In a virtual Day of Remembrance event, host Hope Edelman introduces journalist, author, and grief advocate Allison Gilbert. Gilbert shares her personal story of losing her mother to ovarian cancer at age 25 and reflects on the 25‑year journey of grieving. She emphasizes taking ownership of one’s own memorial needs, proactively communicating anniversaries, and not relying on others to remember. After a brief technical hiccup with her slides, she presents her core message: practical ways to keep a mother’s memory alive for herself, siblings, and other family members. She references her recent book Past and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, her short e‑courses, and her service on the boards of the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. The talk promises three concrete memory‑keeping ideas (not fully detailed in the excerpt) and positions Gilbert as a resource for grieving adults, especially women in their 20s whose mothers have died.
Chapters
Okay, so now that leads us into our next speaker, the one and only Alison Gilbert. Alison is a journalist, an advocate, and an author. She has written numerous books, including her most recent, Past and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. Alison is one of the most creative and energetic people I have met in this field. Her new, brand new on-demand e-courses are all less than 1 hour. And they ensure that you never have to struggle to remember your mom alone, whether you're planning her virtual memorial or wrestling with how to organize, digitize, or even part ways with all those sentimental photos, jewelry, objects, and heirlooms, and more. Alison serves on the board of directors for the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the advisory board for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. I've had the absolute pleasure of working with Alison multiple times, most recently in co-leading a mother- Daughters Retreat for women who were in their 20s, specifically when their moms died, which is often an overlooked group. And that's Allison's story as well. But I will let her share it with you. Allison, I will hand over the baton, as we often say, to you.
Thank you so much, Hope. Um, Melissa, thank you. I am floored. Can I just pause just for a second to say that I can't believe we had Ace in her car in LA, talking to the winner in Dubai, facilitated by Hope in Los Angeles, California. I just— and you're bringing in Tyler from Chicago. I mean, it's just— I just want to pause and just, you know, acknowledge what you, Hope, have created here. Personally, I was looking forward to being here today. Professionally, I was honored to be in included. And so I just want to just pause and just say, I feel lucky today. And as you said before, we are here because our mothers died, including mine. And of course, I want my mom here too. And, and I feel fortunate to be in a community with you, Hope, and Claire. And Elisa and everyone else here who's on the call today. All those things can be true. So I thank you for allowing me to participate. I brought with me a micro presentation in the little time that I have together. So I'm going to start the presentation in just 1 minute, but I'm inspired by what I heard today that I wanted to add One note that I learned since my mother has died, and it's been 25 years. She died when I was 25. And the one thing I've learned that allowed me over time— not a magic trick, just lots of learning over the years— is that the more I let go of my expectations of others, And didn't expect the phone to ring and didn't require that other people remember the date of my mother's death or her birthday. But I put that responsibility on myself to maybe ask for the help that I needed, to be proactive.
My wellness. Self-care.
And we start taking— Part of that too is acknowledging that you need to raise your hand and just take ownership of what you need. And part of that is maybe even telling your friends, what is the anniversary of your mom's death? When would you like that text? And just taking ownership. So I was inspired by what I heard today. I just wanted to add that it's free of charge. I just thought I'd add it in. But let me share my screen now, and then I'll come right back on, and hopefully there'll be no glitches with that. So hold on one second. Okay. So I'm trusting you guys can see my presentation, and I will make it large now so you guys can see the whole screen. Okay. And let me move my chat box away. Perfect. All right, so what Hope has asked me to talk about for the brief time that I'm with you today is near and dear to my heart. I write really only about right now, how we can remember our moms, what we can do to keep her memory alive, and not just for us, but maybe for our siblings, who don't know how to do that perhaps, or maybe our father who maybe needs a new trick up his sleeve. But it's something that I really needed for myself. I wanted to have new tools to remember my mom. So let me just fast forward this screen just a little bit. Hold on one second. Let me go past. Okay. So this is one of my favorite pictures of my mom. That's not my daughter and me. It's my mom And me, and I'm brushing her hair. So she died when I was 25. She had ovarian cancer. And so the time of her loss, um, was right after I graduated, um, college and was just starting out as a young professional.
I'm sorry, Allison, I'm going to pause you. We can't see anything. Can you put it into presenter mode?
You can't see anything?
We're seeing the very beginning of you're doing what crazy wonderful way.
Oh, that's so weird because— okay, hold on one second.
This is Norma. If you have more than 2 screens, that might be the issue.
I'm so glad you told me. Hold on one second. Can you tell me— hold on, I'm gonna bring my tech support in, aka my husband. Hold on one second.
We'll let you know when we can see it moving.
They can't see this for some reason. Can't see any aspect of it. No, they just see my, my title screen.
Well, we can see all your slides on the left side. You need to click on the photo at least to get started, but put it in presenter mode and then That should work.
Hold on one quick second, you guys. I'm sorry, I had practiced this and it was fine.
That's okay, Christina. We also have— there we go. Okay, no, that's, that's her last slide though. We need to go back up to the photo. Now there you, uh, there you are.
Perfect. Is that good? Can you see my mom now?
Take 2. That's perfect.
You're here. Can you guys see the book cover?
Yes.
Okay. All right, I'm gonna fast forward because I've wasted everyone's time. I apologize. I'm not quite sure. So fast forward, my My mom passes away. I'm a writer, I'm an author, I'm a journalist. I wrote this book about how to remember loved ones because that was what I needed to hear. I needed to have these ideas. So I'm going to get right to it. I'm going to come to you right now, fast and furious, with my top 3 ideas for remembering our moms, whether it's Mother's Day or any other day. So here we go. Boom. I have 2 minutes left.
Okay.
Here's one of my favorite pictures of my mom and me. That is my daughter. You're gonna say, how on earth is your daughter in this picture? You just said that your mom died before you were married and before you had kids of your own. So yeah, so this is the original picture of my mom and me. That was my mom's wig. This was really a few weeks before my mother passed away. You can see the, the tape and the bandage beneath her sweater. That was her port. She was really, really ill at this time. However, it is the day that I got engaged. And so she got involved with that plan because she knew she wasn't going to make it to my wedding. So I took this picture. And then one day I asked my daughter to wear a scarf like my mom in my my mom and I did in this picture. I put my daughter against a white wall in our house. I took the photograph and I Photoshopped it together. The reason why this is such an important way for me to remember my mom is really about my daughter. I wanted my daughter Lexi, who's named after my mom, by the way, the L for Lexi, my mother's name was Lynn. I wanted her to see the cheeks. I wanted her to see the noses. I wanted her to see the eyebrows and all those physical traits that I see that my daughter, who never got to meet my mom, could then own for herself. Okay, I'm fast-forwarding. Daffodil bulbs. Shortly after my mother passed away, my father also dies very similar to Claire Bidwell Smith, who you heard from. We both lost our parents, really, as young adults. And what she got is the best present ever after my father died. And what my stepmother got as a gift following his death is this, and this is the idea that I want to pass along with you today. She got 63 daffodil bulbs. 63 daffodil bulbs, one year for each of the years my father lived, because he died when he was 63. So think about how old your mom was when she died. Get that number of bulbs. I hope you have 120 of them. And assuming that you have a few, assuming you have a lot, don't do this work alone. The idea of planting daffodil bulbs is that they come back every single year. And you can plant them in community with your friends, with your mother's friends, with her college classmates, with the kids that she went to elementary school. You can do it together and not do it on your own. Last idea in this lightning round, because I don't want to go over my time. This is the Western Wall in Jerusalem. If you don't know about the Western Wall in Jerusalem, every politician goes. Here's Barack Obama. Here is, of course, you know, Prince William. Here's— well, not only politicians, Shakira goes. And then here, of course, you know, lots of Hollywood folks go to the Western Wall. Why am I including this in my talk today? This is the last idea I'm going to share, is that at the Western Wall, people of all walks of life, of every political persuasion, of any sort of religion, they go and they write notes to their loved one or a note to a higher power. They put those notes in the crevices of the rocks. Now here is what I'm offering to each and every woman on this call today, no matter where you live on this earth. Email me what you would like to go in the Western Wall. I have a contact in Jerusalem. I will print out and I won't read. I will promise I will not read what you write. Write your note to me what you want to go in the Western Wall. I will print it out. I will get it to Jerusalem. They They do this for me. I have a relationship with them. And that is all I have time for today.
