92. 5 things I wish I knew about English Fluency when I was 20

Welcome to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar, and this is episode number 92. And today we are going to talk about the five ways of being that are so important for your English success and life success. Hey, everyone, thank you so much for tuning in for another episode of the Influency podcast. I am so incredibly happy that you are here with me when I'm recording this episode. It's the end of 2020. So last week we released an episode that was episode number 90, about a year in review, where we reflected on the passing 12 months so we can prepare for the next 12 months and step into our power in English. So to do that, we first have to reflect back on what has worked and what hasn't worked.

And.

And today I'm going to share with you the five characteristics or ways of being that are so incredibly important for you to be able to get what you want in life. It has nothing to do with English and it has everything, everything to do with English. And I feel that this is one of the most profound episodes that I've released because some of the things are going to feel a little obvious, but when you look into it, you understand how deep it is, and you might discover some things in how you operate and go through life that would be like, this is why I'm not getting what I want, or this is why I don't get things done. And sometimes we need to go back to the basics to be able to change the circumstances that we live in and to really create the reality that we want for ourselves and for the people around us. So I hope this episode is going to inspire you to take action, to gain clarity, and to finally reach a breakthrough in the next 12 months. After I share with you the five characteristics or ways of being that are essential for you if you want to reach a breakthrough, I will ask you a sequence of three questions and that's going to be part two of what we started last week in terms of how you want to plan your year and see your year and see the change that you've been waiting for. Okay? So let's not wait any longer because I'm stalling here. Okay? Are you ready? Let's listen to today's episode.

Hey, everyone, it's Hadar. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm going to share with you the first five ways of being that are the secret to your success in English and in life. Now listen, no one ever talks about these things because it's not necessarily related to English, but let me tell you this. Without these five behaviors, it is going to be impossible for you to reach your goals in English and in anything that you want to achieve in life. I wish I knew these things when I was 20 before I embarked on my English journey. This is part two of the Year in Review video series where we reflect back on the past and plan for the future. So I'm going to share with you these five behaviors now and then we're going to set goals for the next 12 months. And it doesn't matter when you're watching this video, whether it's the beginning of the year or the middle of the year, it is always important to reflect, reflect back and plan for the future. So you are intentional and you are getting your goals focusing on the five key behaviors that I'm going to share with you today in this episode. If you're new to my channel, then welcome. My name is Hadar. I'm a non native speaker of English and I am here to help you feel confident, free and proud when communicating in English. You can also follow me on Instagram at Hadar Accentsway. I hope to connect with you there. So let's begin with the first five ways of being or behaviors that are responsible for your English success and breakthrough. The first one is commitment. Now, it might seem a little obvious to you, but I want to go a little deeper here, so stay with me. When you say to yourself, okay, I want to do X or I want to do Y. We are more likely to be committed to beginning, but we're less likely to be committed to finishing. Let me ask you this. How many times have you started something without completing it? We're all really good at starting things. We get motivated and we get started. We're committed to making change, but we're not committed to completing things. If you don't complete what you start, you are less likely to see the results that you're after. You're not going to see the impact that it has on your English.

You.

So let's say you say to yourself, okay, I want to practice every day for 15 minutes. So you get started and you start. And you do it for the first week and the second week and the third week and then the fourth week, something happens and you don't stick with it even though you've committed to doing it for three months. Let's say you sign up for a program or a course and you get started, but you don't finish it. If you don't finish something, how will you see the results?

Right?

I mean it's always great to start new things. The next shiny object, right? Oh, this is a good thing for me. Or I should do this, I should do that. And then you keep getting distracted from where you're at, and you keep doing different things because it all looks better than what you're doing right now. But here's the truth. If you keep starting new things, you're never completing them. And if you're never completing them, how will you ever be able to see if it results? So in the next 12 months, I want to ask you to stay committed to your English success and English journey and your fluency, and commit to finishing more than to starting the next one. Is responsibility. Now, I'm going to share a little bit of tough love, which means I'm saying things that are not going to be easy to hear, but I'm doing it out of love because I know it's going to help you, okay? Responsibility means that whatever you're seeing right now in your life, wherever you're at in your English journey, is your responsibility. It's a result of either your behavior, the actions that you decided to take or not to take, and the way you think about yourself in English. A lot of times I see people telling me all these stories about, you know, I didn't have this and I didn't have that, and this is happening to me, and that is happening to me, and it's all valid. And again, like, I'm recording this at the end of 2020. So this has been a very challenging year in terms of, you know, staying committed and doing the work. But I'm not just talking about this year. I'm talking about in general, when people think about why their English is not where they want it to be. I hear things like, my first language makes it impossible. I did not learn in school. I don't have a lot of opportunities to practice. So all of these things, they're true, but they're not the reason why you're not where you want to be. Because if you can see people who share the same experience, yet they were able to reach a fluency and English breakthrough, then it means that it's not about these facts. It's about what you decided to do about it and whether or not you realize that you have the power to take responsibility and to change those circumstances or to change how you react to those circumstances or respond to those circumstances. Because if something happens, okay, I don't have a lot of opportunities to speak with people. And you're like, you surrender to it. That you're not taking responsibility of the situation and you're telling yourself, okay, there is nothing I can do. But if you do something about it, you find people online, you ask your friends to talk to you in English, you, whatever that is, you are taking responsibility of the situation and creating the right circumstances for you to succeed. That what responsibility means. Responsibility means that if you are afraid to communicate in English, you have to understand that you have limitations and limiting beliefs that are holding you back. And unless you tackle those limitations, it's going to be very hard for you to break through. So if you want to break through, it's your responsibility to change that mindset so you can finally step into your full power and speak English and feel as comfortable as you feel in your native language. The next thing is self integrity, which means you do what you say you're going to do. And while that sounds obvious, ask yourself, how many times have you said, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. You put it in your calendar, you schedule a meeting, you commit to something, and then you don't do it. Right. That is self integrity. Being a person of your word is what you need to be able to commit to accomplish and to show responsibility. How do you show responsibility? You make a decision to do something and you do what you say you're going to do. I can tell you from my own personal experience that I've struggled with that for many years, and sometimes even till today, I say to myself, okay, I'm going to do this, this and that today, and I end up not doing it. I do other things. Now I know that these three things are going to help me advance, whether it's in my business or in my personal life. And if I don't do those things, I'm hindering my progress. Yet for some reason, I wouldn't do these things because other things would be easier for me to do. And not only that, it stopped my progress. It also started chewing on my belief in myself and in my abilities. Why? Because I didn't have the experience of doing something and seeing it accomplished every single day. The small things and the big things. I started having doubt about my ability to accomplish things because in my head I'm like, I don't even get my three things of the day done. How would I ever get those big things done right? So for you to be able to reach that big goal, you have to be able to reach the small goals every single day. If you say that you're going to practice for 10 days and you don't do it, then you believe that you're not a person of your word. You believe that you're not going to follow through. So how would you believe that the big things are possible for you? To go to a job interview in English, Right. To present in English, to write a book in English? Whatever that big goal that you have, you have to understand that the small things, the small successes, the small accomplishments, is what's going to get you there. Not just because it's the steps that you need to reach. It's because how you see yourself as a person of integrity and self integrity. So I really want you to reflect on that and I really want you to think about all the things that you say that you're going to do and you don't do it. Remember that if you say that you're going to do it, it means that it's important. So do it because it's important and imperative for your success. But more importantly, this behavior creates the possibility of things happening in your life because you'll start trusting yourself and you'll see that you're doing the things that you say you're going to do. And that makes it even more reasonable and more possible to accomplish the big things as well as the small things. The next one is consistency. Consistency is the idea that you make English and English practice a part of your life. It's not something that you do for three months and then let go of it. It's not something that you do for a year and then you expect it to be there for you. It's something that becomes a part of your life. I always say that English is a lifestyle. It's not a project that you do now. Yes, granted, sometimes when you invest, a lot of times for many years, at some point you can rest and say, I'm good. But if you are unhappy with where you're at with your fluency, you have to stop putting deadlines on your English practice or English journey and understand and embrace the fact that you have to consistently show up for your English and for yourself to be able to see the results that you're after. That means that you need to create healthy habits around your practice, healthy habits around speaking. You need to eliminate beliefs that prevent you from doing the work. You need to not let your feelings get in the way of like, I don't feel like practicing today. No, but you show up and you do it anyway. That is consistency, because consistency pays off. It's the idea of the compound effect. When you're consistent and you show Up. And you do the work every single day, no matter what, come rain or come shine. Whether it's any in your English or your business or your family or your body. If you work out, if you do it every single day, first of all, you get used to it. It's just something that you do. It's like a part of your life, but it creates the compound effect. You won't see a huge result from yesterday to today, but if you keep showing up at some point in the future, you will look back and say, oh my goodness, I can't believe how far I've come simply by doing the work every single day. Consistency, showing up every day. Responsibility, taking, ownership of your life and your English self, integrity, you do what you say you're going to do. And commitment. Commit to finishing and not just to starting. And commit to your journey and to your success because otherwise no one's going to do that for you. And that leads me to the last thing, which is giving yourself grace. Giving yourself grace is the permission to forgive yourself for your mistakes, for your lack of judgment, for you not being consistent or not being responsible or not being committed. Because while we want all of those things in our lives and we have to incorporate these behaviors to say, see the things and the results that we want to see in our lives, when we mess up and when we don't do the work, we have to be able to forgive ourselves and to understand that every given moment it's an opportunity to start over and to start again. And at some point you will build that muscle and create those behaviors that will stick with you for the long run. Because listen, not everything is black and white and we are not perfect. So every now and then we're not going to do things according to how they're supposed to be. The question is how you bounce back. If you get hard on yourself and you start beating yourself up and you stop because what's the point anyway? Then you are just getting in your own way. But if you give yourself some grace and you say, okay, I tried, did not work as planned, okay, I forgive myself, let's start over. This is the secret of your success, my friend. It is to be able to bounce back and to let go of the past and the mess ups and the mistakes. Because if we keep obsessing with the past, what we've done, how we did it, we're going to stay stuck in the past. If you and you and I are all about the future and about progressing and moving forward. So while we want to stay consistent and we're responsible for the results that we see in our lives and we're committed and we are self integral. We should also give ourselves grace if we don't follow through all the time.

All the time.

Okay, so now we're going to move on to a few questions that I want you to answer to complete your year in review and planning the next 12 months. And if you haven't done it again, the PDF is the same for the previous episode and this episode because it's a two part video series. And answer the following questions from the five things that I've discussed. What are you going to focus on most in the next 12 months? Responsibility, commitment, self integrity, giving yourself some grace and consistency. So write it down if it's all five or if there is like one or two things that you want to focus on the most. Because I think it is easier when you focus on one thing. So write it down again in the PDF. You can fill it in inside the form. The next question is in the next 12 months, what would your ideal year look like? Okay, when you visualize it, when you envision your year, when it comes to English. And you can also do it when it comes to your personal life and your profession, what would your ideal year look like? How would you feel? What would you do? Who would you be speaking with? What would you be doing? So write it down like as if there were no limitations and really have a clear idea of how you want to feel in particular, because I truly believe that when we create that possibility in our head, it is more likely to manifest in our lives. And the final question is, what is your big scary goal for the next 12 months? Which means that what is one thing that you say to yourself? Ah, this would be a dream come true if I could do it in English, when it comes to English, like a big scary thing that you think is not possible for you. So I want you to write it down, go crazy. I want to become the president, I want to give a TED Talk, I want to create my own business and make videos in English, whatever that is, write it down. No matter how scary it is, no matter how you know all the negative voices that are in your head saying, are you kidding? It's not possible. I want you to write it down. Remember, when you make the impossible possible, even if it's on a piece of paper, you create the possibility in your brain and you're more likely to take positive action towards that goal. And it doesn't matter if you achieve it or not. That's not the point. The point is that you are moving in that direction and that direction is like reaching something that right now feels scary or impossible, but at least it would move you in the right direction and get you better results than what you are seeing right now in your life. And who knows, that impossible might become possible for you if you stick to the five things that we talked about today. If you are watching this at the end of 2020, I want to wish you a year of joy and happiness and health and abundance and prosperity. May this be the year where you get to hang out with your family and friends and do the things that you absolutely love love. May this year be your breakthrough year in English. Now I would love to hear about your progress and your journey. So first you can answer the questions that I asked in the comments. I'm going to share the questions again in the comments. And you can also download the workbook, the Year in Review Workbook. And if you fill it out, take a picture of it, upload to your stories and share it with me and tag me so I can respond and reshare it in my stories or you can send me a dm, you can find me Hadar Accentsway on Instagram. Again. I can't wait to connect with you. Thank you so much for being you and for being here. I am very grateful for that and I do not take it for granted. Have a beautiful, beautiful day and I'll see you next week, next year in the next video. Bye.