https://www.listennotes.com/e/2299d9d1c02f4f92bf47d408dc5b7a21

When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. The Let Them Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. Hey, you're listening to the Influency Podcast. I'm Hadar, your host, a pronunciation expert, fluency coach, and a proud non native speaker with over 16 years of experience teaching. I am here to share with you all my secrets on how to show up in English clearly with confidence and freedom. On this podcast, I'll provide step by step strategies, lessons, stories and practical tips to keep you inspired and motivated on your English journey. Are you ready? Let's do it. Foreign hey everyone, it's Hadar. Welcome to another episode where we read out loud together. In this episode we're going to read an excerpt from the book the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins. I'm going to read the book for you and highlight specific pronunciation patterns, intonation patterns, and explain certain vocabulary and phrases and expressions that we see in the book. And you can use this video to shadow me. So if you want, you can play one line, pause the video and repeat after me. You'll see the text right in front of you. This is an exceptionally great exercise to practice reading and listening or just listen to a book explained and read by me. Not the entire book, just a small part of it. I love this book because I think the theory, the Let Them Theory is so incredibly valuable for anyone trying to live a better life and not to be affected by everything that happens around them. But specifically for my students and for anyone who is a non native speaker, I think this theory could be implemented when it comes to the fear of speaking, fear of judgment, fear of speaking with native speakers, and so much more. So we're going to read the book, discuss it and see how it relates to us non native speakers. If you're new to my channel then hi, my name is Hadar. I'm a non native speaker of English and I am here to help you speak English with clarity, confidence and freedom. And if you like this type of reading out loud, reading books out loud. I have a few more videos where I read other books like Atomic Habits and Harry Potter and I'm going to link to it in the description below or in the show notes. If you're listening to this on the podcast. Are you ready to get started? Let's do it. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins the Let Them Theory is about freedom. Before we continue, let's Just practice the phrase let them. Because you want to place the tongue on the teeth for the T so it's ready for the th. It's going to make the transition a lot smoother. Let them. And the T is held let them. So you connect it together. The let them theory is about freedom. Two simple words, let them, will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. Burden. Burden is a worry or something difficult that you carry a burden. So two simple words, let them, will free you from the burden, from the worry, or from the difficulty of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do you finally have the energy to focus on your own life? Let's do it again. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. And this is huge. So remember that you stop reacting and start living. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So let's do that again. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you learn to let them. So driving yourself crazy means making yourself worried or frustrated, or I'm driving myself crazy, right? Like, it's kind of like you're obsessing over something. So she says here, instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, worrying about what they feel or think or do, you'll learn to let them. In a way, let them is just let them be, right? Just let them do what they want. Just let them. Rather than control them or think that you have any kind of impact on how they think, feel, or behave. So what does this look like? What does this? Sth. And actually the S is pronounced as a Z. What does this transition smoothly? What does this look like? Look, look, look. So what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood. Bad mood. Bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, just say let them. So we have the word affect here. And affect is a verb which means to influence or change something, an action. Don't confuse it with effect, which is a noun, the result or consequence of something. Okay? And they're pretty much pronounced the same by most people. Effect. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, just say, let them. Let them be grumpy. Grumpy means annoyed or irritated. Let them. Let them be grumpy. It's not your problem. Focus on your work and how you feel. Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices, and it hits you like a brick. Hits. Lacks. I. Hits brick. Let's do that part again. Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick. Hits you like a brick means a strong and sudden impact. It's kind of like, whoa, I did not expect that. Right? And the impact is really powerful. Just like you get hit by a brick. Right? Like it's. It's painful and it's immediate and it's powerful. And sometimes people's words may have that impact. Okay, so this is discussing that situation. Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just say, let him. Let him have his opinions. Opinions. Opinions. Let him have his opinions. So by the way, let him can be pronounced as let em. Let him. Because we drop the h and we connect it together. Let him. The T is flapped. A little comment here that even the word let them could be pronounced that let them let them. Because the word them could be reduced to and then let em, let them and let em let him are pronounced the same. But it's only when you reduce it, not when you read it carefully, like I do right now. Let him have his opinions. They don't change who you are or what you've accomplished or your right to make decisions that make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. This is a really good sentence, and I use it a lot with my students. People have no power over you unless you let them have that power. Okay. The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. So think about it in the context of being afraid to speak to native speakers or to your boss or to someone with authority, and you're afraid of making mistakes or getting stuck or not understanding them. And you feel inferior. But you only feel inferior because you give them more power than you give yourself. And that is yours to take responsibility for. Because they don't have power over you simply by them being them and you being you. No, you give them that power and then you feel less than. So the idea of this sentence and the idea of the let them theory is that, no, they don't have power over you and don't give it to them. So hold no real power over you means to control or to influence. They don't have control. They don't influence you. Okay. They're not superior to you. Let's read again from the beginning. Up until that part. And I'm going to read it with more flow and you're just going to listen. Because sometimes we need to listen to a paragraph a couple of times to really understand it. Now you can also use this quick summary to shadow me so you can pause after each sentence and just repeat the Let them Theory is about freedom. Two simple words, Let them will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life, you stop reacting and start living. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, just say love them. Let them be grumpy. It's not your problem. Focus on your work and how you feel. Or maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just say let him. Let him have his opinions. They don't change who you are or what you've accomplished or your right to make decisions that make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. Let's continue. Here's why this works. When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus to reclaim is to get back something that you lost. So if you lost time over thinking about it or you lost your peace of mind, you're stressed out about it or you're focused because you're only thinking about that, then you want to reclaim that. The time, the peace of mind, and the focus, you again reclaim your power. In that sense, you realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behavior, opinions, or mood. And again, if we think about it in the context of English, when we're so worried about what people are going to think about our mistakes or our flow or our vocabulary or level of English, we really start focusing on them and what they potentially think rather than what we want to say or how we want to be perceived or how we want to feel, okay? And instead of investing that energy and think of energy like money, right? Like you want to invest your money in yourself, not in other people's opinions or behaviors or whatever is going on in their brain. The word tied to when we say you realize that Your happiness is tied to your actions. Means to be related to something or dependent on it. Okay? So that's the meaning here. So your happiness is tied to your actions, not to other people. You cannot expect to be happy if other people are thinking good things about you or doing certain things a certain way. No, it's only about how you feel and how you think. It sounds simple, and it is. But I'm telling you, this shift will change everything. So shift in this context is small change or movement. So even though it's. It doesn't feel like a big deal. Let them. Okay, I'm going to say let them and then what? But that little shift, that little change will change everything for you. And even though it's called Let them, this book is about you, your time, and your energy because these are the most precious resources you have. Precious is highly valuable. Okay? So it's really about recognizing how you improve the quality of your life and the quality of your experience in this world and with other people. Okay? The Let them theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. So I'm going to read it again. The let them theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And the more you let people be who they are or feel what they feel or think what they think, the better your relationship will be. So let's read that part again and see how it builds up. And the more you let people be who they are and feel what they feel. Right? You want to escalate it here in a way, or think what they think, the better your relationship will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life, and it will change yours, too. Because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you'll see how much power you truly have. And this is what I want you to think about and to practice after we are done with this lesson. Okay? Let them think their thoughts. Let them be them and you be you. And let your English be your English without having to worry or to please or. Or to judge or to edit yourself so freaking much. So let's do a quick recap here. And if you want a shadow, remember, you can pause the video line by line and repeat after me. Here's why this works. When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's. Behavior, opinions, or mood. It sounds simple, and it is. But I'm telling you, this shift will change everything. And even though it's called Let Them, this book is about you, your time, and your energy, because these are the most precious resources you have. The Let them theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And the more you let people be who they are and feel what they feel or think what they think, the better your relationships will be. Learning how to let adults be adults has changed my life, and it will change yours too. Because when you finally stop giving your power to other people, you'll see how much power you truly have. Now we're going to jump to a later part in the chapter to see examples of how you can use that in real life. Think about how this applies to different areas of your life. Let's say you're in a meeting at work and you've come up with an idea you're excited about. Now come up with an idea. Or to come up with something is to suggest or think of an idea. Oh, I came up with a great idea to solve world hunger. Okay, to come up with. Come up with. That's a phrasal verb. You've put thought into it. You know it has potential, but when you pitch it, the room goes quiet. To pitch is to present something in a persuasive way. And the room goes quiet practically means there is no response. You can also say crickets. No one says anything. Not a good sign. People nod politely and they move on. And before you know it, someone else's idea is getting all the attention. You feel invisible. You start second guessing yourself, wondering if maybe you should have said it differently or tried harder to be heard. Second guessing means to doubt your own decision after you've made it. And again, this is something that I see my students deal with a lot when they speak up and then they start second guessing how they said it's if they used the right grammar, if they used the right vocabulary, how they sounded, if it was appropriate or not. And when you think about it, it's hard enough to share your opinion or to express yourself in any language in a room that doesn't feel safe, let's say at work or in new situations, let alone in a second language where you anyway feel like you have to work harder. So this is especially relevant for people who speak English as second language. In that moment, you can either let this dismissal crush you, or you can pause and say, let them. Dismissal is the act of treating Something as unworthy of considering or rejection. To dismiss something, it's kind of like, no, no. And crush is ruin or destroy. So I'll read it again. In that moment, you can either let this dismissal crush you, or you can pause and say, let them. Let them dismiss it. Dismiss. I. I let them go with a different idea. Their response doesn't change the value of your ideas. It doesn't change your worth as a contributor. It doesn't change your worth. I always say to my students, your mistakes change don't define you. Okay? The fact that you make mistakes or the fact that someone doesn't pay attention to, or they dismiss an idea, it doesn't change your worth as a human being or as a contributor. They might have gone with a different strategy, but that doesn't mean yours wasn't a great idea. You're still the same person with the same talent and ability to succeed. And the fact that you had an idea to pitch proves it. Pitch. Remember that word? Pitch? The same goes for dating. Maybe you've been texting someone and things felt like they were going somewhere, but then out of nowhere, they ghost you. No response, no explanation. Out of nowhere is suddenly, without warning, but then out of nowhere, they ghost you. Ghost is to stop contacting someone without explanation. It's kind of like you become a ghost. Okay? And then out of nowhere, they ghost you. No response, no explanation. It stings, doesn't it? To sting is to hurt. It hurts, doesn't it? You wonder what you did wrong. Replaying every conversation, trying to figure out where it went off the rails. Off the rails is to go in the wrong direction. Okay. You wonder what you did wrong. Replaying. Right. To play again and again and again. Replaying every conversation, trying to figure out where it went off the rails. The temptation to text them again, to find some way to get closure, is almost overwhelming. So temptation is the desire to do something. I'm so tempted. I'm so tempted to text them again. And closure is a sense of resolving or finalizing something to get closure. Been there. Okay, let's do a quick recap. You can shadow me here if you want. Think about how this applies to different areas of your life. Let's say you're in a meeting at work and you've come up with an idea you're excited about. You've put thought into it. You know it has potential. But when you pitch it, the room goes quiet. People nod politely, but they move on. And before you know it, someone else's idea is getting all the attention you feel Invisible. You start second guessing yourself, wondering if maybe you should have said it differently or tried harder to be heard in that moment. You can either let this dismissal crush you, or you can pause and say, let them. Let them dismiss it. Let them go with a different idea. This response doesn't change the value of your idea. It doesn't. Doesn't change your worth as a contributor. They might have gone with a different strategy, but that doesn't mean yours wasn't a great idea. You're still the same person with the same talents and ability to succeed. And the fact that you had an idea to pitch proves it. The same goes for dating. Maybe you've been texting someone and things felt like they were going somewhere, but then out of nowhere, they ghost you. No response, no explanation. It stings, doesn't it? You wonder what you did wrong, replaying every conversation, trying to figure out where it went off the rails. The temptation to text them again, to find some way to get closure is almost overwhelming. Been there, been there. But here's where. Let them comes in. Let them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn't say anything about you. How you respond does. Stop asking why they are doing this. The question is, why do you want to be with someone who does this to you? You don't. Don't waste your energy chasing someone who's already left. Focus on what you can control. Processing your emotions and reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with respect. In both of these situations, whether it's work, dating, or anything else, when you say let them, you are recognizing what's in your control and what isn't. Instead of spiraling, you're choosing to steady yourself and detach. So spiraling, like when I think of spiraling, I think of like this movement. You spiral down. Spiraling is an overwhelm of negative thoughts. So it's kind of like you start going into. You start ruminating and thinking all these different things and usually it's negative thoughts and you become more depressed. So instead of spiraling, you're choosing to steady yourself. Steady yourself is to stay still and stay grounded and detach. To detach is to try to be less involved in a situation, to disconnect. I'm disconnecting myself from it emotionally because it's best for me, because I cannot control them and I cannot control their actions and it's not going to serve me if I start thinking about why they behaved the way they did. The only thing you have control over is your own thoughts and feelings and actions. As I said earlier, other people have no real power over you unless you give them that power. And every time you say let them, you choose to take it back. Let's all say it together. Let them. Okay, so let's do one last quick recap of that last part. But here's where let them comes in. Let them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn't say anything about you. How you respond does. Stop asking why they're doing this. The question is, why do you want to be with someone who does this to you? You don't. Don't waste your energy chasing someone who's already left. Focus on what you can control. Processing your emotions and reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with respect. In both situations, whether it's work, dating, or anything else, when you say let them, you are recognizing what's in your control and what isn't. Instead of spiraling, you choose to steady yourself and detach. As I said earlier, other people hold no real power over you unless you give them that power. And every time you say let them, you choose to take it back. All right, that's it. That is the end of the excerpt. And like I said, I'm going to link to the audiobook, the Let Them Theory. I absolutely loved it and I absolutely recommend it. It was written by Mel Robbins and her daughter Sawyer Robbins. She also has the Mel Robbins Podcast, one of the top, if not the best podcast in the world, the most listened to podcast. So if you don't know her, I will link to her Instagram and her podcast and to this book in the show notes. So one thing I want you to take from this exercise, first of all, all the new vocabulary and maybe think of words that you know but you rarely use. So maybe you can choose those words to start using them more frequently. This is the exercise, the English exercise that we have for today. But the mindset exercise, which is the more important exercise or homework that you have for today, is to think about how you can use that Let them theory. When it comes to your experience as a non native speaker, when it comes to speaking English, sharing your theory thoughts, participating in a conversation, saying yes to opportunities, or even practicing English or listening to other people, whatever it is that scares you, that makes you feel afraid of judgment or that people are going to think something about you, use the let them theory and you'll see how much freedom that could add to your English experience. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you you enjoy this. If you like this type of video. I have a few more videos where I read out loud from books that I like and I'm going to link to it in the description below. And you can also check out my website@hadar shemesh.com for a ton of free resources and lessons. And if you want to practice pronunciation with me, I have a free 14 day plan with daily videos, lessons, PDFs and audio recordings that you can really work through day by day and improve your pronunciation in 14 days. Everything is free and linked below. Have a beautiful, beautiful rest of the day and I will see you next week in the next video. Bye.