something super strong. That's my interpretation of it. I wonder what you think she meant here by that. By the way, I'm going to pause this for a second. If you enjoy this kind of practice and you wanna learn more about pronunciation, definitely go check out my free masterclass. It's a pronunciation masterclass that teaches you all the key elements that they don't teach you in regular English studies that are going to help you build a healthy foundation for your pronunciation, intonation, rhythm, and stress. Just click the link below and it's absolutely free and you can watch it on demand whenever you want. Click the link below and I'll see you inside. Okay, so now they're cutting into her speaking direct to camera. You'll notice that she's a lot clearer here. It's going to be easier for you to understand her.

Let's listen. I think dating is exhausting, so exhausting.

I think dating is exhausting, so exhausting. So you use your voice to express something. This is like, it's kind of like she's, she's emphasizing how exhausting it is by using her voice and using the tone of voice, like, "Oh my God, I'm so tired." It is so exhausting, right?

It's emotionally exhausting, and you have to really, like, prepare yourself every time. It's emotionally exhausting, right?

When you lift your pitch, you're stressing that word, emotionally. It's not just physically exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting.

Like, prepare yourself every time.

Like, prepare yourself every time. Going back to the scene, listen. Thank you so much. That was easy, right? Thank you so much. Notice how she lifts the pitch at the end, and a lot of times that indicates this kind of friendliness, or I'm not threatening here by raising my pitch. Um, so I think this is why it's used that way, and also it's a pattern, it's a speaking pattern that is very, very common. We are used to associating that pitch up with a question or some kind of uncertainty, or when you want to add something, or you want the other person to add something, so you lift it up to show that you're not done. It's not like a full stop right here. Back to her speaking to the camera.

I think that's why I am picky.

I think that's why I am picky. Again, notice all that pitch, which makes English intonation what it is. We use a lot of pitch. I think that's why I'm picky. I don't date just to date.

I don't date just to date.

I don't date just to date. Follow me. I don't date just to date. So pay attention to the rhythm, legato, staccato. I don't date just to date. It's a lot of fun when you start listening to it like you listen to music. I hate like dating in itself. I hate, hate, healthy, I hate, do it with me. I hate like dating in itself, just, just the act of dating, just dating, not what it means, not what the potential is, just dating. I hate dating. She hates dating.

I went to the University of Washington and I—

What did she say?

Listen to it again. I went to the University of Washington and I—

I went to the university of Washington. I went to the University of Washington. Listen to it again.

I went to the University of Washington, and I—

I went to the University of Washington. She really reduces the words here and connects everything together. I went to the University of Washington. University. University.

I went to the University of Washington, and I got a scholarship to study abroad in China.

And, uh, I got a scholarship to study abroad in China, dot, dot, dot. Because she knows that once she says that, there's going to be a reaction. You will see there's going to be a reaction. So this is why she lifts up for him to finish the idea or thought or to respond. Okay, so let's do it again.

And I, uh, got a scholarship to study abroad in China.

I got a scholarship to study abroad in China. So it's kind of flat until she gets to the end where she lifts up. And notice the words that she stresses. I got a scholarship to study abroad in China. Scholarship abroad. China. Those words are longer. Everything else is shorter and reduced. Let's see what happens here.

So did you go to Beijing? So did you go to Beijing?

So, did you go to Beijing? So he jumps in. This is like the back and forth, the ping pong part. She lifts it up, he picks it up, and throws the ball back at her. So, did you go to Beijing? So it wouldn't be just her talking, right? And we can learn a lot about small talk from just seeing how this interaction happens, right? One person says one thing, the other responds to an element of what they said, they respond to that, and it's not like long speeches. This is what makes it dynamic and generally good. There aren't no like awkward moments where they wait for the other person to say something.

Absolutely. Okay.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And then he asks, are you half Chinese? What did he say? I'm sure you heard Chinese. Are you half Chinese? Are you half Chinese?

I'm a little less than half, my mom's 3/4. What did she say?

I'm gonna play it again.

I'm a little less than half, my mom's 3/4.

I'm a little less than half, my mom's 3/4. I'm a little less than half, my mom's 3/4. Now again, I want to comment something here. She could have just said yes, right? But she didn't, she put a twist on it, right? Like she extended her response. And this is particularly interesting for people who struggle with answering to general questions or small talk. And a lot of times people just answer yes or no, and this is a good example of how you can answer a question without just saying the exact answer but expanding on it to give someone time to think about their question or their next response. I'm a little less than that. My mom's 3/4. Now let's listen to the next part.

Now, did you, did you grow up speaking Mandarin?

What did he say? Let's listen to it again.

Now, did you, did you grow up speaking Mandarin?

So there's a part that he repeats the words there. These are not new words. Now, did you, did you, did you grow up speaking Mandarin? Did you grow up speaking Mandarin? What did she say? I don't know, so we're not going to shadow that. But if you do know, good for you.

Wow, wow. Do you cook yourself?

What did he say? Let's listen to it again.

Do you cook yourself?

Do you, do you, do you notice the reduction? Do you, do you, do you cook yourself? Do you cook yourself? Cook, look, book, that's a lax 'uh.' Cook, cook, cook. Do you cook yourself? Yes. Yeah, so do I. Yes.

Yeah, so do I, a lot.

What did he say? Let's listen to it again. So do I, a lot. So do I, a lot. So do I, a lot. Okay, again, not settling, for the basic, yeah, me too, but so do I, a lot. Okay, that's like a little bit more information about who I am without using a lot of words. Let's listen to it.

One thing I really love making— thank you— is— what did she say? One thing I really love making— thank you—

is one thing I really love making, one thing I really love making, Thank you.

So I make my own black cod kazuzuke.

What did she say? Listen to it again. So I make my own black cod kazuzuke. I make my own black cod kazuzuke.

Listen to it again. So I make my own black cod kazuzuke.

Kazuzuke, I hope I'm pronouncing it correctly. I'm pronouncing it the way she does, so it's probably the Englishized way of saying that dish. Black cod. Black cod.

So do I. No way. What the heck.

So do I. No way. What the heck. So do I. No way. What the heck. So again, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. He responds, so do I. She responds, no way. He responds again, what the heck. I mean, it's so surprising that both of us make the same dish, and it's fun, it's light, it It again creates this dynamic and energy. And then he says, "Hold on, I have a question to ask." People use that to kind of like reset the conversation. And he says, "You make your own miso black cod?" What did he say? Listen to it again.

"You make your own miso black cod?" You make your own miso black cod?

Okay, let's talk about that. Yes. What did he say after? Listen to it again. Okay, let's talk about that. Okay, let's talk about that. Okay, let's talk about that. Now, when you listen to such a conversation, they overlap, right? They speak on top of each other. This is something that you don't see in shows or TV, but you will experience in real life. I know of a lot of people who tell me that they have English teams, especially in the US, and then when they go out to drink or happy hour, it's really hard for them to understand, understand their team members because they speak on top of each other. They use some phrases and expressions that they're not familiar with, and it's really confusing. These, this is why these shows like reality shows or interviews or real conversations are really helpful for listening because they speak on top of each other, because they don't speak in full sentences, because it does, it's not scripted. It doesn't always make full sense. To anyone on the outside, but this is an excellent listening practice and shadowing practice, which is what we're doing right now. Okay, let's skip a little bit forward to a different part of their conversation. Again, I'm going to play it, you'll try to understand what they said, repeat it, and then I will repeat it. Where'd you go to high school? What did he say?

Where'd you go to high school?

Where did you go to high school? Where'd you go to 'Where'd you go to?' 'Where'd you go to?' 'Where'd you go to high school?' 'King's High School.' 'King's High School.' And the intonation means, 'Do you know it?' 'King's High School.' 'Do you know?' 'I have friends who went there.' What did he say? Listen to it again. 'I have friends who went there.' 'I have friends who went there.' 'I have friends who went there.' Peter Kim. What's the name he said? Peter Kim. Peter Kim. And Kevin Kim? Yeah. She responds. She doesn't say, "I know Peter Kim and Kevin Kim." That means, "I know Peter Kim and I know his brother Kevin Kim." Okay, whoa, we gotta talk about this. Whoa. Okay, a lot of sounds here. Oh, okay, yeah, okay. Again, this is nonverbal communication and it indicates surprise, excitement, drama. Oh, there's a lot behind the surface here that we need to explore, and all of that happens without words.

Peter is my housemate or my roommate. What did he say? Peter is my housemate or my roommate.

Peter is my housemate or roommate. No way. Yeah, that's crazy. No way. Yes. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, again, back and forth. They're responding to each other. That's crazy. Seriously. No way. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. No way. Seriously. I went to elementary school with your roommate.

What did she say?

Let's hear it again.

I went to elementary school with your roommate.

I went to elementary school with your roommate. I went to elementary school with your roommate. Yeah, how funny is that? How funny is that? When something is funny or ironic, it's not like haha funny, but it's, it's like a funny situation or an ironic situation, or the people would comment on that. How funny is that? Look at us, look at us talking about my roommate who went to school with you. How funny is that?

Kind of mind blown right now. What did she say? Kind of mind blown right now.

Kind of mind blown right now. I'm mind blown. It is mind-blowing. I'm mind blown. Kind of mind blown right now. Again, both of them are talking about the situation that they're in, almost like as if they exited their bodies. They're having conversation about what just happened here, which is something that often happens in such situations. All right, that's it. This date is actually longer than what we did, so I'm going to put the link below if you want to continue shadowing it and practicing along. There are subtitles, so you can look at the subtitles if you want to practice listening and to make sure that you got it right, because I'm not going to be there for the entire episode. It's a long episode. But like I said, I think this is a great way to practice your English and your listening, and especially pay attention to the dynamic of the conversation and see what happens and what you can learn from it, both in terms of the rhythm, the phrases that they use, the momentum, and the intonation. All right, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Really? Seriously? Oh my God, yes, it's so funny. It is so funny that we're doing this right now. And I hope that next time in your next small talk, you will take one thing from this conversation. If you want more of these exercises, definitely check out my shadowing playlist and listening playlist. And if you want to dive deeper into understanding intonation, rhythm, and stress, definitely join my free masterclass at hadarshemesh.com/masterclass. It's a pronunciation masterclass. It's on demand. You can watch it right now, and it's absolutely free. Have a beautiful, beautiful day, and I'll see you next week in the next video. Bye!