In this coaching‑journal session, Luke Reseburg reflects on a breakthrough about allowing himself to feel, own, and express his emotions and opinions. He realizes that self‑censorship has been limiting his confidence in business, pastoral work, and family life. By granting himself permission to be authentic, he sees a cascade of clarity that resolves other lingering issues, such as confidence in client acquisition, sermon preparation, and personal relationships. The coach reinforces that words are a small part of communication; presence, transparency, and genuine feeling are what others perceive. Together they discuss the shift from striving for perfect phrasing to showing up honestly, using the metaphor of a “used‑car salesman” versus a genuine self. Luke acknowledges the value of his personal systems and templates, seeing them as extensions of his authentic perspective. The session ends with mutual affirmation of progress and a commitment to continue practicing emotional honesty in all life domains.
Chapters
All right, you just said it, we're at a great point. So, uh, here we go, Luke.
So you want me just to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go.
Yeah, no, you start. No, you start.
We both start and just let it go.
After you.
So today was very powerful. Going through some deep emotional stuff. Like, context, we were talking about some of the ways I show up in life and, um, thinking like, I want to work on myself, um, because we were talking through like how to show up in the coaching business, getting clients, and some of that was kind of like further down, like, hey, this is the fruit of that. So we kind of got to the root of, you know, why maybe I'm not taking action on certain things or not feeling confident to go and do certain aspects of business or in life. And we kind of jumped into like a specific situation I was struggling with, with a person, and realizing that at the core of it, it was just how I was handling myself, how I was handling or not handling my emotions. Properly not allowing myself to feel my emotions and give myself permission to like, I am allowed to feel my emotions, I'm allowed to have my opinions, and I'm allowed to express them. And for sure we'll do it in a respectful— well, I forget our— with boundaries and mutual respect, right? We're gonna, we're gonna do that. We'll take that for granted. Yep, we're gonna do that. But I'm allowed to have my opinions It's something I was like, wow, that's something I know is true, but I don't think I've ever held to be true, just with things that went on in my life, you know, just things that happened that made me feel like, oh, I'm not allowed to have my emotions and I'm not allowed to have opinions. And interestingly enough, we're talking about like, I was so good at holding that in that even as I was talking through it, I'm like, oh, it's harder to breathe. Like, I literally feel my, like, that old muscle, literally that old muscle of like, oh, you feel that, like you got to push that down. And I'm like, oh nope, I'm gonna breathe and pull out these things because it's safe. I'm allowed to do that. And, you know, I respect myself enough, I need to do that. Um, so I need to feel my emotions, feel like— have my opinions and be willing to express that without fear of what other people might think. Um, not allowing myself to even consider them into the equation of like whether or not I'm allowed to even feel this. Um, just realizing too, like, I can't be the coach I need to be, I can't be the pastor I need to be if I'm not doing this, because my feelings and opinions matter, you know. That was something too. I was like, wow, just saying that out loud, like, hearing that, I'm like, that's true. I don't think I've ever agreed with that until this conversation. Um, but what— it's one of those things like, no, that is true. Okay, now I'm gonna hold that to be true and move forward in life that that is true. So, um, realizing too, like, even beyond how I show up, like, with other people, um, at church and in my business, and that, like, I can't be the person I'm supposed to be I can't be the husband and father I'm supposed to be if I don't allow myself to feel emotions and have opinions and to express them. Um, because, you know, I— my family needs to see that. And not only do I need to, like, allow them to have that, but I need to allow me to have that too. So I probably won't allow them to do that well if I'm not doing that well. You know, like giving myself permission to do it will allow them to have the permission to do it. So just thinking like, okay, you know, establishing like these are the reasons, um, you know, I value these things and I'm going to do things this way, like really living out like my opinions and priorities and values and emotions and, um, and everything. Like once I'm like even just giving myself permission, like I get to feel that, I get to have that, I get to express that. All of a sudden, these things that, like, were not even at the core, but these other things kind of floating around, it was like, oh yeah, I didn't have clarity on that. But once it got cleared up in the center, I'm like, oh yeah, like, obviously these things, these things are so obvious, you know? Like, some of the things I talk about in coaching, I was like, oh yeah, like, I hold these things to be true. I have these beliefs. I know that it's true. I could talk effortlessly about this because I have so much experience. I could tell you stories. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's what I would coach on. You know, once things at the core get kind of cleaned up and cleared up, like the other stuff resolves too, you know. So it was just pretty cool. You know, I was talking about like some of the systems and things I was building out for me, like this is the way I like to do things and I'm establishing that in life. It's like, okay, that's a good use case of me having my opinions. Not based on anyone else, and just carrying that out. Like, okay, this works in these several areas. Like, you know, the templates I made for like how I want to prepare a message, it's like, okay, now how do I take that same kind of template of, you know, this is my way of doing things that works for me, that's my perspective, and putting that in other areas of my life? Like, I'm going to do that here too. So it's pretty exciting, you know. And it just feels good, right? Like, I don't have to suppress me, or like, I'm not allowed to do that, like self-censor and self-edit myself and push down my emotions and opinions for, for no reason, for a bunch of different wrong reasons. Just feels better to be me, you know?
Absolutely. Um, The one nuance that I was going to add to this, and you know this already, you can get stuck on feeling like you have to say the words right or pick the right words or stuff like that. But we do know in modern studies and stuff like that, that the words are actually a very small part of the communication. And so acknowledging that you're feeling the feelings and being present in the circumstance, and because people can tell that you're feeling feelings and they can tell that you're struggling to say the right thing, even though the words that you're using are sort of fumbly or not sure, they'll always get all of that. If they're actually there, you know?
Yeah.
So you don't have to be worried so much what you're going to say if you know that you're just going to show up and be the person that you need to be in that place. And if you're struggling, they can tell that you're struggling and you're struggling, but they'll like the fact that you're being real.
Mm-hmm. Right.
So you're not going to lose them, you know, in part of what we were talking about before.
So it's almost like being honest is more important than trying to like perfectly like to be perfect.
Maybe what I would say, not somebody, but well, maybe I'd correct the word honest in saying being transparent. Just showing up. And you can just say, hey, look, this is just me. My thoughts are in this circumstance, blah, blah, blah. Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, yeah, I didn't say it right there, but yeah, blah, blah, blah. You know? It all works, right? Like everybody's still like, Luke was there in the conversation. That's how they're going to feel. And if you show up and you're like, kind of like, you feel all smooth and polished, but you show up like the used car salesman, to use a metaphor, right? Like, then they feel like, you know what I mean? So, um, that's what makes it sophisticated and, and sort of Jedi-like, but really easy to do. Yeah, because, because all you got to do is just got to show up, and you gotta, you gotta show up as yourself. Hard but easy. It's easy enough when you're willing to be so bold as to show up.
True.
Good job, man.
Awesome. Thank you for working through this with me. This is great.
