You Were NEVER Meant to Be Enough — Powerful Mom Breakthrough | A Mom Makeover

Things are going great. Why is this a hard time for you? Let's get into the nitty gritty.

Part of the reason why it feels so hard for me is I act like it's not. I'm tired of holding up that image. Four kids, work schedule, side hustle, pursuing my mba, my husband's traveling, I've got anxiety. I. I don't want people to see that I don't have it together. I feel like I'm just the worst.

I'm going to call BS on that for a moment. Not enough. You were never supposed to be enough. Sweetheart, you're showing up probably better than you've shown up before, only because you're being authentic right now.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Welcome to the Hannah Keeley show, where America's number one mom coach dishes out bold truth, brain hacks, and holy spirit fire to help you ditch the chaos and send anxiety running back hell with its hair on fire. Every week, Hannah keeps it real, from breakdowns to breakthroughs and everything in between. So if you're ready to transform your life, your family, and your future, you're in the right place. Cuz this is where faith gets fierce and moms get free. Come on, let's get this party started.

All right, sister, so this is how we're gonna do this. A lot of times, moms shove stuff down because we don't give ourselves the time or really the Just the room to go into it all. So what I want to do is I want to give you one minute to just rant, release, have a tantrum. Everything that you can think of, the thoughts that plague you, the things that wake you up at night, the things that irritate you the most. This is open ground to talk about all that. Okay? So I'm going to go ahead and set the timer for one minute, and I will blow the whistle when that is up. Okay?

Okay.

All right. Ready?

Okay.

Go.

Okay. Well, first off, I'm just. I'm so excited about this. But I'm also just so, I guess disappointed in myself that it's come to this where I am reaching out to you. And like, Hannah, like, I. I'm in a mess. I'm in a mess. I'm mad at myself for letting me get this way and just putting myself last all the time. I'm. I'm not a selfish person. I don't feel like everybody else always comes first. And now we're in the spot that we're in, and I see that. So that's what keeps me up at night, just stress, everything.

Tell me about that stress. Like, get into it. I want to know the stress. Like those horrible thoughts that are plaguing you. You're like, oh, I don't want to think about that. Think about it. What is it?

Four kids, work schedule, side hustle, working full time, plus a full time second job, master's degree I'm in, pursuing my mba. I've got a lot going on. My husband's traveling right now. The shutdown's going on, so we don't know if he's going to get paid anytime soon. It's. It's a lot. All on top of each other.

Okay, you said it's a lot. It is a lot. I get that. But what do you feel about that? Like. Like, why does a lot feel so heavy to you right now? Tell me what's. What's behind that. Because you said things like, I've got a master's degree and I've. Okay, so. So why is that a problem? Because some people can handle a lot and they're like, hey, everything's awesome. I'm working and things going great. Why is this a hard time for you? Let's get into the nitty gritty.

I think the part of the reason why it feels so hard for me is I act like it's not. To the outside world. I've got it together. I know what I'm doing. My ducks are in a row. Everything is just perfect.

That's an image. Isn't.

Is. I'm tired of holding up that image. That's. That's why it's heavy.

If you can't hold up that image anymore, what's your other option?

What if. What if I don't. I don't want to say what if people don't like me, but what if. What if they see how crazy it is?

Like, oh, my gosh. Yeah. What. What if they do. Let's go down that road. What if they do see how overwhelmed you are and how crazy your life is. What will happen? What will happen? All right.

I know.

I've always.

I've always been the person that's had it all together. People come to me with their problems. People say, oh, yeah, if. If she can do it, I can do it. Yeah. She's got four kids. She's going to school, she's working two jobs. She holds down the fort while her husband is off the military training. Like, she's got it together. But. But I don't.

No, you don't.

I. I don't want People to see that I don't have it together.

Okay? With people see you don't have it together, Your mind's already gone down that road. I just want to track it. Your mind's already gone down that road of seeing, like, I'm going to be real. I'm gonna show up overwhelmed, scattered, frustrated, potentially have anxiety or depression. And if people see that, then what? Fill in the blank.

I don't know. It's scary to me because they. I've never let myself show that, okay? And I'm. I'm surrounded by a very small group of people. So I don't. You know, it's not like I have a community or something that I belong to that, you know, I can show up just crazy and all of these people chip in. Or, you know, I have somebody I turn to when I need something. It just feels. It feels kind of isolating, and I. I don't want to make that worse, if that makes sense.

Well, I don't think you can make it worse because you're already isolated. Okay, so let's talk about why you're isolated. Ali, I want to show you something. When we have an image to live up to, it's really. Is really a very fragile place to live, okay? And when we are upholding that, it takes a certain system to manage it. And people are not allowed to see that system. It's a very private thing, a very personal thing. So it might mean, like, here's how I'm coping. If people see me coping, then they'll know that I could be portrayed as a charlatan, like, now, like, I might not have clients. I might not have a business. I might not be able to have people around me. You are already isolated because the system you are managing to hold up, this image, is a very isolating place. No one can see what's really going on. So when you say I have a small community, you're 100% right, because you have created that small community. People can't come on the inside. When do you remember showing up real and it hurt you, Or have you ever shown up real?

You know, only I'm thinking back only really a handful of times, and I think it's kind of showed me that showing up, showing up real, either asking for help or just showing the crazy. It's never. It's never been positive for me.

Tell me about some of those times.

I mean, I've. I've lost friends over it.

How did that happen?

You know, I asked for help. I needed somebody to turn to, and Suddenly I wasn't their go to person anymore. Like they, they can't come to me because I'm coming to them.

So let me ask you this. Did you lose friends or did you lose people that you are attracting to yourself because you needed to feel valuable?

Thought they were my friends, but now I, I hear, I hear that we.

Will attract the people into our lives that keep us in the safe place. Your safe place is I'm Ali and I have it all together. I can help you. And so those people that come into our lives even looking like friends, they're there because we need them to hold up the image because so we can help them, it's actually helping us. Does that make sense?

That makes sense. I feel that.

Okay, you feel that? Tell me, when you say I feel that, what does that mean? Tell me about that. Where do you feel it? How do you feel it? What is it telling you?

You know, that's, that's really what I've personally always, I don't want to say worth, but based my worth on. You know, I feel good being able to help all of these people. Like that's what makes me happy at the end of the day is I, I am in an environment where I'm always helping, whether it's kids work, side work. Like I'm always the helper. That's what I do.

Was it your mom or your dad that you had to help out the most?

I guess, well, maybe my mom. I mean, I don't, I don't think I really had to help them out a lot. It was more always just the people around me. Like I, I attract the people. I'm the person that goes to the store and strangers come up and tell me their life story or what they've got going on in their life. That's me. Something about me has always done that.

That's beautiful actually. I mean, that's the heart of Jesus right there, is going out into the world and helping people. However, when we have the heart of Jesus, without the authenticity of Jesus, that's where it can backfire. So when we can't show up real, then there's no reciprocity, we're just pouring out. Jesus could pour out because he was always allowing us to be poured into. So this is the place where you've created this image that is so volatile and so fragile. Your world has become smaller and smaller and smaller. And when I say like, who did you have to help out the most? What I mean by that is who did you have to be when you were Little. To make sure everything ran smoothly.

I. I've always been a mom. Even when I was young, I. I've always been a mom.

Yeah.

Just to everybody. Anybody and everybody around me.

Okay. Where do you think that came from?

I've always just felt like I was the caretaker. Like, I. I feel like I was probably. I've been doing this my whole life. I'm trying to think of when. When it started, but really, even when I was younger. This is me.

Yeah. Go back to the very first memory of helping out and being entrusted with that. When is your very first memory?

Oh, man. We're talking about going all the way back. Being the teacher's helper in elementary school. Like, taking names, watching over everybody. Just way back.

Yeah. Why did. Why did you do that? How did it feel when you were doing it? I mean, it.

It felt. It felt good.

Tell me why.

Because I. I was helping, and somebody trusted me enough to ask me for help.

Yeah. You know what? We have certain core needs that we carry around, and some dominate others. There are other needs that dominate other people, but one thing that dominates you is the need for significance. And how you achieved that feeling of significance was being the one that people can turn to and depend on. And it's not a bad thing until it becomes too hard to manage. And so you've been the one that people can count on, people can depend on. Tell me what that's like as a mom. Like, has that changed since you became a mom? Or has it gotten more. Has it gotten harder to do that? Has it been more gratifying? Have you felt more significant? Tell me what has shifted.

I mean, I think becoming a mom just intensified it, because now I have. I don't have outside people that need me. I have kids that need me. I've got four little babies that need me every day, whether they think they do or not. Yeah, I think it's just. It's gotten more intense is all.

Yeah. Let me show you what happened. Your mom brain. Okay. Your brain literally changes when you have a baby. It changes anatomically. It changes cognitively. And babies, we have to keep them safe. That's easy for you, because you're a natural caretaker. But remember why you always gravitated toward becoming the caretaker was because it met your need for significance. The teacher sees me and notices me. I got accolades from it. Someone was like, oh, my gosh, that helps so much. Like, you can see that, right?

Yes.

Do you get that as a mom with your kids?

No. Oh, no, no, no.

So the very thing that fueled Your propensity to be a caretaker is not even there. As a mom, you do not get significance taking care of children. That's just the way it is. I mean, it'd be nice if we got like, you know, bonus points and a patient maybe like, you know, like. Like a full week vacation if we do a great job. But the truth is, we don't get that right. So you're basically like, your tank is empty. There's no significance there at all. So then. And. And tell me if I'm wrong. Then you're tracking. You don't have the energy for it. You don't have the desire for it, and then you think you're failing. Am I right? Yes.

Oh, my gosh, yes.

Okay, tell me about that. Feeling like you're failing, feeling like you're empty. Because there's a lot of moms who are fueled by the same thing, and all of a sudden they're. I mean, here you are, masters, and you're running your own business and you're holding it together and. And that's just who you are. And there's a lot of moms who are like, man, I got this degree and I do this, and I've mastered this, and I've managed all this stuff before, and I've been a CEO. I've been in the boardrooms, and now I'm here and I'm wiping butts and wiping noses and washing dishes and zero significance. Tell me how that feels for you. Tell me your perception of it.

I. I feel awful. I feel at this very moment, I feel like I'm just the worst. Tell me I'm the worst. I feel like I'm letting my kids down. I feel like I'm at a place. I need to do the dishes, I need to do the laundry. But kids also need to see their mom, too. I. I'm working late into the night. I have downtime. I need to catch up on stuff around the house. I need to spend time with my husband. My kids need me. Obviously, you know, I can. I'm trying to be all of these things all at once, and I'm not doing any of it 100%. I don't think I'm doing any of it 50%. So it's either husband doesn't get any one on one time today. The kids, you know, they'll. They'll feed themselves, they'll shower, they'll go to bed. You know, mama, come tell them good night later. But you know, that one on one time, it's not there today, Mom's. Doing dishes instead of helping with homework. It's just. It always feels like there's something else that needs my attention or something else that I should be doing. And we're not even going to talk about my own time because that.

Yeah, yeah, that's funny there. That's. That's the very bottom of the totem pole.

Exactly.

Yeah. Like, that's. That's totem pole syndrome. A mom builds her family on top of herself, and pretty soon the weight of every single person and all the roles we have to play and everything all heaped up starts to feel so heavy that is pushing us down into the ground that we can't even breathe anymore. And I think that's where you are. And the truth is, no, you can't do all that. You. I mean, and there is this ideal, you have a version of you that's mastering everything across the board, that as long as we prescribe to that, we're operating in complete delusion. And there's no happiness. Because I'll be happy once I get everything running well.

Yeah.

Is that like. Tell me when that has ever happened. You.

It hasn't. It hasn't. There's always. There's always something else that pops up. I check off one thing and, you know, two more pop up.

It.

It's not. It's not going to happen.

It's the neverending game of whack. A mom version.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. And so you, like, man, it's going to be so good when everything is mastering everything and it's all running smoothly. Yes, that's true. But you have zero evidence that that has ever happened in your life. But you're still holding on to that delusion. Therefore, I hate to say it, but you're being delusional. And in that delusional state, it just opens up the portal for anxiety and depression and overwhelm. And then with anxiety, depression, overwhelm. Then tell me how you show up for your kids.

Like I am now.

Wow.

And I'll. I'll be honest. I'll say, you know, Hannah, I've. I've got. I've got anxiety. I've got. I've got depression. I'll be. I'll be honest with it. I hit it for a long time.

Yeah.

I still don't openly talk about it, but I'll. I'll say, yeah, I've got it. I'm showing up even. Even less than I was before, I guess.

You know, I. I think right now I'm gonna. I'm gonna call BS on that for a moment. And BS is a belief system. It's just a belief system. You're. You're saying right now that you're showing up, like, worse. But I honestly think at this moment in time, you're showing up probably better than you've shown up before, only because you're being authentic right now. The things that we put off, the things that we hide when we push them in the dark, things breed in the dark. Gross stuff in the dark. Mold, mildew, fungus, like, gross stuff. We don't want breathes in the dark. And as long as we're putting on our face and saying, hey, life is good, I got it. I can help you and help myself. That anxiety and the depression grows bigger and more debilitating. And I think right now, by you saying I'm just going to be real, you've already turned a page, Kelly. Can you sense that? Can you sense. Wait, I think I just turned a page here. And just admitting that this is real.

Now I feel as soon as I. And I'm tearing up. I. I did not. I did not come here to cry to Tia. As soon as I said that.

Yes.

As soon as I said that, I just felt almost a little bit of relief, like, I. I just announced it to the world, if you will. Hey, this is what I'm going through. Like, I'm. I. I don't even know if some of my. Some of my closest friends really, really get it, but if. If anybody out there can get anything from it, you know, I'm here.

I'm going to tell you something. The tears right now, tears, I consider, are just lubrication for gears that have not been running in our brain for a long time. Okay. That's the reason you said I didn't come here to tear up. Yeah, you did. Because you came here for a mom makeover so that new gears would turn in your brain and you would have a transformation. And you even said, I feel that already. Just by saying this is real. I'm not going to hide it anymore.

Yeah.

One of the most dangerous things a mom can do to herself is operating the delusion that everything's okay. Girl, you can't carry that weight anymore. Yeah. Because you hiding it is hurting your children.

Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely not what I want. Not. Not at all.

Tell me what's happening in your head right now. Let me in.

You know, you said that, and now I'm just thinking, you know, what if this is hurting my kids? I'm. I'm trying to be a good Example for them.

But.

What if this isn't showing them what I thought it was? What if, you know, mom doing everything, mom taking care of it all, Showing that we can do these hard things. Mom's not really doing the hard things. Mom looks like she is. Mom acts like she is.

I don't.

Now, you said, I don't want to set my kids up for that.

How would you feel if your kids hid stuff from you? If they were having, like, if they were being bullied? How was your youngest?

My youngest is 18 months, and then my oldest is 13.

Okay, let's say one of your kids. God's going to show you the child right now. He just showed you the child. He just pointed out the child. Yes or no? Okay. Hold the image of that child. How would you feel? Is it a girl?

This one's a boy.

He's 11. Right. So hold an image of that child. How would you feel if he were bullied at school and he hid it from you because he didn't want you to worry about him?

That would hurt my feelings so much.

How would you feel?

I would be, you know, of course, disappointed that he. He felt like he couldn't tell me, that he had to hide it. That for whatever reason he didn't tell me. Was it because of how he thought I'd react? Was it because he didn't think I could help make it better? Was it my embarrassment? But it. It would hurt. It would hurt thinking about it like it. It's bothering me.

Tell me why it's bothering you.

I would just be so upset that it. Something like that was hidden from me. Something that. That big that they felt like they couldn't come to mom about it. Why? Why couldn't you come to mom about it?

Your family is. They're the closest people you'll ever have in your life. What is it that's keeping you hiding something from them? I don't know.

I've always been more.

Which blesses them more? A mom who looks like she has her act together or a mom who is authentic? And that's. That's a hard question, because our mom brain says I need to keep everything safe for my children. Yeah. They don't need to know I'm struggling. That's what our mom brain says. So we're like a mom who has her eye together. Right. But what are we teaching them about when they have hard things in their life? When they go through anxiety, when they have potential depression, when they're struggling and they think, I remember mom could do it? All. So I'm going to hide this and I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to, like, like, like, just hustle and grind and make this work. Do you want to pass this down to them?

No. No, not at all. I, I thought that that's, that's what I was doing. I thought I was setting that good example for them, like, just. But I'm not. I'm not, Emma.

No, you're not. But I want to commend you for two things. Number one, being real. That's the hardest thing for moms to do. Today we're faced with, like, all of social media telling us that all these moms are kicking butt and taking names, and we should be.

Yes.

And you probably follow a lot of those accounts just so you can give yourself evidence that you suck. Am I right?

In, in a weird way? Yes.

And yeah, because. Because our, our belief system, deep down, subconsciously, you think I'm failing. I suck as a mom. So now our brain goes overboard trying to find all the evidence to support we already believe. If you already believe you suck. If you already believe you're doing a horrible job as a mom, if you already feel like you can't hold it together, then our brain is going to search even the social media accounts where these moms are putting out the impression that they're working, rocking at everything in life. I'm making millions and my kids are awesome and they all dress in matching clothes. And then our brain's like, see, you're right. You're failing. How does that feel?

No, you're, you're exactly right. I, I follow, I follow some big people out there. I look at their, what they choose to put on there. I'm like, wow, okay. The matching, matching outfits, that family portrait, that's. That's so cute. That's adorable. My kid wore PJ pants to school yesterday. I, I, you know, I, I do, I do play the comparison game.

Yeah. Because that's what our brain is searching for. Evidence that we're not doing enough. I'm going to tell you right now, there are two words. If I could break down the mom brain, and I've been doing this for decades, Ally. If I could break down the mom brain into the two words that dominate the thoughts most of the time, it would be not enough. How does it feel when I say those two words? Not enough.

That's, that's what I feel like, that I feel like I'm, I'm giving all of myself, and it, it's not enough. It's not enough, sweetheart.

It was never meant to be enough. It was never meant to be enough for everything. What if you're actually showing up human? And what if you're actually. Now, I know this is a crazy thought. What if you're actually doing better than you think?

That. That would be amazing. I don't. I don't feel like that. But you know that that would be amazing.

It would be amazing. And the truth is you don't feel like that because you can't hold a single thought right now that will allow that feeling to happen. Your brain is scanning the environment at all times for evidence that you're not enough.

Yes.

You're looking at your kids wearing pajama pants to school. You're looking at a sink full of dirty dishes. You're looking at probably laundry stacked up. You're looking at emails you haven't responded to. You're looking at a stack of bills. And am I right?

Yep.

Okay.

Every single thing.

Every single thing. I could check it off.

Yep.

Your brain is constantly scanning the environment for evidence that you are not enough. So why should you ever feel like you're doing okay? You don't have any evidence to support that. But here's the crazy thing. We see what we believe. We don't believe what we see. We see what we believe. If we believe we suck and we're failing as a mom and there's not enough of us to go around, then we're going to see all that evidence. But if we believe God put me here on purpose. I wasn't designed to be enough. I'm actually showing up and I'm showing up strong. Then all of a sudden, your brain goes to work to try to find evidence. Show me one thing. Tell me one thing that happened yesterday that I could look at and say, wow, Ally, you're showing up, girl. Just one thing.

I mean.

Can I just tell you why you're pausing? Can I tell you why you're pausing?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Because your brain is so out of practice doing this. All it looks at is not enough. Did your kids have food in their bellies when they went to bed?

Yeah, they did.

Did you give him a hug yesterday?

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Did. Were they safe?

They were safe.

Okay. Is there anything else there? Maybe. Yesterday, did you get anything? Did. Did you make a meal? Were you able to throw something in the fridge? Were you able to wipe off a counter?

I cooked supper for everybody. I did my homework.

Okay.

I think I folded a basket of clothes.

Okay. A lot more than a lot of Women did yesterday.

And that, that was. That felt like I got a lot done. So that's.

But you never mentioned that. You never mentioned that because your brain is working overtime.

There's so much more on that list.

Tell me, tell me more. I love.

Oh, gosh. I've got baskets of clothes to get caught up on. I've got a house to clean. I've got. I mean, I need to do groceries.

You pulled out the wrong list. There are two lists. One is like fresh, and you are scribbling on it all the time. It's a list of all the evidence that I'm not showing up. But there's also another list, Ally, and it's been hiding and it's like pulling teeth to try to get it out of you on ways I'm actually showing up. Is there anything else on that list?

My kids were fed, okay? They got to school this morning. They got their homework done.

Yeah.

Just those, those normal, everyday, everyday things, sweetheart.

Those maybe aren't so normal in every day because a lot of people don't have that. We just forgot it. That there's actually beauty in the normal. There's significance in the everyday. We just forgot to look for it. Babe.

I hear you.

Tell me what's happening.

I feel. I don't. I want to say I feel bad.

But.

You know, I'm sitting here talking about how I'm not doing. I'm not doing all of these things. And there's probably somebody out there that would be super happy if they were able to do that. And I'm sitting here feeling like that's not enough. What if somebody's looking at me and saying, wow, I wish I was getting as much done as she was.

So let me show you what your brain just did. It. It had a moment there where it's like, you know what? I am showing up now. Let me turn that. Let me look at it through a filter that I've already got in place of being a failure now. I'm not appreciating it. Wow, let me keep that on top of the list of ways I'm failing now. I'm not appreciating the everyday, ordinary things I have going on in my home. Until we can stop and. And change that filter, nothing's going to change about your life. That filter of failing, that filter of not enough. Because you will see the world as you are, not as the world is. So even if you decided to make a change, you're still going to discolor it with failure. So let's break this down because we're going to make a change today, okay? You're not going to. This is a makeover. You're not going to leave the way you showed up. So, number one, you're being authentic when it comes to my children. And here's. Here's what you're going to hold when it comes to my children. They need me to show up real more than they need me to show up delusional. If you teach them you have to hit this standard or you're failing, then you're going to launch your children into the world with the presupposed standard that they cannot meet and now open the door to anxiety, depression, overwhelm. You're not going to set your kids up for that. You're not going to repeat this pattern in a future generation. We're stopping it right now, and we stop it by saying, I'm real. I struggle. I didn't do this today. Would your children rather see the dishes done, or would they rather hear you laugh about not getting the dishes done and being real?

They need me. The dishes will just keep having to wait. Like the. The kids need mom more.

But they don't just need mom more. They need mom. Real. Mom. I didn't get my homework done. Guess what? I didn't get the laundry done. Dude, we're doing the best we can.

Yeah.

How would that feel for them?

And probably feel amazing for them.

It would feel amazing. Because when you're judging yourself so hard, Ali, it's hard not to put that judgment over on your children. You need to be this way. You need to show up. You need to have your room clean. You need to have your homework done. Because that's the same thing we're telling ourselves. Not that we're gonna let our kids, like, run feral in the woods all day, although they might need a break. But they need to know that we're a safe place for them. Not a place of judgment, but a place of compassion. And we cannot do that for our children till we can do it for ourselves. And you are looking at everything in your life through a filter of judgment. Instead of compassion, what would it look like? Let's start with you if you could look at yourself through a filter of compassion. Let the judgment go. We can always put it back later. But let's. Let's temporarily suspend judgment. And judgment looks like I'm feeling I'm not enough. I'm not hitting the bar. Let's just temporarily, for a few minutes, let's play around with it. Let's let that Go and let's put a new filter. Compassion. What would it look like to look at myself through a lens of compassion?

Oh, man, that's so hard.

It is so hard because that's so hard. It's not a practice. You're just out of practice. It's only hard because it's fresh and new and you haven't done it and probably since you were a little girl, if ever. So what would it feel like? What's coming to mind? If you remember, judgment can come back if we want it. If we think that's what we need to help us show up, it's not. But if we want to operate with that delusion, you can, but let's just temporarily put so much compassion. That compassion, that same compassion that God looks at you through his precious child. The same compassion that you look at your 11 year old son through. That compassion. What comes up now? So much.

So much love.

Tell me about it.

If one of my kids were here right now, they'd be giving mom a hug.

Yeah.

Mom feels like she needs a hug.

Yeah.

Just love, acceptance.

Yeah. Tell me more about that. What is it saying to you right now? What is the voice of compassion saying to you right now?

It's okay.

How does it feel?

You do have a lot going on. It's okay.

Say those two words one more time.

It's okay.

How did those two words feel?

I don't hear them a lot.

No, you don't. So how does it feel to hear? It's okay.

It feels really good. It feels really good.

I felt.

I felt a little bit of relief. Yeah, that's a little bit of relief.

When I said that, where did you feel it? In your body?

Yeah, right here.

Right here on your chest.

Yeah.

You know the Hebrew word for that, inner man is. Is the word leb, and that is the inner man. This is where we carry it. Right here where you pointed to if. If you know, on the podcast, of course, is audio. But pointing to your chest. Chest right here, the center of you. In proverbs it says above all else, guard the heart, for out of it flow all the issues of life. That word there is the inner man, or I call it the inner mom. And what that is is the thought. It's okay. Taking up real estate. And it feels open, it feels softer, it feels like you can breathe. Am I right or wrong?

No. 100%.

So here we have two different phrases. These two words, not enough. These two words. It's okay. At any time we can opt to grab that phrase, stick it inside Our heart. And then the world has to become obedient to that thought. So we pulled out. Not enough. And we put in its place. It's okay. Tell me again, that shift that happened when you gave those two words space.

I just. I feel. I feel relief. I feel a little calmer than I did a few minutes ago. I feel more positive than I did a few minutes ago. A few minutes ago, I was feeling pretty. Pretty down, pretty bad. It. It was a real. I. I felt it physically, not. Not just emotionally, because I'm over here bawling my eyes out, but I felt it. I felt it physically, too.

What happened physically?

It's like there was. There's just been this weight on my chest, on my shoulders. Just. It's always there. Always there.

I know. I know. And it's there for a lot of moms. That weight, you feel it? It feels tight. It feels heavy. It's that heavy yoke that is strangling us. And we think it'll be better tomorrow.

Yeah.

We write our list. We're going to do it tomorrow. We don't. And now that strangulation is back. That construction.

Yes.

Now, how can you show up for your kids when you're feeling constricted and tight and heavy and burdened? How can you show up for your kids? Ally?

I'm not.

No, you're not.

The one thing I thought I was keeping from them, that I was protecting them from, is the exact thing that I'm. I'm showing up as for them. I'm causing them the stress that I've been trying to keep them from this whole time.

But it stops now. That's what people call generational curses. It's not a curse. It's a mindset that we are anchored into that we have not let go of. And we pass it down to our children. And whatever we tolerate, we replicate. So I'm looking at someone right now who is done tolerating that constriction and that heaviness and that. That. That strangulation, that tightness. Am I right or wrong?

No, you're right.

Okay, we're done with that, then. We're going to take not enough and we're kicking out of our lives. It cannot dominate now. It'll come back to visit. Usually late at night. Usually when you look at things like the laundry and you look at the bills and you think about, like, oh, I yelled at my kid, that's when it comes up. But instead of just receiving it and putting it back in that spot you have in your chest, we're going to say, no, no, wait, I don't have to do that anymore because now I know too much. By doing this mom makeover, you basically, there's a red pill and a blue pill. You swallowed the pill that now you know too much. You know what's going on. And so when that thought comes back, it's like, oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've already got two words in there. And what are those two words?

It's okay.

It's okay. Okay, well, that was a good breath. You just took that.

I felt it.

You felt it?

I felt it.

Those. Those like that breath was those two words. Words sinking in and taking root. Not enough. You were never supposed to be enough. Sweetheart, we're never enough. Enough is an illusion and in your case, a delusion. So look around. Okay? It's. That's why the Bible tells us that he makes us sufficient. I am sufficient with him. I can do all things through Jesus. And those all things isn't. Oh, good. I can knock off my list. I did the laundry. I did the emails. I put the kids to bed with the kiss. I was. I didn't yell. I got everything done. That's not all things. We can do all things. Which means we can show up powerful, we can show up strong, we can show up compassionate, we can show up loving. That is more important than the to do list. How does that feel? To have the freedom to just not have to be enough, but to be okay.

And it feels good. It. I feel relief.

Yeah.

Just. It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm. I'm gonna keep saying it's okay. It's okay.

And so here's the. Here's the risk. A lot of moms will say, well, I can't subscribe to that because then what if I don't show up anywhere? What if I just don't care about the house anymore, don't care about the kids? That's not true. Because look at your core belief. You are a caretaker. You are a nurturer. Your mom brain won't let you show up in that way. But now your mom brain, with this new filter of it's okay. It's like, now I am already enough, and I can be real with my children for the first time ever. And when they see me struggle and when I'm real about it, then I give them permission to be real about it. And you will graduate into becoming the best caretaker you've ever been because now they can entrust their feelings to you. Does that make sense?

All I want. But that's what I've been trying for this whole time. That's all I want.

And it was just one thought away.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I go from crying to laughing. It's okay. It. Big, big difference over here.

That's so beautiful. You were just living with. With an illusion and then feeling the after effects of not being able to meet it. And you're not alone, Ally. A lot of moms do. And some have not been able to break free of that. Today you broke free. Free. Today you show up real, and you're taking care of your children in a better way than you've ever been able to take care of before. Because now that communication, that relationship, that bond is going to be stronger than ever because they're going to see their real mom. Not the one who's trying to carry the world on her back, but the one who's actually ruling it. Because she's pillow powerful. She's strong. She's given herself freedom. She's broken free. How does that feel?

Man, that feels amazing. That I just got a little chill thinking about it. Literally. Literally just got a chill thinking about it. That's what I want.

It was there all the time. You. You can stop spinning plates. Let them fall. Sometimes they will. And when they fall and your children see you laugh about the broken plates all over the floor, you're going to give them permission to be compassionate with themselves as well.

That's okay.

It's okay.

That's okay.

How are you going to move forward from this?

Oh. Oh, man. The kids. That's all. That's all. I keep thinking about the kids. I'm gonna be there for the kids.

Yeah.

Nothing else. Nothing else is gonna happen today.

At the end of the day. At the end of the day, nothing else really matters. Our heart beats for our family.

Absolutely.

And I can tell your heart beats for those children. They don't need mom to show up perfect. They need mom to show up real. And it starts today.

That starts today.

I'm so proud of you.

Oh, my goodness.

What are your thoughts? What's happening?

I. I have this sense of. Relief I haven't felt in a while. It's been a long time. I just. For. For a few minutes here, I haven't felt that weight. That weight. And that. These. These are happy. These are happy tears. This isn't me. This isn't me sad anymore.

I know. That's what's so beautiful about it. You took off a heavy yolk, and you put on what Jesus calls an easy yoke. Take my yoke. It's easy. It's light. What would life feel like if it was fun and free and open and compassionate? It feels like what you're feeling right now.

I want that laugh. Oh, man. I want that loft. I want life to feel easy.

Well, it. It can. When those two thoughts are those two words. When those two words are nestled in right there, it is. Everything shifted in less than one hour because you got rid of that heavy yoke that comes with not enough. And you put on the freedom and the joy and the compassion. It's okay. It was. I wasn't supposed to be enough. I was supposed to be me showing up authentically and real.

That's such a good feeling. I'm just sitting here, sitting here, letting this soak in. That's just such such a good feeling. I'm not used to.

And because you're not used to it, we have to have a plan moving forward. That old thought will try to come back. What are you going to do? Let's get that battle plan in place. What are you going to do in that old thought? Oh, I didn't do this today. I didn't do that. I'm not showing up here. I'm not showing up there. It's going to come and try to, like, squeeze back in there. What are you going to do?

Tell myself it's okay.

Yeah.

Focus on. Focus on the things that I did. I did do. Was that. That was hard. That was hard. Earlier when you asked me, I couldn't think of anything. Anything good. I need to focus more on the good.

And with those two thoughts. I mean, I'm sorry. With those two words, you can. Knowing that I'm okay, knowing I'm covered, knowing I'm already enough, because enough is an illusion. And I could decide I'm enough right now. Now the life you're going to create for your children, the life you're going to create for yourself moving forward is going to look dramatically different. Are you ready for that?

I'm so ready. That's all I want. That's all I want.

And it's yours. It's 100% yours if you take it. If you receive it.

I want it.

So how was this makeover?

Oh, my goodness. I. I feel so much different than I did earlier. I. I went from just feeling terrible, feeling everything, to. This is hap. This is happy tears. I just. I don't know how to. How to describe it, except I don't feel that pressure at the moment, I don't feel. I don't feel like everything's on my shoulders like it was when I started. Feel like I'm able to. Able to take a breath for once.

Yes. And remember this. This is not a moment. This is a decision. This is not a feeling. This is my reality. I'm not moving forward the same way. Okay? This is not like when you go to and you have a really hype, like, go to a party or go to a retreat or go. And then you go back to normal. No, it changes here. It changes now. I'm not moving forward. Forward the same. You got that?

I got it.

All right, girl.

I got it.

Way to go.

I got it.

I know you do.

I got it. I'm still. I'm still soaking it in. I got it.

Cool. Cool. Let it soak in. March around your home. Get outside. Breathe the fresh air. Anchor that in there. You're okay.

Okay. It's okay. I'm okay. And I'm. I'm not. I'm not sugarcoating it. It really is. It really is okay.

It really is. And it always was. You just didn't realize it. Awesome. I'm so proud of you doing this. You've not only set yourself free, you've set a lot of moms free. Way to go, Ellie.

Thank you. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. That's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

I love it.

That's all I can say now that.

We'Re anchoring that in. That's your battle cry, babe?

That's it.

Yeah.

It's okay.