Crying is a natural part of grieving. It's common to be afraid you can't stop | Hope Edelman

8 Sept 2023 · 1 min

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In this segment, Hope Edelman reflects on a common fear among grieving individuals—being unable to stop crying once it starts. She interprets this fear as a signal that the person lacks a safe, supportive environment where their emotions can be contained. Edelman explains that "containment" means having a compassionate other who can hear and see the mourner, providing a sense of safety and preventing loneliness‑induced hurt. She emphasizes the importance of finding or creating tear‑friendly communities and compassionate companions who can hold space for grief, allowing tears to flow freely without the anxiety of being left alone with overwhelming pain.

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When I was writing The After Grief, I actually did some research into the world's record for crying, because I hear so many women say, I'm afraid to start crying, or I don't want to stop crying because I'm afraid I'll never stop. It is impossible to start crying and not stop. So the way that I interpret that statement is that I'm afraid that if I start crying, I will not have the support I need or not be in a safe place to feel contained. And containment is when we feel that there's a compassionate other who can hear us, who who can see us. I think what they're saying is, I'm afraid I'll be so lonely that it will hurt and that hurt won't stop. And so that's why it's so important, I think, to find community and to find others, compassionate others who can hold that space for us. Not everyone can do that for various reasons of their own. There are too many to list, but when we can find other people who can hold the space for us in a tear-friendly environment, that's when the tears can come freely because we feel safe enough to let them out.